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Taking Control

 

 

 

 

It never used to be this way. There was a time that he knew how to look after himself but that was a long time ago; before Nsync ended, before he lost his way; before Justin.

 

JC leaned against the window pane and watched the rain as it rolled down the glass. His head was fuzzy, it was always fuzzy lately. He was tired too; more than tired. Just lately he could barely keep his eyes open. The only time he seemed to be awake was when Justin was with him. As he leaned against the glass he felt his eyes drifting closed and he pushed himself away and went over to the couch and curled up, his head resting on the couch arm. The world began to fade away and within minutes he was fast asleep again.

 

He dreamed when he slept. Some times they were beautiful dreams. Dreams where he was lying in Justin's arms and the younger man stroked his hair and told him he loved him and that they would always be together; but other times they were dark and lonely and he was trapped in a world where Justin didn’t love him; forced to watch as Justin made love to her, loved her, was her’s. That was when he hated sleeping, when he wanted to wake up but couldn’t. He preferred the beautiful dreams.

 

JC stretched and opened his eyes. He smiled and blinked at the man sitting beside him and looking down at him. “When did you get here?” he asked sleepily.

 

Justin lifted JC’s hand and stroked his skin with his thumb. “About an hour ago,” he replied.

 

JC yawned and rubbed his eyes with his free hand. “You should have woken me.”

 

Justin smiled. It was the smile that JC called his secret smile, the one that Justin used sometimes when he knew something that JC didn’t. “You need your sleep,” Justin purred.

 

“Can you stay the night?” JC asked hopefully.

 

Justin shook his head. “I’ve been here longer than I meant to be already.”

 

JC’s eyes filled with tears. This wasn’t the first time that he had slept through one of Justin's visits. “I miss you,” he said tearfully and Justin smiled again.

 

“Well I’m here now and I can stay for a little longer I suppose.”

 

JC sat up and wrapped his arms around Justin's waist and rested his head on his shoulder as he wept silently.

 

Justin played with the back of his hair and stroked the back of his neck almost casually. “You are safe JC,” he whispered. “Lean on me, let me be your rock.”

 

The words settled JC and he held his illicit lover tightly until Justin gently unwrapped his arms and made him let go. “Are you hungry?” Justin asked.

 

JC shook his head no. his appetite had dwindled of late. Justin smiled again. “When was the last time you ate?”

 

JC frowned in concentration. “This morning,” he replied unconfidently. He thinks he ate that morning or was it the morning before? He slept so much lately that he really wasn’t sure what day it was.

 

Justin cupped his face in his hands and kissed his lips tenderly. “I’ll make you something.”

 

“No,” JC tried to protest. “I’ll make something; you always are looking after me, making sure that I eat.”

 

“I’m your rock remember,” Justin said in reply. “You relax and freshen up; I will make you some nice soup. I won’t be long.” Justin kissed JC again and then helped the older man to his feet and pointed him in the direction of the stairs.

 

Meekly JC let Justin push him gently upstairs. He had gone up three steps when he turned. “I’d be lost without you,” he confessed. “I need you.”

 

Justin smiled; those were the words he had been waiting for JC to say; the words he made sure JC said at least once a day. “I know you do,” he replied smugly. “I’m your rock; you rely on me, lean on me. I’m the only one that understands JC, the only one that you will ever need.”

 

JC gave Justin a tiny smile of thanks and then reassured he ascended the stairs to his bathroom.

 

As soon as JC closed the bathroom door Justin went into the kitchen and put on the pan of fresh soup that he had brought with him. As it warmed through Justin took two dishes from the cupboard, one in baby blue and one in lavender. He ladled the hot soup equally between them and then checking over his shoulder to ensure that JC was still upstairs he took a small jar of pills from his pocket and tipped two of the capsules into his palm. He put the jar back into his pocket and then checking once more that he was alone he broke open the medication and sprinkled the powder over one of the soups. He stirred it in and then dropped the empty capsules down the waste disposal before taking the two dishes into the dinning area and placing them on the table.

 

JC came slowly down the stairs holding on to the handrail. He felt a bit dizzy and disorientated but he forced a smile at his lover who was waiting patiently at the foot of the steps. Justin offered him his arm.

 

“Dinner is served sir,” he said playfully and JC gave him a shy smile as he was led to the table.

 

Justin held out JC’s chair for him and waited for his lover to sit down before he sat down himself.

 

The older man stirred his soup warily, sniffing it.

 

“It is carrot and coriander,” Justin explained. “It’s very good, try it.”

 

Not wanting to offend his lover JC took a spoonful of the orange fluid. “See,” Justin said. “It is good isn’t it?”

 

JC licked his lips. To him it had a funny after taste but then again everything seemed to now days. “It’s good,” he lied and made himself take another mouthful. “I’m really not that hungry,” he pushed his dish aside and Justin pushed it back into place.

 

“Eat it,” Justin ordered. “Eat it or I will leave.”

 

A pained look covered JC’s face. “Don’t go,” he begged. “I’ll eat it,” he promised and dipped his spoon into the thick soup.

 

“That’s a good boy,” Justin praised. “You have to keep up your strength. You know that you haven’t been well lately.” Justin started to eat his lunch but kept his eyes on the frail man sitting opposite him. It generally took thirty minutes for the medication to kick in, plenty of time for a quick screw before JC passed out again.

 

JC ate slowly. It was true he had been ill lately but he had no idea why or what was wrong with him. He had suggested that he maybe should see a doctor but Justin shook his head and told him that he was being silly and that all he needed was a good sleep. JC took Justin's word for it, he trusted him, relied on him. He was the rock that he leaned on when times were rough. Justin took care of him.

 

As soon as JC swallowed his last spoonful Justin stood up and took the dishes into the kitchen and rinsed them under the faucet before placing them in the dishwasher. JC followed him. “I could have done that,” he said.

 

Justin smiled at the slight pout on his lover’s face. “Well it’s done now isn’t it,” he said patiently. He turned and leaned against the kitchen counter and opened his arms for JC to go into. The slim man snuggled into his younger boyfriend and sighed contentedly.

 

“I wish you could stay,” he murmured.

 

“Cameron is expecting me,” Justin replied, not hiding the truth. “I promised I would take her out clubbing tonight. JC stiffened in his arms and started to pull away.

 

“You care more about her than you do me,” JC murmured miserably.

 

Justin dragged him back into his embrace. “Now sugar you know the score. I’m with her but I love you. You know that I love you don’t you JC?”

 

JC never answered.

 

“I said don’t you?” Justin repeated his words and lifted JC’s chin so that he had to look him in the eye.

 

“Yes Justin,” he whispered.

 

“What am I?” Justin asked patiently as if he was speaking to a toddler.

 

“You are my rock,” JC whispered. “I need you. You support me.”

 

“Yes darling I support you and I am the only one that you will ever need.” Justin looked into JC’s eyes and nodded his head encouraging him to repeat what he had said.

 

“You are all that I need,” JC repeated. His eyes were beginning to feel heavy again and they closed for a brief second before he shook his head and woke himself up again.

 

“You are tired sweetheart,” Justin cooed. “Come on, I will take you to bed.”

 

“Will you hold me?” JC asked pathetically.

 

“I can do more than hold you,” Justin answered smiling. He lifted JC’s chin once more and kissed him gently on his lips. As they climbed the stairs JC stumbled slightly and Justin grabbed him, hooking his arm over his shoulder and helping him to walk the rest of the way to his bedroom.

 

“I shouldn’t be this weak,” JC murmured fearfully. “What is wrong with me Justin?”

 

“You are just stressed baby. You will be fine in a day or two.”

 

JC sagged against Justin. It wasn’t right; this wasn’t right. He was sure that he had been ill for a long time now, much longer than he could remember. He remembered that he was going to do something before he got ill; something important. But now he couldn’t remember what it was. His back hit the bed and he looked up trustingly at Justin as he started to undo his pants zipper.

 

“Lift your ass,” Justin ordered and JC did as he was told. His underwear went the same way as his pants and he groaned as Justin started to rub his cock. “You like that baby?” Justin cooed and JC nodded his head.

 

Justin stripped off his pants and climbed on top of JC, using his knee to open his legs. Without lubrication Justin pushed into JC’s tight hole and the slender man whimpered as he was used. In the beginning there had been no love on Justin's side. JC was just a convenient hole and a tight one at that. He would have finished what they shared much sooner but he had been taken by surprise when JC announced that he was going to go public with their relationship. He couldn’t allow that. If it ever got out that he was having a gay relationship not only would it cost him his relationship with Cameron but also his career. He managed to persuade JC to hold off for a while, convincing him that he was going to end it with his film star girlfriend. JC agreed to a period of two days before he would tell the world and that was plenty of time for Justin to put a plan into action. So he had to stay with JC, it was a small sacrifice if it kept him quiet; but that was to begin with. Since JC had weakened and fallen foul of his plan to control him Justin had softened towards his skinny lover. He loved the fact that he could manipulate JC so easily and force him to love him without reservations.

 

Justin thrust hard inside his lover. “I love you JC,” he whispered. “Tell me you love me.”

 

“Love you,” JC murmured back.

 

“Tell me that I am all that you need,” Justin demanded.

 

JC arched up as Justin hit his sweet spot. “You are all that I need,” he dutifully repeated. Justin shuddered and pulled out so that his cum splattered all over JC’s belly. He leaned sown and kissed JC on his mouth and then got up and started to get dressed again.

 

“Don’t’ go,” JC muttered as the drugs finally started to take hold. “Stay ….”

 

Justin zipped himself up and stood grinning at his lover. JC was fast asleep with cum covering his belly. “That should keep you quiet till the morning,” he muttered under his breath. “It's what you get for playing with the big boys.” He started to leave and then he turned back for one last look and his heart softened.

 

“I’ll be back in the morning,” he said even though he knew that JC couldn’t hear him. “I’ll bring you a bigger dose. You talk too much lately.”

 

He turned off the light and closed the door as he left leaving JC sleeping alone in the dark.

 

Waking up was painful and not just because of the heavy head that sleeping always left him with but because when he opened his eyes he knew that Justin wouldn’t be there. Justin was his rock, the only one he needed, the only one that cared. No one else cared. He knew that because Justin had told him so. Justin reasoned with him that if people cared they would phone him, call on him and make sure that he was alright. When was the last time someone came to see you Justin asked nastily during one of his visits. JC couldn’t remember and Justin grinned at him smugly and stated. See I told you so.

 

JC sat up and rubbed his hand over his belly rubbing the cum that had dried there and making it flake. It was the only real sign that he recognised that told him that Justin had been there. Tentatively JC got out of bed and walked bare footed to his bathroom. He felt stiff and dirty, he needed to shower and he needed some painkillers for the pounding in his head. He stepped under the hot water and submerged his head, letting the water bounce off of his face. He felt so weak, so tired. He leaned against the tiled wall and closed his eyes.

 

He jumped as he caught himself drifting off to sleep again and grabbed for his shampoo, a strong menthol smelling concoction which penetrated his senses and brought him back to the land of the living even if it was only for a little while. He scrubbed at his hair and then at his body before rinsing and turning off the shower. He wrapped a medium sized towel around his mid section and using a spare towel went downstairs rubbing his hair dry. His head pounded and he searched through his dresser drawers looking for some Advil. He found a jar and tipped two out onto his palm. He looked down at the red and black capsules in his hand and then read the bottle once more. The bottle said they were Advil and the bottle was full. Making a decision he popped the two pills in his mouth and washed them down with a glass of water. He finished the glass and then rinsed it out, leaving it to dry on the side of the sink. He looked around his home not knowing what to do next. He was tempted to sit back down and rest his eyes but he knew that if he gave in the day would have gone past him once more.

