ALPHA BETA TOGA in action! Bania, Cecilia, Shonda, Mandy, Martha, Caroline, Nikki, and Holly
THE WALL OF SHAME
The random and retarded sayings of me and my friends.
"Many people do me on a daily basis."--Bania
"America is just unzipping its fly to show the world how big it is."--Dr. DeRochi
"It's only fun if you have somewhere to put it."--Moira
"I know people that have done you."--Andrew
"How am I supposed to concentrate on schizophrenia when I'm thinking about woman fluids?"--Matthew
"I wouldn't wear a hat like that unless I was mowing the lawn."--Eric
"Where did you get that orgasm?"--Nikki
"I can't afford to support your drinking habit."--Me
"You both knew you were destined to be pretty."--Me
"Dropped my comma; looking for a semi-colon."--Caroline
"I almost broke my pencil in your ass."--Me
"You went around your ass to get to your elbow."--Bania
"I like that word b/c it has ass in it."--Bania
"Do you ever feel just like knocking someone over?"--Me
"Everyone's had your phone at one time or another."--Me
"This room is full of virginity."--Bania
"He smells like shitty weed."--Me
"Write that on your hand...Ian is Jewish."--Me
"Bend it over. Do it DIRTY."--Mw
"You don't lick the tip? You have to lick the tip to get the juices flowing."--Caroline
"Damn...you've got a nice shirt."--Jessica
"I'd go out with you if I was a lesbian."--Caroline
"That's a good Christmas present...here have my sperm."--Rachel
"Caroline's ass is MIA."--Me
"She always spikes her drinks."--Me
"I know my rice is small."--Me
"All I hear is blah blah blah I'm a dirty tramp."
"How did I get a stain UNDER my rack?"--Caroline
"BBbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbullshit"
"Don't be embarrassed that you're showing your pad."--Shonda
"Stupid people can't even flush an automatic toilet."--Me
"She has an obsession with stealing things with wheels."--Rachel
"Your grandma is a GILF."--Ryan
"You BIT my FINGER."--Me
"Shake it like it's broken."--Me
"I'm drunk and this is a sober conversation."--Dan
"Was I absent that day?"--Caroline
"You're messing with the cloth."--Caroline
"...since OJ got out."--Me
"Test THIS minions."--Me
"I'm going to cut you into 8 slices of bitcheroni"
"Your mom...twice...thrice...how do you do the rice?"--Group Effort
"I fell over in a pile."--Me
"I'll take the Anatomy of Chickens for $200 Alex."--Me
"It's b/c you're special uhhh uhhh uhhh...Mandy."--Bania
"You'll be Finnish if you have a dash."--Me
"I'm black where it counts."--Will
"Where am I going with this story?"--Me
"I beat her in smell."--Me
"Good question...no answer."--Shonda
"That will cost you some pretzels."--Nikki
"I got trashed...with my mom."--Bania
"He's as white as Dr. Seuss."--Bania
"I'll lick your jeans."--Matt
"I'm unintentionally swearing."--Me
"I bet he buys condoms with diamonds on them."--Me
"I don't share boys' meat."--Nikki
"The don't breed 'em black in Russia."--Bania
"Can I read your shirt?"--Random nasty guy at Walmart trying to look at my booty
"They don't have the jokes on the sticks b/c they don't have the sticks."--Cecilia
"She strikes me as a sucker."--Bania
"You can feel whatever you want."--Cecilia
"You get a winky button."--Rachel's Mom
