Lord of the Millenium Items – The Two Pyramids (a Yu-Gi-Oh parody of Lord of the Rings)
Written by Naomi

 

Author's Notes- W00t! At LAST! I’m starting Lord of the Millenium Items – The Two Pyramids! ^^ As always, I don’t own Yu-Gi-Oh, Chobits, or Lord of the Rings. The crew of Crayon Vision (C.J, Makoré, Jessie, Allie and Ryu) belongs to themselves, and the only thing I own is Naomi. I’m penniless and vulnerable, so don’t sue me!

 

Questions/comments/flames are to be directed to my e-mail of CardCaptor505@aol.com. E-mail me sometime! ^^

As always, thank you Jessie for space on Crayon Vision! ^.~
Now on with the waff!

 

Prologue – Didn’t we do this already?

 

Naomi: Yay!!! It’s finally time!

 

Yugi: Time for what, Naomi? *looks at his sister*

 

Naomi: It’s time to start filming for Lord of the Millenium Items – The Two Pyramids! ^.^

Yami: *bluntly* I’m so excited.

 

Naomi: Good! You should be! Now, lets head back to the studio and start working!

 

Yugi: *snickers* Yami can’t wait for all of the Aragorn/Arwen love scenes…

 

Yami: *grumbles as they begin to walk to in the direction of the Domino Studio (hey, that rhymes!). They enter the building to see the cast members, along with some new ones, standing around. They all walk into the auditorium and sit, waiting for Naomi to make her announcement*

 

Naomi: It’s great to see all of you guys again! ^^ Are you ready to make a movie?

*crickets chirp in the background*

 

Naomi: ^^; All right… I’m going to take this time to announce the people who will be returning as part of the cast, in case you forgot your parts.

 

Kaiba: *makes a ‘hn’ noise* As if we could forget all of that crap we had to do last time!

 

Naomi: Shaddup Kaiba, no one asked for your opinion! *holds up the encyclopedia-sized contract, as if to pose a threat on the rich Duelist with amazingly big shoulders and smiles* Now, I will also announce the new people playing the characters that will be appearing in this part of the movie. I will answer any questions, if any, at the end of the casting. *pauses* Okay, let’s get started! *pulls Yugi foreword* Yugi will be playing Frodo Baggins!

 

Yugi: Um…. hi? ^^;;;;

 

Naomi: Joey will be playing Samwise Gamgee!

 

Joey: Phear my mad gardening skills!

 

Naomi: ^^; Téa will be playing Merry!

 

Téa: I can’t believe you still cast me as a guy…

 

Naomi: Tristan will act out the part as Pippin!

 

Tristan: *sighs* Still no romantic action for me…

 

Jessie: WHAT WAS THAT? *gives him a look*

 

Tristan: N-n-nothing… *gulps* ^^;;;

 

Naomi: Yami will use his talents to play Aragorn!

 

Yami: *glares at Mai* I hate you…

 

Naomi: Legolas will be played by Bakura!

 

Bakura: *whines* Naomiiiiii! These elf tights are giving me a wedgie!!! *squirms*

 

Naomi: o.o I SO did not need to know that… *clears her throat* Mokuba will be playing Gimli!

 

Mokuba: *grumbles about being short*

 

Naomi: Pegasus will be ‘acting’ as Gandalf the Gay!

 

Pegasus: I will slay the evil Balrog and return to my Frodo-boy!

 

Yugi: O.o *hides behind Naomi*

 

Naomi: Have fun, Pegasus… anyway, Yami Malik plays Sauron, who is insane and shouldn’t even be in this movie.

 

Yami Malik: YOU CAN’T HANDEL MY POWER!!!! AH HA HA HA HA!!!!!! *all of the windows shatter in the building*

 

Naomi: I reeeeally hope I don’t have to pay for that… *looks at the windows and sighs*

Yami Bakura, who is equally, if not more insane as Yami Malik, will be playing Saruman.

 

Yami Bakura: Shut the hell up, Yami MALIK! You’re dead, and that makes me supreme ruler of Middle EARTH!

 

Naomi: Would you two mind taking this outside while I try to announce the rest of the cast? *the two glare daggers at her* Um… never mind ^^;;;; Shadi will be playing Elrond.

