 |
Sunday, 26 February 2006
my fren Christian
From : Christian Carter
Sent : Monday, January 30, 2006 9:39 AM
To : "Stacey-Ann"
Subject : The "Big Mistake" That Makes Him Withdraw
| | | Important! | Inbox
The "Big Mistake" Women Make That Can
Push A Man Away And Make Him Withdraw...
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Dear Stacey-Ann,
Tons of women do this one thing.
And it must leave them feeling awful...
I wonder if you do it too?
I'm talking about women who hide their true
feelings from a man and fear sharing their desire
for a closer relationship and for love.
Ever felt this way?
It's happens when you won't communicate directly
with a man about your feelings because you think you'll
"scare him away".
Unfortunately, you're right... it could scare him
away.
The way you talk to a man about a relationship
turns out to be THE BIGGEST MISTAKE ANY WOMAN CAN MAKE
WITH A MAN.
I'll come back to this giant mistake in just a
quick second...
First, I'd like to talk about what I've seen in
the dating world as a guy and share a FASCINATING
story with you.
I've had women communicate their feelings with me
in all sorts of different ways from joy to anger to
frustration, and I know what each one does to a man.
(and in a larger context, what communicating this
way does to any person in general - man or woman)
There's a pattern to the dating experiences that
I'd like to share.
THE STORY GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS...
(let's pretend I'm the man in this story and you're the woman)
You and I meet. We both like each other.
(lucky me!)
Feelings develop for us both on several levels.
(physically, emotionally, socially)
You try to be "patient" and not express too many
feelings and what you want to play it cool.
We have a great "connection", but we never talk
about what we want in our future around dating,
a relationship or marriage.
Time goes by and things are great for us.
Eventually, you begin to see that you're not
getting what you want from me in the relationship.
You want more, but you're scared of talking to me
about it because you don't know where I'm at.
You're scared because I've talked to you about all
the bad experiences I've had with women in the past.
And sometimes I even make negative remarks about
women and their emotions.
You don't want to ruin the good things we have
going and rock the boat, but in the back of your
mind you know that you'll want to deal with the
negative emotions that are slowly but surely building
in your mind.
Then as I start to see us growing closer, I begin to
use my past issues to tell you that I'm not looking for
much more than what we have right now.
So you don't say anything to me directly to
communicate what's going on for you and your feelings.
And of course, being a normal guy, I don't say
anything either. (Of course, I'm a man!)
You become frustrated and confused that I'm not
acting how I used to act.
Things begin to change with the way I treat you.
I don't pay as much attention to you anymore.
I don't surprise you or bring you flowers anymore.
I'm tired everyday after work and just want to
watch tv when I get home.
I call you less frequently.
I don't initiate sex as much anymore.
You even consider that I could be seeing someone else.
And after a few months - I've become distant.
So what happens next?
You decide you're not happy with where things are
and it's time to have a talk about where we're at.
But you're SCARED of expressing your feelings about
what you want, so you let things build up inside you
until you begin to let your frustrations with me show.
And to wrap the story up...
You make THE BIGGEST MISTAKE YOU CAN MAKE WITH A MAN...
You start a conversation about the relationship
and then you "let me have it"!
(you get upset and lose your cool with me)
All your desires, fears, frustrations and dreams
that you've been holding inside away from me all pour out
in one big emotional explosion...
This "Big Mistake" can take the form of arguing
and yelling, but not exclusively.
Sometimes it's just extreme intensity, perhaps tears.
It might include:
-Complaining about the current state of the relationship
-Talking about the things he does wrong with you
-Showing your frustrations about what you feel is missing
-Becoming upset that he doesn't feel how you'd like him to feel
-Bringing up past issues, arguments or disappointments
But it always creates a lot of emotional tension
and "drama". Especially in the guys mind.
This is THE LAST THING you want to do with a man if
you want to get some positive result with him.
That tension that's created stays with him, and he
NEVER forgets it.
In his mind, he now thinks of you as "hysterical" and
full of issues. His mind defines you by what he saw in
your behavior, and it scares him.
Yep, I know it's not fair, but it's the man's weird
and twisted reality...
I've heard hundreds, maybe thousands, of men talk
about this exact perception of a woman and how they
fear being with a woman who they think will make this
giant mistake.
Yeah, I know... it's inmature, selfish and not fair of
the man, but it's the reality of the situation that lots
of women end up in with men.
So how do you avoid this....?
I'll tell you how in THREE EASY STEPS.
Step 1) You Need To Understand What's Going On Inside The
Mind Of Your Man....
Let me tell it to you straight, as a man...
Women secretly believe that their connection with
a man will "naturally" turn into something deeper without
any communication taking place.
Kind of like it's the unspoken truth about what's
going on.
Honestly... this isn't how it works for us men.
If you're "assuming" you have a relationship,
and that he feels like you do, you're wrong.
Men don't assume that a connection, being together,
spending quality time and all the rest means they're
in a committed relationship.
Some men do, but not most.
For a man to know he's in a committed relationship,
and understand the things YOU want in that relationship,
YOU have to communicate with him in CLEAR AND DIRECT terms.
Yeah, that's right... You have to put yourself out
there and be vulnerable.
Scary!
But I hear lots of women think that other women are
just lucky to have found such a great guy.
And while there are some men who are more equipped
and ready for a healthy situation with a woman, it's NOT
luck that women in great relationships have found a way
to communicate with their guy.
That's right, they've taken time to find the right
information and to learn to integrate a certain way of
communicating into their thinking and behavior.
It's not easy, but there's help.
Step 2) You Need To Understand What Causes You To Make
"The Big Mistake"
EVERYONE wants to have THEIR needs met first. It's
basic human nature.
But being able to delay your gratification is an
AMAZING thing to develop in your life.
(in every part of your life!)
Most people (men and women) want to talk, talk,
talk about what THEY think and what THEY want.
The root of this problem basically boils down to
needs that are unmet.
So making "The Big Mistake" is really all about
being driven by your unmet needs and desires and solely
focusing on what YOU want the relationship to be,
without honestly and critically considering the man's
perspective, his emotional state, his commuication
skills and where he's coming from at the same time.
When you do this with a man, you are subconsciously
telling him that you're more interested in your feelings
and what YOU want than you are in his feelings and what
he wants.
And men can read and pick up on women who do
this instantly.
I see a form of this "Big Mistake" communication
all the time in business by the way.
Some business professionals are the worst at this
self-absorbed "need" oriented communication.
Like when someone calls me who wants to get something
from me or sell me something and they're not very
experienced or polished at it.
The first thing I pick up on is their selfish agenda...
and it instantly puts me on the defensive.
But if they've done their "homework" on me and what I'm
looking for, and not what THEY WANT from me, when they
talk it changes the whole situation the second they show
me they've thought about what I want.
It's very simple but extremely powerful.
So let's take this concept directly back to communicating
with men.
It might sound cliche', but you've got to learn to listen
and understand where's he's at and where's he's coming from.
This cliche' is a around for a reason.
It works.
Patience, empathy and understanding are the first steps
towards creating the relationship you dream about.
But you've got to be careful to not become the woman who
gives him EVERYTHING and gets walked on.
Use your common sense and intuition to safeguard
yourself - I know that your female perceptive abilities
aren't used nearly enough, so put these strong tools to
good use.
Step 3) How To Avoid Making The Big Mistake
Let me give you a vital piece of information
when dealing with men....
Men are CLUELESS when it comes to identifying
the things that are "obvious" to women in dating
and relationships.
I would know. It's taken me ten years to begin
to understand these things for myself - and I
spend a LOT of time thinking about it.
Sorry though, I'm "spoken for"...
(Oh Please, get over yourself Christian!!)
Ok, enough self-indulgent humor, back to you.
