Remember when I was young and so were you
And time stood still and love was all we knew
You were the first, so was I
We made love and then you cried
Remember when
Remember when we vowed the vows and walked the walk
Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard
We lived and learned, life threw curves
There was joy, there was hurt
Remember when
As the Alan Jackson song came through the funeral home speakers, Dale sat and stared at the open casket and even on this day where he would do the hardest thing he ever had to do in his life; he couldn’t help but smile. Even in death, she was still as beautiful as she was the day he first told her he loved her, some fifty years ago.
"Jazz, I can’t do this anymore." Dale said quietly not meeting her stare, his mouth was dry and he wasn't even sure he was doing the right thing.
Jasmine looked up at him from the couch where she sat confused. "Can’t do what June?" She sat the magazine to the side. "What are you talking about?"
"I don’t think I can be your friend anymore." He still wouldn’t look at her, he knew she didn’t understand but his heart was breaking and he couldn’t go on like this anymore. Something had to give, if it didn’t it would be his sanity.
She would have thought he was joking but the tone in his voice told her different. Her eyes filled with tears. What did he mean? They had been best friends for over a year since a chance meeting involving a thunderstorm and a flat tire. The connection was there from the moment they said hello and she thought they would be friends forever. "I don’t understand." She said as the tears slipped down her cheeks.
He heard the pain in her voice, heard the tears before he saw them and it killed him to hurt her like this. He slowly turned and knelt in front of her. "We have always been there for each other, we know the other one like we know ourselves. I feel like I have known you all my life not just a year." She looked at him completely lost. "We know each others deepest darkest secrets." He wiped the tears off her cheeks. "Well, maybe not all our secrets. Jazz, I don’t want to lose you but it just hurts too much."
"What? What hurts? June, you are scaring me."
He half smiled at her. "I have listened to you berate yourself because of the men that have left you. You always thought it was your fault, you never saw how amazing you really are." He pulled her hands into his and held them at his chest. "You can tell me I am crazy, you can walk away from me, or you can tell me you feel the same way, just do whatever is in your heart. I love you, not in the best friend type of way but in the I want to hold you, kiss you, make love to you, spend forever with you. I don’t know how you feel, I sometimes think that maybe you could feel it, but other times I don’t think you could ever love me like this." He searched her face for some recognition that this was registering in her brain. "I am walking out that door, if you feel the same, come get me. Otherwise," He took a deep breath. "This is goodbye. I know you are surprised and don’t quite get where all this is coming from but it kills me to be this close to you and to not have you. I love you Jasmine."
She watched as he kissed her forehead, stood and walked out the door. She sat there disbelieving what had just happened. When did this happen, how did this happen? Was he seriously leaving her for good?
Dale sat on her front step for several minutes before standing and looking back at her closed door. Wiping a single tear that slid down his cheek off he made his way to his truck. He looked back towards the house one last time, leaving her like this seemed so wrong but his heart couldn’t go on like this. He started the engine and slowly backed out of the driveway. That’s when he heard her. "Dale! Dale please stop." He looked to see her running towards the truck and he quickly put it in park and opened the door. As he stepped out of the truck she threw herself into his arms. "I love you too…" was all he heard before his lips were on hers.
Remember when old ones died and new were born
And life was changed, disassembled, rearranged
We came together, fell apart
And broke each other's hearts
Remember when
He watched as his loved ones stopped by her casket to pay respect and say goodbye. He had buried so many people in his 85 years, parents, friends, siblings, even one of his children. Today was the worst of all those. He had made it through those because of her so who would get him through this. He wondered how he could have ever been so stupid to think he could have lived his life without her.
He sat in their booth, at their place, waiting. Waiting to divide all their earthly belongings. The mess Jeff went through with Brooke years ago flashed through his head. Jasmine always swore she wouldn’t want anything, of course she always swore they would be together forever. When it came down to it he knew she would want something. Money. A house. A plane. Part of the business. Cars.
She sat down quietly. She knew why she was there, he wanted to figure out who got what. What she wanted. She had thought long and hard on this for the couple of months that they had been separated. "Hi." She said timidly.
"Hey." He slid a napkin towards her. "I don’t want to fight over any of this. Just let me know what you want."
