TRICK OR TREAT, SMELL MY FEET, GIVE ME SOMETHING GOOD TO EAT, IF YOU DONT, I DONT CARE, I'LL PULL DOwN YOUR UNDERWEAR!!!! lol...HAPPY HALLOWEEN and HAPPY NEW YEAR to Jess and Rachel! yea....i went t or t'ing with jess....it was fun she was a corpse bride that had fallen in love with this guy and went to get married but he showed up at the wedding with another girl so she died of heart ache and then married a demon...yea...then i was a punk angel sorta thing and when she dies i got stuck with her....angel of death sorta thing...but it was cool...at one point a part of the lace on the dress she was wearing fell off so i got a white lace tie to go with my outfit....lol...kinda hyper because of candy but tired cause i have school tomorrow and gym..I HATE GYM!!!!!!!!!!!! it sucks but anyway..i think im gonna have some candy then go to sleep....nighty night...

MIKE IS THE STUPIDEST PERSON I HAVE EVER MET!!!! I HATE HIM!!! NOW I REMEmBER WHY I WAS SO MAD AT HIM FOR SO LONG!!!! **GIVES MIKE THE FINGER** FUCK YOU MIKE!!!! lol..but yea..i think i migt have actually made him feel bad for once....yea i sent him this "you dont care who you hurt, do you? as long as you dont get hurt..it doesnt matter how shitty you make the person you hurt feel...as long as your not broken or shattered in anyway..but what about the one you hurt...what happenes to them? they live their life thinking they'll never be good enough...that they cant trust anyone, that they'll be forced to be alone for the rest of their life..or they end their horrible life, believing that no one cares about them, that everyone would be better off without them, and thinking that its all their fault that their life is the way it is or that its their fault that everything went wrong..when its really your fault for breaking them when they needed you most..for leaving right when the rest of their life came crashing down...but it doesnt matter to you, you wouldnt care if i took my life right now..as long as your not hurt, broken, or shattered in anyway" hehe..im so mean...but he deserves it....but he did do one good thing for me...he made me so mad i broke up with im, then Kevin came on a week later and thats why i had enough courage to tell him i liked him..that and i was single..even tho mike was stupid...i would never cheat on anyone...

hey!!! sorry i havent writen anything in a long time..i've been busy...and a lot of stuff has happened. where to start, where to start? hmmmm, i uess i'll start with the fact that kevins being an ass and i dont know hiw muchh longer its gonnaa last...i dont wanna let go of him but if thiis is how hess gonna be then i cant be with hiim..maybe if he an be a "big boy" and keep himself out of trouble then we could stay together but i dont think he'd be able to do that.. that would be too hard for him and i'd be asking for too much...am i wrong for wanting to talk to my BOYFRIEND? should i just sit around waiting to talk to hiim hile hes out dooing god knows what...i cant trust him..what happened with sarah proves it..i havent forgiven him for that..i dont think i ever will...i cant believe he would do something like that, and with my BEST FRIEND! oh well...a good thing is that me and mike are friends again...hes being nice..well we havent really talked that much yet but he semes to being nice and i'll get to talk to him in thursday because we dont have time to tealk before then..wel i do, he doesnt. and well thats pretty much all thats happened.. beside the wlk jess and i took in the rain..that was fun..we got soaked..so did my phone..what is it with my phone and water?

i hate my life
but i love kevin. he was being really nice today :-)

i hate my life! i hate everything! i wanna die! i cant take anything anymore..well..somethings are good... like me and sarah are friends again..it took me a while to realise that she really had nothing to do with what happened..well she did, but what happened wasnt her fault. so, im giving her another chance. and i did get to talk to kevin this weekend...i called him on sunday and he actually answered his phone :0..i know, amazing. so we talked for a lil bit. well we didnt really "talk" he was to busy with his music and mariah carey to talk to me..sometimes i wonder why i even bother calling him anymore...either he doesnt answer, or he does answer and he doesnt have time to talk or when he does have time he has his stupid music on..if i wanted to listen to music i would have turned mine on instead of calling him. its like he doesnt even care anymore... sometimes i wish i would have just kept my mouth shut on june 2. none of this would have happened, but the again i'd prolly be dead right now..so it was a good thing and it still is..i love him but hes such an ass sometimes..well most of the time now..he used to be sooo sweet and nice and now he never has time for me.

jess has been sick the last 3 days so i've been all alone at school..she better be there tomorrow or i'll have to go gangster on her ass..lol..love ya jess! ewww, this chicken is icky....sorry im eating icky chicken and its icky..lol..i know, i have problems. anyway...i should charge my phone...i didnt chrage it last night and it had a fit right on my face(it was on my pillow) at 2 in the morning because the battery was low.. and i didnt feel like getting up to charge it....grrrr! oww..my elbow just popped..owww! lmfao, im writing about the most random things...lol.

ooo...new poem:

I "Heart" You

My sun, My sky, Without you I'd die! My moon, My Stars, This love we share, Just ours! Is so incredible! You make my day bright, You make everything alright! I wish there was some way I could see youand show you just how much you mean to me, But for now I'll just tell you: I love you!