So we know men are AWFUL at initiating and
participating in conversations about deep emotions
and relationships.
Sorry to break the bad news, but it's almost
always up to you to make this communication happen.
It's important to remember to approach the entire
conversation from the perspective of talking about
what you want AND what he wants.
If you can make a guy feel like you put his
feelings and needs a priority in this conversation,
and always consider what he wants, I promise he will
LOVE YOU for it!
There's no rule that says you can't consider
another persons opinions and feelings first in
order to get what you want.
In fact, a key goal in negotiating is to let
the other person talk first.
When you get to listen first, you ALWAYS have
the advantage. You know exactly what the other person
wants... and knowledge is influence and power.
I'm not saying you need to take on hard-core
negotiating here with a man, but some of the same
rules and principles about people and psychology apply.
When you talk to a man from a positive place
of listening first, he will be 10,000 times more
receptive to what you have to say and what you want
once you bring it up than if you approach him from a
place of feeling hurt, communicate need and projecting
fear and anxiety.
Try this instead.
Ask a positive question or give a positive
statement such as, "Honey, I was thinking today
that I was happy to be with you."
It might sound submissive, corny or
difficult to say to someone you're having a
tough time with, but think about it...
If you're going through all the trouble to
worry so much about the future with this person,
this is already what you're thinking.
You might want to check out what could be the
best collection anywhere of ideas, strategies,
insights and research on the subject of how to
avoid the Big Mistake, and how to make sure great
things happens when the right man comes along.
It's all in my ebook, "Catch Him And Keep Him".
It's full off specific ways to communicate with
a man that will instantly amplify the attraction
he feels for you and help move things quickly and
smoothly from "casual" to "committed" in no time
flat.
I've spent the better part of the last year
making sure my ebook will give you REAL WORLD
ANSWERS and solutions to the things you're dealing
with when it comes to men.
Go check it out right now:
http://www.CatchHimAndKeepHim.com/e/10082/eBook
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
Carter
From : Christian Carter
Sent : Monday, January 30, 2006 9:12 AM
To : "Stacey-Ann"
Subject : How Do I Get Him Back?
| | | Important! | Inbox
Dating Advice Q&A: How Do I Get Him Back?
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Dear Stacey-Ann,
Check out this great question I got from
a reader about getting back with her ex.
It's a question I get all the time from women
that points out a common misunderstanding women
have about men.
Reader:
Dear Christian, I'm sorry but I need to ask you a
question. I need advice and help. Me and my
ex have been together off and on many times,
recently we just broke up and now he's dating
someone else. (he doesn't know what he wants)
But I know he still has very big feelings for me
and I want advice and help on getting him back.
Even though he's dating someone right now, he
still has feelings for me, and I need help on
getting him back with me and not with her.
Please help!
Sincerely,
Needy and Hopeless
My Answer:
Thanks for writing, your email has about 147
great things here.
Let's look at a few of them....
The first important issue is that you're
ignoring all the important signs your ex is
giving you.
Please don't be naive...
Wake up!
Realize what's going on here.
If he's dating someone else, you've got to
start moving on.
He doesn't share your feelings of wanting to
back together.
If you challenge this idea, you need to recognize
that he's not in the right place in his life to
share what you want with him.
This doesn't mean you should to go out and
try to date right now, but you need to take your
mind off him.
This is hard for a woman when you still have
feelings for him.... but you're setting yourself
up for ALL KINDS of pain and disappointment.
Yeah, I've seen couples get back together
like this... but the odds are things don't look
good for this old relationship.
The more you can distance yourself from your ex
whose dating another woman, the happier you'll be.
Trust me.
And I know doing this is tough, but you've got to.
You're also making a lot of assumptions about
his feelings when you say "he has very big feelings
for me" when you know he's dating someone else.
Thinking about this only keeps you stuck on
him and his feelings.
If you listen to the signals your ex is sending
you, you'll see that his "feelings" are just his way
of holding onto you for his own comfort.
He's already dating another woman.
That should give you a clear idea of where his
mind is at (not focused on getting back with you) and
what his "feelings" TRULY are.
Here's what I want you to do first and foremost....
Think about making some decisions for YOURSELF.
Right now it sounds like your waiting for him to
make all the decisions.
Think about what YOU WANT to be happy, and remember
all the things your ex has done and said to let you
know he's not committed to sharing his love with you.
If you give him and yourself some space, a funny
thing might happen you won't expect....
Your ex-boyfriend won't have the comfort of two
women who both want his affection.
He won't know that you're still there waiting for
him - and this will trigger thoughts and actions in him
that will ultimately help resolve your situation.
Until then....
For your own well-being, it's important you
let him know he can't keep sharing his intimate
feelings with you while he's dating another woman.
HERE'S A RULE YOU NEED TO REMEMEBER:
****
Never allow men who have "someone else" in their
life to keep sharing and expressing their feelings
for you.
****
It's wrong on several levels... for you most of all.
When a man can have the affection of two women,
and he's in a place where he's emotionally
non-committed to either, odds are he will try to
keep this situation going for as long as possible!
Not all men would do this, but men who are
"unavailable", as it sounds your ex is, can continue
multiple initimate situations at once.
You don't want to date a man that's in this place
in his life..... and I know because I've been this guy
in my past!
NO AMOUNT of talking, experience or reasoning with
him can get him to feel the way you want him to feel.
You can't change a man's emotional depth and where
he's at in his life.
"Getting him back" is a bad idea.
Rarely does this give you what you think you want.
It's a losing battle, and you're going to end up
being hurt or upset again as you undoubtedly keep
moving farther and farther away from what YOU ideally
want and closer and closer to whatever strange and
unhealthy situation he's creating.
If you feel like you HAVE to see this through, then
be careful. You're going against the odds.
Don't be "that girl".
And I promise that you'll ruin your chances if
you think you can "convince" him to come back to you
through shows of affection, appeals to his desires
or other "gifts" to bribe him.
I've watched this EXACT thing unfold so many times.
IT DOESN'T WORK!
Instead, you should think about the times you've
broken up and the times you've seen that he wasn't
personally ready for a relationship.
Those things are as real as the strong feelings
and emotions you feel that keeps you coming back.
Use the issues and challenges you had together
as a guide or a reminder of what's keeping you two
apart now.
And once you start doing this, I think you're
going to be strangely surprised at what starts to
happen for you...
Once your guy notices that he doesn't have you
waiting around for him like a puppy dog to figure
it out, while he's off doing god knows what with
other women, there's going to be a big change in
his attitude and behavior.
It doesn't make "sense", but that's how it WORKS.
****
THE CRITICAL SKILLS OF UNDERSTANDING MEN'S SIGNALS AND
IDENTIFYING GOOD MEN FROM "UNAVAILABLE TOADS"....
****
You've got to learn to understand and identify
"EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE" men.
If a man doesn't know what he wants, he generally
doesn't want what he's got.
This may sound harsh, but it's the truth of the
situation. And even when it isn't completely true, it's
a good rule to go by.
A good man who is the right person and wants to be
with you will find his own way to his "Emotional Truth".
If his truth is that he wants to be with you, or not
be with you, you have to respect that.
But I see women do it all the time.
The guy will be sending all kinds of subtle
(or even direct) signs that he's not "available" or
interested in something "serious", but the woman ignores
them and just pays attention to the fact that he likes
being with her when they're together.
In other words, she substitutes the physical connection,
or even the occasional emotional connection, for the
real relationship she wants to be in.
WRONG!
Men have a different "love equation" from women:
A strong connection does NOT necessarily equal any
interest in a relationship.
That's why it's CRITICAL that women learn to read
the signals that a man sends about where he's at.
Because he's surely not going to just lay it all out
there for you.
I promise.
