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Everyone, it's all right. You can CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE.
From: Big the Cat500 | Posted: 11/22/2005 12:42:23 AM | Message Detail
Also, cut out part of the remains of the ship/monkey, and use it as a flag.

Of course, put a pirate symbol on it. Jolly Roger.
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Eternal Pirate Gai
Skies of Arcadia >>>>>> Final Fantasy. Try playing it, sometime.
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 12:43:43 AM | Message Detail
You, of course, take a part of the old ship's sail and cut it up and use it as your flag. You draw a grapefruit and crossed-spoons on it.
---
"I see" said the blind man.
From: Big the Cat500 | Posted: 11/22/2005 12:45:36 AM | Message Detail
Ask if any of the crew members have any sexy exciting ideas for what should be done next, or if they know of any equally sexy exciting places to go to.
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Eternal Pirate Gai
Skies of Arcadia >>>>>> Final Fantasy. Try playing it, sometime.
From: Ichi the Killer | Posted: 11/22/2005 12:46:01 AM | Message Detail
Have a big pirate orgy.
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Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 12:50:41 AM | Message Detail
You call a crew member meeting in your cabin, and you pull out a map of hell you found in Satan's house. As soon as everyone is gathered around, you say, "Okay, I think this is about the most bad ass of all badass pirate crews in history. I am, of course captain, and Fred is my first mate. Then, George W Bush, Kefka, and Darth Vader are the other members. Okay, does anyone have some sexy idea of where to go first?"

G W raises his hand and says, "I know a place that is pretty gosh dern cool. Texas. Mah god that place is cool. You can shoot people there, just like that."

"Okay, let's go to Texas. Where is it?"

"Earth."

"Okay, that's a problem. How do we go there when it's destroyed?"

What do you do?
---
"I see" said the blind man.
From: Big the Cat500 | Posted: 11/22/2005 12:52:01 AM | Message Detail
Ask if anyone else has any possible ideas.
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Eternal Pirate Gai
Skies of Arcadia >>>>>> Final Fantasy. Try playing it, sometime.
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 12:55:36 AM | Message Detail
"Does anyone have any idea that is possible to go to? Yes, Kefka?"

"I blew up a planet too hehe."

"Yes, Darth Vader?"

"I did too."

"Did anyone else blow up a planet that we do not know of? Fred, did you?"

"Uh... no sir, but I blew up a balloon at my son's birthday."

"That's just great. Now let's go somewhere."

Where do you go?
---
"I see" said the blind man.
From: Big the Cat500 | Posted: 11/22/2005 12:57:20 AM | Message Detail
Freds sons birthday party.
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Eternal Pirate Gai
Skies of Arcadia >>>>>> Final Fantasy. Try playing it, sometime.
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 1:02:09 AM | Message Detail
"Okay, we're going to Fred's son's birthday party."

Fred sighs and says, "Uh... one problem. I've been dead for a thousand years, so he's probably been dead nearly as long."

"OKAY, stop it! We'll ****ing go back in time if that's what you want." You get out your time travel device and enlarge the field to include the ship, and you set it back a thousand years.

Pop! the boat materializes in the same god damn building, and kills another attendant.

What do you do?
---
"I see" said the blind man.
From: Ichi the Killer | Posted: 11/22/2005 1:03:33 AM | Message Detail
Go home.
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Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
From: Big the Cat500 | Posted: 11/22/2005 1:04:44 AM | Message Detail
Growl out, "THIS BOAT FLOATS THROUGH TIME BECAUSE IT CONTAINS THE ROUGHEST, TOUGHEST PIRATES EVER TO SAILL WHEREEVER THE HELL THEY WANT"

and make your own way through time to the birthday party.
---
Eternal Pirate Gai
Skies of Arcadia >>>>>> Final Fantasy. Try playing it, sometime.
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 1:06:24 AM | Message Detail
"GOD DAMMIT I AM SICK OF THIS ****," you yell really loud, and you take out a new teleportation device, and tranport the ship back to your home planet.

You materialize in the same train that you were in before, and the super contruction of the ship causes the train to explode, killing the men you were stalking before.

Now that you're home, what do you do?
---
"I see" said the blind man.
From: Big the Cat500 | Posted: 11/22/2005 1:07:19 AM | Message Detail
Growl out, "THIS BOAT FLOATS THROUGH TIME BECAUSE IT CONTAINS THE ROUGHEST, TOUGHEST PIRATES EVER TO SAILL WHEREEVER THE HELL THEY WANT"

and make your own way through time to the birthday party.
---
Eternal Pirate Gai
Skies of Arcadia >>>>>> Final Fantasy. Try playing it, sometime.
From: Ichi the Killer | Posted: 11/22/2005 1:07:32 AM | Message Detail
Assassinate the leader of your planet and take over.
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Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 1:10:08 AM | Message Detail
you look around the familiar landscape, and decide that you have grown too far apart to return, so you decide that you will just go to the birthday part. But, you WILL NOT go back to the passport place.

