Lord of the Millenium Items - The Fellowship of the Puzzle (a Yu-Gi-Oh parody of Lord of the Rings)
Written by Naomi

Author's Notes- Okay, it's time for the second chapter! ^.~ I still don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Lord of the Rings or Monty Python and the Quest For the Holy Grail. I still own Naomi, but I don't own Gus or C.J. Meg does. I don't own Jessie. She owns herself, thank you very much. I don't hate Pegasus, so I don't mean to pick on him. Okay, maybe I do. But that's besides the point! And this is NOT a Pegasus/Yugi fic, you sickos! x.x I'm not like that! (I just like to make Pegasus look extremely fruity....) I also apologize for all of the 'pipe weed' jokes that are in this chapter. It's a joke between me and a friend at school. I hope this chapter isn't too long and boring for you all out there.... and e-mail me at CardCaptor505@aol.com with comments/flames/and whatever you see fit.
Thanks Jessie for hosting my fics on Crayon Vision! ^^

Chapter 2 - We're Finally Getting Somewhere!

*scene opens to Hobbits partying everywhere. Pegasus is leading a giant conga line, Grandpa is telling stories, Yugi and Joey are talking, and Pegasus' man slaves are (thankfully) igniting the fireworks*

Yugi: *laughs* Go on Sam! Go join the conga line!

*Pegasus winks at Joey*

Joey: *shudders with discust* I'd rather not.....

Yugi: *grinning* Oh no you don't! *pushes Joey into the long conga line. Joey gives Yugi a death glair as he dances away*

*scene changes to Grandpa telling a story to a group of Hobbit children*

Grandpa: And there I was, at the mercy of Pegasus. His eye was glowing in the dark as he thought of what to do with me. He suddenly got and idea, and POP!

Children: *gasp*

Grandpa: My soul was gone like a bird in winter.

*Pegasus' slave men continue to light fireworks, which burst into giant Toon formations. When no one is watching, Tea and Tristan sneak over to the wagon with the fireworks in it. Téa gives Tristan a boost up, and Tristan looks for a firework to steal*

Téa: Don't get a big one.... who knows what Pegasus made it look like....

*Tristan grabs a huge, blue one and hurries it to a tent with Téa to ignite it*

Tristan: *lights it* There!

Téa: Pippin, you moron! You grabbed a big one! And you're supposed to put it in the ground first!!!

Tristan: But it is in the ground!

Téa: OUTSIDE!!!

Tristan: This was your idea!

*the firework shoots up, flipping the tent up with it. Tea and Tristan are covered in ash as the firework takes form as a Blue Eyes Toon Dragon. The rabid Toon dives at the crowd, making them panic. Yugi sees the deranged Toon and tries to warn Grandpa*

Yugi: Bilbo, watch out for the dragon!

Grandpa: Dragon? What kind of pipe weed have you been smoking?

*the Blue Eyes Toon Dragon ducks low, making everyone fall to the ground. The Toon then crashes into a tree and explodes*

Everyone: o.o;

Téa: Well, that went pretty good....

Tristan: Let's get another!

Pegasus: *sneaks up behind them, a dark look in his eyes* Meriadoc Brandybuck, Peregrin Took! How dare you silence a free spirited Toon like that!! For such an act, I will have to punish you!

Tristan: *is very scared* Oh please don't steal my soul!!!! *points to Tea* It was all her idea!!!

Tea: Hey!!

Pegasus: *grins* Don't worry, what I've got planned for you is lots of fun!!! *giggles*

*scene fades, then opens to Tristan and Tea being forced to do the conga dance for 10 hours*

Pegasus: Everybody cooooongaaaaa!!!! *looks back at his two 'captives'* Isn't this fun? ^.^

Tristan: Please, make the dancing stop!!!!

*meanwhile, on the other side of the party, a bunch of Hobbits carry a giant cake up to Grandpa, who stands up*

Hobbits: Speech! Speech!