If he does, write me an email, tell me all about it,
and give me his mailing address so I can send him his
prize.
When a guy isn't interested in a relationship,
and he's hdoing something like seeing other women, here's
what most women start doing that makes things go from
bad to worse...
They start trying to "fix" things, and "fix" the guy.
And then comes the "convincing" behavior, trying to
convince the man that they are the right one for him,
and that because they have such a great connection, a
loving "relationship" is the only right way to go.
I know, it sounds bizarre.
Why would a man have a great woman and a great
connection with her that felt amazing when they were
together, and not want a relationship?
I'll get to that later...
The thing I'm worried about here for you is that
in trying to get your guy back, you're making these
mistakes that are like "man-repellent".
So I'll say it again.
You can't convince a man to want to be with you.
I don't know the specifics surrounding your
off-and-on with the ex, but it speaks volumes.
Especially when it's combined with him not "knowing
what he wants".
This is CLASSIC man-speak for "I'm not emotionally
available and I'm not ready for a real relationship".
When he can't get in touch with his feelings and
isn't open to exploring them, it's a text-book case of
unavailability.
I don't mean that he can't share feelings or some
level of intimacy with you....
In fact, I'm sure he still likes to connect with
you when things are easy-going and he's not feeling
"pressure" around you.
But your ex sharing his feelings with you can
easily confuse you into thinking that he is potentially
the right guy and ready for a long term relationship.
I'm sure you've seen this since you've been back
and forth with him. But when a guy is unavailable,
he has a fear of getting deeper into a relationship
that he knows he's not ready for.
In his own way he's tried to tell you this several
times.
Here's what he's saying:
Yes, I have "feelings" for you.
And no... that doesn't mean I want to be in a
relationship with you and be faithful.
Take some time to think about the past with your
ex, and then compare that to what will honestly
make YOU happy, and what kind of relationship you
want in your future.
If you're honest about it with yourself, I don't
think he'll fit well into that based on his actions
and behavior.
Put more value on his actions, not his words.
Get back to the things that you enjoy, the places
you like to go and avoid places or things you used to
do or see with your ex.
Spend some time with your friends and give yourself
the space you deserve.
The less you talk about your ex and this situation for
now, the better off you'll be.
And I think you'll be amazed at the results.
First, I think you'll just plain old feel better.
But even better than that, you'll be breaking the
old connection that you had with your "x".
And as counterintuitive as it sounds, breaking
out of your old connection is actually the thing
that's going to change the situation for you the most
and help get you the results you want.
Right now, your convincing him and your wanting him
back, even when he's with another woman, is making you
come off in all kinds of ways that men just don't respond
well to.
I know it seems like the best idea to keep trying
to stay in touch with him and keep the connection
alive.
But the truth is that you're just keeping this same
old situation alive by pumping your time and attention
into it.
If instead, you step back and stop chasing him or
trying to convince him you're the right woman, you'll
have an opportunity to do something that can honestly
be ATTRACTIVE to him-
You first leave a space that he'll not recognize
and not understand, which will first get him thinking
about you and then wondering why you aren't acting the
way you used to.
Men love "new" things and curiousities.
Plus, you'll also be able to give him the space
he's tried asking you for in his retarded emotioanally
unavailable "man-speak".
Something funny happens when a man gets the space
he asked for-
If you do it in the right way, he's forced to deal
with himself and his own feelings to figure out that
all the things he is worried about, afraid of, fearful
of "committing to", etc.
And being by himself, he'll see that these things
are really just in his own mind - and not bad things
about YOU.
In other words - he won't keep taking all the old
"stuff" from the past that wasn't working and keep
identifying it with YOU.
But you've to go know the way to "re-wire" the
connection once you've broken the old one.
And if you can do this, I guarantee he'll come
calling wondering about you.
In my ebook, "Catch Him And Keep Him", I detail
specific ways to communicate with men that will help
you build that new connection.
There are several psychological and behavioral
"keys" that will help to open a man up, and just as
importantly, make him feel that electric kind of
ATTRACTION for you.
I'm talking about the kind of attraction that
gets a guy feeling, at a deep level, that he wants to
be with you right now AND far into the future.
This goes for the "unavailable" guys too that seem
to keep withdrawing and don't communicate much about
their feelings or what they want.
These guys are the toughest ones.
If there's just ONE PIECE OF ADVICE that holds more
power for women than any other when it comes to men, it's
this concept of only dating emotionally available men.
In my ebook, I also talk about how to identify good
men from the "unavailable" ones.
If you're dating, wouldn't it be great to know what
kind of guy you're dealing with FROM THE START?
And if think you're already got an unavailable guy
on your hands, and you're wondering what you can do after
all the frustrating disappointments that have gone on...
There's AN ENTIRE SECTION of the book dedicated to
helping you both understand the emotional world of a
man (yikes, right!) and how to lead him to a better way
of being with and understanding you.
So make the choice to do something about your love-
life and create the situation you want in your life.
Go check out my ebook now.
You can download it and be reading it in just a
couple of minutes.
Check it out here:
http://www.CatchHimAndKeepHim.com/e/10082/eBook
And best of luck in life and love!
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
more letters form C. Carter
From : Christian Carter
Sent : Monday, January 30, 2006 10:20 AM
To : "Stacey-Ann"
Subject : Nice Guys Or Bad Boys - Who Do You Love?
| | | Important! | Inbox
Dating Advice For Women: Nice Guys vs. Bad Boys?
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You're getting this e mail because you've signed
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to the very bottom of the page and exclude yourself.
No tricks. You'll be removed and not contacted
again. Thanks.
--------------------------------------------------
Hey Stacey-Ann,
You're about to spend the most useful 5 minutes
you've ever spent on improving your future love life.
Read this....
There's something I want you to do that I KNOW will
improve your natural ability to read into a man's
behavior and his mind.
And learning to do this homework could mean the
difference between being
HAPPY & IN-LOVE or LONELY & SINGLE.
Whoa... that's pretty intense - I'll tone it
down for a sec and give you something to take your
mind to off this....
Did you see the final Sex and the City episode where
Carrie went to Paris with her lover?
Carrie's in Paris with her boyfriend and begins
to wonder if she made the right decision to move away
with this man who, deep down inside, she know's doesn't
want the same type of life and relationship she does.
As she makes this realization, her ex, "Big",
has flown to Paris from New York looking to reconcile
with his lost love after realizing his undying love
for Carrie.
And of course, as with all good TV, the two find
each other by luck and fate, and Big finally professes
his love.
Talk about romantic, intense, suspenseful and full
of great drama!
Ok, I thought that might do the trick to warm you
back up.
So what does the story of Carrie's love life have to
do with YOUR love life?
More than you might think - but we'll get to that.
That's why this week I'm giving you a short homework
assignment - and this is what could be the most valuable
5 minutes you'll ever spend on your love life:
I need you to think about one of the first things
I recognized about women way back in junior high -
it's something I still see it today in our "grown-up"
dating world.
Why don't women pick the right guys?
Or even more to the point - why do women pick all
the wrong guys?
If you've had your heart broken, been cheated on,
or find yourself giving everything you've got inside,
to get little or nothing in return, then you know what
I'm talking about.
****Right Now****
Take 5 minutes of time to yourself.
Tune the rest of the world out for just these 5 minutes.
Now, think about each of these questions for a minute
or two each:
1. What is it about "bad boys" or men that aren't
"available" that is attractive to w0men? And to you?
2. Have you ever dated a guy even though you knew
he was a "bad boy" - or found out soon into things?
3. Is there a "nice guy" in your life who would make a
great companion but you're not attracted to or share a
"connection" with?
Don't cheat yourself....
Stop, go back, make sure you take at least 5
minutes of time and think about just these questions....