 

In a daze he let his feet lead him down the stairs to his den. His computer sat in the corner the file that he had been working on still open. He sat down in front of the screen and stared at it, reading the words that he had typed.

 

Your toothbrush is still next to mine
Your clothes are hanging in the closet
And I'm still living here
You paid the deposit
Now the future is unknown
But I'm not sleeping alone

Chorus:
I'm Sleeping with the memory
I'm sleeping with regret
I'm sleeping with the fantasy
That I can't let go of yet
Half of me is you
Everything I own
I feel you beside me
Oh I'm not sleeping alone
I'm not sleeping alone
I'm not sleeping alone

Hey, I wonder where you are tonight
What's going through your head
Hey, I'm doing alright
On my side of the bed
You think I'm out on my own
But I'm not sleeping alone

 

When I put my head on the pillow
And I enter the world of my dreams
Everything is as it was before
Still loving me
Your still loving me

You think I'm here on my own
But I'm not sleeping alone

Chorus
I'm Sleeping with the memory
I'm sleeping with regret
I'm sleeping with the fantasy
That I can't let go of yet
Half of me is you
Everything I own
I feel you beside me
Oh I'm not sleeping alone
I'm not sleeping alone
I'm not sleeping alone
You think I'm here on my own
I'm not sleeping alone

Oh and I still feel you beside me
So you know
I'm not sleeping alone

 

“When did I write that?” JC wondered aloud. He slipped into the leather computer chair and re-read the words that stood out on the open document. “Justin,” he whispered as memories began to stir. He was going to tell but Justin begged him to wait just two days. Was it two days? JC’s hand covered the mouse and he closed the file, right clicking to check the properties. He stared at the date unbelievingly, could that possibly be right? Double checking he opened his online calendar. 17th of May flashed before his eyes. Four months since he had written a word, four months since he argued with Justin and gave him two days to tell his sleazy girlfriend that they were lovers. JC covered his mouth and felt his heart start to race. Where had the time gone? He remembered nothing at all only Justin, holding him, telling him that he was safe and that he would look after him. His eyes drifted over to the phone that sat on a table on the other side of the room and he got up. He hadn’t taken more than three steps before his knees buckled and he fell onto the lush cream carpet. The room began to spin and in desperation he reached for the telephone, catching hold of the cord and dragging it to him. He clasped the handset in his fist and held it to his ear. It was dead. Weeping he pressed the pick up button again and again only still to have no dialling tone. The world began to slip away from him and his grip loosened, letting the useless telephone drop from his hand.

 

Justin checked the time once more. It wasn’t that he hated shopping he just hated shopping with the bitch. He pasted on his grin as the blonde actress came out of the changing room in yet another designer dress.

 

“What about this one,” she squealed as she flounced around making silly poses and pulling what she thought was a model’s expression.

 

Justin rolled his eyes. “Why are you asking me? I’m not buying it. Have them all; it’s not as if you can’t afford it.”

 

“But I value your opinion pukie,” Justin cringed at the pet name that Cameron had started using. He checked the time again. The medication would have worn off by now. He had to get back to JC or all his hard work would go out of the window.

 

“Cams I have to run. I have an appointment with the record people.” Justin rolled his eyes as his A-list girlfriend pouted. She just didn’t do it as well as JC did. “Sugar y’all know that music is still my 1st love. I have to make this meeting.”

 

Cameron put on her silly baby voice. “Okay pukie,” she said. “Get a kissy before you go?” she pursed her lips and Justin took a deep breath and pressed his lips against hers.

 

“Call you later doll,” he slurred.

 

He let himself into JC’s house. “JC, baby,” he called. He stood waiting for an answer when he didn’t get one he ventured further in. he picked up the tub of Advil and opened it tipping the contents into his hand. “JC,” he called again as he searched for his lover. “Do you have a headache honey?” A smile crept across his face as he counted 18 capsules instead of the twenty he had placed in the bottle. “JC, darling.” He smirked seeing the door to the den standing slightly ajar and went down the stairs. He leaned against the wall and shook his head and then went over and knelt beside his unconscious lover. “Oh baby you don’t stand a chance.” He lifted JC’s head into his lap and stroked his hair lovingly. “You going to wake up for me honey,” he cooed. “Darling, wake up.” JC never stirred.

 

Justin chuckled seeing the phone on the floor. “Who were you trying to call baby?” he asked. “I’m the only one that cares, the only one that loves you.” He put the phone back on the table and then returned to his lover. “You can’t stay here baby,” he said and tried to lift him up. “Fuck JC, for a skinny guy you are a fucking dead weight to pick up.” He tried again to lift him, failing. “Sorry sugar, but you leave me no choice” Justin gripped JC under his arms and dragged him towards the steps. Each step Justin cringed with the bump of JC’s body. “Oh baby I’m sorry,” he said. “You are going to be so sore in the morning.” He got him up into the hall and dragged him over to the couch. Using all his strength he heaved the unconscious man up onto the couch and arranged him so that he would be comfortable.

 

Justin sat by his side breathing heavily from his exertions. He played with JC’s hair. “You made me do this,” he said suddenly. “You couldn’t be happy with what you got could you. You had to have more.” Justin's nose wrinkled. “Your hair is really shiny you know that don’t you?”

 

He left JC alone and went into the kitchen for a drink and took out his cell phone. Time to check in with the others, the last thing he needed was for one of them to turn up and discover what he was up to. The phone rang three times before it was answered.

 

“What’s up Justin?” the deep base voice on the end of the line asked.

 

“Nothing much,” Justin replied. “Just waiting for JC to get his ass into gear and finish getting ready to go out to the movies.”

 

“How is Jace? I haven’t seen him or spoke to him in months.”

 

“He’s cool, locked away in his studio, you know how he gets,” Justin lied.

 

Lance laughed. “Yeah I remember.”

 

“Dude I can hear him coming down the stairs. I got to go or else he will insist that it’s me that has made us late.”

 

Lance chuckled again. “Yeah I remember that too. Give him my love.”

 

“I will. Laters.”

 

“Laters,” Lance replied and then the phone went dead.

 

Justin searched Joey's number and then dialled. He had a similar conversation with Joey before hanging up. “Two down,” he muttered to himself. He looked up Chris’ number and then shut off his phone. There really was no need to call Chris, first of all the oldest member would be suspicious because they hadn’t said more than two words to each other since the split and secondly he would ask to speak to JC. No it was best that he didn’t call Chris.

 

A small sound from the lounge caught his attention and he returned to JC’s side. “Hey beautiful,” he purred. “You were fast asleep.”

 

“What time is it?” JC asked croakily.

 

Justin held a glass of water to his lips and encouraged him to drink. “It’s about 6.”

 

“In the morning?” JC asked.

 

“In the evening baby,” Justin replied.

 

Tears formed in JC’s eyes and spilt out on to his cheeks. “What is wrong with me Justin? I’m so scared. I had a dream. I dreamed that I woke up and four months of my life had gone. I was in the den and I fell and couldn’t get up.”

 

“It was just a dream baby,” Justin cooed reassuringly. “When I got here you were fast asleep on the couch.”

 

“Not in the den?” JC asked with childlike innocence.

 

“Not in the den,” Justin assured him. “Look babe. I’m sure you will be okay in a day or two but for now just take it easy. If you need to sleep, then sleep.” Justin lifted JC’s chin and stuck out his bottom lip as he made sad eyes at him. “I’ll look after you,” he said in a little boy voice.

 

“Promise,” JC asked sadly.

 

“I cross my heart and hope to die,” Justin said making a cross sign over his chest.

 

JC cheered up a little and gave a little grin. “You got to keep your word now,” he said. “You crossed your heart.”

 

Justin smiled back. It took so little to make medicated JC happy. He actually began to wonder why he hadn’t thought of it years ago and whether of not he could get away with it with Cameron.

 

JC stretched and ran his fingers through his hair, pulling a face. “It’s dirty,” he said childishly.

 

Justin nodded. “No baby it isn’t but do you want to take a shower?”

 

JC nodded and went to stand up only to swoon. Justin caught him. “Steady baby. Lean on me; I’ll help you.”

 

“You are my rock,” JC whispered.

 

“That’s right baby. I am your rock and you need me; I know that.” Justin put JC’s arm around his shoulder and walked him up the stairs to the bathroom. He sat him down on a chair while he turned on the shower and then he helped him to undress.

 

“Come in with me,” JC wheedled.

 

Justin smirked and stripped off his clothes. “You have to make it worth my while,” he said seriously.

 

JC nodded enthusiastically and let Justin help him into the cubical. They stood facing each other under the water, JC’s head resting on Justin's shoulder. Justin's hands moved up and down JC’s bony back, his fingers counting the vertebrae of his spine.

 

“You have lost weight,” Justin muttered against JC’s hair. “I don’t like it.” JC snuggled closer, his lips kissing at the younger man’s neck.

 

“I do eat,” he said feeling that he needed to defend himself. “At least I think I do.”

 

Justin lifted JC’s head and the water ran over his pretty face. “Suck me,” Justin whispered. JC’s eyes blinked away the water that was running into them and then he looked down at the hard cock standing between Justin's legs. He met Justin's eyes once more and then without breaking eye contact he dropped down to his knees and dragged his tongue on the underside of the hard penis. Justin almost cum there and then as JC lapped the water that cascaded over them both and then engulfed him. He laced his finger through JC’s hair guiding his head back and forth, pushing that little deeper each time.

 

JC gagged and Justin pulled out, lifting him back up to his feet. “Did I push too far baby?”

 

JC looked away and nodded ashamed.

 

“No matter,” Justin purred. He turned JC around and pressed him up against the tiled wall, using his knees to spread his legs. The darker haired man groaned as his ass hole was rubbed by the hear of Justin's cock. “Do you need me baby?” Justin purred. “Ask me baby; ask me to fuck you.”

 

JC’s fingers clawed at the smooth expensive wall tiles and he tried to find a grip to support himself. “Please,” he whispered. “Please Justin I need you.”

 

The younger man brought his lips to JC’s shoulder and bit hard and then licked it better. He wrapped his left arm around JC’s waist and pulled him up a little so that he was on his toes he kissed the sore spot once more and then pushed into him. JC gasped and tried to straighten up but Justin held him firm. “Relax baby,” he cooed. “This is going to feel so good I promise.”

 

With the water still cascading over them Justin pumped into JC as if his life depended on it, with each thrust JC whimpered in surprise as his sweet spot was assaulted over and over. “Is it good baby,” Justin murmured in his ear. He reached down between his lover’s legs and began to jerk on his cock. The friction sent JC tumbling over the edge and he came loudly with Justin's name on his lips.

 

It only took Justin a couple more thrusts and he too was grunting with his climax. He kept pumping until he had emptied his balls in JC’s ass and then he pulled out slowly, taking care to still support his limp limbed lover. He turned him around again so that they were chest to chest and held him tightly nuzzling his neck. Tenderly he kissed JC’s wet skin working up his throat and over his jaw then to his lips. They kissed passionately reveling in the closeness. Justin cupped JC’s ass and squeezed it.

 

“Turn around,” he said softly. “I’ll wash your hair for you.”

 

The lovers took the time to wash each other and finally Justin turned off the water and got out wrapping a towel around his waist. He held up another towel for JC, wrapping him in it as the super slim man stepped out of the cubical. Justin pulled him to him once more and kissed him. “Baby would you like to go out tonight. I could call that sushi place that you love and book us a table.”

 

The smile that spread over JC’s face was dazzling and for the first time in months Justin saw the joy reach his lover’s eyes. “Could we,” JC answered excitedly. “We never go anywhere together anymore.”

 

“Dry your hair Beautiful. I’ll go and make the arrangements.” Justin kissed JC once more and then with a spring in his step went to get his cell phone. He called the restaurant first and secured a table in one of the private booths. Then he called Cameron. His girlfriend huffed as he told her that he was going to go out for a snack with JC.