Grandpa: *fiddles with the Millenium Puzzle in his pocket* (must be a very large pocket... o.o) My dear Bagginses and Boffins, Tooks and Brandybucks, Gubbs, Chubbs, Hornblowers, Bolgers, Bracegirdles, and Proudfoots!

*Hobbits cheer at the sound of their names*

Grandpa: Today is my one hundred and eleventh birthday! Alas, eleventy one years is much too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable Hobbits! I don't know half of you half as well as I should and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve!

*the cheering stops, the crowd gets confused as to what Grandpa is going on about*

Grandpa: *hesitates* I have things to do. I've put this off for far too long. I regret to announce this is the end! I'm going now. I bid you all a very fond farewell! Goodbye! *puts on the chain that the Millenium Puzzle is connected to and vanishes. His footsteps are heard as he walks back to his home. Grandpa takes off the chain and goes inside*

Pegasus: What a good trick you've played!

Grandpa: *almost has a heart attack from being surprised and jumps back. He quickly regains himself and glares at Pegasus* You're not supposed to agree with me, Gandalf.

Pegasus: Oh, it was just a bit of fun, Bilbo!

Grandpa: *rolls his eyes and gathers his things together* You will keep an eye on Frodo, won't you?

Pegasus: *grins and says in a very seducing voice* Won't I ever...

Grandpa: o.o Um.... I'm leaving everything to him, you understand?

Pegasus: *for the first time in the movie, he actually reads his lines correctly* And the puzzle? Will it stay too?

Grandpa: *is shocked that Pegasus actually said his line right* ... Oh! Yes, yes, it's on the mantelpiece.... *thinks and says slowly* Wait.... no, it's here in my pocket. Isn't that something? Yet.... why not? It's mine, after all.

Pegasus: You're saying that like it's your weed jar. Face it, you're addicted.... *tsks at Grandpa*

Grandpa: *in a sudden anger* You just want my puzzle and my weed all to yourself!

Pegasus: *lights dim around Pegasus and he gets all spookey-like!* Bilbo Baggins! I may have stolen your soul once, but I'm not a common weed thief! I have more class than that....

Grandpa: *suddenly gets very sad and emotional* Oh Gandalf, I'm- *never gets a chance to speak, for Pegasus jumps on him, giving him another rib-crushing hug*

Pegasus: *in an overly emotional voice* It's all right, my old friend! Leave your puzzle and weed behind, and emerge to the world anew!

Grandpa: *is strangely moved by Pegasus' words and believes him* You're right! The puzzle will go to Frodo! *he takes it out of his pocket and drops it on the floor. Grandpa grabs his walking stick and steps outside* Ah, I've thought of an ending for my book! 'And he lived happily ever after, to the end of his days'.

Pegasus: Addiction free, you might want to add.

Grandpa: *smiles at Pegasus and exits, singing a song*

*Pegasus goes back inside and tries to pick up the Millenium Puzzle. He sees Yami Malik's eye and drops the puzzle*

Yami Malik: I've been mentioned! Ahahaha!!!

Pegasus: o.o; ..... *walks over to the fireplace and sits, thinking*

Yugi: Bilbo! *runs inside, spots the puzzle, and picks it up* He's gone.... hasn't he? Bilbo talked about it for so long.... I never thought he'd do it. *Yugi walks over to Pegasus* Gandalf?

Pegasus: *looks at Yugi* Bilbo's puzzle.... He went to live with the elves. *smiles* Leaving me to look after you.

Yugi: o.o; *gulps*

Pegasus: No matter. There are things I have to do before I settle down here.

Yugi: *shivers, thinking of living with Pegasus* What..... 'things'?

Pegasus: Oh, you're such a tease! ^.^ *giggles* I'll be back in a matter of days, don't you worry!

Yugi: *thinking* I hope he's gone for a few years.... that'll give me time to clear out of here. *now speaking* What should I do with this? *holds up the puzzle*

Pegasus: The hell should I know! Use it as a paperweight or something. *Pegasus leaves and goes to another village or something*

*Meanwhile, in the middle of nowhere*

Wevil: Shire! Baggins!