(Trust me - it's AMAZING what you can actually learn
about the world and yourself if you take a few minutes
of silence to think just about ONE THING at a time. It's
maybe the BEST thing I ever started doing for myself!)
I'll give you some more time....
Ok, so you've thought about it. Let's share our
thoughts and compare notes.
*As a quick inside reminder:
This exercise is all about actively improving
your ability to know what a good man looks like
for YOU and to help you pick ONLY the right men now
and in the future.
Picking the wrong men can get you in all kinds of
painful trouble it's hard to get free of.
But for some reason, women don't want the guys who
are probably better relationship and love companions.
I'm not going to give you ALL the answers right now,
but I'm going to lead you to finding the answers for
yourself - as it's a much more effective way of learning.
So.... I'm gonna address the last question first
about "nice guys".
A friend of mine sent me an article that was on AOL
entitled "What's Wrong With Nice Guys?". Here's a little
quote from the article:
"...Do Women Date Naughty Guys but Marry Nice Ones?
This notion sounds an awful lot like the irritating
good-girl/bad-girl distinction that men continue to
make. Still, it does contain a nugget of sense. Since
women truly are conditioned to be "good girls," sometimes
we feel uncomfortable with or guilty about that pure
burning "I must have him!" feeling. That's why we
sometimes seek out a bad boy to serve as the object
of these desires, says Cleveland psychotherapist
Belleruth Naparstek, creator of the Health Journeys
series of guided imagery tapes. "In order for the
deliciousness of pure lust to be 'okay,' it has to be
for the symbolic bad boy who has nothing to do with
the rest of your life. With him, you can crank up your
animal impulses, worry-free," she says...."
Interesting, huh?
My friend who sent it to me disagrees with the
idea that women seek out "bad boys" because they
need somewhere to project their guilty lust, and I agree.
I disagree that there's something "wrong" with
the fact that women are attracted to "bad boys"...
My friend also made the point that the "mainstream"
psychology and behavior world is starting to accept
the idea that women are attracted to "bad boys".
There's something to the idea that woman don't
feel that powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for "nice guys"
who chase after them, dote on them and kiss up to them.
A woman might LIKE the experience of the "nice guy"
doing nice things, but it doesn't CREATE attraction
or a connection with the woman.
Ever.
Trust me, I know men who are the "nice guy" all
the time and they get so frustrated trying so hard
to please a woman and get her interested.
But it's like trying to chew bubble gum to solve
calculus problems.... It's hopeless.
And wouldn't you know it - it works the same
way for "nice women". Being a "nice girl" can't
"convince" a guy to like you just because you do
sweet things....
It just doesn't work like that.
I've had women be the "nice girl" with me in the
past. There's two women I can remember from acting
overly nice and sweet to try and attract me.
Any attraction that was there started falling away.
THE TRUTH of the matter is - kissing up, convincing
and being too "sweet" can kill attraction.
Why?
Our subconscious reacts in ways you often can't
control and aren't very aware of.
Being too "nice" sends a signal to the "deep"
part of the mind that tells you "this person isn't
desirable and is lower status".
I know, this might sound kind of dark, power-hungry
or weird to you, but it's what happens with us humans.
People don't value what they can have too easily,
whether they admit it or not.
Ultimately, when women are around "nice guys",
they end up unconsciously thinking, "This man isn't
desirable, I shouldn't date or pursue this guy".
(Ok, there can be another reason, but I won't
disuss it here but it has to do with people who
develop the "nice" persona due to what they feel
they personally lack, and thus "nice" people are
self-selecting and are actually and less confident
and less attractive.)
In the nice guys defense - they might actually
have something better to offer a woman in terms of
what she SAYS she wants (love, trust, companionship,
passion), but the women aren't able to see it - or
see it as something they want.
Why?
Women don't develop a connection to the nice guy
and the "connection" is the MAGIC ingredient for
attraction with most women.
Which leads us to the "bad boy"!
You might not agree with me, but women DO feel
that magical emotion called ATTRACTION for "bad boys".
Of course, I don't believe that men have to be
jerks, or abuse women in order to make them feel
attracted to them.
But women have a deep attraction mechanism that's
triggered by men who behave indifferent, superior,
cocky, the list goes of "bad" behavior. You've seen it.
"Bad boys" often create inviting and intoxicating
forms of drama - often perceived as playfulness,
sexuality and fun.
When I first talk to women about the bad boy
subject, they jump ALL OVER me and completely disagree.
Then I ask them about some of the relationships
they've had in the past.
And guess what?
Most women realize in the course of the conversation
that they've dated men they knew fit the "bad boy"
profile.
What makes me laugh is that the realization makes
them argue with me even more!
So why do women date and continue on with "bad boys"?
The answer to this question when I ask it to
women is almost UNIVERSAL.
"We had a great connection".
Some women call it "chemistry".
The magic of a connection with a man can be
extremely powerful. Often powerful enough to undo
all sorts of reasoning abilities and ways of perceiving
things.
Women picking and staying with the wrong men is
the single biggest mistake I see women make. It's the
most common reason why the thousands of women I hear
from can't find the love and fulfillment they're
looking for.
But there's help....
I talk about these and other concepts in detail in
my eBook, "Catch Him And Keep Him". You can get your
hands on a copy of Catch Him And Keep Him at my website
and be reading it in just a few minutes from now.
Plus, you can get it at what is at my risk-
Why don't you try the book for a week so you can
decide if you want to keep it?
If you don't like it, just let me know and I'll refund
all your money immediately.
Honestly, I think you could learn more in a few hours
reading the book than most women might learn in their whole
LIVES about how to meet and attract men the right
men AND what the specific steps are to develop an amazing
relationship he won't ever want to come to an end.
Go check it out:
http://www.CatchHimAndKeepHim.com/e/10082/eBook
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
this one's from Carter
From : Christian Carter
Sent : Monday, January 30, 2006 11:17 AM
To : "Stacey-Ann"
Subject : Why Men Sleep With Women Then Pull Away
| | | Important! | Inbox
Why Men Sleep With Women Then Pull Away
--------------------------------------------------
You're getting this e mail because you've signed
up at www.catchhimandkeephim.com To be left out of
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to the very bottom of the page and exclude yourself.
No tricks. You'll be removed and not contacted
again. Thanks.
--------------------------------------------------
Dear Stacey-Ann,
This time I'm responding to an email I
got from a woman who recently bought my ebook.
I think you'll "feel her pain" and see
why I wanted to respond to her.
She's going through that dreaded situation
I've seen lots of women deal with where she was
dating a guy and became "physical" with him,
but then he quickly pulled away.
Want to know what's going on with a man in
this situation and what he's thinking?
And what to do about it?
Keep reading...
>>>> Question From A Reader
Hi Christian
I've just bought your book....I'm from
Thailand and I appreciated your book so much.
Unfortunately, I read the lesson about
Thinking in Time Frames where you taught how
to let a man wait for sex... but I've already
made that mistake and had sex with him. I want
a more serious relationship and I told him
afterwards, but as you told me he would, he
became impatient when we talked and it made
me so frustrated and upset.
Now he's acting distant. So, what should I
do to rewire our relationship and make him
see my worth?
I feel so disappointed about my actions.
Christian, please help me...
Best regards,
J from Thailand
>>>> My Response
I want to give you a big hug... and then
a good SLAP.
Ok, listen closely.
I'm about to share something with you that
I want you to NEVER, EVER forget.
It's the reality about how most men work
when dating.
Ready?
A man will NEVER see your "worth" just
because he's having sex with you.
It sucks, but that's the way men act
sometimes.
And guess what?
You're dating a man.
So let me be very clear here:
Just because a man has sex with a woman,
it doesn't mean that he's spent even a second
of his time deciding whether or not he wants
to be with her in the future.
Got it?
Ok, good.
