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(Sunday 3rd August 03) I'm sooo bored! I aint got anything to do :/ and i'm going away to New Quay 2morro for TWO weeks and that means that i aint going to be able to talk to becky for two whole weeks! :'c i find it hard enough not being able to talk to her for a day let alone TWO weeks :c Beckys really down 2day, she's sayin that she hates her life :c and we aint going to well either, the past few days we've barely spoken to eachother, she's really quiet on the fone and that makes me go quiet cause i want to know whats wrong but she doesnt want to talk about it, which gets me really upset and then i dont feel like talking, it feels like were moving upart, shes in my mind all the fucking time and all i can think about is that one of these days she's just going to say that its over :'c but i cant lose her,but then i cant force her to stay with me, i've just messed up so bad in the past, feels like she'll never trust me or forgive me ever again, i just wish she could, i was even going to ask her to marry me when we were at her dads in the isle of man like walking about the beach at night and i would just get on my knee i would just open my heart and tell her how i feel, but she told me before that she wouldnt be able to make a commitment like that cause we were to young, but i just wanted her to be my finace cause i knew that would devinately bring us closer together and then the whole world would know how we felt about eachother, even though i dont know how she feels about me. ok me gettin a bit emotional so i'll go now. I'm sooo bored! I aint got anything to do :/ and i'm going away to New Quay 2morro for TWO weeks and that means that i aint going to be able to talk to becky for two whole weeks! :'c i find it hard enough not being able to talk to her for a day let alone TWO weeks :c
(Sunday 17th August 03) You ever felt like the person that you are with g/f or b/f and they mean the world to you and you love them with all your heart, u know that they are the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, get married have children and live happyly ever after and you are so sure that's how its going to end,and holding there hand so tight hopeing they will never let go, but then your other half tells you 'its over' all the dreams you had are gone, you thought they were yours forever but you were wrong, like me. i f***ed up so bad, i done things without thinkin about it, i lied , i never deserved her from the start, i dont know why i done what i did, i just done stuff without thinking again and again, not thinkin about the person that i would hurt, but then when you see the stupidness you've done, you cant turn back and change wat u did, just wishing so bad that you could, then you feel ur g/f's hand loosin there tight grip that they once hand on ur hand and they let go, they go further and further away and as hard as you try to hold there hand again, you wont beable to cause of what you done, and as hard as i try to hold beckys hand again i cant cause she's gone, and i'll never beable to hold her hand again and carry on with the dream i have. i spoke to becky today on the phone and we spoke about us, and what i'd done to loose her and she asked me, why dont i look for other girls, i said 'i only want you' and she said something that i will never forget she said 'well you cant have me!' i froze.
(Saturday 6th september03) Becky doesnt give a fuck about me, no does, not even my family whats the point anymore?