(please note, due to the most boringness of Isildur's manuscript, I'm going to skip this part. Thank you)

*scene changes to a house where a Hobbit is cutting wood. Suddenly, a very short Ring Wraith startles him*

Wraith: Wazzup?!?!

Hobbit: ..... you're pretty short for a Ring Wraith.

Wraith: *pulls off his cloak, revealing his true identity as a small sheltie named Gus* Hey, it's not my fault! The other guy we got for the part called in sick today!

Hobbit: *looks around* Where's your horse?

Gus: *sniffle* I was too short to get on it...

Naomi: Gus!!!! Get on with it already!!!

Gus: Okay, okay.... *puts on his Wraith costume, coughs, and says in a very creepy voice* Sssshire.... Bagginsssss.....

Hobbit: *gulps, realizing that he just wet himself in fear* N-no Baginses here. They're all up in Hobbitton. *points* That way....

*Ring Wraith (Gus) trots off to Hobbitton, murmuring something about his horse*

*scene changes to Yugi walking around in his home. He notices a window open and goes to shut it. Suddenly, Pegasus leaps on Yugi, almost glomping him to death*

Pegasus: Oh, Frodo! I knew that we were meant to be together!

Yugi: o.o! *struggles against Pegasus and breaks free* What are you talking about?!

Pegasus: This is our destiny! *giggles* Go get that overgrown paperweight of yours!

Yugi: *gets the puzzle and gives it to Pegasus, who throws it into the fire* What are you doing?!?!

Pegasus: *does that gay little giggle of his again* Oh Frodo, don't worry so much! *pulls the puzzle out of the fire with a pair of tongs and tosses it to Yugi*

Yugi: *catches the puzzle, which is amazingly cool. There was a flash of light, and wrighting appears on the puzzle* What.... is this?

Pegasus: *shrugs* I dunno.

Yugi: *falls over* What?!

Pegasus: I guess we'll have to travel to good 'ol Mordor, fight some orcs, and destroy the puzzle once and for all!

Yugi: *eyes grow wide* Mordor? Orcs? What the hell are you saying?! Why do we have to do all of THAT?

Pegasus: Because it is our destiny! The puzzle is true evil, and it will resurrect Sauron! This quest will test us both mentally and physically, pushing our very love to the limits!

Yugi: OO;;;; *twitches* Our.... love....? But why can't I-

Pegasus: *interrupts Yugi* Don't tell me you were thinking of going alone, Frodo-boy? Of course I'm going with you! ^.^ We'll leave the Shire and side by side, we'll take down Sauron and his forces!

Yugi: *mumbles* That's what I was afraid of.... but... why do I have to leave anyway?

Pegasus: How else would we destroy the puzzle you silly boy? *starts to giggle, but turns grimly serious and pauses* Frodo! Get down! *pushes Yugi down, knocking the breath out of the poor boy. Pegasus then walks to the window, reaches down, and hauls Joey through it* What the hell were you doing, Samwise Gamgee?!

Joey: Hey! Get your grubby paws offa me! *pulls out of Pegasus' grasp and looks at Yugi*

Pegasus: *strides over to Yugi* Don't even think about it! He's MINE!

Yugi: O.o

Joey: .....

Pegasus: What did you hear?

Joey: *under his breath* A lot about your Hobbit love fetishes.... *Pegasus glares at him and Joey gulps* Please, sir.... don't make me join the conga line!

Pegasus: *snickers* Maybe not... I think I have a better use for you.

*scene changes to Yugi, Joey, and Pegasus walking*

Joey: This sucks! I don't want to go on this stupid love quest thing! *glares at Pegasus* There is no way I'm sleeping next to you at night!

Pegasus: *stops them and turns to Yugi* Sorry to say, Frodo-boy, but I have to cut my part in this a little short for the time being. I must consult my friend on what to do... *sniffles and flings his arms around Yugi* I'm going to miss you!!!

Yugi: O.O!!!!

Joey: Okay, okay! Break it up!