"Robo-bitch"--Me
"It's all about the love." Dr. DeRochi
"I even shaved my chest...okay like awhile ago."--Matt
"You could write a book about your booty."--T-Drake
"I feel like if I lick it, the whole thing will fall off."--Holly
"I bet I am the only man in America that's gotten a ticket driving a hearse."--Byron
"Your momma did what? With who? For how much? Well, somebody's gotta put food on the table."--Group Effort
"I think my nipples are permanently hard."--Shonda
"It's not like his middle name is horseraddish."--Bania
"I'm watching you with my eyes open."--Tabbi
"Don't hate on the gimp baby."--Caroline
"My brother moons me on a consistent basis."--Me
"Who has a camel toe on their ass?"--Caroline
"She just kinda landed on your ass like it's a shelf."--Bania
"I forgot to show you what's under my pants."--Shonda
"Catholics don't believe in birth control...I know that's why I don't have sex with condoms."--Caroline
"Yeah, b/c everyone gets naked infront of their sister."--Me
"If a guy talked to me like that, I'd ask him to reattach his balls."--Me
"I got BIT...by a human."--Shonda
"I haven't had you yet today."--Bania
"If bet she doesn't laugh when people fall down."--Me
"I don't want to know why all of that is in your pants."--Me
"Can I borrow your rack?"--Caroline
"I can't thrust."--Bania
"Apparently I'm not good at screwing."--Rachel
"What if you only had one buttcheek?"--Caroline
"You don't need any floaties for that shallow answer."--Me
"I'm going to smack you into next week and kick your ass on Thursday."--Me
"Edible Orgasms."--Me
"Just don't sweat their balls."--Nikki
"How much sex does that make?"--Me
"The back of his head looks kinda cute."--Kerry
"I always get myself in trouble when I think."--Me
"Is his thingy broken?"--Me
"What would happen if you fried chicken naked?"--Caroline
"That sounds like some sex toy."--Caroline
"Yous a sexy motha shut yo mouth."--Me
"That mellow yellow is flatter than my sister."--Andrew
"BENCH!!!"--Lynetta
"You stand out like a whore in church."--Me
"Shut the FRONT DOOR."--ME
"Only on days that end in Y and twice on Sundays."--Me
"I think where he puts his comma is just fine."--Bania
"That hole is EXIT ONLY."--Caroline
"I'm making guesstures at you!"--Shonda
"You NEVER throw away a good string of Christmas lights."--Rachel
"We had sideways sex."--Me
"I'm going to go sit in the fall."--Me
"I have discovered Southern Comfort."--Caroline
"What is this________that you speak of?"--Rachel
"Shake it like you stole it."--Rachel
"I wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole."--Me
"Are you in your feet?"--Caroline
"You're so hot you make my teeth sweat."--Bania
"Curiouser and Curiouser."--Rachel
"Rudolph got runover by a reindeer."--Me
"What the facef*ck??"--Byrd
"That's GREEAAAATTT"--Caroline
"Is he the resident homosexual?"--Rachel
"Shake it like you own it?"--Rachel
"You apple eating bastard!!!"--guy at Welcome Week
"I would have raped you if I was a lesbian."--Shonda
"If you don't believe me, how you expect to fly a kite?"--Byrd
"I left myself hanging."--Caroline
"I'll DEBO you."--Me
"Are you excited about your meat?"--Rachel
"Don't do that--especially in a bed."
