View my GuestbookJuly 2001, Daytona Motorspeedway
"Sandy, the fireworks are hailin' over little Eden tonight...."-B. Springsteen, "4th of July, Asbury Park.
I thought I'd never be able to look at this place again. It's only been about five months since the last race here left a void in my life that I don't know if anything's ever gonna fill that space left by his passing. The minute I drove through that tunnel, I wanted to run away; to sit down and bawl like a baby but how would that look? I’m supposed to be the same tower of strength he was but when is it going to occur to the masses that I’m not my father. Since the day we laid him to rest, I haven’t had one moment to myself-not one moment to grieve and come to terms with this. I can't even move this weekend without a circus around me. How would he feel if he knew I was still aching to say the things I never could to his face? How would he feel knowing I can't handle this anymore? I want to just run my race, get it over with and find some peace. But it ain’t gonna happen-not here and definitely not this race. Besides Teresa, there's only one other person in this whole goddamn world that understands what I'm going through as I stare at those towering banks and the wall that took my father out of this world.
My throat is so tight I can’t even swallow as I look over at my teammate Michael. My heart aches when I think that his first Cup victory is forever tainted with tragedy. When I think about the day that our lives were turned upside-down and how he spent hours isolating himself at the track while family and friends were at the hospital, I can’t even begin to comprehend how much pain he was in. Much, much later that evening, I found him alone, still in the Napa garage except for his confetti-festooned car. Rising from the toolbox that he had been sitting on, he wordlessly wrapped me in his arms while I sobbed like my soul had just been ripped out. It felt so good, sheltered in his embrace-I’m not ashamed to say I didn’t want it to end.
Me and Michael go back a long way. He was one of Daddy’s best friends-almost an “adopted” little brother. Dad loved him like family and he’s always been there for me. From helping me with my homework when I was a kid to being the only one who would listen to me when nobody else gave a shit. There was always Michael. I’ve always wanted to be closer to him but could never understand exactly what it was about him or if there was just something out there that I was too scared to acknowledge because I was afraid of what Dad would think. But that night after the 500 as he held me so tightly I could feel his heart beating, I knew with certain clarity what those feelings were all about and it scared the hell out of me. I was in love with him.
I couldn’t torture myself with wondering if he knew how deep my feelings for him were. In this business where rumors could drive the sponsors away and effectively destroy a driver’s career, I decided to bury those emotions deep within myself but now here we were again at Daytona and I felt my grip on my emotions slowly slipping away. As we gathered on standby at the driver’s introduction ceremony, he glanced over at me and there was a moment when our gazes locked. It was an unmistakable look of longing and confusion. I closed my eyes and begged the gods for strength to get me through this ordeal. I opened my eyes again and even though his wife was standing beside him, our gazes locked once more and this time a bare trace of a smile curled at the corner of his lips. He knew.
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One lap to go.....
I'm looking in the review mirror as the white flag is waving-I can see that big, blue and gold hood of Michael's car as we head for one more lap. He gets close enough to get a good run and pass me, but something is holding him back. He could use this win-but this is for Daddy. He shadows me to the end and as soon as I'm out of my car, he's right beside me with the 15. Now we're both on the roof of his car like a pair of loons-like kings of the fuckin' world! I look in his tired, elated eyes and the silly grin that's splitting his face and I just want to lay him down. I was drenched by his sweat as I buried my face in his neck. Impulsively, I gave him a quick kiss and quickly tousled his hair. He pulled back, still smiling broadly; his eyes speaking more than words could ever convey. We stood arm-in-arm with our fists raised in triumph. Finally, I dove into the arms of my crew and with a quick wave to the crowd, Michael made his way back to his hauler, while I had to endure the customary post-race rituals. All in all, it was the beginning of an unforgettable evening. Overhead, the fireworks exploded as the speedway became a little piece of paradise on earth. I looked over at the Napa hauler knowing that the secret to finding my own nirvana could be found in his eyes alone.
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I was finally free of reporters, crew and well-wishers as I made my way down the row of haulers. I had a feeling he wasn’t even there but the crew was still packing things away.
“Junior!!” hollered his jackman, “Great run, dude!”
“Yeah..thanks-you seen Michael?”
“Yup-he’s still in the lounge...” I walked in and he was just hanging up his sweat-encrusted firesuit. He grinned when he saw me standing in the doorway, “Hey bud!”
“Hey yourself-say..if you ain’t doin’ anything, wanna head over to my coach for a nightcap?” I was waiting for the usual answer-after all, it was late and I expected him to pretty much call it a day and head for his own coach. Instead, he arched his eyebrows and smiled warmly, “Sounds like a plan to me-night’s still young, bro..”
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“You can use my shower if you want.” I hollered as I grabbed a couple of cold Clydesdales out of the fridge. “I’ve got an extra one in the spare bathroom”. He had been unusually quiet on the way over to the coach. I really didn’t think much of it-Michael has always been an intense individual and kinda moody.
“Thanks man, didn’t get a chance to take one earlier” I could hear the water running and I hollered out, “Want me to do your back, sweetie?” I couldn’t resist kidding around like that. I was surprised as hell when he calmly answered back, “You can do anything you want.” After nearly choking on the beer, I composed myself and wandered back to the bathroom, “Mike-I was just kidding.”
He shut the water off and wrapping a towel loosely about his midsection, he shook his head, “Were you?” he said softly, moving closer to the point where I could feel the heat of his body.