Pegasus: *eyes narrow as he looks at Joey* If ANYTHING happens to Frodo, I'll hold YOU responsible! *jumps on his horse and rides away*

Joey: ... that guy's got problems.

Yugi: .... yeah. Lets hope that something eats him while he's away.

*the two friends continue to walk. The scene changes to Pegasus riding to Yami Bakura's castle.... place*

Yami Bakura: Well, well, WELL! It looks like Gandalf the Gay-

Naomi: Bakura!!!

Yami Bakura: WHAT? ... I was just going to say that he was coming to VISIT! *starts to laugh* Now is the time for me to steal his Millenium ITEM!

Naomi: *sighs* Just get on with the movie, okay?

*scene changes to Pegasus and Yami Bakura walking outside*

Yami Bakura: Are you sure of THIS?

Pegasus: I'm very sure! Frodo Baggins, my lov.... er, my friend has the Millenium Puzzle.

Yami Bakura: So, the last item has been FOUND!

Pegasus: I've known him for so long.... and it was right under my nose.

Yami Bakura: And you had not the wit to see IT! You love of that halfling has clearly slowed your MIND!

Pegasus: Why are you doing that?

Yami Bakura: WHAT?

Pegasus: THAT!

Yami Bakura: I don't KNOW! It's something that C.J did to ME! She thinks it's FUNNY!

C.J: *snickers*

*scene changes to inside of Yami Bakura's castle*

Yami Bakura: Sauron has regained much of his former STRENGTH! His eye still glows, lidless, and it sees ALL!

Yami Malik: *does a little victory dance* Oh yeah! I rule! Go Sauron, go me!

Pegasus: *pushes Yami Malik out of a window*

Yami Malik: Fear my poooooooower! *crash*

Pegasus: *looks at his script* Um.... you're talking about the eye of Sauron.... right?

Yami Malik: ......fear .....my ......evilness..... ha.... ha.... ow.

Yami Bakura: He is gathering evil MINIONS! Soon he will have an army large enough to take over Middle EARTH!

Pegasus: That's really getting annoying, you know...

Yami Bakura: Not as annoying as your Hobbit FETISHES!

Naomi: Stick to the script, people....

Yami Bakura: The hour is later than you THINK! Sauron's forces are MOVING! The nine have left MORDOR!

Pegasus: ..... the nine?

Yami Bakura: The Ring Wraiths, you FRUITCAKE!

Pegasus: They're going to the Shire!

Yami Bakura: They will kill the holder of the puzzle and bring it back to ME!

Pegasus: Frodo!!! *lashes out against Yami Bakura, his Millenium Eye glowing*

*insert magical 'poof' noise here*

Yami Bakura: *is now a twisted, Toon version of himself* .....what the hell did you do to ME?! *jumps on Pegasus' leg and sinks his razor sharp Toon teeth into his flesh*

Pegasus: *does a little dance, trying to kick the demented Toon off of his leg. In the process, Pegasus falls off balance and out of the window from before* Iiiiieeee!!!

Yami Bakura: *jumps off of Pegasus as he falls out the window. Yami Bakura hears Pegasus crash to the ground* .... um..... are you okay down THERE?

Pegasus: *in a loopy voice* But I don't want to go with the man! I'm not dead yet!

Yami Bakura: ..... right. *reads his script* Um.... I'm going to capture you NOW! Ah ha ha, ha ha HA!

*scene changes, because we're tired of watching Pegasus and Yami Bakura. Now, we see Joey, lost in a field of corn*

Joey: Er.... Frodo? Where are you, buddy?

*Yugi appears in front of him*

Joey: Man, don't scare me like that! I thought I lost you!

Yugi: What do you mean by that, Sam?

Joey: It's just something that Gandalf said.... he said if I loose you, he's going to make me march in a conga line for 10 miles!

Yugi: That's a fate I would never wish on any man. Besides, Sam, we're still in the- *Yugi is interrupted by Tristan and Téa smashing into them*

Tristan: ..... um..... why do I have to knock Frodo over? Isn't that kind of.... wrong?

