Animal Rights
Mood:  hug me
Interviewer: We are here with the scarf lady today. And we are going to ask her, what do you think of animal rights?

Scarflady: I think animals are beautiful creatures. And they should all run free with the scarves and the scarves would cover them and shield them. And they would be pretty too!

Interviewer: That is wonderful. What kind of scarf would you suggest that they wear? Say for a cow, what kind of scarf should a cow wear?

Scarflady: I think a cow should have a human scarf. I think the skin should be peeled off all humans and put on cows instead.

Interviewer: Very, very interesting fashion statement.

Scarflady: Yes. Hannibal Lector I think liked it.

Interviewer: This is very true. I see where your sources come from. You have great respect for the previous fashion statements.

Scarflady: Yes, I have great respect for those.

The Mummy
Interviewer: Scarf Lady, what do you think of The Mummy?

Scarflady: The Mummy? You mean the movie?

Interviewer: I mean the movie.

Scarflady: Do you mean the movie with the man with the good hair, Brendan Fraser?

Interviewer: Oh yes, I mean the man with the good hair.

Scarflady: Yes, he is a hottie, isn't he? And he has good hair. But you know who else is a hottie? The little, oh no, not him. Oh, yes. The Mummy.

Interviewer: Ah.

Scarflady: He wear a loincloth. He ain't got nothing under there. It's like a scarf man.

Interviewer: And then there's Oded.

Scarflady: Ohhhhh. I almost forgot. Oh my god. In that movie I get turned on. I get all hot and sweaty. My scarf just runs.

Interviewer: And he has very scarf like clothes.

Scarflady: Oh, yes, he does. He is a man of the scarf. He and me, we get together.

Pat Green
Mood:  caffeinated
Interviewer: Today we are here with the Scarf Lady and she is going to talk about Pat 'fucking' Green.

Scarflady: I just don't like it. He's got good hair.

Interviewer: Wait, wait, wait. You say you do not like him, but he has good hair?

Scarflady: No. I said I do not like it. I was talking about you.

Interviewer: Oh, I see.

Scarflady: You're sweater it just does not match. The Scarf powers all, especially the hair.

Interviewer: Do you think that Pat Green would look good with a scarf on?

Scarflady: Yes. Over his face, so all you can see is his hair flying wildly around as he jumps around joviantly on stage.

Interviewer: I see.

Scarflady: I don't know what I said, I don't know where I am from, I am so confused.

Interviewer: Alright. Well that was the Scarf Lady talking about Pat 'fucking' Green.

Scarflady: I am the Scarf Lady. Oh shit.