The next several weeks were more than difficult on everyone. Dale especially, he couldn’t race and had to have Martin run the next couple of races for him, only running a few laps himself. Dale was emotionally more drained now than before the wreck. He and Michael were back together but with the severity of his injuries they couldn’t be together the way Dale truly wanted to be and he couldn’t help but think that something had changed between them. Dale thought it was almost as if Michael was just waiting for him to mess up again.
"So you want to explain to me what is really going on?" DW said eyeing his lil brother.
"What are you talking about?"
"There are some weird things going on in the DEI camp and they all seem to revolve around you and Junior."
Michael sighed he had managed to put this off for so long he knew he couldn’t wait any longer. "It is the same reason I had to go to Sonoma."
DW waited for him to continue, when he didn’t. "Yeah."
"Me and Junior."
Again silence. "You and Dale what?"
"Are, I love him." Michael said so quickly DW wasn’t sure he had heard him correctly.
"What are you talking about? Yeah, he’s like a part of the family, we’ve watched him grow up…"
"No, I love him," He paused. "like I loved Buffy."
DW looked at him confused for a moment then as the shock settled in his eyes grew wide. "Oh, what, oh, fuck."
Several minutes of silence passed between them. "Darrell please say something."
DW looked up at Michael from the edge of the couch where he sat to keep from falling. "How in the hell did this happen?"
"I don’t know, it started back in Daytona in 2001."
DW stood raising his voice. "What that was over three years ago. Did Dale know about this?"
"No it started at the Pepsi 400. It was a one time thing, we had gone to the track for the first time since Dale’s death and it just sort of happened."
"Shit like this doesn’t just sort of happen. Buffy was still alive."
"She found out just days before she died."
"She knew?"
"Yes, and she gave me her blessing in the hospital that night, just before she died. It was never suppose to end up like this, it should have just been one night."
"Then stop it."
"We have several times but we just can’t. We weren’t together when I went to Sonoma, we got back together then but…"
"But what?"
"Things are different. I don’t know."
"Who all knows about this?" Michael looked away. "Well then, guess I’m not the first to find out."
"No, Kelly was the first. Then all hell broke out at the holidays last year and everyone else found out."
"Everyone who?"
"Teresa, Pops, Martha, Brenda, Tony Jr., Jade, Taylor. Then Caity found out later. " He was tempted to tell him a few drivers knew but couldn’t chance him finding out about them.
"Your kids know?"
"Just Caitlyn." Michael looked at the blank wall. It hadn’t gone unnoticed that he hadn’t given his blessing or told him it was all right.
"God Mikey. Does mom know?"
"No, and she won’t, I don’t know how she’d react and I won’t chance it. So many people hate me now." He added quietly.
Darrel looked at him. Noticing the years he didn’t remember noticing before. "She would never hate you."
"How about you?"
"I don’t hate you Mikey, I never will. I don’t understand this…"
"I know and you don’t have to."
"You’re my brother, I love you." Silence fell between them again. "You know I always worried about you after Buffy died being alone so much, guess I now understand how you did it , you weren’t alone; and that explains why he was at the hospital that night."
Mike frowned remembering everything that happened right after Buffy had died. "You don’t even know. I guarantee I wouldn’t be racing today if it weren’t for him, I started self destructing that Christmas, wouldn’t let anyone in, told Teresa I quit. Dale stepped in and let me…I took it out on him and I shouldn’t have, I’ll never forgive myself for that."
DW looked at Michael. "You quit DEI? What aren’t you telling me?"
Michael met his stare. "There is just so much that has happened."
"Mikey?"
"I just don’t really want to rehash it all right now."
DW watched Michael closely something was bothering him. This definitely explained a lot of the weird things that had seemed to be going on over the years. He worried about his baby brother but knew better than to push right now, anyway he wasn’t sure he could handle anymore information just yet. They sat in silence for several minutes, both their minds a million miles away.