"Divide and Conquer!!!"--Me
"Go to shit."--Byrd
"I would love to lick your cheese."--Caroline
"You VULGAR OBSCENITY."--Me
"I don't even sleep with ALIVE people."--Bania
"You dumb vampire."--Rachel
"I'm a Hug!"--Me
"I am Dancing Darryl."--Me
"That's a BIG NUT."--Dr. DeRochi
"BAH"--Me
"Bobbing for ghosts."--Me
"Dumbass questions deserve smartass answers."--Thomas
"Like I know what hole that goes in."--Rachel
"My boyfriend made you bleed?"--Caroline
"Shonda is off-black."--Me
"Shonda's been a sista since she was born."--Me
"You're going to the hot place."--Me
"Shut up Mother Teresa."--Me
"...In Bed."--Group Effort
"I thought that was a braille nametag."--Me
"Sing Rainbow in the Sky."--Me
"Snowflake"--Random Rock Hillian trying to hit on me
"I smell a boy."--Bania
"Curse you!"--Rachel
"Meet my ostrich!"--Me
"I'm a sexy bitch"--Me
"I like them hard."--Me
"C's Brain is on overload."--Me
"Just fill me up with juice."--Me
"I wouldn't have sex with you with my brother's penis."--Me
"Aie Aie Aie!"--Me and Cecilia
"I don't wear no brown Dollar General sandals."--Quad
"That's kick thigh!"--Shonda
"You can never go wrong with fingers."--Cecilia
"It's all fun and games until Merritt gets raped by a gorilla."--Me
"I almost just fell our of my shower."--Me
"We're the Golden Girls and she's our Rose."--Me
"I treasure it!"--Rachel
"Bubble my cheese."--Me
"If I had his baby then I could really be an aunt."--Caroline
"What's his price?"--Me
"You have to know where to put your comma!"--Me
"WHEELS!!!"--Caroline
"Chicken Walk"--Me
"Mystery Moisture!"--Rachel
"Booties, Boobies, and Funnies!"--Me
"1 Funny + 2 Funnies = EXTRA FUNNY!"--Rachel
"$2 Hooker"--Bania
"Is he a crazy moose?"--Rachel
"Randomosity!"--Rachel
"Red is Naughtier!!"--Kerry
"No, No, Not so much."--Pilot
"Stop looking at me swan"
"It doesn't go deep enough."
"Personal Moment!"--Me
"Is coontail some kind of refernce to poon tang?"--Caroline
"...in my pants"--Group Effort
"There's nothing like smacking a nun on the butt."--Rachel
"That's so Canadian."--TJ
"I love the way that feels against my thigh."--Shonda
"I am Rachel the Raging Inferno!"--Rachel
"Not the brightest cookie in the book now are ya?"--Bania
"You may grab it."--Caroline
"Bite my ass Krispy Kreme!"--Me
"How BIZARRE IS THAT???"--Me
"Whoreno"--TJ
"You're my honey bunches of oats!"--Stefanie
"Her taste must only be in her mouth."--Bania
"Whatever blows your skirt up."--Me
"I'd hate to see you lick a stamp."--Me
"You underesitmate my sneakiness, sneaky sneaky."
"Can I hear that in the key of eeeehhhhhhhhhhhhh?"--Me
"Diet Ecstacy"--Me
"You would make a great sex partner, Mandy"--Caroline
"I so tried to do that cool!"--Caroline
"That's not the only thing that she spreads."--Me
"Easy on the stabbing."--Bania
"I'm such a bumbass."--Bania
"Just lick it up and get out of here!"--Stefanie
"I don't enjoy these fingers."--Bania
"I hate my freaking eyes."--Tyler
"That hurts when I put it in my butt."--Bania
"This feels so cool between your fingers."--Tabbi
"Dirty fo it."--Martha
"Say it ain't so!!!"--Martha
"I was thinking about us on all fours."--Bania
"You have an inner desire to mate with him."--Bania
"It's a circular lesbian fiesta."--Me
50 THINGS ADMISSIONS NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT COLLEGE
1. Quarters = Gold
2. Two meals per day is the standard.
3. Road trip whenever possible.
4. Going to the mailbox was never an ego booster/breaker before.
5. You will begin to nap again.
6. Your bookstore bill will almost equal tuition.
7. Squirt guns = Stress relief.
8. Instant Messenger becomes an addiction.
9. E-mail becomes your second language.
10. College students throw paper airplanes too.
11. You never realized that so many people were smarter than you.
12. College football is the coolest thing on the planet.
13. Western Europe could be wiped out by a horrible plague and you wouldn't know, byut you can recite last week's re-run of The Simpsons verbatim.
