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Bill and Ocie
Wednesday, 21 December 2005

Topic: Letters
Letter in these comments.

Posted by crazy/4ocie at 4:41 PM CST
Updated: Wednesday, 21 December 2005 4:52 PM CST
Post Comment | View Comments (3) | Permalink | Share This Post

Wednesday, 21 December 2005 - 4:53 PM CST

Name: 11/27

Ocie,

You always make me cards, so I thought I would make something for you. This was a day to do very little work. So I thought my energy would be best spent trying to express my complete obsession with you. Plus here I can talk more freely about things that I can’t on emails. This is what I came up with.

Let’s start with the conversation we had on Wednesday. You brought up a few times that you don’t understand how people have these long term relationships. I don’t get it either. I don’t understand because it is the easiest relationship to walk away from. Of course, most of these are short because of that. But some are long, and they must have what we do. Lucky bastards. Along those lines, I wanted to mention something. Remember Saturday, I said that it was some type of jealousy that was eating at me. I’ve tried to analyze that a little and I’ve come up with this. As I said, part of what bothers me is that others get to enjoy you “out” and I don’t. Another reason is that your home life isn’t great, so part of me thinks you may be trying to find someone. And YOU SHOULD! I’ve told you before, you deserve a great home life. And I really hope if it’s not me, then I hope it’s someone that make you happy. (God you’d be an amazing wife) That could send me on a whole different tangent.

Why not. You asked about my relationship with my wife. I will say that the Bill & Ocie marriage would be sooooooo different. I am completely against lovey dovey in public. I’m not like that even in private. I mean no one wants to see lovey dovey if your with friends or whatever. But I think with you I’d have a hard time not touching you, kissing you, holding you, playing with your hair… I am more moved by you, than I ever imagined possible. That’s not cliche! I never imagined this kind of feeling. It just means that our entire relationship would be different. I brings me to this. You once said that I understand you. THAT’S IT!!!!! I do get you! I feel like you get me! Wow that is so nice. A lot of my friends get me. But to have someone get me who is all of these other things, is a slice of heaven.

I ran out of time. So that’s all I have for you toady. I want to talk to you soo much. But again I can’t. Just know I miss you. Have a nice weekend.

ps just got your card and thought I’d mention that I loved the flower. I miss you and every bit of your flower.

I love you so much. It’s amazing how I feel about you. 143!

Love, Bill


Wednesday, 21 December 2005 - 4:55 PM CST

Name: 12/9

Ocie,

Okay, Holy crud (Ocie talk) that was the greatest email ever! I laughed at so many of your Pursy T (persuasive tongue) statements. A new nickname had to be created, because when I heard that line in that song, it reminded me so much of you. Your tongue could persuade me to do anything! ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now about this email... I wanted to mention a couple things. I know you aren’t implying I leave my wife. I just want you know how much I love you too. Not to say that I wouldn’t be happier with you though. There is no question about that! But that is not a fun topic. So another time…

Fun topics are these Pursy T lines that I just love. Let me recap. I know you wrote them, but let’s enjoy them again, and again, and again, and again, what was I saying… God I love you. Okay, I loved this section: “Have you hold me like nobody’s watching, but really everyone is watching and thinking how lucky we are to have each other. To know exactly what the other is thinking, especially when we are both thinking that it’s time to go home to make passionate love to each other all night.” And so on. This is so poetic. And I mean that. You don’t realize that you wrote something very beautiful.

Then the bakery... I love you for your humor.

This thing is filled with beautiful, poetry, and humor, and sexy Pursy T.

“Freeze time when we are together” is something that I feel the minute I touch you. It is so rare and special that I want the world to stop. This is just another poetic phrase from this masterpiece.

Ocie, I love you so much that sometimes I can’t breathe, because there isn’t enough room in my chest for lungs and a bulging, racing heart. Did I say bulging? You know what I mean.

I just want to have the time and opportunity to lose myself in you. Spend days beneath the sheets. I just remember back to Newville. It was the first time, but neither of us thought much about the nerves we had, and went ahead and spent hours between the sheets stark naked. If we did that again now, we would be so much more comfortable, and would accomplish so much more. Of course game wise up and down the field, but even emotionally it would be amazing. Can you imagine that again?

Give me 3 hours with you again, and I’ll give you the happiest man alive. And I’ll give you him again, and again, and again.

I wish I could tell you that I love you in a way that really expresses it properly. For
instance, just thinking about how much I love you, that racing, bulging feeling is back.

I really want to be with you. I love you! Bill

Wednesday, 21 December 2005 - 4:56 PM CST

Name: 12/7

Ocie,

First of all, how is the “shrine” shaping up. Some will require a little thought. But I have just sat over here and laughed at some of these.

I have had a difficult few days. In a good way. I did not think I could possibly think of you more, and here I am just totally overcome with you. I can’t tell you enough times how perfect of a woman you are. We talk and I just love it, especially when I am not in a bad spot or rushed. Those few moments I am just so tuned into you. Then a real pleasure is to get to look at you all day, and hear you talk to other people. It’s like I’m stalking you. You are so damn beautiful, and cute, with the way you talk and giggle. I still think about that red sweater and black pants from Thursday, by the way. What is wrong with me? I just can’t get enough of you.

You asked me if we’d be happy forever, why can’t we be together. That has eaten me up. My heart dropped when I read it, and I’ve stewed on it since then. I have had several emotions. I have been happy for how much we love each other to think that way. I have been sad because I keep loving you when I can’t make that happen, and I feel like a complete scum for putting you through that.

I have since ran through every scenario in my head, from divorce, to “accident” (your idea), to just leave to another world with you. I know “am I bad?” I don’t care! We are both thinking of how we could be together, so all of this has crossed both of our minds. I know why talk about this if it will never happen. I have to say never, because I don’t want to give false hope. But I can dream. I’m not happy either. I just settle. I’ve known that for years and years. If there were no kids involved I probably would have left a long time ago.

All that said I love you so much and want to spend every waking moment together. We would laugh all the time. We would be wrapped in each other’s arms all the time. We would be inseparable…locked at the lips. We would use every room in the house the first day. As experimental as we are, we would end up places like in that dressing room at a department store, in the bathroom of friend’s house, waiting room at the dentist office, beach, park, principal’s office at school, movie theater, storage room of AnchorBank (oh yeah why wouldn’t we do that now…same consequence)

Life would be like neither of us know, or even thought could exist. You would completely change my life. And that gives me so much to think about. THANK YOU! (to use your phrase).

You are the greatest! If/when the day comes that it is public that we are together, and we can openly and safely be in love. The heavens will open, and the greatest relief of the greatest burden will be lifted. To love you openly is my biggest dream!

Love, me.
And love me! Ps good luck with the interview.

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