I was caught now. Sighing, I knew it was confession time. “Michael-I don’t know how to say this or explain it. All I know is I have some really deep feelings for you and if you turned away and walked out that door without another word, I wouldn’t blame you in the least......” I paused and looked up at him, trying to read his eyes. “I know this is wrong-it goes against everything I was brought up to believe-everything that Daddy stood for and I know sure as shit he’d be disappointed in me for even talking about this...Jesus, Michael...I’m so goddamned confused right now I-” My words were silenced as he closed his eyes and I felt his mouth covering mine. My legs felt like they were going to drop out from under me as he deepened the kiss. He pulled away from me and rested his head against mine, “I’ve never done anything like that before..”
The towel had long since dropped to the floor and I couldn’t help but pull myself closer to him. I slowly ran my hands up his abdomen and chest as my mouth brushed against his soft skin. “If you have any reservations at all, I’ll stop and we can end this now before it goes any further.” I whispered as my tongue flickered lightly against his hard, rose-pink nipples. He groaned low in his throat as I slowly, deliberately slid down his torso. I sucked lightly on his hard, washboard stomach, swirling my tongue in the recesses of his navel down to the silky dark brown patch of fur of his groin. My hands slid down his flanks to cup his tight, well-muscled ass. I kneaded the soft flesh as I gently kissed his half-erect cock. I teasingly let my tongue flick across the dangling head of his impressive organ as it rested against my lips. He spread his legs willingly as I whispered low, “I really want to suck your cock, Michael...I want to taste you...” I finally slipped his manhood into my mouth and he hardened with each slow stroke. I ran my tongue down the sensitive underside, then alternately stroking him while I suckled his balls. I now had his cock standing in all it’s glory as I rose and began shedding my own clothing. “Let’s take this in the bedroom.” He nodded and eagerly stretched on the bed. We soon became a tangled, writhing mass as he wrapped his long legs and arms around me.
I straddled his hips and we regarded one another as we came up for air. “How long have you felt this way...?” he began..
“A long time...just didn’t know it until a few months ago. I can’t even think of what we’re doing is wrong...” Again, I slipped between his legs and continued sucking him off. His cock was dripping with precum now and I eagerly lapped up those sweet, salty drops. I wanted nothing more than to take his hot, molten load down my throat and I increased my intensity as I felt his big balls tighten. He was writhing beneath me as he succumbed to absolute pleasure-all his inhibitions long forgotten. I was getting so turned on by getting him off. My own fuck rod throbbed almost painfully as I anticipated burying myself deep in his exquisite ass and fulfilling my dream of finally becoming one with him.
I licked my finger and slowly inserted it inside his tight anus. He yelped loudly as I ferociously sucked him ever harder and applied pressure to his prostate. If I even looked at his face, I knew I’d blow my own wad as I whispered, “cum for me baby...let me taste you...” I got my wish as he came hard and screaming. I quickly swallowed what seemed to be a gallon of his hot jam. I rested my head against his quivering body for a moment, waiting for his breathing to return to normal.
“Move down a little...” I whispered as I spread his legs and settled myself between them. He was pretty well lubricated from the copious amount of cum that I couldn’t swallow. I gently inserted one finger, then another; slowly scissoring them in and out. Still dazed, he tensed up and whimpered as I slipped a third finger into his still-tight opening. “If you’re not comfortable with this, just one word and I’ll stop. I won’t hurt you...I promise.” I kissed his neck and caressed him. But god help me, I wanted nothing more than to fuck him hard. Ever so gently, I slipped the head of my dick into him as he gritted his teeth. I pulled in and out slowly, evenly as I went in a little deeper with each thrust. I idly wondered how it would feel to have his massive rock up my ass. He would get his turn....
I finally increased my thrusting as he seemed to relax a bit and he wrapped his mile-long legs around me. I could feel his big cock rubbing against me, getting harder again. He was so unbelievably tight-no pussy felt this good. And I loved him. I felt a massive wall of cum building as he enthusiastically met my thrusts. I wanted us to cum together-god that would be so beautiful as I reached down and grasped his cock, stroking it vigorously.
Our bodies were screaming in ecstasy as he gripped me tightly. omifuckinggod.....the release that hit me was incredible...the greatest high I ever experienced. As soon as he felt the my hot load shooting deep inside of him, I was immediately rewarded with his own seed covering both of us. I pulled out of him and joyously began licking his offering off his chest. He pulled me to his lips, tasting himself as his tongue explored my mouth. We were one now. Baptized in blood, sweat and tears.
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The next morning found us standing by the wall. I traced my finger along a deep gouge in the concrete that remained from the impact that took my father from this world. Indelible and forever. I glanced over at Michael, who stood facing the catchfence. He had that sad, faraway look in his slate blue eyes and I knew his emotions were waging the same internal war that mine were. Without turning to me, he whispered “Where do we go from here? I’ll be honest-I don’t know if I can handle this....” He looked like he was in agony. We couldn’t deny what happened between us last night or our feelings for each other but we knew in the end that we couldn’t continue a true lover’s relationship either.
I felt the sting of bitter tears and it took every bit of will power to keep them at bay. “Michael...I-”
“Love you, Dale.” he finished, hanging his head. “Even if we can’t be with each other like last night, I want you to know that what we shared was something very special to me.” He shifted uneasily as words such as these were often difficult for him to express. But those were all the words I needed to hear as I embraced him, “I love you too, my friend.” Sometimes all you need is one night to experience all the love you need to last a lifetime.
Fin.
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