She looked at him, the new lines that had formed over the past 5 years, the stress of the past 3 months leaving their luggage under his eyes. She grabbed a pen out of her purse, still not believing he could be this stupid. She wrote her list out and slid it back to him. "What do I want?" She looked up into those eyes and smiled. "The same thing I ever wanted, I want what I wanted the day I said ‘I do‘." She stood and turned from the table and left him sitting there with the list and the unsigned divorce papers.
He unfolded the napkin and slowly read through what she had written.
For us to talk to each other the way we did when we were best friends.
To be there for each other and support one another, no matter what.
To hold onto the happiness that is in my heart every time I look at you, even right now.
A little less time for the rest of the world and more time for us.
For you to tell me you love me and not just assume I know.
A little spontaneity, not just this routine we are stuck in.
For you to look into your heart and be honest with both it and me. Don’t run and hide from it anymore.
I want the man that I married back. The husband and man I love more than life itself.
Dale wiped the tears that fell down his cheeks away. He reread the list at least a dozen times. He did love her still, he always had, always would. He looked at the divorce papers and picked them up, suddenly realizing what his life was all about, what he wanted, what he needed. He shredded the papers and ran out of the diner. He knew where he belonged and would do anything he had to in order to stay there.
Remember when the sound of little feet was the music
We danced to week to week
Brought back the love, we found trust
Vowed we'd never give up
Remember when
His life had been very blessed, 2 Busch and 5 Cup Championships as a driver, 1 Busch and 3 Cup Championships as an owner. His oldest grandson had recently taken over control of Chance 2 so that Dale’s eldest son could take over the helm at DEI. Dale and Jasmine got a later start at the family than the rest of their friends but still had 4 children of their own, 7 grandkids and 3 great grandkids, with a fourth on the way.
He saw his kids watching him out of the corner of his eye and knew they were worried about him. He also knew they should be, he hated it but he knew his time left on Earth was short but in all honesty, he didn’t want to stay here without her. His health was failing, but mainly he was already lonely. They were to be together forever and they had been. Married for 52 years but now she was gone and that wasn’t part of their plan. He hated that his kids had to worry about him so much and he hated that he wasn’t as independent as he use to be. He never had liked being dependent on anyone.
As his 4 year old great grandson, Hunter, climbed onto his lap he smiled. It seemed just like yesterday that he was starting this family that gathered around him now.
Dale dodged the rain as he ran to his coach. No practice, qualifying would probably be cancelled next. "Damn rain, now what do I do? Stuck inside all day."
She knew how much he hated rain at the track but it was the first chance they had to be alone since getting back together. He walked into the kitchen to find her standing in front of the sink in nothing but her panties and his Budweiser jacket. His eyes slowly scanned her body as he stood frozen in one place. As his eyes finally made it too hers neither of them could stop grinning.
He carried her back to the bedroom and as he laid her down on the bed and removed the jacket he noticed the roundness of her belly for the first time. He ran his hand over it as his eyes shot to her face. "Jasmine?"
"4 months."
"Why didn’t you tell me?"
She ran her hand down his cheek. "You are going to be a great father and you would have been whether we were together or not. That was never in question but what I wanted was for you to come back to me, for me, to be a husband."
He kissed her and they spent the rest of the afternoon making up for lost time rekindling the passion that had been lost on them for the past several months. She woke up later in the evening her neck wet from his tears. She realized then that it was the first time she had ever seen him cry. She rolled over in his arms to face him. "Dale?"
His hands rested on her stomach. "How could I have been so stupid? I almost gave up all of this." He was realizing just how much he had neglected over the past 5 years and how much he had to lose.
"But you didn’t." She ran her hands down his tear streaked face. "You are here, with me, right where we both belong."
"I do love you and I know I got lost over the past few years but I never stopped loving you."
"Dale Jr. I will always find you. No matter how lost you get, I will always lead you back home. I know in my heart that we are meant to be together forever. I will love you until the day that I die and even beyond that."
Remember when thirty something seemed old
Now lookin' back, it's just a steppin' stone
To where we are, where we've been
Said we'd do it all again
Remember when
As the song ended Dale realized other than himself, his kids and a few grandkids everyone had pretty much left. He watched the littlest of the great grandkids run around not aware of where they were or what was happening. He watched as they played with some toy cars on the floor. It was then that he realized that their innocence and the family that his own grandfather had started all those years ago would carry on and that the Earnhardt legacy was in good hands.