I LOVE YOU KEVIN!!!!

Hey! Im at my moms work right now..and her superviser just walked into her cubicle and saw me playing with a rubber glove...OMG!! im so embarrassed! but oh well, its not like im really gonna see him that much..unless i do get a job here next summer..then i'd have 2 jobs..ahhh..i have enough trouble with one..AHHH!! oh well..i'd work here during the week and then on weekends (just saturday) i'd work for connie. and its not like i have a lot of work to do at connies all i have to do is vaccum and mop a couple rooms..unless she wants me to clean out the toyboxes..but then i'd get payed extra so whatever. What the hell is wrong with me...im yapping about work when i could be yapping baout kevin..im so stupid...ok..im gonna talk about kevin now..I LOVE KEVIN!!! i havent talked to him yet this weekend..i dont think i will..hes always busy on weekends and never hsa time for me..fine..i dont have time for him anymore..imnot gonna set time aside for him if hes not gonna so it for me! im gonna use that time to go out with my friends more or to have parties..and speaking of parties i might be having one for halloween so dont make plans til iknow whats going on. i still have to ask my dad but i dont care what he says..i will have a party!!! and everyone knows i have the coolest parties..well sorta... ok anyway..back on the subject of kevin...i sent him a text message and told him not to text me..didnt think hed actually take it seriously..he hasnt texted me back..i feel so unwanted..i told him i wouldnt be online so if he wanted to talk he culd call me..but he prolly wont...hes prolly on like waiting for sarah to come on..to bad shes not gonna..she went away this weekend to see Will..i hope she never comes back!! she pisses me off..shes stupid! she goes through my phone gets peoples numbers and screenames so i hit her because she doesnt listen to me (and she hits me) but im being mean to her...if it wasnt for her being stupid and going through my phone none of the shit with her and kevin would have happened, but he says im being mean...of course he thinks im being mean to her..he likes her..i dont care what he says, he DOES like her and theres nothin i can do about it...im not good enough...i dont think i can take much more from him...i love him and wanna be with him but he doesnt care... a really thought that he'd be the one to take all my pain away...to make everything alright..but i was wrong..he used to stop the pain but now he causes it! he was a better friend than a boyfriend...and i thought he was soo sweet and perfect...

my new quote: she looks in the mirror and wipes away her running mascarra and whispers "I'm so stupid"

hey people! just wanted to let you know i'll be at my moms for the weekend so i wont be online..well i might. i dont know..but if im not and you wanna talk call me at 267-640-6975. DO NOT TEXT ME!! I WILL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF IF YOU DO!! ok..love ya'll bye

YAY...life is pretty good right now. everything with kevin is better now so im happy happy happy! well most of the time. sometimes i still feel like im not good enough and, im not very happy about it, i feel like he doesnt love me. im still feeling really suicidal too. im scared im scared im gonna do something really stupid soon. i dont really wanna die, i just want all the pain to go away. and sarah...if sarah went away everything would be PERFECT!!! i think im gonna go write a poem i'll prolly post it later...love ya, ..::ali::..

p.s. please leave comments..i'd love to hear from you

hi,im bored so i thought i'd write some more..i have nothing esle to do..well besides think about kevin but im doing that so yea..must write something. i've been thinking about kevin a lot lately..i dont think he knows how much he means to me or how much i love him. i wish i could see him and be with him so i can show him how much he means to me and how much i care for him. but most wishes dont come true. i dont think mine will. oh well. atleast i can talk to him..sometimes..when he has time..i had living so far away from eachother...IT PISSES ME OFF!! why do pa and ca have to be so far apart? whay cant they vbe right next to eacheother? and why cant sarah leave me alone. doesnt she understand that i dont like her?

i did write my poem before..its a sad poem about my dad..i'll post it in a new entry..please please please please comment on my entries and my poem..i wanna know how you feel and if you like my poem.

Daddy

A super hero, not one in a silly costum and cape, but still a super hero. Someone a seven year old could count on to pick her up when she fell in the park or someone she could dance with to her favorite music. Her super man, her daddy. Now seven years later she sees it all clearly. The act, his act. He is no longer there when she falls. He is nowhere to be found when she needs someone to dance with. Someone to help her through the hard times. He says he cares, she knows its a lie. He says he'll always be there, she knows he wont. The drug is too important, his drug, his alcohol. It always has, it always will be. Where was he when she got her first kiss? What was he doing when she was painting "pretty pictures" in the kitchen? The pain hes caused will always remain. The hurt, the dissapointment of seeing someone who is such a big part of her life throw his away has become unbearable. Where is he while she crys in her room wishing for death? What is he doing when she reaches out to the wrong things for the attention she so desperatly needs? When she finally decides to use that knife, will her superman be there to save her?

ICH BIN SAD!!! (i am sad) everything is bad....i wish kevin would call me once in a while without me haveing to call him first or having to ask him...if only he could just pick up the phone without me having to do something, that would be great...just a random call would be nice..but im not good enough for that....