Because even though you've already moved on
to how you're going to settle down together,
he hasn't even decided if he wants to try
anything "serious" out with you.
Sure, it would be great if a man let you know
this before he slept with you, but that's not
reality most of the time.
And I'm willing to bet you played a part in
this.
You're not entirely innocent.
Were you up-front and honest about what you
were looking for?
Or did your true feelings sneak up on you,
freak you out, and then freak him out too?
GIVING AWAY YOUR "SELF" TO A MAN
I've got an important question for you...
Who made this guy the final judge of your
"worth" as a woman?
The answer...
You did.
Cut it out.
And I'll bet I know WHY you did it.
I'm going to get a bit "deep" and
"spiritual" here with you, all in the name
of tough love.
You're seeking his APPROVAL in the worst
kind of way.
You're waiting and wanting HIM to show
YOU that you deserve the experience of open
and unrestrained love.
You're counting on him to be the strong
and masculine lover you've always wanted,
who will break through the barriers in both
of your hearts.
That way you can SURRENDER to the deep
kind of love that you truly desire from a man.
Unfortunately, that's not what's happening
or how he FEELS with you right now.
But deep down, you believe that if you
can come up with enough "proof" that he
should love and value you, and if you can
make things "perfect" between you two, then
he'll become the open and loving man you
imagine him to be.
It's time.
It's time for the little girl who's seeking
a man's approval in order to experience love
to grow up.
It's time for you to stop hoping that a
man will become the man you want him to be,
when he shows you that he doesn't even have
a clue about what love is or how to be with
a woman.
But you're so wrapped up in his perspective,
what he's doing, his feelings, his emotions and
his desires (or lack thereof) that you've all
but forgotten about something WAY MORE IMPORTANT.
What YOU really want.
I'll take a wild guess here and bet that
the kind of guy that you truly want isn't the
kind of guy who would act how this guy is acting.
As in, the kind of guy who would sleep with a
woman and then act distant and irritated with her
just because she wants to talk about how she's
feeling.
So, sorry for asking but...
What the h#ll are you doing!?
You're wasting your energy trying to get
the love and approval of someone who acts like
a person you don't even want to be with!?
Ok, now that we've verbally smacked you around
a little bit, we can move on from what NOT to do
to learning what to do.
LOVE, SEX AND THE MIND OF THE "MASCULINE MAN"
You need a lesson on who a man really is.
There are FASCINATING biological reasons
for why men act the way they do.
But the reasons that are the most important
for you to understand right now aren't the
"scientific" ones.
I'm going to get a tiny bit "out there" right
now, but stick with me...
There's a big difference between what I'll
call the "masculine" energy and the "feminine"
love or energy.
Pay careful attention here.
The feminine energy grows with fullness,
praise, connection and love, to allow a kind
of "surrender" in all kinds of joyful
experiences.
With sex, women surrender to the experience
with a man through love and connection, which
can make the man and woman as one.
But the masculine energy doesn't work this
way. At least not in the "darker" part of a man.
The masculine energy is VERY different.
The masculine energy seeks to break through
challenges all alone and arrive at its desire -
"emptiness" and "freedom".
Have you ever heard a man talk about how
he wanted his "freedom"... and you wondered
what the hell he was talking about?
And you could tell that he didn't even
really know what he meant by his "freedom".
This "freedom" or emptiness is actually the
masculine means of surrender and fulfillment.
Just as the feminine means is connection and
loving.
Ever noticed that lots of men fall right to
sleep or act like they're off somewhere else
after sex?
There are tons of pop-culture references to
men doing this in TV, movies, books, etc.
People know that men often behave this way.
It's "conventional wisdom".
But most people don't really know WHY men
act this way.
Here's my favorite way of explaining it...
Have you ever thought about why so many men
have a strong addiction to watching sports
events.
Well, each game is setup in a specific way
that draws a man's emotions into the
experience.
At the center of each game is a person or a
team that rises up to overcome.
It's a kind of trial where a man will break
through hardship, competition and challenge.
And when a team or player scores a goal or
a touchdown and celebrates, something
fascinating takes place.
The man "breaks through" the challenge into
"freedom" and the final emptiness of victory.
Then the men will celebrate as though their
greatest desires have been fulfilled and cry
out as they never have before.
Bizarre and fascinating...
Ok, back to Earth.
How does this relate to dating, sex and love?
With sex, a man doesn't "surrender" to
love and connection the way a woman does...
unless he learns to.
** And yes, a man can and should learn how
to surrender himself with his woman to love **
But instead, men often seek the physical
challenge of sex as a goal unto itself, where
they can break through to a temporary "freedom"
and emptiness.
Whoa... Heavy stuff.
Here's the point, in case you don't like
talking in myths and metaphors.
But first, don't go telling this story to
the man you're dating or with out of the blue.
He will think you're CRAZY - unless he's the
kind of guy that's already on a more spiritual
kind of "path".
This is for YOU to know and to work with.
So back to you....
Notice that in physical experiences with
women, or in life for that matter, most men
don't have the same strong drive to be deeply
and unwaveringly CONNECTED to the people
around them like most healthy women do.
Often times, they're driven by something
that has nothing to do with love, intimacy
and connection.
Yeah, I know. Men are CRAZY and messed up
and different.
But men don't have to be bizarre and
strange this way if they LEARN and become
AWARE.
Or...
If they have a woman who gets it, she can
lead and challenge him into finding freedom
through love and connected experience, not
through empty physical experience and isolation.
LET'S TIE IT ALL TOGETHER
Here's the thing...
A man will NEVER see you exactly the way
you want him to see you, or value you exactly
the way you know you should be valued, if...
you're doing things just to seek and win his
love and APPROVAL.
Yes, you might have "goofed" by being
physical with him too early.
But stop being so hard on yourself. It's
the past, and it's not the problem now.
The real problem now is something entirely
different.
Sleeping or being physical with a man is
NOT a bad thing.
Trust me. wink, wink.
But you've got to create the right feelings
within him before and during the experience of
being together for it to truly bring you closer
in love.
Sorry, but just being there isn't going to
do it and reach a man's heart.
Wow, I just realized... men are actually so
high-maintenance.
Anyways...
So you want to know how to "re-wire" things?
Here's what to do first:
Stop wanting the fact that you've had sex
to magically win him over into being an open
and loving partner like you are.
Then go back and read the section in my book
inside Chapter 8 called "Triggering A Deeper Level
Of Attraction In A Man".
What you need to know is there.
(and read, re-read and put it to use this time!)
But let's keep going and I'll touch on a few
of the same points that are in there.
Ever thought about what a man really wants
in a woman to date or fall in love with?
I'm talking about mature, healthy men here.
** They want someone that they WANT **
They want to WANT a woman, to worship her,
to please her, to ravish her, and to sweep her
off her feet with their physical and emotional
presence.
And for the woman to be utterly and completely
taken with them and what they do.
I'm sure you've seen or heard this kind of
male fairy tale before.
So why don't men just act this way with
women if this is what they want?
Ahhh... welcome to dating.
Because most women don't create the experience
that will make a man FEEL this way.
So here's a "center-piece" of the puzzle...
I call it the "Pursuit Gene".
There's a drive in men that makes them want
to be CHALLENGED... and to overcome that challenge.
I know it sounds cliche, but it's true.
Remember the "spiritual" story from earlier?
Men want to be challenged by the idea of
meeting, attracting, and pursuing a woman.
And then they want to win the woman over
and feel stronger as a man for having done it.
Men deal with this in one of two ways:
1. They find more "freedom" and emptiness by
physically being with a woman in the short term
2. They find connection and love by physically
AND emotionally being with the woman in a deeper
and "longer-term" way
Here's the AMAZING part...
A woman helps him choose which it will be
with her.