Growl out, "THIS BOAT FLOATS THROUGH TIME BECAUSE IT CONTAINS THE ROUGHEST, TOUGHEST PIRATES EVER TO SAILL WHEREEVER THE HELL THEY WANT," which is a super secret chant that allows you to create your own wormhole through time. You pilot the ship into the wormhole you created.

Now that you can go anywhere in time, where do you go?
---
"I see" said the blind man.
From: Ichi the Killer | Posted: 11/22/2005 1:10:55 AM | Message Detail
Assassinate the leader of your planet and take over.
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Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 1:14:36 AM | Message Detail
"Nevermind," you say, and you get right back out of the wormhole. "Sorry for being indecisive, guys, but I decided we should take over this planet, then maybe we can take over the galaxy as well."

So, you fly the ship all the way to the capital city of Bjeekl, and smile at the familiar sights around you. You take out a new kill-o-matic 900 ray gun and blow up the capitol building.

A ton of people start running out of the building, so you decide it will be fun to set them all on fire, which you do. The president of the planet is among these people, so as soon as you see him die, you declare you and your crew the leaders of the planet.

What do you do with your new found powers?
---
"I see" said the blind man.
From: Big the Cat500 | Posted: 11/22/2005 1:20:11 AM | Message Detail
Go around redesigning the planet to turn it into a gigantic pirates cove.
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Eternal Pirate Gai
Skies of Arcadia >>>>>> Final Fantasy. Try playing it, sometime.
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 1:23:56 AM | Message Detail
You decide that this planet will be a perfect hideout for the pirates of the galaxy. But, it must be a secret cove that only pirates know about.

Your first thing you do as president is offer an ultimatum to the enitre population of your planet. "You must all swear to become some of the most badass pirates ever, or you will be destroyed."

An hour later, you set off a device that kills all non pirates. After this period, nearly 1/2 of the entire population has joined your crew. Now, you have a crew of over 30 million members. Now, we're talking!

How do you start the remodelling of your planet?
---
"I see" said the blind man.
From: AsianMonkey | Posted: 11/22/2005 1:24:50 AM | Message Detail
Use semen glue.

---
Is lolicon like ROFLcopter? - Phantom Renegade
Vin Diesel= I end lives
From: Big the Cat500 | Posted: 11/22/2005 1:25:26 AM | Message Detail
Begin first by declaring crew colors to be black and green.
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Eternal Pirate Gai
Skies of Arcadia >>>>>> Final Fantasy. Try playing it, sometime.
From: Big the Cat500 | Posted: 11/22/2005 1:26:08 AM | Message Detail
Use both of the ideas. A badass pirate captains semen like ours, would make excellent glue.

AFter that, we declare crew colors. Or even WHILE doing that.
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Eternal Pirate Gai
Skies of Arcadia >>>>>> Final Fantasy. Try playing it, sometime.
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 1:33:13 AM | Message Detail
You gather up your entire 30 million plus crew and tell them, "Okay, we need to remodel this planet so that pirates from all across the galaxy will want to come here."

"Pirates, as you will know, are very picky about their planets. They desire plenty of grass, and as you can tell, we are sorely lacking in the grass department. I have sent an order to Pike's Nursery for lots of grass clippings. You will glue each leaf of grass to the ground using semen as glue. I expect this to be complete in time for the big pirate convention this weekend. Okay, go."

And, so it began. The remodelling of the planet, though, was destined to fail, no matter how much effort you put into it.

What happens?
---
"I see" said the blind man.
From: Big the Cat500 | Posted: 11/22/2005 1:34:54 AM | Message Detail
Badass pirate captains don't take **** from no planet.

Remodel it. Forcefully.
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Eternal Pirate Gai
Skies of Arcadia >>>>>> Final Fantasy. Try playing it, sometime.
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 1:38:33 AM | Message Detail
As the time for the pirate convention came closer, your suboordinates reported to you that the process of glueing the grass wasn't going well.

YOu walk outside and see that the semen isn't drying in time, and the grass is all blowing around in the wind. By golly, this is making you angry.

You use your powers to summon a giant ball of flaming semen and throw it at all the grass, and plenty of semen covers every blade. You then change the direction of the wind to force the grass back to the ground.

You walk outside and you look down at the planet, and you relate your tale about how you destroyed earth. You end your narrative by saying, "if you act uncooperative again, I'll do the same to you." Now, yours is a good planet.