Remember when we said when we turned gray
When the children grow up and move away
We won't be sad, we'll be glad
For all the life we've had
And we'll remember when
Dale looked to his wife laying in the black marble box in front of him, that was his life. The races, the business, the money, all of that would have meant nothing for all those years had it not been for her. Even though he almost gave her up, there wasn’t too much of his life that he regretted. Even his screw ups had meaning, cause it brought him the life that surrounded him now.
"Daddy? We need to get going."
He smiled at his daughter then looked to his granddaughter and her rounded belly. "Have you picked names yet?"
She looked at him and sat next to him placing his hand on her belly as the baby kicked. "Well, we aren’t finding out the sex of the baby, but if it’s a girl we are thinking Ali." She took a breath and smiled at him. "and if it’s a boy we were thinking of heading back to a tradition that has been lost over the years."
"What’s that?" He felt the baby kick again.
"We were thinking of naming him Ralph Dale the third. Is that ok?"
"It’s perfect."
"Daddy you ready to go?"
Dale looked from his family back to his wife, smiling. "Yeah, I am."
Remember when
Remember when
Songs used in this fic...
Alan Jackson's Remember When
I Can't Be Your Friend Anymore
This might come as quite a shock
But I’ve given it a lot of thought
This thing that’s come between us can’t be ignored
I’ve taken all I can and this its where its gotta end
Cuz I can’t be your friend anymore
And I can’t be accused of not being there for you
How many nights have you showed up at my door
I hope you understand that this wasn’t in my plan
But I can’t be your friend anymore
And its killing me to know you
Without having the chance to hold you
And all I wanna do is show you how I really feel inside
You can run to me you can laugh at me or you can walk right out that door
But I can’t be your friend anymore
So baby now its up to you
Do I win or do I lose
Will my heart fly or lay broken on the floor
Well take me as I am
Cuz I wanna be your man
But I can’t be your friend anymore
And its killing me to know you
Without having the chance to hold you
And all I wanna do is show you how I really feel inside
You can run to me you can laugh at me or you can walk right out that door
But I can’t be your friend anymore
We can’t be just friends anymore
Honesty
He said: "Just think it over, and write me a list,
"So we can figure out what we both deserve."
She hardly could believe it, that their love had come to this:
Dividing an' deciding his and hers.
But she grabbed a paper napkin, an' asked the waitress for a pen.
An' one by one, she wrote down what she wanted most from him.
"Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust.
"A little less time for the rest of the world,
And more for the two of us.
"Kisses each mornin', 'I love you's' at night,
"Just like it used to be.
"The way life was when you were in love with me."
She reached across the table an' placed it in his hand,
An' said: "You know this isn't easy for me."
As he thought about the new car, the house an' the land,
An' wondered what that bottom line would be.
An' a thousand other things that she'd want him to leave behind,
But he never dreamed he'd open up that napkin and find:
"Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust.
"A little less time for the rest of the world,
"And more for the two of us.
"Kisses each mornin', 'I love you's' at night,
"Just like it used to be.
"The way life was when you were in love with me."
Well, he fought back the tears, as he looked in her eyes,
An' said: "I don't know where to start."
An' she said: "Everything on that list in your hand,
"Is hidden somewhere in your heart.
"Honesty, sincerity, just like it used to be.
"The way life was when you were in love with me."
Somewhere Other Than The Night
He could see the storm clouds rollin’ across the hill
He barely beat the rain in from the field
And between the backdoor slammin she heard
Him say
"damn this rain and damn this wasted day"
But shed been waiting for this day for oh so long
She was standin in the kitchen with nothin but her
Apron on
And in disbelief he stood and he stared awhile
When their eyes met they both began to smile
(chorus)
Somewhere other than the night
She needs to hear I love you
Somewhere other than the night
She needs to know you care
She wants to know she’s needed
And she needs to be held tight
Some where other than the night
They spent the day wrapped up in a blanket
On the front porch swing
He’d come to realize he’d neglected certain things
And there are times she feels alone even by his sided
It was the first time she ever saw him cry
(chorus)
To know she’s needed
She needs to be held tight
Somewhere other than the night