Interesting...
The point is, men LOVE the chase.
Some men might tell you that they don't.
They do.
Men love the chase and the challenge not in
their "logical" minds, but down where it counts.
They love it in their FEELINGS and EMOTIONS.
It's part of their genetic make-up.
But if a woman loses control emotionally,
seeks HIS APPROVAL or thinks she can trade sex
to receive love before a man's experiencing an
intense desire to WIN HER OVER and to be with her,
then something bad happens.
The man loses that feeling of excitement
and challenge with her.
He recognizes that the woman has already
given over physical and emotional CONTROL to
him.
Which destroys the strongest "lead-in" to
creating lasting love with a man.
It's just one simple word.
ATTRACTION.
Men want to feel ATTRACTION.
And I don't mean that they want to talk about
it or analyze it so that it makes "sense".
They don't want to listen to what a woman
tells them is going on and then come to accept
and understand how and why they should be in love.
No. That's not how men work.
Instead, they want to FEEL their desire for a
woman inside their whole body, emotionally driving
them, and for it to be undeniable and unrelenting.
Get where I'm going here?
If you don't make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for
you and trigger the emotional desire deep inside
him to win you over and be with you for the long
term, then there's no amount of talking, sharing,
or SEX that can change his mind.
In my ebook "Catch Him & Keep Him" I talk
about the VERY BEST ways to create great
experiences and situations with men.
Experiences and situations that will make a
man respond to a woman with INTENSE DESIRE and
ATTRACTION.
And not just in the "empty" physical sense,
but instead with more deeply connected feelings.
Chapter 9 of the book is titled "From Casual
To Committed - Communication Secrets with Men
& New Relationships"
In it are some of my very best ideas on how
to build the right "emotional environment" for a
man to feel addicted to the love, connection and
attraction you share.
He'll wonder why he didn't find you and figure
out how to be in love sooner.
Check out the details here:
http://www.CatchHimAndKeepHim.com/e/10082/eBook
Thanks and best of luck in life and love,
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
Letters from Carter
From : Christian Carter
Sent : Friday, February 3, 2006 11:00 AM
To : "Stacey-Ann"
Subject : What To Do When He Won't Open Up Or Share
| | | Important! | Inbox
Dating Advice: What To Do When He Won't Open Up Or Share
--------------------------------------------------
You're getting this e mail because you've signed
up at www.catchhimandkeephim.com.
To be left out of getting this email, and all
future emails, just go to the very bottom of the
page and exclude yourself. No tricks. You'll be
removed and not contacted again. Thanks.
--------------------------------------------------
Dear Stacey-Ann,
Ever wonder how in the world you're supposed
to get closer to a man and connect with him, let
alone have a real relationship, when he won't even
open up, listen, or share what's going on inside?
Like when you seem to be drifting farther and
farther apart, and actually talk and share less as
time goes on...but the guy doesn't seem to notice
or care?
Where did all the conversation, connection,
attraction and passion go to?
I mean, is it really a woman's "job" to be the
one who does all the work just to get a man to
actually COMMUNICATE and connect?
The answer is NO....
However the reality is that lots of women have
relationships with men that become stuck in a rut
this way.
But guess what?
It DOESN'T HAVE TO WORK THIS WAY.
Keep reading and you'll LEARN how men can go
from "emotionally unavailable" and withdrawn with
a woman to intimate and connected, WITHOUT you
having to do all the work.
But first, let me ask you...
Have you ever felt like you just weren't able
to talk to a man about anything "serious" or
important in your relationship? At least not
without things turning ugly?
And forget about sharing your deeper feelings,
questions, or doubts.
These would seriously FREAK HIM OUT and push
his buttons, right?
What's with men?
Are we completely immature and incapable, or do
women share responsibility here too?
Good question.
If you've ever felt lonely, disconnected, or
unappreciated because you didn't have a "voice"
inside your relationship with a man...
Or if a man didn't ever "see" or "hear" you,
even when you couldn't have been more open,
thoughtful and direct, then you won't want to
miss this email.
THE COMMON WAYS "EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE" MEN
WITHDRAW...AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT
One of the most common, frustrating and
destructive things men do with women in
relationships is pull away or completely withdraw
emotionally.
If you've ever had this happen and it dragged
on, even just for a few hours or days, then you
know it can feel like a slow "emotional death."
Your creativity, energy, and passion all start
to wither away and you get drawn into some weird
"funk."
Give me a silent nod if you know what I'm
talking about and you've experienced the negative
effects of "emotional withdrawal" with a man
before.
Well, there's something that lots of women
don't recognize that I want to share with you...
It's strange, kind of bizarre, and hard for
lots of women to believe...but it's something
I've observed again and again about men.
It's that when it comes to emotional withdrawal
and distance in a relationship, most men DON'T
EVEN UNDERSTAND what it is.
And therefore they can't notice it or see it as
a problem to address when it comes up.
Ok, let me repeat that.
Some men just plain DON'T GET IT.
Got it?
Now, why am I telling you this?
Because lots of women get upset when a man
withdraws and pays more attention to his favorite
sports team, work, or whatever, and they take it
personally...as though the man is consciously
doing something to ruin the relationship or to
REJECT her.
Wrong.
The truth is that lots of men have no idea how
important sharing feelings, emotions, and
experiences are to a relationship...and they
honestly don't have much practice at it either.
So when a great woman comes along that he could
have an amazing time with and get close to...
And she starts noticing that he has some
emotional shortcomings that he doesn't have all
the answers for, or experience with...
Instead of identifying these for what they are
(part of his natural "masculine" tendency to pull
away and focus in an emotionally uninvolved way)
she feels rejected, unappreciated or deadened by
it.
How many men do you know who get together with
their friends to talk about their feelings and
discuss the details and meaning of the
relationships in their lives?
Exactly.
That's why it's FASCINATING to recognize that
lots of men actually value NOT SHARING these
things (feelings, emotions, meaning behind
relationships).
Men who are this way often say or think things
like:
"It's better if we don't talk about it..."
Or..."Why do you nag me about this stuff?!"
Sound familiar?
So what's a woman to do with a man who thinks
or talks this way?
Dump him and move on?
Ok, I can't make that decision for you, but a
man MUST BE willing to be part of the learning
process that IS a relationship.
Translation - if he's open to learning and
growth in some way, then he's not a lost cause.
So how open to learning and growth is your guy?
And how open to learning and growth are you?
Or is all this talk about learning to
understand more about men feeling like too much
"work?"
THE POWER TO UNDERSTAND IS THE POWER TO CHANGE
AND GROW
Let me ask you an important question, since men
aren't going to magically change their biological
make-up, personalities, or brain chemistry any
time soon...
Have you ever thought about how a man's
"emotional withdrawal" actually works, and what
brings it about?
I'm asking because I've noticed something crazy
and fascinating...
Lots of women don't take the time to think
through HOW and WHY a man becomes distant.
(Just like lots of men don't think through how
or why a woman wants to emotionally connect.)
Instead, they jump to immediately feeling
frustrated that it's happening... AGAIN. (Which
usually leads to things getting worse, not
better.)
And hey...I get that this would be frustrating
for a woman, who's putting so much of herself into
the relationship, to try and make things better
for him and her.
But there's a better way than becoming
emotionally drained and resisting when a man acts
like this...
So what can a woman do to avoid a man's
"withdrawal response" in the first place to save
them both the trouble?
And how can a woman deal with this,
unfortunately, common situation with men in a
healthy way and get back to an open, loving place
quickly?
I thought you'd never ask...
STEP ONE:
The first step for a woman is to identify how
the man withdraws.
Why?
So she can understand what's going on when it
happens, and not be caught off guard or get
carried away with the fear of not knowing what's
happening.
