F-riiiiday the ThirTEENTH! By Allie
...so finally, i get to write one! well it took me a
while anyway, but this story is called friday the
thirteenth, which is stupid cuz its got nothing to do
with friday the thirteenth at all. in fact, this is a
beautifully plotless story! be sure to read up on our
characters, cuz yeah there in here. so if you dont
like mary sues, its okay, not everyone does, but dont
get niffy with me about it cuz its all in the name of
joy, laughter, and individual perspectives on twisted
humor. see my arm? i grew it myself. oh yeah.
~~~
naomi grabbed the bag on the table, "c'mon yugi, lets
go! everyones gonna think we... died.. or.. something
like teh.."
"c.j. wont!" replied yugi, struggling into his jacket
as he ran to his sister.
"how do you know cj wont?" asked naomi, who suddenly
felt a pair of fuzzy gloved hands close over her eyes.
"cuz' cj got tired of waiting and came to fetch YOU!"
laughed cj. "heya yugi!" she said merrily, grabbing
the other bag off the table before he could reach it
and patting him on the head.
yugi rolled his eyes, but smiled anyway. "heya cj!
anyone else with you?"
"nope!" said cj, grabbing both sister and brother by
the wrist and pulling them out the door, "but they'll
be here soon if we dont get to them first!". yugi
popped his head in and shouted a real quick 'bye
grandpa!" before cj yanked him out again with a lot
more force and shut the door behind them.
they strode down the sidewalk, domino city buzzing
loudly around them with talk about battle city and
other such related topics..it almost made one feel
sorry for the people who actually lived there.
(imagine walking out to get your mail when all of a
sudden, a vicious battle errupts right on your freakin
lawn between some random strangers with rockstar hair
and bad voice acting!!) and perhaps it was simply the
daily buzzing, but the group was beginning to realise
how loud it was getting. louder.. and louder..
"guys, what is that-" yugi began, but was cut off by a
red and white blur.
"i am the queeeeeeeeeeeen of fraaaaaaaaaance!!"
shouted mikore as he rocketed past the three, leaving
a stunned silence in his wake.
yugi blinked. "was that grandpa's hat?" he asked aloud
and no sooner had he, grandpa came speeding past
yelling his head off.
"GRANDPA STOP!!" naomi shouted. yugi darted after him
as fast as he could, tackling the old man while mikore
ran up the nearest tree. "oh man yugi, you better
not've broken something!!!" she gasped, trotting up
beside the two.
grandpa was struggling so viciously that yugi had to
sit on him to keep him down. "MIKORE!!" yugi shouted
up the tree.
"meow." came the reply as mikore's head popped out
beneath the tree's canopy. (he was hanging by his
knees folks, not decapitated.)
"My HAt!@#$#@%@^~!!!!" seethed grandpa, clawing at
mikore. "ARGHRSPAHAOJGAHOA-"
"COME ON, HE'S STARTING TO FOAM AT THE MOUTH!!"
cried yugi, who was suddenly thrown off of grandpa's
back as the old man rocketed forward, unable to exist
further without his hat. "RUN MIKORE!!!"
mikore did a backflip out of the tree, took the hat
off, and held it forward calmly. everyone squeaked and
hid their eyes, waiting for the sounds of pain and
mutilation to ensue...
"what are you kids doing?"
"AIEEE!" yelled yugi. he blinked a few times,looking
at a perfectly normal grandpa. not even his hair was
displaced!
"crazy kids." grandpa shook his head, moseying his way
back to the shop while everyone stared at him as if he
was going to explode any second.
"WHOOHOOO!" shouted jessie, trotting up from behind
them. "that was awesome.. that was totally awesome!!"
"awesome hell.." grumbled mikore, stretching. "i sat
on a freakin pinecone!!"
yugi looked hopelessly from mikore to jessie. "what
just happened?"
jessie rose instantly to do the explaining, in crappy
crayon vision of course.. except since her yellow
broke in her last explanation she improvised with
pink. "so you see.."
as the yoshi ragtime played, the crappily drawn
figures moved about and detailed the whole thing. the
crayon jessie had dared the crayon mikore to
snatch/steal the crayon grandpa's crayon hat, which
errupted into a blinding crayon 'kaboom' of red, and
orange, and pink (remember, her yellow's broken.), and
eventually resulted in the chase scene just witnessed.