 

“Oh pukie can’t you give him the brush off? I was hoping to go to a club tonight.”

 

“Come on Cams I spend all my time with you. JC is missing the group. He lived for ten years with what he came to think of as 4 brothers. Now suddenly he is all alone. You really begrudge him one or two nights a month?” Justin put on his annoyed voice, the one he kept for when he wanted to tip the odds in his favour.

 

“Well when you put it like that,” Cameron grunted. “I guess I will see you tomorrow.”

 

“Sure doll, tomorrow,” Justin replied.

 

“Love you,” she cooed.

 

Justin held the phone away from his ear and rolled his eyes. “Yeah sure,” he replied into the phone and hung up.

 

“Are you dressed yet?” Justin called up the stairs. “Or do you need some help?” he took the stairs two at a time and went into JC’s bedroom. JC was sitting on the bed looking lost.

 

The brunette looked up pathetically. “I don’t know what to wear,” he practically whimpered.

 

“You want me to choose for you?” Justin said kindly and JC nodded. The younger man went to the closet and browsed through the racks. “Jesus Jace, how many pairs of jeans can one guy need?” he pulled out a pair of faded blue ripped jeans. “Wear these ones,” he said handing them to his lover. “I wanna be able to see flesh.” He then pulled out a pale pink polo shirt. “I like you in this too. Pink really suits you; it brings out your eyes.”

 

“What about shoes?” JC asked as he fingered the clothing that he had lying on his lap.

 

“Flip flops,” Justin said grabbing a pair from the bottom of the closet. “Again I mention the flesh aspect of the situation.”

 

JC lowered his lashes grinning. “I won’t be long,” he said his happiness reflecting in his voice.

 

“Call me in you need help,” Justin said and then he went downstairs to wait.

 

The Sushi bar was busy when they arrived and Justin ushered JC passed the small group of paparazzi that were waiting outside on the off chance that they would spot a celebrity. JC kept his eyes firmly on the ground knowing that Justin would be doing the same thing and gave a sigh of relief when he was finally inside. The booth they were seated in was secluded and private, which made JC even more relaxed. They placed their orders and then sat opposite each other sipping their red wine not speaking.

 

“I like it here,” JC said finally breaking the silence.

 

“I know,” Justin replied patiently.

 

Their food arrived.

 

“It looks good,” JC said picking up his chopsticks. Delicately he picked up a rice parcel and dipped it into soy sauce before placing it in his mouth. Justin watched him and his heart jumped. What was he doing? Why the hell was he hanging out with that skank when he had JC willing to jump through hoops to please him?

 

“I was thinking,” Justin started as he took a bite of his rice. “I could do with a vacation and I know that you haven’t been away since the group split. How do you feel about spending a couple of weeks somewhere hot, just you and me?”

 

Joy lit up JC’s face. “You mean it?” he asked cautiously.

 

“Wouldn’t have said it otherwise,” Justin answered dipping another rice parcel into his sauce.

 

“I’d love to,” JC replied.

 

“That is settled then. I’ll make the arrangements in the morning and we can be gone by tomorrow night.”

 

JC reached over the table and touched Justin's hand. “I love you,” he muttered.

 

Justin smiled. “I love you too,” he replied and as the words left his lips he knew that he really meant it.

 

~*~

 

Justin threw his jacket onto the back of a chair and grabbed a bottle of JD from the side, unscrewing the cap and drinking it straight from the bottle. It was nearly three in the morning when he eventually left JC. They had left the sushi bar and made love till the early hours of the morning. The sex had been wonderful, long and drawn out the way that both he and JC loved with just the right amount of pain and the right amount of love. God he missed his JC. Why did the stupid asshole have to spoil it by demanding that he split with Cameron? They could have still been happy instead he had resulted to slipping JC sedating drugs every time he was leaving him just so he knew that JC wouldn’t do any thing stupid like going public.

 

He managed to empty JC’s medication into a glass of warm milk that he had insisted on making and then he had sat and drank his own drink while JC reluctantly drank the doctored cup. He had left JC naked and in bed, dead to the world around him and for a second he felt guilt but only for a second. He had to protect himself.

 

The beep of the answer phone spurred him into motion and he pressed the play button, not so much to hear the messages but to stop the annoying light flashing and the high pitched beep from ripping though his tired brain.

 

Justin its mom; call me back honey when you get time. Jonathon wants you to visit with him because he is in the school musical and wants you to watch him. Love you honey.

 

Beep beep beep.

 

Hey Pukie I hope your dinner with JC went okay, I thought you would be back by now though. He’s not exactly the life and soul of any party. Love you. Mmwah.

 

Beep beep beep

 

You’re still not home! Justin I thought you were just going for dinner? Call me when you get in. I want to arrange a little vacation for us both. If you intend to go ahead and release a new record then we should get you some exposure. Call me.

 

Justin swore under his breath and took another swig of his JD as Cameron’s squeaky voice cut through the silence of his house once more.

 

Okay I’m getting annoyed now Justin. It is past two in the morning. I told you to call me. Obviously you are still not in! What the hell could you possibly find to talk about with that spaced out imbecile for all this time? You had better be with him because if I find out that you are playing me I will make your life a living hell.

 

Justin cut Cameron off in mid rant. “You will have to stand in line behind JC,” he muttered under his breath. He took another swig of his bourbon and then screwed the cap back on. He had to play this clever. He had promised JC a vacation and it was a promise he intended to keep but he had to get Cams off his back first. He thought hard trying to come up with an excuse to get away and then it came to him. He repressed the play button on his answer phone and grinned as his mother’s voice rang out clearly. Jonathon’s musical; .perfect. He could tell Cameron that he was visiting with his mother, having some alone time with his family before the madness of a record release. Extremely pleased with himself Justin went up to bed. He could break the good news to both Cameron and JC in the morning.

 

It was mid afternoon before JC woke up. He yawed and stretched reaching across the bed as his fingers searched for Justin. His heart sank as he realised that he was alone and he found himself wondering if the previous night had just been a lovely dream. He rolled out of bed and stretched again, wincing as he felt a sharp pain in his ass. Not a dream then he decided as he gingerly walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower.

 

“You have a fabulous ass baby.”

 

JC jumped and spun around at the sound of Justin's voice. “I didn’t know that you were here,” he gushed. “When I woke up you wasn’t there.”

 

“I went home after you went to sleep baby,” Justin slurred as he leaned against the door frame, his arms crossed over his chest. “I had some tickets to book.”

 

A smile spread across JC’s face. “You did it!” he exclaimed. “Oh Justin you don’t know how much this means to me.”

 

“Why don’t you go and pack,” Justin said grinning.

 

JC rushed at him and hugged him happily then ran back to his room muttering under his breath that he had nothing to take with him.

 

“Sugar,” Justin called, “don’t pack too much, you won’t be wearing them for long.” He sniggered. He turned off the shower and went downstairs going into the lounge where he knew JC had left the bottle of Advil. He picked them up and shook them before stuffing them into his pocket. Well he might just need them again.

 

A clunking on the stairs encouraged him to move and he stood in the hallway and laughed as JC attempted to drag a giant case down the stairs.

 

“What part of don’t bring too many clothes didn’t you understand JC?”” he said smirking.

 

“Well I don’t know where we are going, I have to bring a couple of suits in case we go out and some smart pants for when a suit is too much and some casual pants; and then I need beach wear, we are going to a beach aren’t we? You said somewhere hot.”

 

Justin smirked wider. “Take a breath JC. Yes we are going to a beach, no you won’t need a suit and yes you may need smart pants but as for the rest, believe me where we are going naked will be fine.”

 

A look of horror crossed JC’s face. “We can’t go to a nudist beach! Haven’t you ever heard of paparazzi? I mean pictures of me, naked, on the front of a magazine, no, no, no, no. I can’t Justin, I don’t even do topless.”

 

“JC, baby, breathe. It’s not a nudist beach. It is a beautiful secluded beach bungalow in the Maldives. There won’t be a camera for miles. It will be just you and me for three whole weeks.”

 

JC captured his bottom lip between his straight white teeth. “I do love you,” he murmured.

 

Justin grinned. “Let’s go,” he said picking up JC’s suitcase.

 

~*~

 

 

It was the first time in four months that Justin had spent this much time with his lover and he watched with open admiration as JC began to shine like he used to. They had been on the Indian island for four days and as Justin had planned they were completely cut off from the outside world. Justin would have been happy to stay there forever, well maybe not forever he would soon get bored but he would have been happy to have JC stay there forever. He propped himself up on his recliner and watched as JC stretched out naked on a beach towel under the Indian sun. It had taken him three days and a few strongly medicated fruit juices but he finally talked the lean singer out of his trunks.

 

“What are you thinking?” JC asked over the gentle sound of the surf breaking on the fine white sand.

 

“Just how beautiful you really are,” Justin replied without a hint of falsehood. “How are you feeling today?”

 

JC sat up and crossed his legs Indian style, his flaccid cock nestled in the thatch of dark hair between his thighs. “Better,” he said truthfully. “I’m sorry I was so sick the first few days. I felt okay when I got on the plane but when we took off my head felt as if it was going to explode.”

 

“It was just as well I remembered your head medication,” Justin answered. “It was a bit stupid of you not to pack them yourself.”

 

JC bit his lip and lowered his gaze; Justin always made him feel inadequate sooner or later. “I should have been more careful,” he muttered dejectedly.

 

“Yeah you should have been but I am your rock you can depend on me,” Justin snapped back before he could stop himself. The misery on JC’s face spoke volumes as he lay back down and Justin knew that he blamed himself for the first couple of days of unrest between them. He got down on the ground next to his lover and trailed his finger down his spine. “Don’t be sad sugar,” he purred. “It really isn’t your fault that you have become frail of late. Maybe while we are out here you should see a doctor.”

 

JC rolled over and looked up at him. “You think I should?” he said hopefully. “I mean, I don’t want to ruin your vacation.”

 

Justin looked into the pleading eyes of his lover. “I will drive into town and see if there is a local quack that can give you the once over but I think it is just stress.”

 

JC snuggled into Justin's arms. “Thank you,” he whispered. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

 

“I don’t either. If I wasn’t here to look after you, you wouldn’t last the week.” Justin kissed JC then patted him on his cheek. “I’ll get you some juice.”

 

JC rolled back onto his stomach and stretched his long limbs in the sunshine while he waited for Justin to return. Now that his lover had agreed to him seeing a doctor he felt strangely better. He had known that there was something seriously wrong with him; a grown man should be able to keep awake for more than an hour at a time. There was also something else a grown man should be able to do, something that seemed to be happening less and less of late. Since arriving in the Indian isles JC hadn’t been able to achieve an erection. Justin had seemed undisturbed by it and had done his best to reassure him that it was just because he wasn’t very well and that he shouldn’t worry about it. But JC was worried. He was usually a hot blooded gay male. Hell he even had erections just thinking about going on stage that were as rigid as the Eiffel tower and if he thought about sex, well ….

 

His hand drifted down between his legs and lost in thought he absentmindedly began to fondle himself. His eyes closed and his breath quickened as he pictured Justin in his mind and imagined that it was Justin's hands, touching him and caressing his balls. He tugged his cock gently and rolled his balls as he willed himself to solidify, biting back his tears when nothing happened.

 

Justin came out the bungalow that they were sharing, juice in hand. He stopped dead at the beautiful sight of JC masturbating obliviously to his presence. He drank in the long lean limbs, following the line of JC’s arm down to the hand that was fondling too soft genitals. Justin's chest rose and fell with the deep breaths that he was taking. What was he thinking? How the hell could that skinny skank actress ever compare with the masculine beauty lying in the sand before him? He dropped the glasses of juice on the sand and moved in a day dream to JC, dropping to his knees at his side and grasping his wrists.

