Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: "Beautifully Broken" by Ashlee Simpson
*sigh* sorry i havent posted in a while..i got a lil busy and depressed. expecially today. its the 23rd..JOY! and people just have to make me feel like SHIT!!! people must think im really stupid cause they treat me like i am. in 'your doing it wrong' tone "look on the back" then later "the entertainer..good you got it" like im some sort of retard. im soprry next time i'll keep my stupididty to myslef...IM NOT ALL HERE TODAY!!!! more than half of me is where ever shane is. and i cant help that..there has not been one day that i havent thought about him atleast once since feb 23 almost two years ago. i love him...and when i say that i dont mean as a brother or as a best friend. i mean IM IN LOVE WITH HIM!!!!! and poeple tell me to get over it..but i wont..i refuses to let go of my first (and probably only) TRUE love. i miss him..i know i say that all the time but i do..i mioss him more than anyone could ever miss another person. he was everything i ever wanted and needed and now hes gone and its all my fault. and i cant deal with that. i cant handle knowing that it was my fault that he was crying that night. and i cant deal with the fact that im never going to talk to him agian. he was like my best friend for so o o long. i could tell him anything and he understood me. he never made me feel like i was stupid and he made me laugh when i didnt even think i could smile. and now i feel like a whole chunk of me and my life is missing. ican hardly breath when i remember something from that time when we were together because it remionds me of how happy i was and how whole i was. and i cant beleive that my "best" friends tell me that everythings ok when they dont understand HALF the shit that i've been through and what im going through now. and what kells me the most is that i feel like i cant even go to them when something happens because im afraid of getting too close to someone or letting someone in and getting hurt...im all alone