"oh, so that's it." naomi nodded thoughtfully while cj
applauded loudly in the background.
yugi shuddered, "carnation pink haaaiir...."
from there the now-five-member-group headed onward.
however, even being c.jet propelled (everyone links
arms and cj pulls everyone at mach..something.) didnt
save them from the next random event. it sounded a lot
like three budgies screaming at different pitches all
at once, a battle of bad voice acting that could only
be generated by a certain three duelists-
"NO IT ISNT!" screeched weevil, clobbering mako on the
head with a dust mop.
"YES IT IS!" roared mako, taking the dust mop from
weevil and pounding rex over the head.
rex jumped up and down and made a sound kinda like
kamek from yoshi's island, and in an act of absolute
originality, thumped them both on the head with
chimichanga. it kept the two cross-eyed and silent for
the duration of rex's part of the argument, but as
soon as they recovered they were at it again.
"NO IT ISNT!"
"YES IT IS"
"IS NOT!"
"IS SO!"
"YEAH HUH!"
"NAH-AH!"
"SHUT UP!"
"MAKE ME!"
"HE WAS TALKIN' TO ME!"
"WAS NOT!"
"I WAS TALKING TO-"
"SHUT UP YOU STUPID BUG EYED FREAK!"
"IM NOT A-"
"ITISITISITIS!!!"
"SLOW DOWN AND HIT THE SPACE BAR!"
"sorry.."
"NO YOU ARENT!"
"YES I AM!"
"NO YOU ARENT!"
"YES HE IS, LEAVE HIM ALONE!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"YOU!"
"YOU FIRST!"
"IMA TAKE THAT STUPID HAT AND STUFF IT DOWN YOUR
SCRAWNY LITTLE THROAT!"
"JUST TRY IT!"
"YOU TRY IT!"
"YOU TRY IT!"
"BOTH OF YOU DIE!"
"SHUTTUP BUGEYES!"
"is the caps lock stuck..?"
"WHAT?!"
"WHAT?!"
"I SAID IS THE CAPS LOCK STUCK!!"
"GOD ONLY KNOWS!"
"NO HE DOESNT!"
"YES HE DOES!"
"NO HE DOESNT!"
"AAAAARGH!"
"I CAN YELL LOUDER THAN THAT- AAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGHHH!!!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHH!!"
(hey kids, two hundred points if you can figure out
who's who! :D)
"AAAAARGH!!" yelled yugi suddenly, louder than the
three of them combined. they all looked at the tiny
one with shock. "what is going on here?!?!!"
"were having an argument!" rex said calmly.
"and it was a good one too!" said mako thoughtfully.
weevil nodded, "we plan to have another one, wont you
join us?"
yugi twitched slightly. "just..having an argument..?
what on earth about?"
"tell him rex." weevil said, nudging him in the side.
"you tell him!" rex snapped, swatting weevil back.
"i'll tell him." mako rolled his eyes and cleared his
throat-
"no you wont!" protested both rex and weevil.
aaaaaaaand-
"YES I WILL!"
"NO YOU WONT!"
"YES I WILL!"
"YOURE STUPID!"
"NO IM NOT!"
"ARE SO!"
"YEAH!"
"WELL BOTH OF YOU ARE.. MORE STUPIDER!!"
"YOURE STUPIDER!"
"YOURE LIKE.. STUPID TIMES ONE MILLION!"
"YOURE STUPID TO INFINITY!"
"YOURE STUPID TO INFINITY ONE!"
"YOU IDIOT, THERES NO INFINITY ONE!"
"WHY NOT?"
"FIGURE IT OUT!"
"HES TOO STUPID!"
"NO IM NOT!"
naomi patted the confounded yugi on the head, spun him
away from the totally unneccesary violence, and walked
away.
as the past two events had made them even later than
they were when they had first departed, naomi and yugi
were not suprised to see tristan and joey trotting up
to meet them.
"WAI!" jessie yelled, glomping tristan, who made a
strangled sound before prying her off and racing
behind yugi. "aww.. darnit! gotta get a leash.."
"you didnt say she was coming yugi!!" weeped tristan,
trying to hide his entire self behind the tiny one's
frame.
"thats cuz," smiled naomi innocently, "we knew you
wouldnt if she was!"
jessie grinned evilly, snapping a crayon conjured
leash. "here boy!"
"THATS NOT FUNNY!"
"uh guys, i hate to interrupt your little party
there," said mikore, "but uh..look at joey.."
everyone turned to see joey bouncing on his toes,
smiling. and not just smiling, this was like.. insane
smiling. like,
i-stayed-up-AAAAAAALLLL-night-and-ate-too-many-penguin-mints-and-now-im-wired-for-sound-smiling.
