Emoness.

Saturday, 21 July 2007

<center>randomness..

[x]my new music addiction is le tigre.
[x]mostly because they remind me of horrorpops' "hell yeah" album.
[x]i did it again. i made a mistake. all right now are you satisfied?
[x]i'm addicted to myspace.
[x]i like my hair to defy gravity.
[x]i like my make-up to look trashy.
[x]i'm right-handed.
[x]i'm original.
[x]i'm a classic.
[x]i hate it when people steal my ideas and then claim them as their own.
[x]it's called plageurism, sweetie.
[x]i sleep with seven pillows <strike>or more</strike> at night.
[x]i think that birds are cutiepies.
[x]i talk to them at meijers.
[x]i'm extremely rude.
[x]you learn to get used to it.
[x]zombies are my friends.
[x]gore <strike>makes me happy</strike>.
[x]i have add.
[x]but my shrink won't admit it.
[x]<strike>my shrink</strike> laura and i play candyland together.
[x]i suck at playing the guitar, but i like to fool myself into thinking i'm really really good.
[x]we're a happy family. me, mom, and daddy.
[x]psh. yeah right.
[x]i applied for a job yesterday.
[x]and i really hope i get it.
[x]i'm a quitter.
[x]but that's a good thing.
[x]i like a lot of music.
[x]except for country. i really can't stand it.
[x]philisophical quotes make me <strike>extremely</strike> happy.
[x]i love to hardcore dance.
[x]joshua from the horrors is oddly gorgeous.
[x]breathe your life into me..
[x]god knows we could all use some life.
[x]i'm just another statistic.
[x]please come dive in puddles with me?
[x]my idea of character development for a story is trying to figure out what kinds of things they would wear.
[x]i'm a motherfucking princess.
[x]i'm <strike>extremely</strike> superficial.
[x]meaning, if i don't find you physically attractive, then i won't talk to you. at all.
[x]give me envy. give me malice. give me attention.
[x]i'm going to end this now..
[x]i love you.

Posted by crazy/abcemostar123 at 12:01 AM EDT
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randomness..

[x]my new music addiction is le tigre.
[x]mostly because they remind me of horrorpops' "hell yeah" album.
[x]i did it again. i made a mistake. all right now are you satisfied?
[x]i'm addicted to myspace.
[x]i like my hair to defy gravity.
[x]i like my make-up to look trashy.
[x]i'm right-handed.
[x]i'm original.
[x]i'm a classic.
[x]i hate it when people steal my ideas and then claim them as their own.
[x]it's called plageurism, sweetie.
[x]i sleep with seven pillows ~~or more~~ at night.
[x]i think that birds are cutiepies.
[x]i talk to them at meijers.
[x]i'm extremely rude.
[x]you learn to get used to it.
[x]zombies are my friends.
[x]gore ~~makes me happy~~.
[x]i have add.
[x]but my shrink won't admit it.
[x]~~my shrink~~ laura and i play candyland together.
[x]i suck at playing the guitar, but i like to fool myself into thinking i'm really really good.
[x]we're a happy family. me, mom, and daddy.
[x]psh. yeah right.
[x]i applied for a job yesterday.
[x]and i really hope i get it.
[x]i'm a quitter.
[x]but that's a good thing.
[x]i like a lot of music.
[x]except for country. i really can't stand it.
[x]philisophical quotes make me ~~extremely~~ happy.
[x]i love to hardcore dance.
[x]joshua from the horrors is oddly gorgeous.
[x]breathe your life into me..
[x]god knows we could all use some life.
[x]i'm just another statistic.
[x]pleas come dive in puddles with me?
[x]my idea of character development for a story is trying to figure out what kinds of things they would wear.
[x]i'm a motherfucking princess.
[x]i'm ~~extremely~~ superficial.
[x]meaning, if i don't find you physically attractive, then i won't talk to you. at all.
[x]give me envy. give me malice. give me attention.
[x]i'm going to end this now..
[x]i love you.