By the time Bristol rolled back around everyone needed a spark to relight the fire of the season. The championship was slipping away quickly and no one was sure the season could be salvaged, including Dale.
Michael stopped Dale at the door of the coach. "How you feeling today?" He asked pulling Dale into his arms.
"Good. Why?" Dale looked up at him relishing the warmth of his body.
"Just wanted to make sure you were feeling ok after that win yesterday." Michael smirked pulling Dale closer.
"Yeah well it was just Busch, if only…"
"Hey, this is the turn around you are looking for, the season isn’t over."
Dale smiled up at Michael. "I hope you are right. I love you."
"I love you too Junebug." He kissed him quickly then ushered him out the door to pit road.
Later that evening back in the comfort of Dale’s bed he pulled Michael’s head to his capturing his lips in a celebratory kiss. "I told you this was your weekend baby."
"I fucking won Bristol." Michael couldn’t help but smile at the stupid grin still on Dale’s face. Dale had plans on how he wanted to celebrate his victory. He pulled Michael over so he was completely covering his body and as Dale flinched from Michaels weight resting on his thighs, Michael pushed off him quickly. "Mikey, no, please don‘t. I need you so bad."
"Dale you are still injured, I know you feel better but you aren’t ready for this yet. We could seriously hurt you if we don‘t let those burns heal." He pulled Dale into his arms. "Don’t worry, in time baby."
Dale clung to Michael’s arms, it had been almost 4 months since they had last made love and Dale was suddenly feeling like all the time in the world wouldn’t be enough.
"Look I’m just saying…"
"Steve don’t. I know how you feel about him but you know how I feel about him."
"Yes I do Michael, and I’m not saying he deserved it. God I care about that kid more than anyone gives me credit for. His dad was one of my good friends and Junior is like a brother to me, well, at least he use to be, I would never want him to get hurt like he did but do I think he deserves you? No. He hasn’t treated you right for a long time. He isn’t going to change, not because of this."
Michael sighed half out of the fact that he knew Steve was right. "I know you are just watching out for me but we have put all that behind us, it’s time to move on."
"Have you, really?"
"Have I what?"
"I don’t think you have put this behind you." Michael rolled his eyes. "Listen to me. You are continuously looking for him to screw up. Watching every interview, keeping tabs on him and Martin, you are just waiting for him to hurt you again." Michael was silent. "Look me in the eye and tell me you aren’t, I‘ll give you my blessing and let you live happily ever after; if you think you can."
Michael looked at Steve but didn’t say a word, instead he just turned in the direction of the garages watching Dale walk beside Martin. As their eyes met neither man could shake the bad feeling they had seeing the other with their current companions.
Michael watched the interview again from the privacy of his home. How could he have said it? God Steve was right, it wasn’t all behind them. They tried to pretend that it was but….
"Mike you here?"
Mike looked towards the living room where he heard Dale’s voice and sighed. This wasn’t going to be easy but he knew what he had to do. "Yeah in the den"
Dale slowly made his way into the other room. "Hey." He glanced at the tv. "What’s up?"
"Don’t."
Dale was quiet for a moment. "Don’t what?" He asked innocently making his way to where Michael sat on the couch.
"You know I love you right?"
Dale’s brow raised. "Of course."
"Know I’d do just about anything for you?"
"Yeah." Dale sat next to him.
"Know you mean more to me than anyone ever has besides Buffy and the girls?"
"Mike, where is this going?"
"How could you tell the press that I was like an uncle to you, just a friend of your dads?" He emphasized the word just.
"I didn’t mean…
"Dale I think you said exactly what you mean, you just didn’t realize how you really felt."
"Mikey." Dale reached for him.
Mike stood and walked away from him and to the window. Staring out he didn’t turn to Dale as he spoke. "You know you’re father was my best friend. I loved him like I love my own brother." Dale was silent as he listened. "But over the past few years if someone asked me I’d have to say I have a new best friend, a new confidant, someone that filled the void that his death left. That someone is you. I sure as hell don’t look at you like the punk kid of my best friend, not my nephew, my best friend."
