He looked at me. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"
"Oh, Tristan, I am so sorry!"
"Come here," he said, taking my hand. "Let's get you upstairs and out of those wet clothes. You can tell me while you change."
I followed him upstairs.
In his room, he handed me a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. "Here, put these on. Talk to me." He turned his back to me so I could change without him seeing me.
I stood, holding his clothes. "Tris, look at me."
Tristan turned around.
"I'm sorry. I was at Brent's and…" I couldn't get the words out.
"Did he hurt you in any way?" he asked.
"No, he… I… He kissed me and I… I didn't really stop it. I kissed him, too. I am so sorry." I broke down crying, again.
Tristan looked at me.
"I am so sorry. I didn't mean to, I didn't know what was happening, and… I pushed him away and left. I thought about you and, I didn't want to do it. I'm sorry. Please, please forgive me."
Tristan continued looking at me. He walked toward me and I froze. I didn't know what he was going to do. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him, not even bothered by the fact that my clothes were dripping wet. "Colleen, it's okay. I understand. It's okay. I forgive you."
I melted into his arms, crying even harder. "I am so sorry."
"Shhh…" he said, kissing my forehead. "I know. I understand. Just calm down. Everything is okay."
I looked up at him, looking him in the eyes for the first time since I had arrived. "I'm sorry."
Tristan looked down at me. He leaned over and kissed me. His mouth moved from my lips to my cheeks, kissing away the tears as they fell. He pulled away, looking at me again.
I looked at him. "Tris…" I began. "I love you."
"I love you, too." He kissed me again. He walked me forward until my legs hit his bed. He pushed me down on the bed and climbed down beside me. He stopped kissing me again. "Colleen," he said, touching my lips with his fingers.
I started trembling, again. I closed my eyes and let his fingers feel me. They moved from my lips to my cheeks to my eyes to my hair. I swallowed hard, opened my eyes, leaned in, and kissed him again.
Tristan moved me closer to him, until our bodies were pressed against each other. His hands were on my face, then on my body. My hands found themselves on his body, his back, his shoulders. Tristan's lips moved to my neck. He kissed me sweetly as I threw my head back, giving him the entire expanse of skin.
His hands found their way into my shirt, and they moved up my back. He began kissing my mouth again. As we kissed, I removed my shirt. We quit kissing only as I brought the shirt over my head. We were kissing again in an instant. His hands cupped my breasts. I took my hands and removed his shirt. We quit kissing again, and this time, when we started again, he started with my shoulder. My hands played upon his back. He removed my bra and set his lips to my nipples.
Tristan took his mouth off of me, and I put mine on his chest. I kissed my way down his chest, his stomach, his happy trail. His hands stroked my back, his fingers ran through my hair. I pulled up next to him, kissing him on the mouth again. For several minutes, we kissed as our hands traveled each other's bodies, becoming familiar with the flesh beneath our fingers.
His hands worked their way down to my belt and unbuckled it. The button and the zipper of my pants were next. He stuck his hand down my pants and felt my underwear. I reached down and removed my pants, taking my shoes and socks off with them. Then I reached for Tristan's pants and I unbuckled his. I could feel his erection through his jeans. I slid them off and all that separated us was underwear.
Mine didn't stay on long. He slid them down over my thighs, my knees, my calves, and off my feet. He took his off without any further prompting from me. For a moment, we laid beside each other, kissing, still exploring with our hands. Our crotches were touching, mine wet, his hard. Slowly, we rolled over and Tristan was on top of me. I spread my legs to let him in. He sat up and looked at me. "God, Colleen, you are beautiful."
He leaned over and kissed my neck.
I was trembling again, not from cold or fear or nervousness, but from excitement. I couldn't wait any longer. I wanted Tristan to be inside me.
He read my mind. We kissed again, mouth to mouth, and slowly, he entered me. He was all the way in when he stopped again. "Does it hurt?" he asked.
"Yeah," I sighed. "But don't stop. It feels good."
He moved again, slowly, in and out. The more he moved, the less it hurt. I wrapped my legs tightly around him and hooked my ankles together. Tristan's hands moved up and down over my abdomen, once again, cupping my breasts. My hands gripped his shoulders. And inside, I felt him.
We kissed as he moved. I had been cold when I had arrived at his place, but as we moved, I quickly got hot, sweating. Tristan began to sweat, too. I kissed the salt of his sweat off his skin. Together, we moved slowly, sensuously, discovering each other. I gripped him harder as he moved faster. In one final burst, we climaxed. For minutes, he remained inside me, breathing heavily, together.
When we separated, Tristan said to me, "I love you."
"I love you, too."
He said, "I've been waiting for this day. I knew it would come. I knew it when I saw you in class last August."
I smiled to him. I reached up and ran my fingers through his spiked hair. "That makes two of us, then. The first time I laid eyes on you, I could see this."
He smiled back at me.
I closed my eyes as I snuggled close to him. My first time with any guy besides Brent. I felt at peace.
For a long while, Tristan and I laid together, listening to each other breathe and hearing the rain fall outside. Finally, he said, "We have to get up. My parents will be home soon."
I sat up and looked at him. I couldn't keep myself from smiling.
He reached up and ran his fingers through my hair. "Beautiful."
