Lord of the Millenium Items - The Fellowship of the Puzzle (a Yu-Gi-Oh parody of Lord of the Rings)
Written by Naomi

Author's Notes- All right! ^^ I finally got off of my lazy butt and wrote the fifth chapter! Sorry for the delays.... I've been sick for a while. I guess that's not a good excuse ^^;;; Oh well. As always, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, Lord of the Rings, Fruit Loops, or anything like that. I don't own Allie, for she owns herself. I do own Naomi. Yeah. Flame/Comment/whatever in an e-mail and send it to CardCaptor505@aol.com. Now, without further legal rights and claims, I present the fifth chapter of Lord of the Millenium Items - The Fellowship of the Puzzle!
And a very big thank you to Jessie and Crayon Vision for hosting my fic! ^^

Chapter 5 - When Wooden Swords Go Bad!

*scene opens to our beloved Fellowship walking next to a large, dark lake*

Yugi: *trips and falls face first into the water* Ech! *jumps out and scampers over to Yami*

Pegasus: *grumbles about Yugi loving Yami more than him, and leads them to a rock wall framed by two trees. He whipes away some dirt to reveal carvings on the wall* Isildin. It mirrors only starlight and moonlight.

*the moon comes out, revealing the carvings as a door with elvish writing on it*

Joey: What does it say?

Pegasus: I have no idea.

Members of the Fellowship: *fall over* ^^;;;;

Bakura: *walks up to the door and reads* Well, I'm the only elf here, so I guess I'll give it a shot... it says: "Streak, friend, and enter!"

Members of the Fellowship: O_____o!!!

Pegasus: *claps his hands together and giggles as he starts to take his clothes off* Oh this will be soooo much fun!!! ^.^

Téa: There is no way I'm doing *that* just to get into a dark, creepy mine!

*the members of the Fellowship discuss what to do, while Yami and Joey unpack 'Bill' (Bandit Keith)*

Bandit Keith: About &^#$'n time! What the hell are you carrying in those bags?!

Joey: *drops a pack on the ground. It makes a very odd 'clunk' noise* My rock pet collection... *takes a rock out and pets it* This one is Cecilia... do you want to hold her?

Bandit Keith: ... I've been carrying ROCKS all the way here?!?!? *growls* That's it. I'm leaving. *turns down the lake path and walks away, murmuring* Casting me as a horse....

Joey: Hey, these rocks have feelings too!!! *turns away and starts to pet 'Cecilia'*

Yugi: *walks up to the door and reads it over* Streak, friend, and enter? ... *reads Bakura's script* Um.... Legolas? Are you sure you meant 'streak'? Your script over here says ‘speak’...

Bakura: *reads the script over* Oooooh! That makes sense now!

Kaiba: You MORON! How the hell do you get 'speak' and 'streak' confused?! *he doesn't wait for Bakura to answer. Instead, he walks over to the British elf, picks him up, and tosses him into the near by lake*

Bakura: Heeeeelp!!!! *flails* I'm drowning!!!! *splashes*

Yugi: *ignores the two and looks at Pegasus* What's the elvish word for friend?

Pegasus: *thinks for a while and suddenly cries out* FRUIT LOOPS!

Yugi: ... Fruit Loops?

*amazingly, the doors open*

Members of the Fellowship: o.o *they are speechless, but neverless, they enter the mine*

Mokuba: Soon, you will all enjoy the fabled hospitality of the dwarves! Roaring fires, red meat off the bone, malt beer! This-

Joey: We're not old enough to drink beer...

Mokuba: That's what the script says!

Téa: This place is so nasty... *steps on something that makes a horrible 'crunch' noise* Eep!

Pegasus: Let me shed some light on this situation.... *holds up his staff, which has a flashlight taped onto it. He reveals obviously fake skeletons all over the floor*

Téa: o.o! *faints*

Joey: Waitaminute, waitaminute... isn't Gandalf supposed to have a magic rock on top of his staff instead of a flashlight?

Naomi: I'm working on it, I'm working on it! *grabs Allie, who is harmlessly walking by*

Allie: Hm?

Naomi: Gandalf. Magic light rock. Make it happen.

Allie: Okey-dokey, Boss Lady! *scampers off*

Kaiba: *kicks a plastic bone which flies through the air and hits Tristan on the back of the head* This is damn retarded! *turns around* We make for the Gap of Rohan!

*suddenly, a tentacle shoots up from the ground, knocking Kaiba to the ground. The tentacle wraps around Yugi's leg and drags him off to the lake*

Joey: *leaps up and starts to beat on the tentacle with his wooden sword. He realizes that he's going to need help* Strider!!