Dale didn’t know what to say. He was right. He could have said they were friends but he didn’t even say that. Instead he implied that they didn’t even have a friendly relationship. Dale was silent as he walked to where Mike still stood staring out the window. He slowly wrapped his arms around Mike’s waist and rested his cheek against his back. Mike’s hand came up to cover Dale’s as they stood there in silence. "This isn’t working is it?" Dale choked on the words. He never thought that something that seemed so trivial would come between them. Although, he saw where Mike was coming from and it really wasn’t that trivial.
"No." Michael said just above a whisper. "God I wish it was but…"
"I know." Dale took a deep breath. "I am sorry Mikey and I do love you, I always will. I pray you know that."
Michael nodded. "I know."
Dale slowly turned his hand taking Michael’s in his and squeezing it gently. "I’m going to go." Michael just nodded as he felt Dale hug him tighter from behind. Then just like that the warmth of his body was gone.
Michael inhaled sharply wanting to turn, wanting to stop him but he let him leave, let him walk out of his life. He watched from the window as Dale got into his truck and sat staring back at him for a moment before starting the engine and backing out of the driveway. "Bye June."
CHAPTER 8
The end of the season came slowly to both Dale and Michael who had spent as little time together as they possibly could get away with. It was just too hard for them to be around the other and to make matters worse Michael had noticed a change to Dale’s attitude during the last few races. He was angry and Michael wasn’t about to call him on it. He had every right to be, hell Michael was angry. Their lives had been totally turned upside down this season and it cost them the one that seemed to really matter to each of them. He was glad that the off season was here and they could spend some time apart maybe when the season started back up things would be different.
It was early December and Michael had stopped by the shop to pick up a few things before he and the girls headed out for a well deserved vacation. When Teresa had asked him to stop by her office he never imagined what he was about to hear. "What the hell is going on? First Slugger, now this, I’m beginning to see why he so desperately wanted out of this company." Michael bitched as he stood and turned to the window staring down into what use to be the 15 shop but was now the 8. Tony Jr. was his new crew chief? Tony Sr. was in charge. God help him, he was screwed. "And you said you were ok with all this, seems like a vengeful move to me." Michael spat at Teresa.
"Mikey please don’t." Michael spun on his heel to face Dale. He hadn’t heard that word from that mouth in months. "It was my idea not hers. They just all agreed it was worth a try."
"You hate me that much now Dale? You know how they feel about me, have always felt about me. This can’t be good for me and what the hell….Oh forget it. Merry fucking Christmas." He threw his arms in the air and didn’t wait for a response, he headed straight out of the shop towards his car.
"Shit." Dale ran from the room down the hall catching him just before he stepped outside. Grabbing his hand he pulled him back to a stop. Michael stopped looking at their hands, a flood of memories rushing through his mind at the touch. "Please let me explain." Dale’s eyes pleaded with him.
Michael pulled his hand away. He couldn’t take the feelings that Dale’s touch still produced in him. "You have 5 minutes."
Dale turned and headed to a private conference room that wasn’t being used and stopped, holding the door for Michael. "Please, we need to be alone."
Michael followed but refused to sit. "You’re down to 4."
Dale frowned. "Mikey, I’m sorry, I should have told you about all this ahead of time. It really had nothing to do with you. Tony and I haven’t been getting along for a while. I think Pops is still trying to convince him that we are evil or something, we are all fighting about every little thing; and yes it all goes back to everything that happened this year." Michael stared at Dale unmoving. "I can’t deal with them anymore."
"So you give him to me? Not selfish at all." Michael mocked.