Posted by crazy/abcemostar123 at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: Monday, 13 August 2007 6:59 AM EDT
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Friday, 8 June 2007

great.
Mood:

caffeinated
Now Playing: Saves the Day - live.
Topic: Life.
eww..
two shitty diapers in a row.
i hate babysitting.
i really do.
and they're both following me around everywhere.
and kylie cries if i even turn my back on her.
great.
just great.
ugh.
stupid children.

on a much better note..
i have my whole weekend planned out.
tonight: bri's.
tomorrow: bri's.
tomorrow night: bri's.
sunday: meeting.
sunday night: bri's.
monday: bri's.
it's great.
i'm spending my whole fucking weekend with her.
i may as well just live with her for all the time i'm over there.

oh.. and i dyed my hair.
again.

well, i have to go change a smelly diaper.
excitement, right?
<3

Posted by crazy/abcemostar123 at 12:01 AM EDT
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Thursday, 7 June 2007

maybe.. just maybe tonight.
Now Playing: Escape the Fate.
Topic: Life.
i'll finally have a decent night's sleep.
i was home sick all day yesterday with the stomach flu.
and then i couldn't fall asleep.
i really hate being an insomniac.
and i couldn't take my sleeping pills, because if i did i knew that i would vomit.
and then i'd start crying again.
on top of all of that, though, i had three panic attacks.
count 'em.
THREE.
three five-minute sessions of pure torture, hyperventilation, and tears streaming down my cheeks.
it was hell.
that's the most i've had in three weeks, needless to say in one night alone.
i did get to see the sunrise, though.
it was incredible.
i've actually never ever given the sunrise the time of day.
but today i did, and it was gorgeous.
you should watch the sunrise sometimes.
especially if you're in the middle of an anxiety attack.
just sit there, tears streaming down your face, not being able to breath, clutched over in fits of body aches, and watch the sunrise.
it's soo calming.
that and just standing outside with the rain dripping down on you.
letting it soak you.
seep into your skin.
cleanse you.
drench your clothing.
it's a really good feeling..
yeah..

Posted by crazy/abcemostar123 at 12:01 AM EDT
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Saturday, 2 June 2007

i don't know who it is. or even the title. but it's good. really good.
Mood:

cool
Now Playing: bad religion.
Topic: poetry.
once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
and he called it "chops"
because that was the name of his dog
and that's what it was all about
and his teacher gave him an a
and a gold star
and his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
that was the year father tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
and he let them sing on the bus
and his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
and his mother and father kissed a lot
and the girl around the corner sent him a
valentine signed with a row of x's
and he had to ask his father what the x's meant
and his father always tucked him in bed at night
and was always there to do it.

once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
and he called it "autumn"
because that was the name of the season
and that's what it was all about
and his teacher gave him an a
and asked him to write more clearly
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
and the kids told him
that father tracy smoked cigars
and left butts on pews
and sometimes they would burn holes
that was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
and the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see santa claus
and the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
and his father never tucked him in bed at night
and his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.

once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
and he called it "innocence: a question"
because that was the question about his girl
and that's what it was all about
and his professor gave him an a
and a strange steady look
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
that was the year that father tracy died
and he forgot how the end
of the apostle's creed went
and he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
and his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
and the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
that made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
and at three a.m. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring loudly.

that's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
and he called it "absolutely nothing"
because that's what it was really all about
and he gave himself an a
and a slash on each damned wrist
and he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.

Posted by crazy/abcemostar123 at 12:01 AM EDT
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Thursday, 17 May 2007

dripping with sarcasm.
Mood:

irritated
Now Playing: From Autumn to Ashes - Too Bad You're Beautiful.
Topic: Life.
First.. Wake up at 7.10.
I was supposed to be out of the door at 7.05.
Oh, damn.
Get screamed at by brother all the way to school.
Get to school...
"Best friend"=shitty mood.
Won't tell me why.
Guess what?
She tells somebody else right after she tells me she doesn't want to talk about it.
You wanna know how crappy that makes me feel?
And then..
I had a frickin choir concert, so I didn't get to go home AT ALL until 10.00.
I asked my "best friend" if maybe she could bring food for me..
"No. I'm not even bringing food for myself."
Okay.
No food, then.
Let the anorexic go hungry.
[Little joke there. I'm not really anorexic.. Just extremely skinny.]
I say, "I don't think you're getting what I'm saying."
She replies, "Oh, shut up." gets her bag, and walks away.
Thanks, "best friend".
I'm so glad I can rely on you.
After school today I tried apologizing.
She says, "You don't understand."
Okay, then.
So much for apologizing.
I had a detention after school, so I went.
And then was bored out of my mind for the next two hours.
Yay!
I go to my concert, have a great time, and I get home.
I ask to go on the computer, and I get yelled at.
So, I know you probably don't care.
But I just needed to bitch.
<3