 

The panting brunette’s eyes fluttered open and for a second he looked deathly afraid as if he expected repercussions for his actions. His tongue flicked over his lips, moistening them and his mouth trembled visibly. Justin pulled his hands down by his sides and then leaned down and rubbed his nose in JC’s pubic hair, inhaling deeply. He lifted his head and with hooded eyes moaned softly. “I love the smell of you,” he murmured. “You look like you need some help with that,” he continued as he straddled JC’s legs. He leaned down again and dragged his tongue over JC’s soft cock. He blew gently chilling the wet skin. “Ask me,” he demanded.

 

JC whimpered as Justin's hot tongue scorched him once more. “Ask me JC, beg me to suck you.”

 

“Justin,” the name was barely a whisper on JC’s lips. “Justin please.” Satisfied Justin bent his head and with a firm tongue swept up JC’s softness before sucking him into his mouth. This was nice, he liked the feel of a soft cock in his mouth and he bit down making JC cry out with pain and shock. Justin lapped at the sore bite and placed tiny pecked kisses on it before he sucked him in again.

 

JC writhed on his back with his eyes squeezed shut; his mouth dropped open as he groaned and mouthed words of love and adoration for his younger lover. A sharp pain shot up his balls and he yelped as Justin twisted them again hard and tugged them downwards. The sudden spasm had the effect that Justin had hoped for, taking JC by surprise and causing a surge of blood that made his cock suddenly solidify and stand to attention between his legs as Justin sucked on it. The younger man held JC’s balls in a death grip as he continued to suck and suddenly finding his hands free again JC pushed against Justin's forehead in an attempt to break free from the exquisite pleasure that he was being subjected to.

 

Justin growled his disapproval and relinquished his hold just long enough to recapture JC’s wrists and transfer them so that he was holding both in one hand. He then dropped his free hand down and re-grabbed JC’s already abused nuts and twisted them hard making JC scream again. The younger man stopped sucking and looked up JC’s slender frame. “Play nice baby,” he mewed. “Stop fighting me. I won’t hurt your balls anymore if you give up squirming.”

 

“I … can’t .... help ….it,” JC panted. “It’s … so …good.”

 

Justin took JC’s cock into his mouth once more, this time pressing his fingers inside his lover and finger fucking him in time to his sucking. Within minutes JC was gasping and cumming. Justin swallowed everything that JC had to offer and then shifted his weight up and spread JC’s legs. JC was still reeling from his climax as Justin pushed inside him and began to pump relentlessly. The older man clung on for the ride as Justin dug as deep as he could and then began to shudder as he emptied himself inside JC’s tightness.

 

The two men clung to each other, JC lapping the sweat from Justin's neck. “I wish we could stay here,” he said sadly. “Just you and me like this forever.”

 

Justin crushed him to his chest. “Me too baby,” he murmured longingly. “Me too.”

 

It didn’t take long for the tranquilisers to work, it never did. As soon as JC’s arm dropped off the couch Justin got out his cell phone and made the daily obligatory phone call. He sat listening to Cameron whining on for about five minutes before he snapped and hung up. he tucked his cell away making sure that it was on silent and then absorbed the vision of nakedness that was unconscious on the couch. When he started drugging JC he hadn’t thought the whole thing through properly. It had been a gut reaction to a serious situation but since JC had succumbed and become so needy Justin had suddenly began to find him irresistible and now the roles of both his lovers had been reversed. Cameron was now the problem. she had taken over JC’s role as the demanding one, expecting to be his one and only love. well she was getting close to discovering that life wasn’t like that with him and that his love would always be divided. He was Justin “freaking” Timberlake. He was expected to have a bevy of beautiful women surrounding him, to have the actress/model girlfriend and to have the whiter than white lifestyle but the reality was he loved the sleazy underground world of gay sex and especially when it was with the love of his life JC. He knew that JC loved him so much that it caused the beautiful singer pain; every song that JC wrote; every note that he sang poured out his deep emotional dependency on his younger lover and his entire first album was about the relationship that they shared.

 

Justin covered JC with a blanket; it could get chilly at night, and then picked up his keys and tossed them into the air and caught them again. There was a bar stool with his name on and he was going to go and find it.

 

~*~

 

“You are kidding me right?” Chris grunted as Lance leaned against his kitchen counter and admitted that he hadn’t seen JC in more than four months. “You are the good guy remember. Me big bad sulky bad tempered one that wants to kick Timberlake’s no existent ass. You said you’d keep an eye on JC for me.”

 

“Hey, I’m not the babysitter,” Lance protested. “I don’t see you and Joe knocking on JC’s door either.”

 

“Didn’t I just say, me big bad. Anyway the last time I saw JC he accused me of being jealous of Justin.”

 

“You are jealous of Justin Chris,” Lance said drolly.

 

“Oh ha frigging ha,” Chris replied in mock laughter, hugging his belly. “I’m not jealous of that little diva. I’m fucking pissed with him for going solo and for treating JC like he is spare change. He flaunts his skinny bitch at every chance he can. He knows how much it much hurt Jace.”

 

“JC doesn’t say much,” Lance said as he crossed his arms over his chest and watched Chris getting a couple of cans out of the refrigerator and tossed one to him.

 

“Doesn’t have to does he. You just have to listen to his album to know how he feels about Justin. What’s that song about the daffodils?”

 

“Lose myself,” Lance muttered.

 

“Exactly,” Chris said animatedly. “Lose myself. And that is just what JC does every time Justin gets near him. Call him.”

 

“What?” Lance replied.

 

“JC, call him. See if he is okay?”

 

“You call him,” Lance snapped back. “You are the one that is worried.”

 

“He’s changed his number and I don’t have the new one,” Chris protested.

 

“He has not,” Lance said sarcastically. “JC doesn’t do things like that. He might miss a call from someone that he hasn’t seen in years that is trying to get hold of him. He has had the same phone number for years.”

 

“Well when I call it all I get is unavailable,” Chris replied sulkily.

 

“Damn you,” Lance said wrestling his phone out of his too tight jeans pocket. He pressed speed dial and waited. He lowered his phone. “Unavailable,” he said unbelievingly. He pressed another number on his phone and this time it rang. “Hey Joe,” he said brightly. “Sorry to rag on you man but do you have JC’s new number? Dude’s gone and forgotten to give it to me.”

 

Chris watched as the smile slid off of the younger man’s face. “You don’t,” Lance said worriedly. “Okay man, sorry to bother you on a Sunday. Give my love to Kelly and give Bri a big kiss from me and Chris.” As Lance listened to the other end of the conversation Chris tried to muscle in so he could hear it too. Lance shoved him away. “Yeah didn’t I say Chris was here,” Lance said eventually. “Yeah he is worried about JC. He thinks Justin has him drugged and tied up in the basement or something.”

 

Lance laughed at something that Joey said in reply and Chris grunted “I didn’t say that.”

 

Lance sniggered again. “Yeah he’s denying it now. Catch you later Joe. Bye.”

 

He closed his phone. “Joe hasn’t heard from JC either,” he said with a worried frown. “I guess I’ll have to call Justin.”

 

Chris swore. “Shit, if Jace is okay and living fine without Justin then we will be giving Justin an excuse to get back into his life. I really don’t want to do that.”

 

“What choice do we have?” Lance pointed out.

 

~*~

 

Justin was on his third Long island tea when his cell phone rang. He fished around in his pocket and huffed out a breath at the name flashing on the display. He composed himself and answered. “Lance, to what do I owe this pleasure?”

 

“I’m trying to get hold of JC, but his phone seems to be out of order,” Lance answered.

 

“Dude you called me in the Maldives to ask me that? Yeah, he has a problem with the line into his house. Personally I think he has rodents chewing through it. The phone company is on it.”

 

Lance sighed. “Oh well I’ll drive over.”

 

“No point dude,” Justin replied smugly. “JC is here with me.”

 

“With you!” Lance repeated surprised.

 

Chris edged closer. “Where are they?” he mouthed and was hushed by Lance.

 

“Yeah,” Justin continued. “We needed some time to get back to what we had.”

 

“And JC agreed to this?” Lance pressed. “Because I know he was not happy with the situation. He led me to believe that you were leaving him for Cameron, in fact I was pretty surprised to hear that you were going to the movies together the other night.”

 

“You’d like it if we finished wouldn’t you?” Justin growled. “Don’t think that I don’t know about you wanting to take my place in his heart and in his bed. Well bad luck Lanston, he doesn’t want you; he wants me. If he wanted you to call him he would have given you his new number.” Justin downed his drink and silently indicated to the barman to fill him up again. “Don’t call again,” he growled down the phone and hung up before Lance could say another word.

 

Lance blinked and looked at his phone as it went dead. “Well,” Chris pressed, “what did he say?”

 

“He accused me of trying to get into JC’s pants and then hung up on me,” Lance blurted more forcefully than he meant to. “Me!” he exclaimed. “Where could he have got that idea from? I have never coveted JC. Granted he is a fine piece of man but to accuse me of trying to get him into bed.”

 

“Calm down,” Chris said soothingly, he could see that Lance was beginning to think about what Justin had accused him of and was getting himself worked up into an angry tizzy.

 

“JC can’t really think that I was after his ass, can he?” Lance continued ignoring Chris’ advice to keep calm.

 

“No he doesn’t,” Chris replied reassuringly. “If he did he would have told me about it. You know that JC doesn’t make a major decision without calling me first. He thinks my degree means that I know all the answers along with the meaning of life.”

 

For a split second Lance glared at his long time friend and then he smiled. “Yeah,” he repeated. “Yeah, you are right of course. JC always calls you first. So why then did he change his number without letting you know?” he asked the frown returning.

 

“That dear Watson is what we need to find out,” Chris replied in his best Sherlock Holmes voice.

 

 

~*~

 

JC woke up and staggered groggily to the small kitchenette of the bungalow. He grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and downed half of it in one gulp. His bottle of Advil stood on the side and he unscrewed the lid and poured two into his hand. He swallowed them down with the remaining water and then reopened the refrigerator looking for something to eat. He gave a tiny smile at the plated salad that sat on the middle shelf with a note from Justin lying on top. JC picked up the letter and read it.

 

Eat me when you wake up JC and Justin will give you a present when he gets back.

 

JC took the salad over to the dining table and sat down picking at the food with his fingers and wondering where Justin was. He gazed over at the clock on the wall and sighed. The time said 22:30. He finished picking at his food and went over and poured himself a large brandy and then sank into the couch to wait.

 

Justin came home with a smug look on his face. While he had been out he had downed six long island teas, put Lance in his place and secured a doctor to look after JC.

 

“Jace honey I’m back and I have good news. I have a doctor coming to see you in the morning.” Justin opened the bedroom door. “Jace?” he called. His mouth went dry as he noticed the bed was empty. “Jace?” he called again and went back into the living area. He put the lights on and grinned as he saw JC unconscious on the couch. He walked over to him, lifting him in his arms. “Baby,” he said tapping his face gently.

 

JC never stirred.

 

“Jace,” Justin said softly. “Jace wake up baby.”

 

Still JC never stirred.

 

Justin's heart began to race. He shook JC. “JC,” he yelled slapping JC’s face hard. “Wake up baby, you have to wake up.” His foot touched the half empty bottle of brandy that lay spilling on the floor at the same moment he spotted the open bottle of Advil on the table.