What do you do next to prepare?
---
"I see" said the blind man.
From: Ichi the Killer | Posted: 11/22/2005 1:46:56 AM | Message Detail
Get a bunch of whores for the convention.
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Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 1:58:57 AM | Message Detail
(up to this point, this story is 35 pages in Word)

You gather up your pirate bretheren, and tell them the good news about how you made the planet agree to be good and turn into a pirate cove. "So," you conclude, "our planet is now a pirate haven. We must prepare for the convention now. A Convention is never a convention without a bunch of whores. Does anyone know where we can get some?"

Where will you get the whores?
---
"I see" said the blind man.
From: Ichi the Killer | Posted: 11/22/2005 2:02:35 AM | Message Detail
Slutopia 9
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Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 2:08:22 AM | Message Detail
A couple of big name whore markets flash through your mind, Eroticon 6, home of the triple breasted whore, no way. prostitutia 13, home of the largest whore in history, clear out. Slutopia 9, yes!

Slutopia 9 is the perfect place to order mass quantities of whores, as that is their main export. They have good whores, bad whores, fat whores, skinny whores, tall whores, small whores, and everything you can imagine.

You take out your presidential super phone and dial up the prime minister of slutopia 9. When the guy picks up the phone, you give him the ultimatum of sending you a couple thousand whores by the weekend or you will take over his planet.

So, he ends up agreeing. One problem gone.

what next?
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"I see" said the blind man.
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 2:14:55 AM | Message Detail
(I'm too tired to think straight, so hopefully we'll finish this tomorrow)
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"I see" said the blind man.
From: LordDamien27 | Posted: 11/22/2005 9:09:31 AM | Message Detail
Get Chuck Norris, can't have a party without Chuck Norris.

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Does it make any sense why anyone would ever even think of posting a Zelda topic on the Zelda Social Board? hell no - KeuzeroX
From: Big the Cat500 | Posted: 11/22/2005 9:17:29 AM | Message Detail
Man, I have to hand it to you for the way you wrote out the last few choices. Quite amusing.
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Eternal Pirate Gai
Skies of Arcadia >>>>>> Final Fantasy. Try playing it, sometime.
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 12:14:59 PM | Message Detail
Once again, Fred the Fomorian proves his usefulness.

While you are sitting in your office, trying to decide what to do next, Fred comes bursting in. "Hey! I have an idea!" he shouts.

"Good, what is it?"

"YOu know how there's tons of religions and deities all around the galaxy? We should make our own piratey religion! Chuck Norris can be our deity!"

"Wow, that's an awesome idea. You can be the head priest of our religion. I'll go get Chuck Norris out of hell and bring him here."

So, you go hop in your presidential pirate ship and ride it to hell, where you see Chuck Norris battling all the legions of hell.

What do you do?
---
"I see" said the blind man.
From: Big the Cat500 | Posted: 11/22/2005 12:15:59 PM | Message Detail
Stand back and watch. If Chuck is truly worthy, he'll devour them all easily.
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Eternal Pirate Gai
Skies of Arcadia >>>>>> Final Fantasy. Try playing it, sometime.
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 12:25:01 PM | Message Detail
You ride your ship onto the fringes of the battle, and prepare to watch the battle and see if Chuck Norris is a good god for you.

You sit down and get comfortable, and take out a bag of popcorn. Before you can open the bag, every single demon is dead, and you look out to see what Chuck Norris is doing.

Chuck Norris, it seems, is kneeling by every demon and bringing each one back to life. "He will do," you think to yourself.

Once Chuck is done on the battlefield, you motion him over to your ship, and ask him if he wants to be the god of pirates. Chuck Norris agrees.

What do you do?
---
"I see" said the blind man.
From: Steele Blade | Posted: 11/22/2005 1:39:26 PM | Message Detail
Buy new pirate gear with your 1 Vogon dollar.
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You: I don't think "Kilee" is a word...
HK-47: Expletive: Damn it master I'm an assassination droid... not a dictionary.
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 2:28:16 PM | Message Detail
You take Chuck Norris with you hack to your planet, and you gather all of your people together to greet your new god.

Chuck Norris is very dissatisfied with the Pirate Horde. "They don't look like pirates," he says.

"oh, don't worry, I'm about ready to get them some pirate garb," you say casually.

"But, how will you afford such large amounts of clothes!?" Chuck Norris says.

"Oh, don't worry! I have a Vogon dollar!" And everyone rejoiced.

