Look, buddy, maybe it's time to get out of the house.

You can't play chess, okay?

Go on now.

Really, go on. This is pitiful.

You are pitiful. I mean it.

shoo, shoo...

shoo please?...

C'mon already! I've seen you play!

You opened with D4! You should be playing checkers! GO AWAY!

You have a listening problem.

Fine.

If we can't dissuade you from playing chess where people can SEE you, we'll just have to improve your game.

Wipe that smile off your face.