 

“Fuck,” Justin swore. With newfound strength Justin heaved JC up and half dragged, half carried him to the bathroom. He held him under the shower and turned the cold water on fully. “Wake up baby,” Justin begged. “Please baby.” He pushed JC’s wet hair off of his face and brought his lips up close to his. “I don’t want this,” he wept. “I don’t want to loose you. Wake up, please wake up.” JC began to choke and Justin held him in his arms rubbing his back until he stopped coughing.

 

“Jus-tin,” JC said weakly his eyes fluttering open only to close again.

 

“No baby,” Justin insisted. “Open your eyes baby, look at me, talk to me.”

 

JC began to shiver and his head lolled back for a second and then pitched forward. “Jace,” Justin yelled. “You stay with me.” He slapped JC’s face again harder this time and JC jerked awake. “Good boy,” Justin praised. He turned off the water and wrapped a towel around his lover, supporting him as he walked him back to the couch.

 

JC was shivering violently and Justin rubbed his cold skin. “What were you thinking angel, pills and alcohol? Were you trying to kill yourself?” Justin shook JC nastily. “Were you trying to kill yourself?” he demanded.

 

JC wept and shook his head. “No,” he breathed weakly. “I didn’t mean to. I just, I had a headache so I took some Advil. I didn’t know that they would hurt me if I had a drink.” JC continued to weep as Justin grabbed his face and made him look at him.

 

“Swear to me JC. Swear to me that this was an accident,” Justin demanded anger hiding his fear.

 

“I swear,” JC wept and Justin crushed him to his chest.

 

“I love you Josh,” Justin muttered into his hair. “I can’t loose you.” he pulled back and lifted his lover’s face with his fingers, kissing his lips softly.

 

“I’m sorry,” JC murmured as he sagged in Justin's arms.

 

“So am I?” Justin muttered in return.

 

There was a sense of déjŕ vu for JC when he opened his eyes again. He was sleeping on the couch with a blanket draped over him. His head pounded with a vengeance as he pushed himself into a sitting position.

 

Justin sat upright with a start as JC resurfaced from his drug induced sleep and was immediately on his knees at his side. “Are you okay?” he asked worriedly. “I barely slept all night, terrified that if I did I would loose you.”

 

Fragments of memory came back to JC and he hung his head ashamed to look his lover in the eye. “Sorry,” he whispered.

 

“It isn’t your fault,” Justin assured him. “I’m to blame. I left you alone. I should have made sure that you were safe. I should have looked after you.”

 

“You do,” JC whispered back.

 

Justin pulled him close and kissed him lovingly. “I don’t know what I would have done if I had lost you.” he rubbed JC’s hair and kissed his forehead as he broke the embrace. “You need to eat something,” he said changing the subject. He got up from where he was kneeling and discreetly wiped the tears that had built up in his eyes. “Did you eat the salad that I left for you?” he asked walking out towards the kitchenette.

 

“Yeah,” JC answered. “I think I did.”

 

Yeah you did,” Justin replied moving the nearly empty plate from the table to the sink. “Go take a shower and I will make you some eggs.”

 

JC wrapped the blanket around his naked body and leaned against the doorframe watching Justin as he prepared to cook. “Justin,” he said quietly.

 

Justin turned around and faced him, walking over to where he stood. “What happened last night?”

 

Justin put down the pan he was holding and went over to where JC stood. “You took too many Advil and then drank. These Advil are extra strength baby, to cope with the bad heads that you get. You mustn’t drink with them at all.”

 

“I wasn’t trying to kill myself,” JC insisted leaning into Justin's body.

 

The younger man rubbed his back and held him tightly for a moment. “I know that,” he replied understandingly. “Now go and shower, breakfast will be ready soon.”

 

~*~

 

“Well?” Chris demanded to know.

 

“Jesus give me a chance,” Lance grunted back. “Cameron says that Justin is in Tennessee with Lynn on a family visit spending time with Jonathan.”

 

“He said he was in the Maldives,” Chris grunted back.

 

“Well that is the interesting thing,” Lance continued. “I phoned Lynn and she said that she hasn’t seen Justin in months and that he was meant to be coming home but then he called and said that he was shooting a video on location and it couldn’t be changed and told her that if she needed him she should call his cell.”

 

“So he is in the Maldives?” Chris asked confused.

 

“Honestly,” Lance answered. “He could be anywhere. Did you have any luck tracking down JC?”

 

Chris grunted in annoyance. “I thought JC was close to his family,” he said bitterly. “I called Tyler; he hadn’t even noticed that JC had changed his number. Too busy partying with his new found friends. He said that he was sick of being a third wheel on the Joshtin merry-go-round and told JC to call him when he wanted to get together again.”

 

“And?” Lance prompted.

 

“And JC hasn’t called, not in over 4 months. So I called his mom and she said that she spoke to JC briefly a couple of weeks ago but he seemed to be distracted and distant. When she asked what was wrong he said he was just tired and then he made an excuse and hung up on her promising to call back again later.”

 

“Did she call him?” Lance asked.

 

“No JC called her and he was using Justin's cell phone. Karen is sure she could hear Justin in the background whispering something but when she asked JC he said he was alone.”

 

Lance let out a long slow breath. “I think maybe it’s time we called by.”

 

“But if JC is with Justin like he said then what is the point?” Chris wanted to know.

 

“The point is,” Lance replied. “I have the spare keys.” He dangled them from his fingers. “Are you coming?”

 

Chris grabbed his jacket. “Does the term wild horses hold any meaning for you?” he replied cryptically.

 

As Lance unlocked JC’s door he turned to Chris. “Fingers crossed,” he said and before Chris could ask what he meant he pushed the door open. The alarm began to beep and Lance went over to the panel and tapped in a code. The alarm stopped and Lance breathed a sigh of relief. “It suddenly occurred to me,” he said turning to face Chris. “If he changed his phone number without telling us he could have changed his alarm code too.”

 

“And you only think of this now!” Chris said incredulously.

 

“No I thought about it before I opened the door, why do you think I said fingers crossed?”

 

“I thought you meant fingers crossed that JC was here,” Chris answered and Lance rolled his eyes.

 

“Sure,” he replied. “Let’s take a look around.”

 

Things in JC’s house were pretty much the same. The only thing that was different was the inch or so of dust that covered most of the hard furniture.

 

Lance ran his finger over the table leaving a long clean line. “This isn’t like JC,” he said. “I know he doesn’t do it himself but he always had a lady in at least every other day to clean for him. She was his biggest extravagance.”

 

“You don’t think Justin has killed him do you?” Chris asked seriously.

 

Lance opened his mouth to answer him but thought better of it saying instead simply, “No. I’m going down to the den there has to be evidence that JC has been in there. The guy can’t keep away from his computer,” Lance continued.

 

Chris shrugged his shoulders. “Okay,” he answered. He mooched around a little and then picked up the phone. A frown crossed his face and he tapped on the talk button. “Lance,” he called down the stairs to the den.

 

“Chris come see this,” Lance called back.

 

Chris took the steps two at a time. “JC didn’t change his number,” he blurted not giving Lance a chance to say what he wanted. “His phone is disconnected.”

 

“He hasn’t written anything in months,” Lance butted in.

 

That bit of news worried Chris more than the disconnected telephone. “JC is always writing,” he said quietly. “Ever since I have known him he has always had a ton of notebooks that he carries around with him, he is always scribbling away.”

 

Lance stared at JC’s computer screen thoughtfully. “Let’s go,” he said eventually. “There is nothing we can do here.”

 

Lance set the alarm and then followed Chris out into the forecourt of the house. “We are right to worry aren’t we,” Chris asked wanting reassurance.

 

Lance nodded. “Yes,” he said grimly. “For once I think we are.”

 

~*~

 

Justin waited until JC was sleeping and then he emptied the bottle of Advil out into his hand. After the near overdose there was no way he was going to risk JC taking anymore sedatives when he was not around. He counted them back into the jar and then put it in his pocket, replacing it on the side with a full bottle that he had bought earlier on in the day. He would have to explain the change in colour of course but JC would be easy to convince especially once he had slipped him his nightcap.

 

He went over to the couch were JC was lying naked and sleeping deeply. He sat by his side and touched his hair, twirling it around his fingers. “I love you,” he breathed. He leaned down and pressed his lips against JC’s forehead. The unanswered question pricked again at his conscience; what am I doing? He took a blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over JC before reaching for his keys.

 

JC sighed in his sleep and turned over curling into the back of the couch and Justin had to remember to breathe when his ass poked out. Justin dropped his keys back on the table and kicked off his shoes. He stripped and got on the couch behind his drugged lover and pulled him into his body, kissing his shoulder before settling down to sleep.

 

A small whimper woke Justin and he smiled contentedly at the beautiful man enclosed in the circle of his arms. He frowned seeing the pain in JC’s eyes.

 

“What is it sugar?” he asked as softly as he could.

 

JC brought his hand up to his temple. “Hurts,” he answered and his pretty face crumpled with his discomfort.

 

“Stay here sweetie; I’ll get you some painkillers.” Justin rolled off the couch and got a bottle of water from the refrigerator in the kitchenette. He grabbed the new bottle of Advil from where he had left it and went back to his lover. “Here baby, take these,” he said tipping two white pills into his hand.

 

JC stared at them. “They are different,” he noted.

 

“Yeah I know,” Justin said playing with JC's hair again. “These ones aren’t as strong as the other ones and what with what happened the other day.”

 

“It was an accident,” JC replied defensively. “I didn’t know that they were that strong and I only had a couple of brandies honest.”

 

“It’s forgotten baby,” Justin cooed. “Take the pills and I will help you to bed. A couple of hours more sleep and you will be as right as rain.”

 

JC swallowed the medication obediently. “Justin,” he said hesitantly.

 

Justin lifted JC’s chin and looked into his eyes. “Yes baby.”

 

“What if I’m not? What if I am seriously ill.” JC’s eyes welled with tears. “I’m scared.”

 

Justin took him in his arms and held him tightly rubbing his back and making comforting noises as his lover sobbed in his arms. “You are going to be alright JC, I promise.” Justin pulled away and lifted JC’s face to his. He dried his tears and then kissed each eye in turn. “Trust me Jace,” he whispered. “Lean on me.”

 

JC swallowed the sobs that were forming in his chest and nodded compliantly. Justin wrapped his arm around his waist and helped him to walk the few meters to the bedroom and then drew back the covers and helped JC into bed. “Get some sleep angel. I will be just outside taking in some sun; call me if you need anything.”

 

JC nodded again and curled into his pillow closing his eyes. Justin's heart strings tugged once more as the beautiful man slipped easily into sleep. “I’m going to make things better,” he promised. “Starting with Cameron.”

 

~*~

 

JC yawned and rolled over stretching like a cat and then curling up into himself. He licked his lips and tentatively opened his eyes first one and then the other, squinting in the early morning sun. Cautiously he lifted his head from the pillow and waited for the explosion in his head.

 

It never happened.

 

An amazed smile formed on his lips and he lifted himself all the way up into a sitting position. “It doesn’t hurt,” he said aloud to himself.

 

He got out of bed and walked over to the window his smile becoming bigger. Not only did he not have a headache but he felt good, really good for the first time in as long as he could remember.

 

“Justin,” he called. “Justin where are you?” he wandered out onto the veranda and looked out towards the crystal blue ocean. His grin grew bigger as he saw Justin wading naked out of the water and he began to wave manically to attract his attention.

 

Justin grinned and waved back, braking into a jog. JC ran down to meet him.

 

“Baby you are awake,” Justin said cheerfully as he gathered JC in his arms and kissed him.

 

JC rubbed his hand over Justin's shaven head and offered his lips for another kiss before pulling back. “No headache Justin,” he said happily. “I’m not sure but I actually think I feel good.”

 

Justin grinned and lifted JC off his feet, swinging him around. “I’m so happy for you baby.” He put his lover back on his feet and leaned in kissing him once more.