Posted by crazy/abcemostar123 at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: Monday, 11 June 2007 4:43 PM EDT
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Thursday, 19 April 2007

Day of Silence 2.
Mood:

a-ok
Now Playing: Project Playlist.
Topic: Read title.
So the Day of Silence today was sooo hard.
I accidentally talked like twice.
Ooopsie.
I still support Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender rights, though.
So deal.
And don't shove your Christian beliefs down my throat.
Goddammit.
I hate people.

So, yes, I may hate my mom sometimes, but she does have valid points.
We were talking in the car today, and she's all like, "Well, you never know what people really want out of you. They make fun of you if you're fat, skinny, have glasses, don't have glasses, if you're smart, if you're not smart, and tons of other things."
She's right, you know.
I don't know what people want out of me.
They pick on me because I'm skinny, but if I gain two pounds, they call me fat.
They pick on me because I'm smart, but if I don't show smarts then they pick on me for being stupid.
And then everybody thinks that "Everybody is their own person".
Well, if everyone is their own person, then why are people constantly made fun of for actually being themselves.
I mean, Hello!
People just need to make their minds up, I think.

Oh, by the way..
I got glasses.
And they are adorable.
Pictures hopefully soon to come.
Maybe not.
But for now, you should comment the ones that I have already!
<3 Gretchen.

Posted by crazy/abcemostar123 at 8:45 PM EDT
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Tuesday, 17 April 2007

Day of Silence.
Mood:

bright
Now Playing: Project Playlist.
Topic: Read title.
Day of Silence.
4/18/07.
I'm not talking tomorrow.

Please understand my reasons for not speaking today. I am participating in the Day of Silence, a national youth movement protesting the silence faced by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people and their allies. My deliberate silence echoes that silence, which is caused by harassment, prejudice, and discrimination. I believe that ending the silence is the first step toward fighting these injustices. Think about the voices you are not hearing today. What are you going to do to end the silence?

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Posted by crazy/abcemostar123 at 6:49 PM EDT
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Monday, 9 April 2007

Famous Last Words.
Mood:

bright
Now Playing: Project Playlist.
Topic: Music.
Now I know
That I can't make you stay
But where's your heart?
But where's your heart?
But where's your...

And I know
There's nothing I can say
To change that part
To change that part
To change...

So many
Bright lights, they cast a shadow
But can I speak?
Well is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A life that's so demanding
I get so weak
A love that's so demanding
I can't speak

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

Can you see
My eyes are shining bright
Cause I'm out here
On the other side
Of a jet black hotel mirror
And I'm so weak
Is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A love that's so demanding
I get weak

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

These bright lights have always blinded me
These bright lights have always blinded me
I say

I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead

(How can I see, I see you lying) 'Cause I see you lying next to me
(How can I see, I see you lying) With words I thought I'd never speak
(How can I see, I see you lying) Awake and unafraid
(How can I see, I see you lying) Asleep or dead

'Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead

'Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
(Or dead)
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
(Or dead)
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

Gaah.
No MySpace.
Grounded.
No phone.
Grounded.
Dog having nightmares.
Creepy.
I'm hungry.
Can't eat.
Lip pierced!
Left side.
It's pretty hot, if I do say so myself.
Haha.
Conceit.
Yes!
Excitement.
Whoa.
He's not around he's always looking at men..
Oh man.
I love that song.
So I'm bored.
And hungry.
And tired.
And I actually finished my homework for once.
Stupid French.
Gaaah.
*Kills.*
It's pretty lame.
With an o.
So it goes "Lame-o."
Yeah.
Agreed?
So go to my MySpace.
www.myspace.com/xoxoxoiluvemosxo
Don't ask.
It's an inside joke.
Okay.
Go check it out.
And watch the YouTube video.
It's a dance.
I'm in purple.
Aren't I just amazing?
Yeah.
I knew it.
I think I'm done.
This entry has gotten WAAYYY too long.
<3
Peace.

Posted by crazy/abcemostar123 at 11:53 PM EDT
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