Yami: *hears Joey's call and runs to help his Hikari, when suddenly, Kaiba does a flying leap over Yami and Joey, right onto the tentacled monster's head*

Kaiba: DIIIIIIIIIIEEEE!!!!! *starts putting his sword to good use by beating the hell out of the squid-like thing. The monster, in all of the confusion, drops Yugi, who falls into Yami's arms*

Bakura: Boromir! Move!!! *loads his bow and pulls it back*

Kaiba: *jumps off of the monster's head. At that very moment, Bakura lets go of his bow and hits the squid with...*

Kaiba: ... a plastic dart? That thing couldn't even penetrate the skin!

*the monster, however, gets greatly annoyed with the plastic dart stuck on it's forehead and starts thrashing about*

Pegasus: Into the mines!

*the Fellowship retreats into the mines, where the monster thrashes the gate behind, causing it to cave in*

Yugi: *has this pathetic and scared look on his face* Naomi..... you didn't have enough money to buy swords and arrows, but you DID have enough money to get a big, scary monster?!

Naomi: ^^; Yup...

Yugi: *collapses into Yami's arms* Sometimes, I can't believe the things you do Naomi.....

*scene changes to the Fellowship walking. They walk, and they walk... and for a change of pace, they walk some more in the dark caves of Moria. They come to a place with three paths to go*

Pegasus: ... I have no memory of this place...

*the Fellowship decides to rest while Pegasus tries to remember which way to go*

Tristan: Are we lost?

Téa: We're not lost.

Tristan: We're taking directions from Gandalf.... so, I think were lost.

Téa: Just shut up, Pippin...

Tristan: Merry? ... I'm hungry.

Téa: ... you're a moron, Pippin.

Yugi: *sees something and runs over to Pegasus* There's something down there!

Pegasus: Oh Frodo! I knew you loved me enough to come talk to me! *glomps Yugi*

Yami: *growls and narrows his eyes, watching Yugi*

Yugi: ^^; This isn't what it looks like!

Pegasus: You know you love me, Frodo-boy! ^.^

Yami: *gets fed up with Pegasus hanging over his Hikari* Just pick a damn pathway already!

Pegasus: *grumbles about not having any 'alone time' with Yugi. He approaches a door, points at one, and starts to sing* Eenie, meenie, miney, mo.....

Members of the Fellowship: *fall over, sweatdropping*

Pegasus: *after a while of singing* And I choose you! *points to the middle path* This is the correct pathway!

Joey: That's it.... we're all going to die....

*the Fellowship travels through the pathway to a huge cavern that is held up by great pillars*

Pegasus: *in a childish voice* See? I told you it was the right path! *snickers* Go Gandalf, it's your birthday! *does a little dance*

Tristan: That is just plain wrong...

Mokuba: *suddenly sees a door and runs to it. The other members of the Fellowship follow him into a room with a tomb in it. They see dwarf runes on it*

Yugi: What does it say, Gan... wait, I forgot. You can't read this stuff...

Mokuba: I'm the only dwarf here, so I'll read it. "Here lies Balin, son of Hrundin, Lord of Moria".

Kaiba: This place is stupid. Let's keep moving. *walks to the door, when suddenly, two real arrows get shot into the door. Kaiba jumps back hastily* Shit! How come those guys have real weapons instead of us?!

Naomi: Oooooh yeah... I forgot about that...

Yami: *gets a very worried look on his face as he bars the door. Yami looks back at Yugi* Stay back, and don't go near Gandalf!

Pegasus: I'll protect you, Frodo-dear!

*the Orcs break through the door. Bakura attempts to shoot them with his plastic darts, but they don't seem to be doing much damage. The other members of the Fellowship unsheathe their swords and join in the fight. Suddenly, a large Troll is brought into the room. It smashes things and kills many Orcs in its wake. The Fellowship tries to do what they can to damage the Troll, but they don't do anything serious. The Troll chases Yugi, Tristan, and Tea, who hide behind stone pillars. The Troll grabs Yugi by his ankle and lifts him up high*

Yugi: *is extremely terrified and screams* Aragorn! Help!

*Yugi beats on the Troll's arm with his sword. This annoys the Troll, and it lets go. Yami grabs a spear and stabs the Troll, who howls and smashes Yami into a wall. Yugi runs up to Yami to protect him from the Troll, who has now picked up the spear. It stabs Yugi, who gasps and falls over. All of the Fellowship, except Kaiba, are grief-stricken and try to kill the Troll. Kaiba gets very aggravated and throws his wooden sword into the Troll's mouth, cutting off it's air supply and killing the beast*

Yami: *gets up and rolls Yugi over, fearing the worst*

Yugi: *sits up* I'm all right... I'm not dead yet.