"he stayed up all night and ate way too many
caffenated mints, hes been bouncing like that since
about four this morning." tristan explained, checking
his watch, "its about... two right now."
"hiyugi!!!!!111" said joey.
yugi laughed, "what the heck were you doing up all
night?" he asked, accidentally walking out from in
front of tristan, who cursed and ran behind naomi
instead. hoever, by a freak plot twist, tristan fell
right through an open manhole on the way.
yugi gasped and ran to the edge, "TRISTAN!! ARE YOU
OKAY?!" he shouted down.
"hi yugi, what's the weather like up there?" tristans
voice echoed up.
"bright...aaaaaand SUNNY!!" shouted joey at an
unnessesarily loud volume, which in turn echoed back
at a deafening roar. "PEARS!"
"STAY THERE!" cried yugi, ignoring his hyperactive
friend. "ILL GO GET HELP!"
"dont trouble yourself, yugi." said tristan from right
beside him. yugi stared at him wide eyed and made
several futile attempts at speaking, while tristan
peeked over the edge almost uninterestedly, "boy sure
is dark down there..."
~~
the group eventually gave up trying to figure out how
tristan had avoided crushing death and teleported out
to safety, and moved onward in their journey to-
"hey that reminds me." jessie scratched her face,
"where are we going anyway? our final destination
really hasnt been mentioned yet."
naomi looked at her and realised it as well. "yeah.. i
had this day planned for something.. and now that i
think about it, i have no idea!"
meanwhile joey snuck by, weilding a small pear. "its
like a pear in every way.. only smarter, stronger,
better.."
"why dont we go back to the shop then?" suggested
mikore, "oh wait no.. we still have to get allie."
"yeah but chances are she's on her way already."
sighed naomi.
"DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE TEH SNEAKYNESS OF THIS
PEAR!!!!11" shouted joey, holding the tiny pear over
his head. everyone stared at him for a moment before
resuming conversation.
"that, and since were already kind of going there, we
might as well go." said naomi.
yugi thought for a moment, "i guess we could go hang
out at the park or something.. its not too far from
here. what do you think?"
"its brilliant!" cackled jessie.
"so that settles it." naomi smiled. "were going to-
"AIEEEEE!111" joey suddenly shouted, interrupting her.
"WHAT IS IT NOW?!?" screeched jessie, punting joey an
amazing, totally mindboggling distance of two feet.
joey however, lost somewhere orbiting jupiter, didnt
feel a thing and kept smiling insanely.
he pointed up at the tree, exploding with some form of
superhuman excitement. "ITS EXODIA!"
"i didnt think joey could go supersaiyan.." tristan
thought aloud.
"nah, hes probably just going through some sort of
phase involving some form of inner something or
another kinda like that.." said c.j.
"oh no, he's talking to trees.." naomi shook her head
sadly. "poor man.."
yugi stared at joey, very puzzled. "what kind of mints
were those?" he finally asked.
"FLY BE FREE!!" cried joey, throwing the tiny pear at
the tree which, to the suprise of all, suddenly
exploded with confetti and multi-colored streamers.
"this still doesnt make sense. i mean, we all know
kaiba can go supersaiyan, but joey?" mikore pressed
on, scratching his head.
something fell from the now crispy tree onto the
concrete with a *plink*. joey picked it up instantly
and held it up high. "HEE!"
yugi stepped in for a closer look. "my god!"
"what??" naomi hurried to see, and sure enough,
clutched in joeys hand was an exodia keychain. "well
ill be. bet you feel sooo special."
"DAMNSTRAIGHT!" joey nodded, a little faster than
humanly possible. he then turned his full attention on
the keychain, shutting the world out of his currently
unbalanced mind. "ooooh, moving parts!"
jessie conjured a quick harness from her blue crayon,
and with a little help from yugi fitting it around
joey, they were able to progress to wherever they were
going because the writer never specified it. but since
they wanna go to the park, she's gonna go with it. but
along the way i plan on having tristan consumed by
velociraptors. TEEHEE *ZORT*.
as they continued on they met with allie, who was
startled as ever to see them all. "wh-what is everyone
out here for?" she asked.
"dont tell me you forgot!" yugi laughed, "remember? we
were all supposed to meet today!"
"uhh...i guess i forgot." she smiled apolegetically.
"so its a good thing we bumped into each other!"
