Hello, my name is Ryan. I have a shirt that says chicks dig scrawny pale guys. This is true. The Hot Topic shirts do not lie. Chicks would rather go out with a scrawny pale guy like me because they know the guys with the big muscles and spandex T-shirts will be working at Burger King in a few years.

I'm considered a scrawny pale guy because of my toothpick-like body and albino epidermis layer. But I have a hidden weapon. It's my beer gut. When I grab it, people don't believe it. They think I have something tucked beneath my shirt. But then I take my shirt off and they see it. Yes, it is real. I am proud of my beer belly. People ask how a skinny guy like me can have a gut that fat. I tell them to get out of here.