 

They walked back towards the beach apartment naked and hand in hand. This was how it was meant to be for them in Justin's mind; just him and JC with no outside world to judge and condemn them. As they reached the veranda Justin pulled JC back into his arms and pressed him against the wall.

 

“You know that I love you don’t you?” he breathed into his lover’s mouth.

 

JC ‘s mouth trembled at being so close to Justin's, he wanted to close the space between them but he also wanted the moment to last. “I know,” he said eventually. “I love you so much Justin,” he sighed. He gave in to Justin's lips and let himself melt in his lover’s arms. As he started to close his eyes he caught sight of a small cloud of sand being kicked up further along the beach. He stiffened and pulled away. “Some one is coming,” he said slightly panicked.

 

Justin looked in the direction that JC was pointing and swore. “Let’s get inside and get some shorts on,” he said bitterly. “You stay in the bedroom and I’ll get rid of them.”

 

JC nodded compliantly and hurried inside. Justin looked down the beach at the fast approaching beach buggy and swore under his breath again. This could just ruin everything. Making a sudden decision he went into the kitchen and poured a drink of juice, breaking two of the red and black capsules that he had kept into it. He swirled it around and then took it in to his lover who was looking out of the window. “I brought you a drink,” Justin said kindly. He pushed it into JC’s open hands and then slipped on a pair of shorts. “Drink it baby,” he ordered when JC made no move to do so. He smiled and stepped close to his lover, pulling him in for a kiss. “I love you,” he whispered then went out to find out who was interrupting their peace.

 

~*~

 

 

“How did you find them?” Chris shouted over the sound of the buggy.

 

“I told Lynn that Steven Spielberg had been trying to contact him and called me to pass on a message.”

 

Chris looked at Lance disbelievingly. “And she fell for that?”

 

“No,” Lance admitted. “But she did say that if I was willing to make up such an outrageous story it must be important so she told me where to find him.” Lance pointed ahead of them. “There is the beach hut now. Now remember the story.”

 

“Yeah yeah,” Chris muttered. “We were just in the neighbourhood and we thought we would drop by and say hello.”

 

“Chris,” Lance warned.

 

“Okay! We were fucking worried about JC, no one has seen or heard from him for months and why the fuck did he change his number without telling us?”

 

“Now that they will believe,” Lance muttered as he pulled up outside the small hut that Justin and JC were sharing.

 

Justin met them at the door. “What the fuck are you doing here?” he snapped red faced with anger.

 

“Nice to see you too,” Chris snipped back as he climbed out of the buggy and pulled out his holdall from the back seat. Lance shrugged and reached for his own bag.

 

“What the fuck do you think you are doing,” Justin screamed incensed. He snatched Lance’s bag from his hand and slung it back into the car. “Get the hint?” he hissed.

 

Lance calmly reached back in and picked up his bag again. “Now you take the hint Justin,” he said patiently. “Until we see JC we are going nowhere. Right now it’s just me and Chris but if you keep trying to put us off Joey is just one call away and he is ready to fly here and bring Karen with him. If you won’t let us see JC you sure as hell will let her.”

 

The threat of bringing Karen out to see her son shut Justin up. He looked out over the ocean this mind whirling. If he let Lance and Chris see JC maybe they would go away but he needed a good cover story. Huffing he stood aside. “You had better come in,” he conceded. “But keep the noise down JC is sleeping.”

 

The three men entered the cabin and Lance dropped his bag on a big purple couch. “You going to offer us a drink?”

 

“Refrigerator is out there,” Justin said inclining his head towards the kitchenette. “There is beer and wine. Help yourself.”

 

“Ever the host?” Chris said sarcastically as he made his way to the kitchen.

 

Justin snarled. “Well I never invited you.”

 

Lance sank down on the couch. “Comfy,” he observed and then asked. “Where is JC?”

 

“I told you he’s sleeping,” Justin snapped back.

 

“In there?” Chris asked as he walked over to the closed door of the bedroom. Justin rushed to intercept him.

 

“That is the bedroom yes,” he hissed nastily. “And it is the only bedroom so you can’t stay here.”

 

Chris shoved Justin aside and opened the door. At first look the room was empty; everything was neat and put away which in its self told Chris that JC was there, and the windows to the balcony stood wide open, catching what little breeze there was in the air. Chris’ eyes drifted over to a very romantic looking four poster bed that was draped in white lace and they rested on the still form of his former band mate.

 

“I told you he is sleeping,” Justin repeated himself with just a touch of panic in his voice.

 

“And he can go back to sleep after we have spoken to him,” Lance said joining them at the door.

 

Chris crossed the room to where JC was lying and sat on the bed beside him, shaking him gently. “Hey sleepy head. Where have you been hiding? I missed you, you spaced out cowboy.”

 

JC never stirred.

 

“Jaycee,” Chris said shaking him a little harder.

 

“Don’t,” Justin blurted. “He is on medication,” he added. Chris turned and looked at him suspicion on his face and Justin knew he had to think fast.

 

“Medication?” Lance repeated. “Medication for what Justin?”

 

Justin sighed. “I’ll tell you everything,” he said in mock defeat. “Just leave him to sleep … please.”

 

The three former members of Nsync returned to the living room of the beach hut and Justin closed the bedroom door. “Let’s go outside to talk,” he said with fake melancholy. He waited until Lance and Chris were seated in the white plastic veranda chairs before he started to speak.

 

“JC isn’t well,” he lied. “He hasn’t been for sometime.”

 

“What is wrong with him?” Chris asked worriedly.

 

“He has HIV.” Justin said the first thing that came into his head.

 

Both Lance and Chris took a sharp intake of breath. “And you never considered telling us? We are his friends, his brothers” Lance raised his voice in annoyance.

 

“JC was ashamed and very scared,” Justin lied. “He didn’t want anyone to know, not even his family. He made me promise.”

 

“But he told you,” Chris added bitterly.

 

“He had to. We were still sleeping together up to four months ago.”

 

“I can’t believe it,” Lance said standing up and walking over to the railing that surrounded the hut. “Aids! But he was always so careful. He’s not a slut that sleeps around. In fact I would have laid bets that you were the only lover he has had in the past five years.”

 

“He slept with someone in London when he supported Britney. Got drunk at the after party, woke up in bed with some guy. And it’s not Aids, not yet. He has the virus not the disease.”

 

“This can’t be happening,” Chris said dropping his head into his hands. “Not Jace, not Jace.” he looked back up meeting Justin's eyes. “What is the prognosis; how long does he have?”

 

“He could have years,” Justin replied drawing on his knowledge of the illness. “But it could turn into full blown Aids next week. It’s a lottery.” Justin thought for a moment. “Look don’t say anything to him. He is tearing himself apart with guilt.”

 

Lance stared at the decking as he digested the facts that Justin had just told them. He looked up and closed his eyes his voice catching in his throat forcing him to cough to clear it. “Course we won’t say anything,” he muttered.

 

Chris stood up “I need a drink he grunted and went back inside the cabin, slamming the door behind him.

 

“Give him time,” Lance said softly. He reached out and touched Justin's arm sympathetically.

 

“I just want to make the most of what time JC and I have left,” Justin muttered miserably. “I wasted so much time.”

 

Lance put his arm around his shoulders and pulled him into a hug rubbing his back comfortingly. Justin buried his face into his chest and gave a sob.

 

“And the Oscar goes to Justin Timberlake,” he said silently in his head. “And they say that I can’t act.”

 

~*~

 

 

Chris Kirkpatrick was a stubborn bastard. Well that is what Justin decided when the oldest member of Nsync sat down on the couch and refused to move. Reluctantly he provided him and Lance with bedding and colleting a glass of juice from the kitchen he retired for the night. JC was stirring when he entered the bedroom and he sat down beside him stroking his hair tenderly.

 

“Hello beautiful,” he whispered.

 

JC whimpered and looked up at him with pain filled eyes. “Is the headache back darling?” Justin asked knowing full well that it was. “I’ll get you a drink.” He went to the dresser at the far end of the room and poured a glass of water from the jug that sat there waiting. Checking that JC was still lying down he opened a drawer and took out a small bottle, tipping four drops into the water and swirling it around. He carried it back to where JC lay. “Here sweetie,” he said lifting it to his lips. JC shuddered at the bitter taste. “What’s wrong sweetheart?” Justin asked. “It’s just water.” Damn Chris and Lance, Justin fumed. Why did they have to turn up now and spoil everything? JC was almost clear of the sedatives and they were starting to connect again, really connect. Now he was back at stage one and dug himself a hole as well, a really deep hole that he had no idea how to get out of. Now he was alone with JC again the realisation of what he had told the others sunk in. He was going to have to keep JC sedated when ever anyone was around or else they would discover the lie he had told them and he would loose JC for good.

 

A sad pathetic whimper from his lover brought him back from his thoughts and he caressed JC’s face. “What is wrong sweetheart?” he asked.

 

“Bathroom going to be sick,” JC whimpered huskily and tried to sit up. Justin supported his back and then helped him out of bed. “I was getting better,” JC wept.

 

“Maybe it is just a temporary set back sugar,” Justin said encouragingly. He helped JC to the bathroom; he supported his weight while he vomited over and over. JC cried weakly and sank to the floor despite Justin's efforts to hold him up. Justin held his lover until his dry retching abated and then walked him back to the bed that they shared. JC dropped onto the bed like a ton of bricks, his body refusing to obey him and he whimpered once more. Justin tucked his legs under the covers and settled him down. “I’ll get your medicine,” he said softly.

 

Justin took a bottle of pills out of his pocket and tipped two into his hand then handed them to JC. He reached for the glass of water and then said. “I think maybe we should go back to using the stronger ones for a while.”

 

 

JC’s eyes were full of trust as Justin handed over two black and red Advil. “I’m going to stand by you Josh,” he promised. “I won’t leave you. I will always be there for you to lean on.”

 

“My rock,” JC said groggily his eyes closing.

 

“Yes darling,” Justin whispered as JC slipped back into his drug induced sleep. “Your rock.”

 

Sleep never came to Chris, his head pounded from turning the words that Justin had said over and over in his head. JC was HIV positive, he had the Aids virus and he was going to die. Finally giving up on sleep Chris got up off of the couch, careful not to wake Lance who was curled up in front of him and went outside onto the veranda. He sat in one of the white plastic chairs and stared at the ocean, watching the gentle waves lapping at the shore. He felt helpless; he was the oldest he was the one that was meant to look after the others, keep them safe. He had always kept JC safe, first when they were in Germany and the teenage singer discovered the sordid gay nightlife of the German nightclubs and was coveted by every man present when he hit the dance floor and then later when they became famous it had fallen to him to keep the younger man from accidentally outing himself. It had become Chris’ and Joey's unofficial job to run interference between JC and his adoring public; a job that became harder once Justin hit 16.

 

“Why didn’t he tell me?” Chris yelled suddenly throwing his hands up in the air and standing up so abruptly that his chair tumbled backwards. He leaned over the veranda fencing and squeezed the bridge of his nose to stop the tears that were gathering in his eyes. From the open doorway Lance watched sadly. He knew what the older man was going through. Chris had loved JC since he first met him; it was probably true to say that they were all a little in love with JC at one time or another but Chris had always loved him that little bit more. Lance backed away silently leaving the older man to grieve in private.

 

On the third day of Chris and Lance’s visit it became obvious to Justin that they had no intention of going anywhere until they had seen JC at least once and left with no other choice Justin reduced the dosage of JC’s medication.

 

Chris stood up as Justin helped JC walk into the living room of the beach bungalow. He darted forward offering his help as his frail band mate faltered.

 

“I’ve got him,” Justin snapped. Lovingly he helped JC onto the couch and placed cushions behind his back before settling him back and lifting his feet up.