 

Shadi: *is all silent and stuff!*

 

Naomi: …? Right. Mai is the lucky girl who plays Arwen!

 

Mai: Give me a kiss, Yami!

 

Yami: O_____o Get the hell AWAY from me, woman!!! *runs, with Mai at his heels*

 

Naomi: I can’t wait to see those Aragorn/Arwen dream scenes… *snickers* Um… going along now, Isis will be playing Galadriel.

 

Isis: My Millenium Necklace will guide me to acting perfection…

 

Naomi: Weevil… *giggles* will be playing… *snicker* … Gollem…! *bursts out laughing*

 

Weevil: *in his horribly annoying voice that could break eardrums* I’m gonna freeze my frikkin ass off out there!!!

 

Naomi: That will be one for the photo books, people… Next, we have Mako Tsunami as Haldir!

 

Mako: *sobs* I don’t want to diiiiiiie!!!!

 

Naomi: ^^; Sorry, but we’re going by the movies, not the books. Now, finally, the last of the returning characters are the members of Crayon Vision who will play the Ring Wraiths!

 

C.J: Wheeee!!!

 

Allie: *eyes water* I don’t want to kill Yugi this time, okay?

 

Makoré: R0x0rs! XD

 

Jessie: Pwned!

 

Ryu: … *acts true to his Kaiba name and glares menacingly at Yugi, who gulps*

 

Naomi: *smiles and brings out a new dictionary sized ‘contract’, reading the names of the new cast members* For our first of the new actors, we have Serenity who will be playing Éowyn.

 

Serenity: *stands shyly and bows as her brother claps for her*

 

Naomi: Next, we have Rex Raptor as Éomer, the brother of Éowyn!

 

Rex: At least it’s better than falling into a lava pit… *glares at Naomi*

 

Naomi: ^^; That wasn’t my fault! *looks down the list* KAIBA! *points at him in a God-ly manner*

 

Kaiba: What the hell do YOU want?!

 

Naomi: You have to play Theodred!

 

Kaiba: *sits back in his seat* That sounds fine with me. *flips through his script booklet* Hey… I can’t find my part in this thing!!!!

 

Yami Bakura: That’s because Theodred dies in the VERY beginning of the MOVIE! He doesn’t get any lines or ANYTHING!

 

Kaiba: *growls at Naomi* YOU BI----

 

Jessie: *blows a whistle like Sumomo* VIOLATION!!!! VIOLATION!!!! *grins and slams down the gigantic contract on Kaiba’s head* You’ve signed this document saying that you will act in this movie REGAURDLESS of part! Failing to do so will result in PUNISHMENT! *everyone stares at Pegasus, now in his conga outfit*

 

Pegasus: Cha-cha now, everyone! ^.~

 

Naomi: *glares at Kaiba in a menacing way* So that means…

 

Jessie: YOUR ASS IS OURS!!!! X3 *strikes a victory pose*

 

Kaiba: *slouches in his chair, knowing that he is defeated* Rrrrg…

 

Jessie: *under her breath* Fucktard… *scampers away before Kaiba can comprehend what she said*

 

Naomi: Where was I now? Oh yeah! Duke Devlin will be playing Theoden!

 

Duke: o.o But that guy’s ugly!

 

Naomi: Well so are you! (AN- fangirls of Duke, please don’t kill me for that ^^;;;) ^^ Thank you for playing, have a nice day! Espa Roba will be playing Grima Wormtonuge!

 

Espa: But he’s ugly too!

 

 

Naomi: You also have no eyebrows, just like him! *everyone stares at Espa, now noticing that he is eyebrowless* ^^; And it’s not my fault that so many people in this movie are ugly. Maybe the first movie was full of pretty people, and now they need some ugly ones! Did you ever think about that?! *looks around, noticing that no one is paying attention* Um… back to the cast… Johnny Steps will be using his talents to play Treebeard!

 

Johnny: *gives a blank stare as his dreadlocks poke out in every which way* (AN- they’re his sense of movement, I swear!)*

 

Naomi: Croquet, Pegasus’ number one manslave, will be playing Shadowfax, Gandalf’s mighty steed.