"waitaminute." interjected mikore, "if you forgot,
what were YOU doing here?"
allie's eyes kinda glazed over and a mystical
background was inserted behind her, "a strange offbeat
aura pulled me this way.." she said in a dreamy
monotonous voice.
"okay stop. youre scaring me." he shivered, shoving
the mystical background out of the way.
"im sorry!"
"well enough said, lets go!" said yugi energetically,
taking a step forward and bumping right into-
"hai!" allie chimed, pointing at the other person- a
very very very very very pissed looking-
"KAIBA!" yugi yelled, glaring at his rival.
kaiba scowled, "yugi." but before he could continue,
allie stepped between them.
"its you!" she smiled.
"ahgeez, come on allie.." jessie tugged on her friends
arm, but she didnt move. "yer gonna get made dead.."
"cree-eepy background time!" sang c.j., shoving a
spooky background behind allie whilst doing a happy
dance.
"what do you want?!" spat kaiba.
allie narrowed her eyes, "i see.. palm trees...and
flamingos..." she said softly, making everyone shiver.
"...there!" she cried, pointing at kaiba. everyone
stared at him, freaking him out.
"BACK OFF!"
"AHA!" jessie suddenly burst out, "its his shirt!!"
sure enough, kaiba was wearing a teal hawaiian shirt
emblazoned with palm trees and flamingos, which was
definately enough to put anyone in a funky mood.
"i didnt notice before.." yugi started to laugh,
unable to hold it back. "uh.. n-nice shirt..!!"
kaiba twitched.
"yeah you could flag down airplaines with that thing!"
laughed mikore.
kaiba twitched again.
c.j. giggled, "sure is.. festive!"
kaiba twitched even more violently. "rrh.."
tristan scratched his face, "yes c.j, VERY festive. i
mean come on, little flamingos and palm trees?"
kaiba (yes, you guessed it!) twitched far more
dangerously than anyone has ever twitched before.
"I LIKE PEANUTS!" sang joey suddenly.
that did it. kaiba exploded. and in a mix of outrage,
embarassment, and confetti, he tore the shirt right
off his back.
everyone screamed and hid their eyes.
"GOD NO!" howled mikore, "I BLIND!"
allie squeaked and blushed furiously, "th-thats just
not right.. eep!!"
naomi and c.j. wailed, "NO NO!! NO, NO! NO! NO NO NO!
NOWOOOO!!"
jessie, resisting the urge to look, raced up to the
now thoroughly enraged kaiba, crayons ready. within
seconds, there was a quickly etched but nonetheless
efficient "shirt". she then scampered away, "whew.."
kaiba looked down flatly for a moment. "why pink."
jessie scampered back up, "out of yellow."
"okay."
"guys, can i take my hands off my eyes now...!?"
called tristan. everyone turned around and gasped,
witnessing a scene in which tristan, hands firmly over
his eyes, wandered into the street.
"NO TRISTAN!!" shouted yugi.
"alright alright, ill keep em up then! you dont have
to-
*SQUISH!!!*
in yet another totally unforseen plot twist, tristan
was ultamately silenced between an oncoming 18 wheeler
and a school bus. (dont worry kids, thanks to his
padding the collision, neither vehicles were harmed!
:D)
yugi dropped to his knees in total shock.
"wh-why..why..!!"
naomi bent down to comfort her brother while everyone
else continued to stare off in horror. even kaiba was
moved by the incident, crying with joy. a palm tree
began to grow out of his head.
as the group tried to come to grips with the
situation, especially kaiba as the tree had grown
unnecisarily large and now weighed his head down to
the ground, the driver of the eighteen wheeler popped
his absurdly angry face out of the window.
"what the HELL?!?!?!" roared yami bakura. "you freakin
IDIOT!! dont you people watch the ROAD?!?"
mikore snapped momentarily out of his greif stricken
self and stared at his brother. "hey!! you cant
drive!!"
but his voice fell on deaf ears as now the bus's
driver poked his head out of his window and began to
shout back. "YOU FUZZY LITTLE BASTARD, YOURE THE ONE
WHO NEEDS HIS EYES CHECKED!!" screeched malik, his
highly abraisive voice searing the group painfully.
"WHO DOESNT SEE A FREAKIN' SCHOOL BUS FLYING AT THEM?!
IDIOT! WERE ALL LATE NOW!!" a bunch of rare hunters
peeked out of the windows of the bus.
"malik's magic school-bus!" sang the girls suddenly,
before falling back into tears of misery.