As strange as it might sound, just knowing more
about how a man withdraws will keep you in a
better emotional and mental state.
Below are a few of the ways men can withdraw
and avoid emotional connection. See if you can
identify with any of these:
-He doesn't listen at all or dismisses what you're
saying because he's distracted, focused on, or
more interested in, something else.
-He gets defensive for no good reason, tries to
argue and turns the table with anything you say,
telling you that you give him too much "drama" and
points out your faults.
-He plays dumb. (And maybe he's not even playing!)
-He immediately responds with irritation and
frustration when you mention the distance between
you, and tells you that you're overreacting.
-He's so wrapped up or stressed by his work or
projects in his life that when you do spend time
together, he's still not really there with you.
And he seems even more irritated when you try to
get him to relax and open up.
-He tries to appease you by acting like he "gets"
what you're talking about, but he doesn't really
listen or take what you have to say to heart. It's
back to the same old guy behavior a few days or
weeks later.
-He has no idea what to do or how to start
communicating with you on the subject, so he
changes the subject or tunes out to avoid talking
about it.
Ok. Now, any of these look familiar?
You might even recognize several.
You might even have one or two of these that
seem to happen over and over.
I want you to realize that these are the
withdrawal behaviors that take place, and I want
you to become aware of how they work.
STEP TWO:
Now, there's another reason for doing all this
that relates just to YOU...
I want you to take out a piece of paper right
now and write down the thoughts that came to mind
as you read this.
First write down, in detail, what it is that
the guy you are with, or your ex, did in the past
to withdraw.
Then, once you've done this, describe how the
distance or withdrawal made you FEEL inside.
I'll give you a minute.
Ok, now that you've got your thoughts down,
there's a second step after identifying how
withdrawal takes place...
Our minds have a tricky and destructive habit
that leads us to make faulty and negative
associations between what happens in the world
around us and the personal meaning we give them
inside.
Let me give you an example...
You probably know people who are convinced that
they have terrible luck, so when anything happens
they think, "Of course, I'm such an unlucky
person..."
These kind of people have a very negative view
of everything that happens to them because they
see themselves as someone to whom only bad things
happen.
I call this "Limiting Beliefs", and we all have
some version of this that fits our own fears and
life experiences.
Right now you're going to identify some of your
own Limiting Beliefs around what it means about
YOU when a man withdraws or acts distant.
That way, you can better understand and make
good choices if it happens with a man again.
Following me?
Good.
So what is the feeling you had when you think
back to when a man withdrew from you?
Picture it in your mind.
Now, take that negative feeling and find the
"internal state" that it created inside you, which
is the general emotional state that you felt.
Realize that the feelings you had, and the
state you were in, were a result of YOUR OWN
BELIEFS about what the man's behavior meant.
But here's the thing...
Our beliefs are NOT often the "reality" of the
situations we're in.
In other words, a man's behavior DOES NOT have
to equal a negative reaction or feeling inside
YOU.
Read that line above again.
Good. Now...think about the negative belief
inside your own head that created the negative
feeling or reaction inside you.
What was that belief?
There might be more than one.
Take several minutes and write it down.
I'll give you another minute...
So here's the whole point. It SOUNDS simple,
but it isn't. It's very powerful...
I want you to try and remain AWARE of the
Limiting Belief that you have, that you have
identified, so you can start to "un-link" the
faulty judgments and reactions that these Limiting
Beliefs will try and make for you subconsciously.
And once that happens you'll start to have your
mind "freed up" to make new, productive choices
that will naturally bring a man closer to you and
make him start connecting with you.
THE CRITICAL "NEXT STEP" TOWARDS IMPROVING YOUR
LOVE LIFE...FOR GOOD
We just did a quick exercise that can bring a
lot of real, positive change to you and any
relationship you have...including a relationship
with a man.
But that's just the first step...the tip of
the iceberg so to speak.
There's a TON more where that came from, and
that's why I want you to take the next step.
KEEP LEARNING.
In my ebook, I talk in specific detail about
the common negative beliefs that most women have
that keep them from having fun, healthy, lasting
relationships with men.
In Chapter 5, I uncover the common positive
beliefs and behaviors of the women that men end up
with, but would never come out and tell you about
for fear of you "using it" on them.
After years of study and observation, I've
found that there's a very specific mindset,
attitude, and belief system that women who
naturally attract men for close, loving, lasting
relationships have...
And that women who seem to have the same
difficult, painful, or troubled relationships
again and again don't have or don't get.
In Chapter 6 of my ebook, there's a section
called "Setting Yourself Apart From Other Women."
In that section I reveal the five specific
emotional "habits" that attract men and have them
asking a woman to connect and commit to them
because they find her SO irresistible.
Go check it out now at the link below.
http://www.CatchHimAndKeepHim.com/e/10082/eBook
You can download the ebook and be reading it
in a couple of minutes.
And best of all, I'm so confident that you'll
love the ebook and that it will truly help you,
that I'll let you try it for free to see if you
like it.
If you don't get every penny's worth and more,
I won't charge you a thing. No questions asked.
And yeah, I know that in this day and age,
there are a lot of scams and tricks online.
I can honestly say that I've been here doing
this for years, I've helped thousands of women,
and receive emails every day with success stories
from women who have changed their love lives for
the better...just by checking out my ebook.
That's why I'm willing to give you my ebook for
free so you can see if you like it before paying a
thing.
All the risk is on me, and there's no better
time than the present.
So go get your copy now.
http://www.CatchHimAndKeepHim.com/e/10082/eBook
Thanks and best of luck in life and love.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
To Kylie, on his 18th
Mood:
 celebratory
Now Playing: Collide by Skillet
Topic: Love
hey kyle andrew, for your 18th birthday i wish you God's richest blessings and above all else, the true power of His love. I guess my fond thoughts of you are all i can give you. My sincere hopes are that you will enjoy an unchanging hope and a promising future in the years to come. I have no extravagant gift that i can Fedex or anything material in which u can find solace. lol. i do love you and just want you to know that i'm thinking of you and still praying for you. i've learned that prayer changes things and I'm trusting Jesus that what i pray into your life now...will be manifested if it His pure and perfect will.
"Father, here is my Kylie. My friend, someone i love and have admired and found to be special to me. Thank you for him. For his roles in my life and the blessing he is (to me). Thank you for granting him 18 healthy years. Lord, continue to manifest your power in his life. Grant him, love, hope, joy, mercy, grace and peace so that he may appreciate these things.
Lord continue to teach Him your will, your word and the fear of all you are. Take him to a place where Your power and presence can continue to transform his mind. Continue to make him into the kind of man you see fit. And continue to place in his heart a desire to know, understand and love you.
Please give him everything that he needs and build your life-giving faith in him. And also be for him the refiner's fire that creates Gold, pure gold. Give him your strength, your power and above all else your Spirit. I pray these things unbiasedly, (although you know how i feel about him) putting aside my affections and my reservations for a moment and simply asking you Father to reveal yourself to and in him.
Finally I entrust his mind, body, spirit to you. For Lord i know that your grace abounds and that my anxities are unfounded, if your spirit's grace is active."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Janine Roper"
To: twighlight_orchid@hotmail.com, qtjessi_thebest1@hotmail.com, hotnicky61@hotmail.com, staizyboo@hotmail.com, mar_sweet_as_sugar@hotmail.com, snovagirljo@hotmail.com, cutie_sueboo@hotmail.com, prettygurl2890@hotmail.com, robfreaky@hotmail.com, badboy4life_350@hotmail.com, moomoo130@hotmail.com, freakydeakyganstah87@hotmail.com
Subject: FW: Fwd: FW: An Interview With GOD!
Date: Sat, 23 Oct 2004 17:11:08 -0500
>From: Valerie Roper
>To: Christina Roper , Janine Roper
>Subject: Fwd: FW: An Interview With GOD!