Kaiba: *is clearly disappointed by Yugi's last statement*

Yami: *gives a glare of anger at Kaiba, and looks back at Yugi, clearly amazed* You should be dead! That spear would have skewered a wild boar!

Yugi: *reaches into his shirt and pulls out his Dark Magician card... or the remains of one. It has a giant hole in the middle of it*

Grandpa: *watching from off stage* My Dark Magician!!!

*suddenly, there is a sound of Orcs approaching*

Pegasus: Quickly! To the bridge of Khazad-Dum!

*the Fellowship run through the halls of Moria, but quickly find themselves cornered by Orcs*

Pegasus: *raises his staff* Be gone with yoooooou!!!! *there is a flash of light from Pegasus' flashlight and a brief pause. Then, it seems that the Orcs have gotten smaller... and cuter... and....*

Kaiba: My God! You've turned them all into Toons!!!!!

Pegasus: I know! ^.^ Aren't they adorable?

Members of the Fellowship: NO!

Kaiba: Not only are they Toons, but they are more rabid than when they were normal Orcs!

*the deranged Toons scamper all around and close in on the Fellowship, when suddenly, a roar erupts in the distance, and the Toon Orcs run away*

Kaiba: Yeah.... yeah! You'd better run! Before I get my sword out and open up a can of whoop ass on your ugly faces!!!

Yami: *gives Kaiba a 'look'* That'll do, Boromir...

Pegasus: That roar came from a demon of the ancient world...... a Balrog..... Run!

*the Fellowship run some more, coming to a broken gap in their pathway. Bakura, after much hesitation, jumps across, followed by Pegasus. Kaiba leaps across, not caring if anyone else goes with him. Yami throws Tea, Tristan, and Joey over the gap, then turns to Mokuba*

Mokuba: Nobody tosses a dwarf! *jumps across, but doesn't make it all the way. Bakura catches him by the hair* Owwww! >< Not the hair!!!

*more stairs break. Yami and Yugi jump back. The gap is too far to jump now. Some of the roof breaks off, separating Yami and Yugi's section away from the rest of the stairs*

Yami: *realizes that he can move the stairs by shifting his weight* Lean forward!

*Yugi listens and the section falls forward, allowing Yami and Yugi to rejoin the Fellowship. They run, yet again, and pass over a thin bridge over a dark abyss. Pegasus stays back after everyone gets across*

Pegasus: You cannot pass!

*the Balrog emerges, flames shooting across his body*

Pegasus: *holds up his staff* I will not let you get past and harm my Frodo-boy!

*the Balrog roars and takes out his giant sword. The creature tries to hit Pegasus with it, but the attack is blocked*

Pegasus: *holds his staff high and the flashlight glows brightly (always use energizer folks! ^.^)* I will never let you hurt my love!

Yugi: ^^; This is very embarrassing, you know...

Pegasus: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

*the Balrog draws a whip and steps onto the bridge, which gives away under it. The creature falls into the darkness, but before it disappears, it catches Pegasus by the leg and pulls him down*

Pegasus: *struggles and manages to catch onto the side of the broken bridge. He looks to the Fellowship* Fly, you fools!

Kaiba: *grins* If you say so! *the Fellowship leaves, and Pegasus is still hanging onto the edge of the bridge*

Pegasus: ... hello? *echoes* Guys.....? Frodo-boy??? o.o

*scene changes to the Fellowship outside the caves of Moria, celebrating (believe me.... you would too). Well, all except Yami and Kaiba, who are arguing about which one gets to be leader*

Kaiba: I will be leader! I will rule the Fellowship!!!!

Yami: *rolls eyes* Does it matter? You're going to die in the next chapter!

Kaiba: *eyes grow wide* WHAT DID YOU SAY, YOU &^%$IN PANSY?!?!?!

Yami: That's IT! *growls* I challenge you to a Duel!!!!

Kaiba: BRING IT ON!

Tea: ^^;;; Boys will be boys....

Bakura: *reads ahead in his script* We're supposed to go to Lothlorien... right?

Yugi: Yeah... but this Duel is going to take a while...

Yami: You go first!

Kaiba: No, you!

Yami: Stupid, secondary characters first!

Kaiba: Pansy, lame-ass Rangers first!!!!

Bakura: ^^;;;;

Yugi: Yeah... make that a VERY long time... ^^;

*Yami and Kaiba continue to fight as the scene darkens*

End of Chapter 5!

AN- Lothlorien already? Heh, we're really moving in this fic! What will become of the Fellowship now that Gandalf (Pegasus) is gone? Hopefully they'll be better off... what adventures will await them in Lothlorien? What part will Galadriel (Isis) play in this epic story? Will Kaiba really give up his part as Boromir and finally die? These questions will be answered in the final chapter and conclusion of Lord of the Millenium Items - The Fellowship of the Puzzle!