Welcome to my world. As you can clearly see, the walls are black and so is my heart, its empty and it only serves as the basic layout for my life. Do you ever wonder why it is that we have feelings for other people? I never really got it my self, but maybe its because I was always so infatuated with my insane life that I never really gave it much thought. Maybe this feeling, is a way to ensure the survival or the human species. probably not, but its a lot better then calling it love. Do you ever stay awake at night staring into the ceiling thinking about how life would be when you finally meet that person? I always thought I would finally be happy when I met that person. But, here's the funny part, even though you may have thought you found that person, she isn't the one. I have this pain in my heart, I don't know what it means, but I know its there every time I think about her. I don't want this feeling, so I don't think about her. It works, but then this sad feeling comes over me, and I tell my self, I've gone this far alone, why cant I make it the rest alone? This is the only time I think love is real. This pain exist and it exist for a reason, but once this emotion is satisfied, what do you feel? Can someone please answer that for me. What will be accomplished once I fall in love? Is it worth it?

9-28-03

DAMN IT someone buy my M4A1.

For christmas santa i want

Sun Project M40A1 Standard
PDI Level 3 Upgrade Set
PDI 300% SPR spring
Sun Project Reinforce Trigger Sear
Guarder One piece type Scope Mount
Tasco 3-9x 50mm MOA scope
2 spare APS-2SV Magazines
a {Mcfillian} Fiberglass Stock

HAHAHAH VICKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9-16-03

Theory on the human emotion Love.

As people, we like to be social. Even the anti-social need somebody to talk to. In the modern day, because the world has been through so much war, and teens don't work anymore, we have  a more open social life. This social life allows us to forget about man's first instinct, to survive. Instead of thinking about how you are going to get your next meal, you think about other things, after school activities, games, fun and all sorts of other things. This includes the premature state of love. Really, love is nothing more then just enjoying being with someone that you have this "feeling of love" for. For some, it develops instantly, and for others, it takes time.

Now, love develops faster for those people who are lonely then those who aren't. A lot of people are blinded by love. Or what they want to call love. No matter how genuine the feeling is right now, its only exactly what it is. A feeling. Just like happiness. It isn't going to last long, but its good while you have it.

Its impossible to surprises, trust me, Been there. I'm not too thoughtful right now in writing this. I had it all down in my head earlier today. Its just because I'm trying to suppress this feeling. Honestly, I'm too confused about all this crap. Right now, I'm living off my piano and bass. Its a pretty fucked up world. But someone's gotta live it.

Hey if anyones got something they wanna share. Please do share with me. Mean while, I'm going back to my Bass.

-AlphaStrike

9-14-03