Time:3:23 am April 4th 2003
Mood:Sad, Depressed
Music: Type O Neg 'Bloody Kisses'

Not long ago but far away. A rainy winter's day. All her pain she kept inside. Could no longer hide. No cry for help. She killed herself. Both life & love could not be saved. She took them both to the grave.

A pair of souls become undone. Where were two now one. Divided by this wall of death. I soon will join you yet. With my blood I'll find your love. You found the strength to end your life. As you did so shall I.

Oh no. Please don't go. It's like a death in the family.

A crimson pool so warm & deep. Lulls me to an endless sleep. Your hand in mine - I will be brave. take me from this earth. An endless night - this, the end of life. From the dark I feel your lips. And I taste your bloody kiss.

Oh no. Please don't go. It's like a death in the family.

Don't die on me. Don't die on me. Don't die on me. Don't die.

Just thought I'd start off with a lil song.. yea.. i'm feelin depressed still... I'm still NOT and i repeat NOT talking to shannon. I refuse to in fact, I'm SICK of being the one to give in on EVERY FUCKING THING WE FIGHT ABOUT... but right now.. i just got done watchin a movie with nickers and now we watching another one.. i guess its horror flick night on HBO because we just got done watching Nightmare on Elmstreet and From Hell and now it's Friday the 13th Part 2 heh.. I'll have nightmares for a couple days but i like watching scary movies. But anyway this bullshit with shannon... i told her it ALL last night... I am so sick of it... you know a person can only be pushed so far and she's pushed me father then anyone i know! I'm ALWAYS nice.. she friggin brings me down alot of the times when i'm in a good mood... she thinks i'm invincible to things she says about me/to me/ in reference towards me. Like she said last night... "I'm Referred to as Suz's friend" ya know what.. she is my friend... and if she doesn't wanna be labeled that then fine she doesn't have to be my friend... you know what else... if it wasn't for me gettin into wMe we would have never met rav/ nikki/ troy... i met them first... and she's my friend because she certainly doesn't try to get along with any of the other girls in the fed... she doesnt realize nikki and brooke are two great girls.. she just needs to give people more chances... but i can't make her do that... no she'd rather have a bunch of guy friends instead of girls... which is okay i guess but you need some girlfriends to hang with too and besides me... me and nikki it';s quite scary we're like twins... never knew there was somebody out there kinda just like me... brooke i've known her goin on a year now... and no matter what she says i always forgive her... she's good to talk to a funny... just the normal teenage problems we all go through plaguing her life... fights with friends/ breaks ups, all that good stuff..shan's jealous of a few people.. even myself... she has told me this... she's told me " i hate how you are" i can't fucking help how i am and how i act... that i'm nice... and give people chances... now this whole thing with dis dawn marie chick in wme... when my pc got fucked up was when she was asking somebody (who will remain nameless) TO MAKE SUCKIN NOISES over the microphone *ahem* and wheer tellin me to go on yahoo to tell her to leave "them" alone... and the fact she showed my friend josh a pic of her boobs and all before i even got to talk to her gave me a GREAT first impression... not to mention she's friendly with this cyber whore chelle that i've gotten along great while since she joined wme (total sarcasm)... but movin on... she goes and says shit about shan.. which i have to admit is true but still shan's my friend... or i'd like to think so... anyway like i said yesterday about my week starting off good it was gonna crash and burn after well looks like it did... I'm tired it's goin on 4 am imma go to bed. I'mm write later when i can think straight, sorry for blabing but as i said before... it's just random thoughts... if you dont wanna read it then dont... Rock On Bitches! Byez \m/ >_< \m/

Love, Suz


Time: 8:25 pm. April 2nd 2003
Mood: bored and in deep thought
Music: Chester Bennington 'System' Queen of the Damned Soundtrack

Well.. i don't remember the last time i wrote in one of these things. I'm used to keeping everything in, and just to let to know who all read it.. might not exactly get details about me... more like thoughts that come to me. Random stuff that not even i can explain lol. Well.. this was all Brooke's idea.. I'm not too keen on posting my privet shit on the net for everyone to read, I have about 2 diaries filled hidden so nobody can see. But since she wanted me to I'll go along with it. Excuse me for being cautious of what I write on here, I don't want any of my friends seeing what I have to say, Most of the time I'll be pissed and I'll need to blow off some steam. So I guess I'll write it here now. You might get a sentence or a whole story depends on how I'm feelin, if I wanna write and get something off my chest. First, I just wanna thank myself for making this purdy layout for myself yes... I made it, I made Brookies too... I like them and no I'll not make any of you jerkys anything unless you pay me back... man I gotta start charging for shit. Lets see. this week has been pretty good to me...so far.. Believe me it will probably go down hill now after saying that but to start off my week.. I won the wMe Women's Title at wrestlemania.. it ment so much to be because, I always put myself down... thinking I suck at whatever I do. This finally proved me wrong and I got what I wanted by working hard. Me and my complex life... wonderful this morning cha'yea.. riiight... same old bullshit just another day I say... I'm not going into details but I really wish my Mom would quit her deal. my dad has and she keeps raggin on him... he rags on her about me, lovely household if I do say so myself.. I don't see myself leaving tho... because I know both my parents are sick.. and i don't wanna leave... even tho i don't do much to help.. but there isn't really anything i can do... Okay movin on here.. friends.. since i left school we've all kinda branched out on our own i guess you could say... i wouldn't even call them real friends, just aquatints that i used to talk to at school and such... when i went to public school at 9th grade... i turned into a total loner.. just because of the way my school was... i don't miss school.. sometimes i wish i didnt have to be taken out the way i did but then... such is life.. going to school thinkin 'am i gonna get jumped again today' isn't a good feelin to have while you're tryina work.. so that aspect i don't miss school. On the other hand... the learnin bit.. I liked learning to a certain extent.. i'm not dumb as some people might perceive me to be.. i can act dumb...I'm starting to become a computer geek.. God help me, something i'd never see myself being... i think i know too much about graphics and things of that nature... i think i'll prolly end up getting a job doing that.. i'm nowhere near a pro but i can make some pretty cool things if i wanna.. Well bitches and gentleman... not like you're just sooo interested in what i gotta say... i have a boring ass life.. and i'm getting bored writing here... so before i drag you all to hell with me... imma letcha go.. now...leave!

Love, Suz