"Handsome," I said as I stroked his face. I leaned over and kissed him before I bounded off his bed. I held out my hand and gave him a hand up. He rose to his feet. I pulled my underwear and bra back on, but pulled his sweatpants and t-shirt on over them. He got dressed as well. Once clothed, we kissed again. As we broke apart, I asked him, "So is everything okay with us?"
"Why wouldn't it be?"
"It's fine. These things happen. Don't think I haven't been there. I have. And I know that you will be honest with me if anything else happens. I trust you."
I smiled up at him. "Thanks. That's why I love you."
"You're honest. That's why I love you."
We kissed again. I picked up my wet clothes. "I should go. I'm not supposed to be here, am I?"
"No. Not really."
I held Tris's hand as I went downstairs. At the foot of his steps, we kissed again. "Thanks for understanding."
"What else could I do?" We kissed for a minute longer. He opened the door behind me. "Don't worry about it. Drive carefully. I'll call you later."
"Love you, too."
I ran down the sidewalk to my car. I jumped inside and started it up. Tristan was still standing in the doorway, watching me, as I drove off.
When I walked into my house, the phone was ringing. "Hello?" I said as I picked it up.
"Are you okay?" he asked. "I've been trying to call you, your cell phone, your house…"
"I went to Tristan's."
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah," I said, smiling to myself.
"I'm really sorry about what I did, what happened. I couldn't help myself. It's been a while and I find myself to be really attracted to you. I just couldn't stop myself, even though I knew it was wrong."
"Brent, it's okay. I told Tristan everything. He isn't mad."
"I didn't mess things up between the two of you?"
"No. Not at all. If anything, you brought us closer."
I said nothing.
"Because I am really sorry. I feel so bad."
"Look, it's okay. There was a time when I would have done the same thing. Don't worry about it."
"As long as you're okay."
"I'm fine. But I have to go. I have things I need to do."
"But thanks for calling."
"I'll talk to you later, then."
I hung up the phone and leaned against the wall. What an afternoon, I thought. I ran upstairs without even taking off my shoes. I dropped my wet clothes into the dirty laundry pile in my parents' room.
I went into my bedroom and picked up my packet of birth control pills. "Don't fail me now," I told it. I had been put on the Pill to regulate my period, and it had worked. Tristan knew that I was on the Pill, but I never intended to use it as I now was. I took my daily pill and prayed that it would do its job.
The phone rang just after I swallowed the pill. "What now?" I asked no one in particular. I went into my brother's old bedroom to answer the phone. "Hello?"
"Hey. Are you okay?" Tristan asked from the other end.
"I just wanted to make sure you got home alright. And I wanted to make sure that you are alright with what happened today with you and me."
"I'm fine with it. It…"
Tristan cut me short. "'Cause I'm sorry. I just… I love you so much and I saw you hurting and I wanted to make that pain go away. As I held you… I don't know… something came over me, and I wanted to make love to you."
"Tristan," I began again, "I'm fine with it. It meant a lot to me."
"'Cause it meant a lot to me, too."
I smiled to myself. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
"I'm glad it happened. I think it needed to, as far as my emotions go, it was rather freeing. Does that make any sense?"
"I don't know. Not really."
"You are my first one besides Brent. The only one. And the fact that I waited so long for you, with you, that means something to me. Emotionally, it pulled me away from Brent. And now I know that I want to be with you. I have to sit down and be straight with Brent. I don't want him, I honestly don't, and for the first time, I can really say that and mean it. Because of this afternoon, with him and with you."
Tristan was silent on the other end of the line.
"I didn't mean to hurt you by saying that. I'm sorry."
"No. You didn't hurt me. I'm just thinking. About Caitlin. I guess you had unresolved feelings for Brent, and I had some for Caitlin. It was tough for me to admit to myself, but even tougher for me to admit it to you. But I understand you, because now that you mention it, I can safely say I am over her."
It was my turn to be quiet. "I guess there was a reason we were both taking things so slowly. We were unsure."
We contemplated things in silence for a few minutes.
"You never had sex with Caitlin, did you?"
"No. We came close, once, but she wouldn't go through with it. I didn't push her, I don't think I was ready, either, but it did put some distance between us. We weren't a very physical couple."
"Neither were we, until today."
"No. But we had our reasons, I guess."
"So today was your first time?"
"Yeah, it was."
"Sharing it with me. I'm honored. I wish I could have done the same for you."
"You shared it with somebody you loved. You shouldn't regret it. It is no different from what I did."
"I suppose. I did love him. And I still do, on some level."
"Well, I have a lot of good memories with him. When I think of them, I smile and they make me happy. Even after everything, I can't hate him. He is a part of who I am. I just don't want to see him get hurt or do something stupid or something like that."
"I can respect that. I guess I feel pretty much the same way about Caitlin. For a time in my life, she was all that mattered. She made me happy, and I don't want to see anything bad happen to her."
"I guess I'm pretty lucky to have somebody like you. Somebody who understands all of this."
"I'm just as lucky as you are."
Once again, I smiled to myself.
"Are you still going to go over to Mattie's tonight?" Tristan asked suddenly.
"Oh, yeah," I said, jumping out of my chair. I looked at the clock. "I should leave pretty soon."
"I thought so."
"You are too good to me."
"Hardly. Be careful tonight."
"I always am."
"I know. I just have to say it."
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
"Talk to you later."
"Yeah. Bye," I said as we hung up.