Joey: Aw, Merry, I didn't know you cared! *smiles at Téa and helps her up*

Téa: *shoves an armful of vegetables into Joey's gut*

Joey: Umph!

Tristan: *picks Yugi up* What are you doing out here, Frodo?

Joey: *looks at the vegetables in his hands* Wait... where did you get these from anyway?

*suddenly, a yell of an angry farmer fills the air, as a scythe rises above their heads*

Everyone: o.o!! *starts running*

Joey: Naomi! He can't hurt us.... can he?

Naomi: .....

Joey: Can he?!

Naomi: ^^; Well, think of it as a free hair cut, Joey!

Everyone: O.O! *runs faster*

*Yugi, Joey, Tristan, and Téa near the end of the field. Yugi stops at a cliff, followed by Joey and Tea. Tristan doesn't see the cliff and runs into the others. They all fall off the cliff and land in a nice little Hobbit heap*

Tristan: Oooh, that was a close one!

Téa: Pippin, you idiot!!! *hurls a head of cabbage at Tristan, which hits him smack in the face*

Joey: It's just like you two to pull a stunt like this.

Téa: It wasn't so bad.... it was a shortcut!

Joey: Shortcut to what?

Tristan: Peeps!

Téa and Joey: ....Peeps?

Tristan: Yellow Marshmallow Peeps! *jumps up to where, low and behold, a box of Peeps has been left. Tristan shreds off the plastic wrap and starts to stuff his face with marshmallow goodness*

Téa: -.-;

Joey: At least he's not eating them off of the ground....

Yugi: *looks down the road* I think we should get off the road.... *a breeze blows by* Get off of the road, quick!

*Tristan gathers more Peeps and they all hide under some roots of a tree. A Ring Wraith rides up on its horse. The Wraith jumps off and walks towards the roots*

Wraith #2: ..... *sniffs the air* I SMELL PEEPS!

Tristan: o.o *gulps down a Peep and hides the box*

Wraith #2: *pulls off her cloak, revealing her true identity as Jessie* Naomi! Are you hiding the Peeps from me?!?! *creeps closer to the roots*

Everyone: o.o;;;

Téa: Quick, Pippin! Throw your box of Peeps away to lure away that.... thing!

Tristan: But.... my Peeps!

Téa: But nothing! *snatches the box and throws it away*

Wraith #2: PEEPS! AH HA HA! *Jessie puts her cloak back on, mounts her horse, and rides away in search of sugary goodness*

*Yugi, Joey, Tristan, and Téa see a chance to leave, and they run from the Ring Wraith*

Tristan: Fare well, Peeps.... I barely tasted the....

Téa: *pulls him away* Come on!!

*scene changes. It is now very dark with Ring Wraiths riding about. Yugi and his friends have managed to stay hidden.... for now*

Téa: That Peep-loving rider was looking for something.... or someone. *glances at Yugi* Frodo?

Yugi: I have to leave the Shire and get to Bree.

Tristan: You need some cheese? (Bree is a type of cheese, by the way)

Joey: Quit thinking with your stomach, Pippin!

Téa: *ignores the arguing guys* I had a raft down by the Bucklebury River. Follow me.

*they all make a run for it, but a Ring Wraith rides up on them. Yugi gets separated from the others, who run to the river where the raft is*

Téa: Sam, get the ropes!

Joey: Not without Frodo!

Tristan: Run Frodo!

*the Ring Wraith chases Yugi*

Yugi: Go! *Yugi jumps, getting on the raft just in time. The Ring Wraith stops at the end of the dock. Yugi pants and looks at Téa* Where's the nearest crossing?

Tea: Brandywine Bridge, twenty miles from here....

*they all look back to see three Ring Wraiths heading for the bridge*

End of Chapter 2!

AN- Finally! Gods, that took so long.... my apologies if this chapter was VERY long and boring. I'll make sure that the next chapter is better, so please bear with me. In the next chapter- We finally meet Aragorn (Yami)! Will he be good at his role? I seriously doubt it.... but only time will tell in the world of Lord of the Millenium Items - The Fellowship of the Puzzle!