"hahahaHA! well, it doesnt MATTER! this is all just
part of my master plan ANYWAY!!" cackled yami bakura.
"WHAT MASTER PLAN!?" yelled malik, whilst backing his
schoolbus full o rare hunters into a street light in
an attempt to turn around. "YOURE SO FULL OF IT!! LIKE
YOU COULD EVER COME UP WITH A PLAN BY YOURSELF!!"
"oh YEAH!? i could come up with a better plan than you
ANYDAY!!!" said yami bakura, swelling with anger.
"like THIS!"
the eighteen wheeler suddenly leapt into the air and
after a mess of badly animated twisting and turning,
became an autobot. actually, it was just the relic
keeper from brave fencer musashi since the writer
doesnt believe in transformers. "BEHOLD!! now i will
smash you and youre unfortunately normal looking BUS!"
"CHEATING FUZZ FOR BRAIN! I THOUGHT OF THAT FIRST!!"
malik screeched, breaking every window in domino. his
bus suddenly leapt into the air and after what
appeared to be reused footage from yami bakura's
eighteen wheeler transformation, became a decepticon..
or rather skullpion from brave fencer musashi, since
its way cooler anyway. roar! smash! hee hee.. dont you
just love that part cuz a- oh wait, story, yeah...
"we fight to the DEATH!" yami bakura cried.
"TO THE DEATH!" repeated malik. the transformed
vehicles then locked 'arms' and attempted to push each
other down.
buildings broke and streets snapped beneath the
awesome force of the bad graphics, and yugi wondered
for a moment how this could possibly end well when a
super loud roar shook everyone to a still silence.
joey climbed up kaiba's palm tree and looked toward
the noise, suddenly falling out of the tree in shock.
"HOLY-"
censored!
the balrog from lord of the millenium items suddenly
came crashing through the streetway, roaring and
destroying everything in his way, including yami
bakura, malik, and their petty argument.
"did somebody say argument?" said weevil, shortly
before the unseen hand pushed him into the balrog's
way.
naomi stood up and stomped her foot. "HEY!! WHAT THE
HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!" she yelled at the balrog,
who suddenly stopped and looked at her with the
closest thing to a 'sheepish' expression it could
manage. "why you aint fighting gandalf in my story
right now?!?"
"oh oh oh!! i can explain!" came a frilly voice as
pegasus, dressed as gandalf, ran up behind the balrog,
clearly out of breath. "were just cutting through the
abyss right now!"
"what..?" naomi said, very confused.
pegasus sighed, hunched over and catching his breath.
"you know, the abyss! after my darling frodo escapes,
this thing pulls me down to what appears to be a
tragic death-" he paused, sighing dramatically, "and i
fight him through the abyss, up the tower, and on the
mountainside."
naomi smacked her forehead, "i know, i read the book,
but what the heck are you guys doing HERE? this isnt
the abyss!! this isnt even on the set!!"
"too true ducky-love but as you know, due to budget
cuts, the abyss was omitted as part of the set. we
decided domino city was as good a place as any to have
our battle." said pegasus with the balrog nodding
beside him.
naomi blushed in embarrasment. "oh yeah,
haha..erh..c-carry on i guess.."
"too right, you!" pegasus giggled, and then waved at
yugi. "see you on the set, frodo-boy!"
"eeeww.." yugi shuddered.
pegasus then turned to the balrog, "come along now, to
the mountain! the book says i get to be naked!"
"SAY TEH
censored! tra la la la alalaa!!!
WHAT?!" naomi screamed, grabbing the nearest copy of
the two towers and flipping to the page she needed.
"AAAAUUUUUGH! NO THATS NOT-" but she was far too late,
for by the time she was finished finding the dreaded
page, they were long gone, and the domino clean up
crew had long finished patching up the scene as if
nothing had ever happened. "oh nooo..."
"uh naomi, im not in that scene, kay?" yugi said,
tugging fearfully on his sisters sleeve.
"that was so weird.." said tristan. everybody shouted
and fell back, staring wide eyed at him. "what?"
"TRISTAN!! youre alive!?" yugi cried, "HOW?!"
"domino clean-up crew, you idiot." sneered kaiba, who
was now head-tree free. "they even gave me the old
hawaiian shirt back. damn them.."
there was a long silence as everyone paused to stare
at kaiba, and then burst into insane laughter. kaiba
turned on his heel and stormed away, "oh please let it
end..."
END!
"oh-oh man.." yugi said between laughter fits, "i
think i peed my pants..."