 

Croquet: *strikes a pose* Come with me, my master! We shall ride off into the wild blue yonder! *Pegasus jumps on his back and the two run away into the sunset as a melodic, sappy tune plays in the background*

 

Naomi: MAKORÉ!!!! Quit playing around with the technical equipment!!! *the music abruptly stops and the sunset background drops, revealing a brick wall, which Croquet makes a head-on collision with* Ouch… ^^; Anyway, Para and Dox will be playing Hama and Gamling, or in Laymen’s terms, two useless extras who get eaten by Wargs.

 

Para and Dox: *jump up onto the stage doing that little spinny thing they do and start a rhyming spree*

 

Naomi: Gods… *turns back to the audience* Next is… Malik, who will play Faramir.

 

Yami Malik: You’ve GOT to be kidding me! *glances at his Hikari*

 

Naomi: ‘fraid not.

 

Malik: *in a weak and timid voice* I’ve got a part? *smiles*

 

Yami Malik: *growls* This is so embarrassing! You’re supposed to want to KILL things, like Yami! Instead, you want to be in a play… kids today… *rants, but no one cares what he is saying because he’s Yami Marik and we don’t listen to him*

 

Naomi: Arcada will play Parn, another useless guy who gets killed!

 

Arcada: For this insult I WILL SEND YOU TO THE SHADOW REALM! I WILL CHOP OFF YOUR ANKLES WITH DARK ENERGY DISKS! (AN- spooky, huh?)

 

Naomi: *mutters something about ‘stupid dubbers’ and buzzsaws* Noa will be playing Haleth… Woo.

 

Noa: I’m actually IN this play?! O_o

 

Naomi: You’ve got one line kid. Don’t screw it up.

 

Noa: *gulps* o_o

 

Naomi: Rebecca will play Freya, and Rebecca’s teddy will play Eothain!

 

Rebecca: *squeals in an annoying way and hugs her plush bear* Ooooh, teddy! I’m so proud that you got a part in the play! *pauses* What’s that teddy?

 

Teddy: … *everyone stares at it, as if the toy would actually talk*

 

Rebecca: Oh, of course I’ll help you practice your lines, teddy! *hugs the bear and runs out of the room*

 

Everyone: … -.-;;;

 

Naomi: And LAST, but not LEAST, we have Bandit Keith-

 

Bandit Keith: About f*ckin’ TIME!

 

Naomi: -who will play a horse known as Sugarlumps! *giggles madly*

 

Bandit Keith: Like HELL I will! *takes a gun out of his pocket, but it shocked to find that it has been whited out!* WHAT THE FUSK?!

 

Jessie: *shakes her finger like the Dark Magician* Careful, we have kids here! *drags Mokuba, Noa, Yugi, and Rebecca up the stage by their collars* You don’t want them TRAMATIZED now…

 

Bandit Keith: There is NO way in hell I am playing a horse again! ESPECIALLY one named Sugarlumps!

 

Naomi: *drags out the giant crayon contract and drops it on Bandit Keith’s foot, making him curse* Just as Kaiba’s contract says, you are to take the role that is given to you and act it out! NO ACCEPTIONS ARE MADE! ALL SALES ARE FINAL! Have a nice day ^^

 

Bandit Keith: *sits down next to Kaiba* This f*ckin blows…

 

Kaiba: Tell me about it… Sugarlumps… *tries to chortle back a laugh, but doesn’t succeed*

 

Bandit Keith: SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!

 

 

Naomi: *smiles and turns to the cast members* Now, before we begin, would anyone like to say anything before we start the movie? *pauses for a split second* Okay! We’ve wasted enough time! Let’s get to the filming of Lord of the Millenium Items – The Two Pyramids!

 

End of Prologue!

 

 

AN- Wasn’t that JUST splendiferous? What horrors will await our beloved cast as they play through the terrors of The Two Pyramids? Will they suck to no end? Will they ACTUALLY get their parts right? How the hell is Naomi going to afford weapons for the Helm’s Deep battle scene? O_o These answers and more on the first chapter of Lord of the Millenium Items – The Two Pyramids! (coming to a Crayon Vision near you!)