"No, it wasn’t like that, I, we, shit." Dale took a deep breath. "We are switching the whole crews, shops, radio numbers, everything." Michael’s eyebrows raised. "Teresa wanted to shake things up and Tony Jr. is a professional, he may not be your biggest fan but he will do his job. I can’t work with Pops anymore not after everything that happened and Tony Jr. is just like me and we fight." Dale stepped closer to Michael. "You have to believe me, I think this is the best thing for you. I’m trying to keep you here, with DEI. God Michael, I don’t hate you, I never could. I already lost you I know, I fucked up but I’m trying to fix that. It just seems that I always make matters worse when I do try to fix them." Dale was beaten, he sank down into a chair and dropped his head to his hands.
Michael stared at him, his heart went out to him but he was still pissed. After several minutes of an uneasy silence Michael sat next to Dale. He had to say something but he didn’t know what that something was.
"I still love you."
Michael choked on Dale’s words. "What?" He whispered.
Dale slowly raised his head to meet Michael’s stare. If he was going to do this he had to be man enough to do it. "I still love you, I always have, you told me once that love like that doesn’t just go away. It kills me to know the pain I caused you this year, God when everything was going our way I destroyed it. I do that a lot don’t I?"
"No, no you don’t. You aren’t the only one to blame here."
"Don’t."
"What?"
"Don’t turn this around on you like you always do? You always take the blame for everything that happens, not everything is your fault. Kelly told me what you said in the hospital, daddy’s death was not in any way your fault and you have to stop doing this to yourself. He loved you like a brother, he had confidence in you and so do I. I know I don’t show it often and that’s probably cause I don’t know how. I did this, I caused this pain between us, just let me be the bad guy here."
Michael sighed deeply. "I don’t want you to be the bad guy." Michael stood. "I don’t want there to be a bad guy. I want my June back." He stopped directly behind Dale placing his hand on his shoulder and squeezing gently. "I just don’t know that getting what I want this time is a good idea. Tell Teresa I’m sorry for earlier."
"Where are you going?"
"I need to think, be alone." He walked to the door and opened it. Dale never turned, he stared at the cherry wood table in front of him. "I still love you too."
Dale turned quickly to see if he had heard right but only found an empty doorway.
CHAPTER 9
"Why not? We love each other, you said that the other day, it has to be enough." Dale’s voice rose. "You don’t know how miserable I’ve been without you." Dale sat on the couch feeling defeated.
"Yes I do." Michael turned and walked away from him. He hated seeing him hurt no matter what he’d done to deserve it. "I’ve been just as miserable."
"Then why can’t we…" Dale started hopefully.
"June there is so much more for you out there."
"Like what? There’s nothing without you." He was getting angry now. Michael was just being stubborn.
"I saw the interest on your face back in Daytona when you thought of Matt." Dale looked away, sure it was an intriguing thought. They had been friends for so long but… "Or Martin."
Michael was silent allowing the name to hang in the air between them as it had so many times before. Dale stood quickly. "Don’t bring him into this. He doesn’t even know about all this." He turned his back to Michael trying to hide his true feelings.
Michael smiled faintly. "He’s known since Sonoma." Dale turned to him shock in his eyes. "He didn’t want you to know, he was scared you’d act different around him if you knew. And yet he‘s been different to you since the wreck. Closer somehow, I‘ve watched it for months."
"He doesn’t care?" He whispered.
"No June, of course he doesn’t. He cares about you. You know that as well as I do. You would be good for each other, hell you‘re already better for each other than we ever were."
"He isn’t in to that kind of thing and…"
"Neither were you at one time."
Dale forcefully shook his head. "It doesn’t matter, they aren’t you. I love you. I thought you loved me?" The tears finally started to flow and even though Michael knew this was the truth and it had to be done it still hurt.
