I have recently come to the wonderful country of England from my beautiful homeland of Scotland to—err, for political reasons, not to mention my divine right, after my mother’s cousin died. And a group of large men, from the middle class, are encouraging me to marry; I believe they are a bit desperate since my mother’s cousin never did marry, much to their dismay. I do not mind marrying at all except I have one small problem. I like men—boys to be exact, in fact I have a boy that used to be a page of mine that—never mind. What should I do about my predicament?
Randy for Men
Dear Randy for Men
Well, this is quite a predicament and considering I am a woman I do not now how much help I may be. Although my dear counterpart Agony Uncle suggests bleeding, only the best leaches for the man with divine right! Oh, and I do have a son that is looking for a way to move up in the world! But I should not talk about that now. I suggest that you toughen up and give yourself a child suitable of divine right. This country needs it!
Agony Aunt
š
Dear Agony Aunt
I believe in absolutism! I follow proudly in the footsteps of my noble father, who introduced absolutism to our fair country. Forget the people, it is all about me. But, apparently a certain large group of men from the middle class that think THEY control taxation (how wrong they are!) do not agree on my views and I fear that they might be plotting to kill me. Me! A man of divine right! I fear that they want me beheaded, as it is a popular sport now a days, oh what should I do to keep my head firmly planted between my shoulders!
Absoluter that Fears Beheadation
Dear Absoluter that Fears Beheadation
Considering that my father and my oldest brother are both in the large group of men that believe that have the right of taxation (and how right THEY are!) I suggest that you at least try to conform to their views! It might be safer for your health, after all the royalist army is in no comparison to our army! Oh, and leaches, they’ll help you live longer as well.
Agony Aunt
š
Dear Agony Aunt
Woe is me! My husband does not truly love me! I should have known before, after all he was—is—quite smitten with a certain lady that he ‘says’ is just his friend. And also, how long can someone declare themselves a ‘virgin’ after so many years especially when she was so close to my dear husband? I think she is hiding behind her divine right. Oh Agony Aunt, what ever should I do? My husband keeps me here in this house that is so far from court, I long to be at court! But I know he does not wish me to know, even though I really DO know, that he is having an affair with HER! Oh what should I do?
Randy but Depressed
Dear Randy but Depressed
Speaking of the lady with divine right, my grandfather has a wonderful little monopoly on dying wool! Our family has never seen so much money before! I suggest some leeches for your depression, it works wonders. I also think that you should feel honored that your husband is in such high graces with the lady of divine right! She is so much kinder than her older sister! And be careful on stairs!
Agony Aunt
