"However long the night, the dawn will break."
-African Proverb
What is it you want to see here? An explanation? I don't think you'll find it.
Perhaps the dawn was coming, but the night became so unbearable I could not endure.
There are no answers, unless you consider an immense accumulation of hate - so much so that a person's soul begins to feel it strangling out the life, joy, love that are possible. Until there's nothing left, just a shell.
I didn't want to hate, it was just there, growing inside of me until I felt as if it had overtaken; what was left of me was strangled and buried. I didn't want to go on like a prisoner in my own mind and body. Too many bad things have happened in a span of 20 years. Why would I want to wait around another 50 or so to hope for something better? In the end, I would pass away and lose it anyhow, or - more likely - be pretty disappointed that I wasted an entire life span waiting for some sort of relief that never came.
And so, if you're reading this, I am either gone or made a decision which clearly lacked judgement, that being showing this to anybody before the time was apt.
If you're anybody outside of family (whom I've always imagined feel the obligation to sorrow at the passing of one of their own, even if it's not genuine) I imagine there will be... a lack of concern towards this web site. People die every day.
There seems to be an underwhelming amount of people willing to disagree that I am anything more than a consumption of resources. I have no intellectual or physical traits to offer anybody, which has been made clear to me on more than a few occasions. And regarding emotions, well - clearly if I had anything stable in that area of any sort of use to another person, I wouldn't be here, now would I?
And I find that in a society like ours at this time, the loss of one more mess like myself won't really have much of an impact. I never kept any friends close, which at this time I suppose is a blessing, since there won't be any heartbreak for any of them to suffer.
But in the inconceivable case I happen to affect anybody to any great degree, I apologize.
P.S. Yes you must endure James Blunt's "You're Beautiful" on repeat, until you close this window.
There comes a song on the radio, on occasion, that you wish with all your heart somebody would dedicate to you. It doesn't matter who, or why, you just wish somebody heard those lyrics and thought of you. This is that song for me, but I realized long before this point that these words would never trigger a thought of Kelley E. in the mind of anybody, at any time.