 

“I’m okay,” JC said weakly as Justin covered his legs with a thin blanket.

 

“You are sick,” Justin answered. “Let me look after you.”

 

JC leaned back and closed his eyes rubbing his temple. “Headache baby?” Justin asked.

 

JC nodded and Justin gave him a sad smile. “I’ll go and get your head medication sugar.” He gave Chris an evil look as he passed him to get JC a drink and ignored Lance altogether.

 

Chris sat down next to his former band mate and took hold of his hand... “Hey,” he said softly. “We have been worried about you.”

 

JC looked up at him with indifference. “No you weren’t,” he said nastily. “If you were you would have phoned me, visited me; but you didn’t; no one did, not even my mom. Justin is the only one that cares about me.”

 

“That isn’t true,” Lance said joining in the conversation. “I tried to call you but your phone was disconnected. I thought you had changed your number because you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

 

“I didn’t change my number,” JC said unsurely. “I’m sure …Justin did I change my number?”

 

“No sugar,” Justin said coming back with a glass of juice. “You have been having problems with your line though don’t you remember? You had to call your mom from my cell phone.”

 

JC rubbed his eyes and gave a small sob. “Why am I so sick Justin? Why don’t I remember anything?”

 

“Sweetheart it is your medication.” Justin placed a small white pill into JC’s hand. “Here sweetie, it will make your head feel better.”

 

“When was the last time he saw a doctor?” Chris grunted.

 

“Why can’t you just leave us alone?” Justin snapped back. “Your presence is making him worse.” He grabbed Chris by his arm and dragged him up and out on to the veranda. “He is worrying himself sick that you will find out what is wrong with him,” he hissed. “Just take your little boyfriend and leave.”

 

Chris shrugged him off. “He shouldn’t be that sick Justin. Don’t you fucking care? Aren’t you fucking worried because I the hell am.”

 

“I can look after him,” Justin snapped back. “Just fuck off back to the states and leave JC to me.”

 

~*~

 

 

Lance lifted the juice to JC’s lips and the skinny man sipped it swallowing the pill that Justin had given him. “Thank you,” he whispered.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me Jaycee?” Lance asked in a low tone.

 

“You didn’t want to know, you hadn’t contacted me. I thought you didn’t care.”

 

“JC of course I care. I care, Joey cares, and Chris cares. You could have told us. You could have told me.” Lance’s eyes filled with tears and he caressed JC’s pale face. “You have always been so careful. How could you have made such a terrible mistake?”

 

“Mistake?” JC repeated.

 

“Don’t be mad,” Lance said quietly. “We forced Justin to tell us what was wrong. He told us what happened in London and he told us what was wrong with you.”

 

“You know what is wrong with me?” JC whimpered grasping Lance’s hand. “Tell me,” he begged. “Justin keeps telling me I am just run down but I think its more than that and that all I need is to rest.”

 

Lance frowned; JC was genuinely confused and in the dark about his condition and yet Justin had told both himself and Chris that JC had seen a doctor and had HIV confirmed. He continued to hold JC’s hand, stroking his soft skin with his thumb. “You have seen a doctor?” he asked sympathetically.

 

JC shook his head. “Justin said there was no need. Lance if you know what is wrong with me.” The sound of Chris and Justin returning interrupted JC’s plea and Lance hushed him.

 

“Don’t say anything to Justin about what we talked about,” Lance whispered pleadingly. “I will find out what I can and tell you.”

 

“Promise?” JC asked hopefully.

 

“I promise,” Lance replied. Something strange was going on and he was going to find out what.

 

Justin's face was like thunder when he came back into the bungalow, he slammed the door behind him and went straight into the kitchen ignoring Chris who followed him in. the older singer was about to chase after him when Lance grabbed his arm. “Chris a quick word outside,” Lance said in a low tone.

 

The older man looked towards Justin who was busy pouring a glass of juice and then back at Lance and nodded, following him out onto the veranda.

 

“What is it?” he asked impatiently.

 

“JC doesn’t know,” Lance hissed through his teeth.

 

Chris frowned drawing his eyebrows together. “He doesn’t know what?" he asked needing to clarify just what Lance was trying to say.

 

Lance sighed and chewed on his bottom lip. “Justin said that JC knew that he had HIV, he said that he saw a doctor and was confirmed.”

 

“Right,” Chris agreed.

 

“JC just told me that he hasn’t seen a doctor. That Justin won’t let him. He doesn’t know what is wrong with him.” Lance raked his fingers through his short brown hair. “What the fuck is going on Chris?”

 

The older man’s mouth set in a straight line. “I don’t know but I’m not leaving until I know JC is alright.”

 

Justin ignored his band mates as they went out onto the veranda and stood conversing in secret. Instead he busied himself fixing a juice for JC. He checked that Chris and Lance were still outside and then broke open two capsules and mixed it into JC’s drink.

 

He carried it into his frail lover. “I brought you a drink,” he said pushing it into JC’s hands. “What did you and Lance talk about?” he asked casually.

 

“He was just telling me that he missed me,” JC lied. “He asked when we would be going home.”

 

“Do you want to go home?” Justin asked.

 

“No!” JC exclaimed shaking his head. “Lance asked that was all.”

 

“Drink your juice,” Justin urged.

 

JC took a sip and winced. “It is really bitter,” he said pushing it back at Justin. The younger man shook his head and made JC take it back. “You are not eating; you need something so you must drink it.”

 

JC made a small noise of protest but dutifully drained the glass shuddering at the last mouthful.

 

“Good boy,” Justin praised. “Now you lie there and I will get you a small sandwich.”

 

JC reached for his hand. “I love you,” he breathed.

 

Justin leaned down and kissed him sweetly on his lips tasting the bitterness of the juice that JC had just drunk. “I love you too,” he breathed back.

 

~*~

 

“I’m going into town for a drink,” Chris announced two days later. “You want to come?” he asked Justin.

 

“No,” Justin answered curtly.

 

“You should go,” Lance said from his place on the couch. “You look tired, you need a break. I’ll look after JC.”

 

“You don’t know about his medication,” Justin argued

 

“Justin you will be gone one hour two at the most. Go and have some fun.”

 

Justin chewed on the skin at the side of his thumb nail. “He needs me. If he wakes up and I’m not here.”

 

“If he wakes up I will call you,” Lance promised.

 

“No, no I can’t; you and Chris go,” Justin answered.

 

“Justin you have looked after JC for the past god knows how many months. An hour in the local bar won’t make you a bad person.” Lance handed him his wallet.

 

“One hour,” Justin confirmed and Lance nodded in agreement. He stood on the veranda and waved them goodbye, watching the buggy bouncing over the sand. As soon as he was sure they weren’t coming back Lance got out his phone.

 

“This is Lance,” he said into the mouth piece “We have an hour,”

 

The local barman was drying a glass with a white cotton cloth as Justin entered the building and approached the bar. Recognising him from before he grinned. “Long island tea right?” he said his face split in two by his smile. Justin nodded yes and the barman looked at Chris waiting for him to give him his order.

 

“Beer,” Chris volunteered. He tugged Justin's arm. “There is a table over there,” he said pointing to a corner. “Go sit and I will bring the drinks.” Justin shrugged uncaringly but made his way over to the table never the less.

 

Chris got out his wallet to pay. “You’re American,” he asked as he took out a note and passed it to the barman.

 

“That’s right,” the young man answered. “I hail from California originally. Came here on vacation about four years ago, couldn’t bear to leave again.”

 

“You seem to know my friend,” Chris observed.

 

“Sure he has been in here a couple of times.”

 

“With a tall skinny dude with dark hair and blue eyes?” Chris asked.

 

The barkeeper shook his head. “No, he usually comes alone but he checks his watch a lot like he has to meet someone.”

 

Chris gathered up his drinks, “keep them coming and there will be a big tip for you at the end of the night.”

 

The barman grinned even wider. “You betcha,” he said with his eyes sparkling.

 

~*~

 

Lance went into the bedroom and lifted JC’s limp arm, feeling his pulse and then he went into the bathroom and got a bowl of water and a washcloth. He dipped the cloth into the water and smoothed it over JC’s face.

 

“JC,” he said. “JC can you open your eyes for me?”

 

The older man stirred slightly but never woke up. Lance wet his face again. “JC, honey you have to wake up for me.”

 

JC’s eyelids flickered and he licked his lips opening his eyes only to shut them again.

 

“That’s it, wake up Jace.” He dipped the washcloth into the water once more and smoothed it over JC’s face again. He then wiped it down JC’s arms and over his chest. The frail man shivered slightly and then opened his eyes.

 

“Thirsty,” he croaked.

 

Lance smiled down at him. “I’ll get you some water.” He darted into the kitchen and returned with a tall glass of iced water. He lifted it to JC’s lips and the parched man drank thirstily.

 

“Justin,” JC whispered as Lance laid him back down.

 

“Chris took him out for a drink,” Lance explained.

 

“That’s good,” JC croaked. “I’ve ruined his vacation enough.”

 

“I’m sure he doesn’t see it that way,” Lance replied with a kind smile. There was a tap at the door and a short balding Indian man in a suit and glasses came inside.

 

“Mr. Bass?” he asked holding out his hand. “I’m Doctor Patel. Is this my patient?”

 

Lance moved aside so the doctor could get to JC more easily. “Yes this is JC.”

 

The doctor felt around JC’s glands and shone a light into his eyes. “Any headaches, sickness?” he asked.

 

“Headache,” JC replied weakly.

 

“What do you take for them?” the doctor asked taking out his stethoscope.

 

“Justin gives me Advil, the black and red ones.”

 

The doctor looked at JC over his glasses. “You are sure they are the red and black ones?” he asked and JC nodded. The doctor looked at Lance meeting his eyes and Lance shrugged indicating that he had no idea what JC was talking about. “I’m just going to listen to your chest,” the doctor said turning his attention back to JC. He moved his stethoscope around a little even getting Lance to support JC while he listened to his back. The doctor packed up his equipment and then sat down by JC’s side and took his hand.

 

“JC,” he said kindly. “I would very much like to take you into hospital and do some tests. Is there anything else that you can tell me that might help me determine what is wrong with you?”

 

JC shook his head, his eyes filling with tears. “You think that there is something seriously wrong with me don’t you?” he wept.

 

“I don’t know what is wrong with you at the moment but if you come into my hospital I promise that I will find out.”

 

JC nodded his agreement.

 

“We can take him now,” Lance said collecting a bathrobe from the back of the bedroom door. He helped JC into it. “I’ll be just a minute,” he promised the frail older man and guided the doctor out of the bedroom.

 

“Do you have any idea what is wrong with him?” he asked. “His boyfriend says he has HIV but when I asked JC he insists that he hasn’t seen a doctor.”

 

“This Justin is his boyfriend?” the doctor asked clarifying the facts and Lance nodded.

 

“What concerns me is that JC thinks he has been taking Advil when clearly he hasn’t. Advil are not now or ever have been red and black capsules. What ever it is that Justin is giving him it is not Advil. From the dilation of his pupils I would say that JC is being drugged but until I get him into hospital and do some tests I don’t know with what.”

 

Lance gasped in shock. “I don’t believe it. He wouldn’t hurt JC.”

 

“Maybe he doesn’t think of it as hurting JC. Justin could be suffering from Munchausen’s disease by Proxy.

 

Lance scrapped his fingers over his scalp pulling back his hair. “I’ll get JC,” he said eventually. “I want him out of here before Justin gets back.”

 

~*~

 

 Chris grunted as he pulled a very drunk Justin out of the sand buggy and half carried him up to the bungalow. He kicked open the door and staggering under the taller man’s weight managed to get him to the couch and drop him on top of it. Justin laid back and giggled.