"Oh baby." Michael finally pulled Dale into his arms. "I do love you, so much, but this isn’t healthy for either of us. Too much has happened." He gently stroked Dales back trying to sooth the younger man. "You have become such an amazing man from the kid I use to know and I don’t regret a single second I ever spent with you but you know this is the right thing to do. I know you feel it too." Michael breathed in the shampoo and Drakar mixture that was Dale. "Maybe someday the road will lead back to us and we’ll be ready but we can’t live unhappy today for what may never happen tomorrow."
The room was silent except for the occasional sob or sniffle from Dale. Michael knew he was getting to him, forcing him to realize what he already knew.
Or so he thought.
Dales arms slowly moved up and around Michael’s neck and he felt Dale’s tongue slide up next to his ear. This one movement sent a heat and need throughout Michael that was quickly boiling over. Michael pulled his arms from his neck and pushed away slightly. "Junior"
"Mikey please. Just once more. God, it’s been so long since I felt you next to me. I need you. I swear I’ll let you go tomorrow. Stay tonight, I just need." He choked on his own words. "I need you to love me once more. Please."
It had been too long, over six months. Michael knew this was wrong, it wouldn’t help, hell it would probably hurt even more but…
Michael watched as Dale stepped closer. To feel him. Let him nibble on his bottom lip. To taste him. Dale walked them backwards to the bedroom breaking the kiss only to tug at their clothing along the way. Michael needed this just as bad.
Both men were naked when Dale’s knees hit the edge of the bed and he sat pulling Michael with him. Michael went down on one knee as Dale scooted back farther up the bed. He bent down sucking on the tender flesh around his collarbone. Dale’s hands slid down Michael’s back till they were massaging the muscles that ran from his thighs to his ass. Dale suddenly pulled forward so Michael came down covering his body completely. Neither spoke a word as they continued exploring each other as though it were for the first time.
Maybe they were trying to etch the other into their own mind, memory, or soul, what ever it was made every touch, every taste, every sensation more powerful than the next.
Michael slowed, his fingers tracing the scars covering Dale’s thighs, a sad look in his eyes. "I’m ok."
Michael nodded. "I know, it’s just, God." Michael dropped his mouth to kiss the scars then finally pushed himself up to his knees gently pushing on Dale’s hip to roll him to his stomach. Dale didn’t budge.
"No Mikey, not tonight. I want to see you." Michael closed his eyes, this was going to hurt a lot more than he imagined.
He didn’t allow his gaze to fall anywhere but on Dale’s pain filled expression as he started pressing into him. They moaned in unison and could feel every fiber of the others being…body, mind, and soul. For one last time they were truly one again and both would walk away from the night with a little of the other with them for always.
"I love you Mikey." Dale whispered as Michael quickened the pace bringing them both to the edge of ecstasy.
As Michael collapsed down on top of Dale’s limp body he couldn’t hold back his own tears as Dale’s rained down on his shoulder. "I love you too June…forever."
All my bags are packed
I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin'
It's early morn
The taxi's waitin'
He's blowin' his horn
Already i'm so lonesome
I could die
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
??cause i'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when i'll be back again
Oh babe, i hate to go
Michael held Dale long after he had fallen asleep just watching his chest rise and fall with every breath. His heart hurt but he knew if he didn’t walk away right now they would both self destruct. He quickly and quietly dressed, the last thing he wanted was for Dale to wake up. He couldn’t go through this twice.
There's so many times i've let you down
So many times i've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Ev'ry place i go, i'll think of you
Ev'ry song i sing, i'll sing for you
When i come back, i'll bring your wedding ring
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
??cause i'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when i'll be back again
Oh babe, i hate to go
He leaned over Dale pulling the covers around him and kissing him gently one last time. He wiped a tear away as he climbed into his truck the irony of something he knew to be right feeling so wrong not lost on him. He backed down the long drive taking one final look at the house. "Someday June, someday."
Now the time has come to leave you
One more time
Let me kiss you
Then close your eyes
I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When i won't have to leave alone
About the times, i won't have to say
Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
cause i'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when i'll be back again
Oh babe, i hate to go