>Date: Sat, 9 Oct 2004 04:20:46 -0700 (PDT)
>
>
>Note: forwarded message attached.
>
>
> Subject: RE: An Interview With GOD!
>
> Note from original sender:
>
> I believe that within one of these slides there is something for
> everyone there.No one is an island and we all need each other at some
> times in our SHORT life cycle. Just click the Link.
>
Saturday, 25 February 2006
to: mr dilworth
Topic: Love
Hey,
Well, here’s another letter, from your wifey. I can’t stop thinking bout you, so I’ve been constantly writing you. sorry.
Like in general u and I share totally different temperaments. Although I offered our relationship to God and included our temperaments, it’s natural for me to feel concerned and even intimidated by our differences. He gave us both His spirit to mould our personalities and character from glory to glory. To transform our weaknesses by his strength but I still have an acute need to feel secure.
You mean the world to me, and I acknowledge your need to be true to ‘your nature’ but if I’m ever going to really share myself with you, I can’t try to hide my spirit from you.
I need your help to be objective with something. And yes, you’ll need to find time to reply to this. Sorry babe.
INTROVERT/EXTROVERT:
1. In a group do I seem to find it easy to enter into the discussion?
2. Am I a spontaneous quick-talker?
3. Do I seem to consider myself an active person (as opposed to a more deliberative person)?
4. When I get angry, do I seem to ‘explode’ verbally?
5. Does leadership seem to come easily to me?
If at least 4, ‘yes’-extrovert, if ‘no’-introvert.
Extroverts Only: (answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’)
1. Considered as ‘the life of the party’?
2. Easy to make friends?
3. Basically a happy, carefree person?
4. Exploding in anger, is it easy to forget about it later, or is it likely a grudge will be carried?
5. Is it easy to apologize when wrong? or after offending someone?
6. Find it difficult to finish a task/project before taking a new project?
7. Enjoy being with people rather than being alone?
8. Like to please other people?
9. Moved to tears easily by the heartaches of others?
10. Have a real problem with self-discipline, particularly in the area of weight control and handling details?
Introverts Only: (answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’)
1. Have strong perfectionist tendencies?
2. See life as serious most of the time?
3. Get discouraged if work or that of other people does not measure up to your standards?
4. Get annoyed at those who disagree with you?
5. Resent correction?
6. If insulted, rejected or injured, tend to mull it over and occasionally lash out or explode?
7. Ever have feelings of depression or experience black moods?
8. Prefer being alone in contrast to being with people?
9. Often feel that generally people do not understand or do not like ‘you’
10. Prefer to have a project going or something to do as opposed to having nothing to do?
Yea, you don’t have to answer these questions with respect to yourself, but I think that would be interesting 4 us both. I suppose that here is a strange opportunity for us to better ‘get’ each other. Can you answer these questions when considering my personality, using like a bright color. If u want, u can go through it again and have your answers considering yourself, in like navy blue.
Thanks in advance Kyle.
Love, Stace.
June 21, 2005.
me and mr. dilworth
Mood:
 quizzical
Hey babe,
For the past 6 months I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster. Like I know something’s wrong with me but I don’t know how to even begin approaching my issues, to fix them. Maybe I’m just being a hypochondriac or something? Anyway, I kind of miss you still. It’s been difficult trying to build this relationship considering everything. From the distance to other people in our lives and to just keeping it together and holding each other down.
I do love you, despite the fact that some might think I’m faking it all. But I can’t fake these feelings. I realize how risky it is trying to keep this love together because we’re so young but I hope this factor will only benefit us and help us meet life with enthusiasm.
I texted you this morning and realized that too many times I’ve felt spiritually detached from you. I feel narrow-minded saying this but…my security with you has A LOT to do with the relationship with the God we call Father. I love you as you and I find great joy in your being, in your peace of mind and in every victory you have through the Holy Spirit.
I challenge you though, be true NOT to yourself-the whole world does that. But be true to The Lamb Of God-you are called to Mankind’s greatest order, alongside Malshisadeck. We both are accountable to God, a peculiar people, part of a chosen nation.
I feel sort of ‘hopeless’ right now, out of my own human frailty and my blasphemy of doubt. He MUST be my hope and my source. If only I would have the courage and the strength to surrender and crucify my pride.
A day will come when you won’t be able to be there for me. Yea, you’ll always love me though. I know : ) But, “People always say life is full of choices, no one ever mentions fear. Or how the road may seem so vast on this journey called life”
Baby I want you to remember that despite what we go through (and what life sends our way while we’re together or apart), God has only GOOD plans for our lives, plans to give us a hope and a future. We must continue to love Him that we may share in the glory He has in store for us.
I love you Kyle Andrew Dilworth, I now believe in every sense of the word. But don’t let it go to your head. Because, CAREFUL: what is yours today might not be yours tomorrow. The fact remains the same though, this love is real.
Stacey-Ann C. Love
June 13, 2005.
Friday, 24 February 2006
mr. dilworth
Mood:
 sad
Topic: Love
From: "Stacey-Ann Love" To: Kyle Subject: the 4 wks afta my mum died... Date: Wed, 16 Nov 2005 18:09:13 -0500 a whole lot was put into perspective. i felt numb but the pain was still there. i've never missed you so much in my life. i realized that you were one of the relationships that i needed to work on. so i decided that hey, i tried to bridge the gap between us. the gap that i had felt there since as far as i can recall. there was always this piece of the relationship that was missing. so i tried finding it. to no avail. i tried to bridge it with emails, with texts, with calls even with physical intimacy. i dunno. it just neva was filled.i jus felt so dettached from u, in some way or another. wen i sent emails, i felt it was a bother to hav u reply. with texts, i had to b really careful wat i sed to u. with phone calls, that was difficult cuz i hav an (annoying) conceptof needing ur full attention. and wen we would find time too be with each other face to face...or main and only focus was on gettin closer to what we both wanted. i realized, from b4 my mum died that i held u in high esteem. and i cared about u alot. but i kept tryin to evaluate y. cuz somewhere i jus felt like i was bein fake with u. that there was this silent agreement between us both that we would never get too close to the inner most part of the other. i regret not makin that effort to try and truly understand who u are, from the beginning. i suppose my sudden interest was kinda suspicious, intimidating even? i kno how i express myself, and that's thro wat i write. and i tried to get that thro to u. but u seemed to hav no interest for it. and i continued to spill my feelings for u unto pages that i knew u would never read. i tried, but afta awhile i jus got tired of bothering u with the writings in which u were the muse. this distance, created in me a frustration, that was unbearable. and i made choices that i knew only God could c. i jus didn't feel comfortable in my skin as i thought of how u and i were tryin to b healthy teenagers, with health desires in a healthy relationship. i never seeked to fulfill my longings with other guys, cuz i respect u kyle. but there came a point where i felt i was askin too much of myself to hold on to u, and trust u and b physically and emotionally balanced all at the same time. i love you...and i've had mixed feelings about how i really feel about u. but the fact remains the same that i care the world for u, and everyone and everything concerning u. i saw myself bein the girl (becoming a woman) that u loved and respected above all the girls u hav friendships with. but i jus feel now, that at some point i lost the respect that i tried so desperately tried to earn from u. if not lost, that respect broke down. this distance, iritates me. it magnifies ur flaws. i have judged u. i have done u wrong. i have treated you badly. i have not appreciated u, ur love. but kyle please understand that i made a decision that i felt had to be made. i waited 18 weeks to do it. and i only did this, because i felt i had to. forgive me for all the shit i put u thru. and if i ever did anything good by u, hold on to those times so that u dont resent my very existence. His response: ok bosss anyting u felt u needed to do..gud job..enjoy life..all the best
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