The First Day
Hi everyone, my name is Sean and I am 14 years old and. I live in Jacksonville, Florida. I hate my life. All my family does is yell at me. I get in a lot of trouble for a lot of things I dont do. My mom is a bitch, my stepdad hates me and my grandparrents (who I live with) love me, but all they do is yell at me. I have no real father, I only met him once or twice in my life. I would kill him if I ever saw him again. The only reason I ever met him, was because he wanted my social security number to put on his taxes. That is part of the reason I have such a bad temper. I fight anybody anywhere. I dont care who it is or why im fighting, but when i'm fighting, I am most comfortable. I guess there is something about making other people hurt like the way I have hurt my whole life. My whole life things have been building up inside me and about 2 years ago it all let go. The one thing that broke the camel's back, as they say, was when my baby sister died. She was born with multiple birth defects. She died at the age of 9 months old. She was the one thing that kept me from snapping sonner than I did. She was my strength. But when she died, I couldn't help myself. I just blew up. I lost all hope. I pushed religion out of my life. I felt that if someone so innocent and so helpless could be taken from the earth like she was, then there must not have been a god. I couldn't handle my life anymore. I started doing things I knew I shouldn't have been doing. But I didn't care anymore. I sliced my wrists, I put a gun to my head, and I would have pulled the trigger, accept I thought of how badly that would hurt my friends. There are only a few things in this world now, that stop me from killing myself now. The top 4 things that stop me now, are my friend Brandi, my girlfriend Pam, my friends Bubba and Dusty, and my cousin Terry. Brandi is always there for me and I am always there for her. We help eachother through everything. I call her sometimes at nite, crying because my life is so bad. I love Pam. She is my baby, no matter what I will always love her and no matter what happens in our relationship, we will always be friends. But Terry is a little different. Terry is the closest person to me in my family. We are cousins, but our whole lives we have been like brothers. We are always there for eachother, ready to fight for the other. I failed the 8th grade this year, but only becuase my teachers hated me. One of them accused me of being racist, so I told her that I wasn't, but if she wanted me to be, I could be. I am pretty popular in school. I have a lot of friends and a lot of people are affraid of me. I have no idea why they are affraid of me, they just are. Well I am going to wrap this entry up, and I will come back and talk later. If anyone has any suggestions on how to deal with my life or if anybody has any stories of your own, I'd love to hear them.