14. Cartoons are for all ages, especially Scooby Doo.
15. Disney movies are more than just classics.
16. You will never rent more movies in your life.
17. No one is too old for video games.
18. Procrastination is an art form.
19. SNOOD is more addicting than pot.
20. Thanks to Aimster/Audiogalaxy/Morpheus/Kazaa/Imesh, you will never listen to one of your CDs again.
21. It never sucked so much to get sick.
22. The health service nurses are there because they couldn't make it at a real hospital. Never ever forget that.
23. Care packages are right up there with birthdays.
24. Campus is only clean for Family Weekend and Freshman Orientation.
25. Nothing you want to register for will be open.
26. Classes...the later, the better.
27. You are no longer thankful that fire alarms are there to protect you.
28. Jeans may be worn as many times as the wearer desires.
29. The only time to dress up is when your jeans are dirty.
30. Showers become less important; sleep becomes more important.
31. Asleep by 2:30 a.m. is an early night.
32. Creativity in the dining halls is key.
33. The Freshman 15 is not a myth! (or how about the freshman 20...25...30)
34. If it's snowing out, the only reason you will leave your room is for food.
35. Dishes smell after days of piling up.
36. Cereal makes a meal any time of the day.
37. You will eat anywhere that is a buffet.
38. You will eat anything that is free.
39. New additions to the food groups: ramen and pizza.
40. Stealing from the dining hall will become second nature.
41. ATM's are the devils advocate. ATM = Another Twenty Missing.
42. Keys have never been so important, yet you seem to lose them or lock yourself out of the room even more.
43. Duct tape heals all wounds.
44. If they say you can't have it in your dorm, they are just kidding.
45. You will come to hate hallways/elevators with a passion.
46. Those ugly cinder blocks are not sound proof.
47. Pictures, posters, emails, or anyting else to cover the ugly cell we live in will transformed into wallpaper.
48. Everyone is only nice for the first week. After that, no matter how nice you are, some people just won't smile back. Get used to it.
49. You are never alone!
50. You realize college is the ideal lifestyle, except for those pesky classes.
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN COLLEGE TOO LONG WHEN...
*You actually like doing laundry at home.
*Two miles is NOT too far to walk for a party.
*You'd rather clean than study.
*"Oh Shit how did it get so late?!?!" comes out of your mouth at least once a night.
*Mom's meatloaf and potatoes become something you desire, not aviod.
*Half the time you don't wake up in your own bed and it seems normal.
*You schedule your classes around sleep habits and tv shows.
*You know the pizza guy by name.
*You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark.
*You live for getting mail.
*Looking out the window is a form of entertainment.
*Prank phone calls become funny again.
*You start thinking and sounding like your roommate.
*Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth. Not so much
*Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime.
*Wal-Mart is the coolest store.
*The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday.
BEFORE I CAME TO COLLEGE, I WISH I HAD KNOWN...
*That it didn't matter how late I scheduled my first class, I'd still sleep through it.
*That I could change so much and barely realize it.
*That you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways.
*No matter how "cool" you were in high school, no one here cares.
*That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed up.
*That every clock on campus shows a different time.
*That if you were smart in high school, so what? It doesn't matter here.
*That I would go to a party the night before a final.
*That Chem Labs/Architecture studios take up more time than all my other classes put together.
*That you can know everything and still fail a test.
*That you can know nothing and ace a test.
*That I could get used to almost anything found out about my roommate.
*That most of my education would be obtained outside of class.
*That friendship is more than getting drunk together.
*That I would be one of those people that my parents warned me about.
*That Sunday is a figment of the world's imagination.
*That Psychology is really Biology, that Biology is really Chemistry, that Chemistry is really Physics, and Physics is really Math.
*That my parents would become so much smarter in the last few years.
*That it's possible to be alone even when you're surrounded by friends.
*That friends are what makes this place worthwhile.
Our Favorite Winthrop Boys (and a few outsiders)--In NO particular order
My Favorite Web Sites
College Humor
Winthrop University
Old Navy
American Eagle