Where do you find the clothes?
---
"I see" said the blind man.
From: ckline | Posted: 11/22/2005 3:03:07 PM | Message Detail
at a thrift store
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the fact is that signatures and jokes have no place on gfaqs. - abc729
Mario Kard DS Friend Code: 060189009345
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 3:14:47 PM | Message Detail
"Even though I have plenty of money, that doesn't mean I need to waste it on expensive clothing. I don't want to teach you bad habbits. Remember: whenever you have to spend money, buy something as cheap as you can."

So, you tell them you'll be back with the clothes tomorrow and you hop in your ship again and travel to a thrift store. At the store, you go up to the counter and order 30 million pirate costumes.

The next day, you get the clothes and go back home to distribute the clothes.

How will you do that?
---
"I see" said the blind man.
From: satanos | Posted: 11/22/2005 3:34:29 PM | Message Detail
Make a giant pile of clothes and declare a free for all, the strongest get the best clothes.
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(¯. |\.¯|¯ |\` |\ '| |¯| (¯ "An old man dies, a young woman lives.
.¯) |¯\ | `|¯\ | '\| |_| .¯) Fair trade."- Hartigan
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 3:39:15 PM | Message Detail
You toss all 30 million pairs of clothing into a giant pile, and you shout, "my pirates have to be strong, so do anything you have to to get the best pairs of clothes. It's a free for all! Go!"

You watch as everyone sprints to the pile, and soon gun shots are heard. Pretty soon all movement down there stops, and you look to see what had happened. There's about 200 or so pirates who got there clothes and off to the side is a giant pile of dead bodies.

"Okay, I'll go return the rest of the clothes and then I'll be right back. So, you head off to the thrift store and return all the 29 million and so clothes that were unused. The cashier hands you .999~ Vogon cents, and you start yelling about how you were cheated out of money because .999~ = 1, but the cashier doesn't care.

What do you do?
---
"I see" said the blind man.
From: TheMogsterV2 | Posted: 11/22/2005 3:41:11 PM | Message Detail
Intimidate him by whipping out 2 Uzis.
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That means nothing. A girl can find a teddy bear sweet, but not have a desire to bang it. - Majin Vivi
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 3:46:13 PM | Message Detail
"ARGGHHHH!" You yell, as you whip out two Uzis, "I AM A GOSH DARN PIRATE CAPTAIN AND WHAT I SAY GOES, YOU HEAR ME!?"

The cashier just stares blankly at the guns, and says, "if you're a pirate then why aren't you using pirate-y guns? You must set a very bad example to your crew."

"BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGH!" You shout, "Just give me .0000~1 vogon cents so I can go."

"But... .000~1 isn't a number, and you sound like an idiot saying it."

100% angry, you can't stand any more of the smart assery, so you shoot him in the face and take all the money from the cash register.

What do you do now?
---
"I see" said the blind man.
From: Flamey Wolf Dude | Posted: 11/22/2005 3:50:50 PM | Message Detail
A jig.
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"Military Intelligence: two words combined that can't make sense." ~Dave Mustaine
From: Edwin | Posted: 11/22/2005 3:51:16 PM | Message Detail
Find pirate-y guns, then go to hell and kill the cashier again.
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"All they see is another faceless corporate venture, not a plan for world conquest."-Tak
"Wait, is there really a difference?"-Dib
From: yugiohfanatic555 | Posted: 11/22/2005 3:57:09 PM | Message Detail
Get to da choppa.
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"Nothing, because numbers can't talk godamnit." - Storm Chamber, when asked what 2 said to 5
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 3:58:00 PM | Message Detail
Hurray! You think to yourself. Inside the cash register is 3 vogon dollars, which is enough to buy most civilised planets in this galaxy.

My god this makes you so happy that you just start dancing. You dance for about 3 minutes before someone comes in and interrupts you.

You turn around to see... none other but one of the gosh darn attendants from the time travel passport building place that you've been annoyed about for a long time.

What do yoy do?
---
"I see" said the blind man.
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 4:25:51 PM | Message Detail
*you
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"I see" said the blind man.
From: yugiohfanatic555 | Posted: 11/22/2005 4:26:51 PM | Message Detail
Get to da choppa.
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"Nothing, because numbers can't talk godamnit." - Storm Chamber, when asked what 2 said to 5
From: Zaphod Beeblebrox | Posted: 11/22/2005 4:36:59 PM | Message Detail
You ignore the attendant and run past him and go outside. You see that the attendant had ridden to the store in a helicopter. Gee, how unoriginal.

Well, you decide that, since your planet doesn't have a helicopter, you might as well take this one, so you run and hop in the chopper.

The attendant sees you doing this, so he runs outside to try to stop you. Quickly, you turn on the helicopter and use the rotors to chop his head off.

Now that you have a helicopter, what do you do?
---
"I see" said the blind man.
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