 

“See, see, JC doesn’t know,” he rambled drunkenly. “Doesn’t understand how hard it is.” Chris pulled off his shoes and lifted his feet onto the couch and covered his legs with a blanket. Justin grabbed his sleeve. “I fucking love that man,” Justin slurred. “Do anything to keep him.”

 

“Get some sleep,” Chris said patiently. He tugged at his arm but Justin kept a firm grip. “JC needs to be controlled,” Justin continued. “Needs a firm hand, keep him in line.”

 

“Is that what you do Justin, keep him in line?” Chris asked.

 

“Damn right,” Justin slurred. “Depends on me now. Loves me again.”

 

Chris glared at the drunken man. “And what about Cameron?”

 

“Who?” Justin asked in confusion and then lifted one finger. “Ohhhhh Cameron. Gives a good blow job. Do you know that she can get a cock and both balls in her mouth at the same time, it is that big?”

 

Chris cringed at the unneeded information. “What is really wrong with JC?” he asked.

 

Justin giggled again. “Nothing,” he said drunkenly and then giggled some more.

 

Chris clenched his fists and loomed over Justin his face almost black with anger. “What did you do to him?” he hissed grabbing the front of his shirt but the only answer he got was a loud snore as Justin slipped into drunken oblivion.

 

Chris howled and slung Justin back onto the couch. He reached into his back pocket and took out his phone. “Lance,” he said after he had dialled. “The fucker has done something JC.”

 

Lance listened on the end of the phone and then said, “I know. They are doing tests on him now. Are you going to come to the hospital?”

 

Chris looked down at Justin. “Yeah but I have to make sure this mother fucker is safe first. I got him ratted.”

 

Lance laughed. “Good. I hope he has a hangover when he wakes up. See you in an hour.”

 

“No probs,” Chris answered and hung up. “Right you asshole,” he said addressing an unconscious Justin. “Let’s make sure that you sleep safely for now.” He rolled Justin on his side and propped him in place with cushions. He then went into the bathroom and came back with a bucket which he placed at the side of the couch. “Sweet dreams fuck face,” he hissed and then left locking the door behind him.

 

~*~

 

Lance stood up as Chris came into the waiting room. “How is he?” the older man asked as he hugged his younger band member.

 

“He is still unconscious,” Lance answered motioning for Chris to take a seat and he sat down opposite him. “They have taken blood and its down at the Path lab now.”

 

“Justin admitted to me that there is nothing wrong with JC,” Chris said angrily. “But something is obviously wrong, I mean look at Jace! He is barely able to function.”

 

“The doctor thinks that Justin has been drugging JC,” Lance said in a low voice and leaned forward in his chair. “The little we could get out of JC leads him to believe that Justin has been feeding him some kind of sedative to make him weak and drowsy all the time. He might have even been giving him something else to make him vomit.”

 

Chris clenched his fists. “When will we know?” he asked.

 

Lance sighed and shrugged. “The doctor wants to talk to JC again although he is pretty confidant that JC won’t have a clue of what is being done to him.”

 

The two men sat quietly waiting. The only noise in the room was coming from the TV that was mounted high on a wall. Chris checked his watch for the umpteenth time, his leg bouncing from where he was putting pressure on a nerve. Lance stretched. “I’ll get some more coffee,” he said standing up and stretching once more. As he started to cross the room to the coffee machine the door opened and Doctor Patel came inside. Chris jumped to his feet and shuffled impatiently for the man to speak.

 

“Mr. Bass,” he said holding his hand out to Lance.

 

“How is he,” Chris blurted.

 

The doctor looked at the hyperactive man over the rim of his glasses. “It’s alright, this is Chris Kirkpatrick, he is a good friend of JC’s you can speak in front of him,” Lance assured the doctor.

 

The doctor nodded. “Well we have flushed the sedatives out of Mr. Chasez’s body and the results of most of the tests have all come back. All of them are clear so far. The only one that we are waiting for is the HIV test and that will take a week or so but I am confidant that that will come back negative as well.”

 

“What about the vomiting?” Lance asked.

 

“Yeah,” Chris added. “He has had violent vomiting sprees at least three times since we have been on Maldives.”

 

“Well that was a concern,” Dr Patel admitted. “So we looked into substances that could induce vomiting and we discovered that JC was being poisoned with a substance called Syrup of Ipecac. It is a poison that is used in emergency rooms to induce vomiting when another poison has been ingested. It is nasty stuff not only will it leave you feeling sick for hours but prolonged use is deadly, it eats away at your throat and stomach tissues. I had an anorexic patient a few years ago that was using it to loose weight and even though she recovered from the anorexia she died three years later from the Syrup of Ipecac and she hadn’t taken it since the day she recovered.”

 

“I’m going to fucking kill him,” Chris grunted and barged passed the doctor towards the door. Lance chased after him.

 

“There is no point in going off the deep end Chris. Justin doesn’t think he has done anything wrong. He is the one that is sick. Munchausen’s, that’s right isn’t it doctor,” Lance turned to the Asian doctor for support.

 

“Bullshit,” Chris hissed. “Munchausen’s by proxy is something that a mother of small children is likely to suffer from. I know; I did a paper on it at university.

 

Doctor Patel nodded. “You are of course right young man. What I think Justin has is a form of Munchausen’s by Proxy but instead of making the child sick to gain attention and sympathy from others Justin is making JC sick so that he needs him.”

 

“It’s all about taking control then?” Lance asked.

 

“Basically yes,” Dr Patel replied. “He kept JC weak and sick so that he could control him, take control of his life, to keep him safe.”

 

“This is madness,” Chris said shaking his head. “You sound almost sorry for Justin. Just forget the fact that he tried to kill JC.”

 

“He didn’t try to kill him, well not intentionally. He just wanted him sick enough that he would stay and need him,” Dr Patel replied. “Anyway JC is awake; he is very weak but he is aware of what has been happening to him. At the moment he is denying that Justin would do anything to harm him but deep down you can tell he knows it is the truth.” The doctor shook Lance’s hand and then Chris’. “If you wait here I will send a nurse to take you to him.”

 

“Thank you doctor,” Chris and Lance said together.

 

~*~

 

 

JC was lying flat in his bed his dark hair spread out over his pillow when Lance and Justin were led into his private room. The slim singer looked thinner than ever and extremely pale; his normally bright blue eyes seemed dark and sunken and echoed the sadness that he was feeling.

 

“How are you feeling,” Lance asked sitting on the side of the bed and lifting his hand.

 

“Like I have been ten rounds with Mike Tyson,” JC replied softly.

 

“Dude you look it too,” Chris chirped.

 

“Always the flatterer,” JC said with a small sad smile. He looked away from their concerned eyes. “Where is Justin?” he asked.

 

“Where is Justin,” Chris shouted. “After what he did to you, you still ask where is Justin?”

 

Lance placed a calming hand on Chris’ arm. “He is back at the beach bungalow. We took you away from him.”

 

JC’s chin trembled and he blinked back tears that started to gather in his eyes. He nodded his acceptance of the situation and then turned away again. “I’ve been such a fool,” he whispered.

 

“No you haven’t,” Lance replied sympathetically. “You were manipulated, drugged. You had no control over what was happening to you.”

 

Tears started to roll down JC’s cheeks as he lost the battle to contain them. “I love him so much,” he wept. “Why did he do this to me?”

 

“Justin is sick,” Lance said softly. “He needs help. We will get him help I promise.”

 

JC nodded and turned his face into the pillow weeping for his lover. Lance patted his shoulder supportively and then looked at Chris and nodded at the doorway

 

Chris nodded back. “Get some rest kid,” he said in his high pitched voice. “We will come back later and if the doc agrees we will take you home. JC turned back to face them his eyes red raw from crying. He nodded acceptingly.

 

“I think I want to see my mom,” he said shakily. “I want my mom.”

 

Chris smiled at him. “I will call her right now,” he promised.

 

~*~

 

Justin licked his parched lips and groaned as he lifted his head off the cushions. His head felt as if there was a brass band playing inside of it. Slowly he sat up and his foot kicked the bucket that was at the side of the couch. He scratched his head and then reached down his pants and scratched his balls. Advil, he needed Advil. He stood up tentatively and went to the kitchen cupboard where he kept the regular Advil and popped two into his mouth washing them down with water.

 

He went back into the living room noticing for the first time that Lance and Chris weren’t there. He smiled to himself and then pouring another glass of water went in to see to JC.

 

He stopped dead at the sight of the empty bed. His heart began to race and he looked wildly around as if he expected to see JC coming out of the bathroom. A slip of paper on JC’s pillow caught his eye and he picked it up, reading it.

 

Busted asshole.

 

We have JC with us. We know what you did to him and we are warning you stay away.

Come near him again and you will be arrested. He doesn’t want you.

 

 Justin sank onto the bed crumpling the note in his fist. JC was gone. After all that they had been through he lost him anyway. Justin reached over and picked up JC’s pillow and held it against his face inhaling deeply. It still smelt like his lover. Justin began to cry, sobs wracking his body and then as quickly as he began he stopped again. He packed up all of his and JC’s stuff and phoned for a cab. It was time to go back to Cameron.

 

Epilogue

 

JC’s mom greeted him at the door as he arrived home in LA. Karen hugged her darling son and then stepped back appalled at his ultra thin appearance. She looked at him sadly but never said anything instead she just took his hand and led him into his sitting room and pushed him down on the couch. She picked up a bottle of water and handed it to him. “I’ll get you something to eat,” she said tenderly.

 

JC held the bottle in his hands for a moment unsure if it was safe to drink. He examined the bottle top and noticed that it was still sealed so he twisted it off and drank thirstily. Karen returned with a sealed bought sandwich and a packet salad on a tray. She placed the tray on JC’s lap.

 

“Eat up darling,” she said encouragingly.

 

Again JC examined the packaging carefully ensuring that it hadn’t been tampered with before he opened it and ate with a hungry gusto.

 

Karen watched her son sadly. He didn’t even trust her anymore. Chris and Lance had warned her that JC would have issues because of what Justin had done to him. Justin, his name tasted bitter on her tongue. She had wanted to prosecute him, have him arrested for what he had done to her beloved Josh but JC refused stating that if they tried to go over his head he would deny everything and say that he was doing it all to himself.

 

“Thanks mom,” JC said quietly hanging his head. He knew how much it must hurt her that he didn’t trust her to handle his food and drink, he didn’t trust anyone not anymore. Tears welled in his eyes as Justin came unbidden into his head. He loved Justin with all his heart; trusted him, relied on him and he had betrayed him in the worse way. Now he would never be able to love anyone ever again. Dejectedly JC stood up. “I think I’ll go to bed mom,” he said and Karen got up and hugged him tightly. It pained her to know that despite everything JC still loved Justin deeply.

 

“It will be alright my darling,” she assured him. “You are strong, you will survive this.”

 

JC nodded. “I know,” he whispered in reply. “Goodnight.”

 

~*~

 

“Cameron,” Justin shouted. “Do you want a juice?”

 

“Oh yes please,” the quirky blonde actress chirped back from the pool side.

 

In the kitchen Justin poured two glasses of pomegranate juice, one in a pale pink glass and one in a baby blue. With quick slight of hand he broke two red and black capsules over one of the drinks and stirred it in.

 

“Here you go,” he said going out to where Cameron was lounging at the side of the pool. He handed her the pale pink glass and watched her smiling as she drank it down.

 

“So what do you want to do tonight?” he asked her as he sat on an adjacent sun bed and took of his shirt.

 

Cameron drained her juice and shuddered at the bitterness left at the bottom of the glass. “Oh I don’t know,” she said cheerfully. “Lets wait and see how we feel.”

 

Justin lay back grinning. “Sure thing,” he said closing his eyes. “Lets see how you feel.”

 

 

The end

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