<Intro Voice>
We return once more to Grey and his rickshaw party. Bruce and Blackbird do the carrying of Grey while Beige does the carrying of The Mighty Trout. Guess who got the better deal.
Still trying to catch up on all the missed thwacking of the Christmas period Grey is annoying the hell out of all his sidekicks. Surprise, surprise.
And now, somewhere in LA . . .
<End Intro Voice>
Mush!
Okay, that's it!
<DUMP>
Ow! You dropped me!
You've been telling us to mush for almost a month, be thankful we don't punt you over a fence into a rabid dog enclosure.
Besides, we've seen you walk fine lately.
Okay, okay, okay. You're sure we have the right address?
It's a rental property. Odd.
Not really, all they're making a lot of money but they're not yet rich. And fame is fleeting.
No it isn't.
Great.
Just like a former Spice Girl to deny reality.
Maybe a former Spice Girl, but we're having a reunion. After that who knows how far we could go?
Exit, stage left.
Sounds about right to me.
David, they're picking on me!
What's going on here now?
We're - Wait, was that supposed to be intimidating? You're a soccer player and I've thwacked you both before, you're intimidating.
Drat.
Wait, now I remember you. You're that horrid little man with the fish.
They do remember you perfectly.
Thank you, Beige.
What are you here for this time?
You joined an American soccer team.
So?
An American soccer team.
And?
In terms of international soccer it's like sawing off your right foot.
You do realise I made the move some time ago.
I'm playing catch up.
Do we have to disparage US soccer so much?
Sorry Bruce, it's the truth. American soccer skills rank up there with English cooking, French manners and Irish sobriety.
I know, but you don't have to keep bringing it up.
Let's just say it's a stupid decision okay? Beckham, it was stupid to become a member of an American soccer team.
Why?
Your skills are never going to be fully utilised, you're never going to win a championship -
I'm earning something on the order of three hundred dollars an hour just for breathing.
Okay. Maybe that wasn't so stupid.
The wife.
Right, Posh Spice the former. Moving here was stupid.
Why? I want to be in movies, this has to be the best place to be.
Others make that mistake.
Others don't have a husband making money standing in our doorway talking to strange and disturbing people.
Grey, this can't be good, you're being outwitted by the Beckhams.
Outwitted nothing, this just a bad run.
True, the Beckhams are stupid, we will find something.
Well we're prepared for you this time, I've just put a call through to my own personal Jesus.
What?
Oh, honey, no, I told you not to call him around unless I'm at practice.
She has a real personal Jesus?
I knew it, I knew it!
Grey, this sounds like more trouble than we need.
I knew that one day we'd run into someone religious enough call on a deity or something to smack us down. It was just a matter of time.
Who knew it would be the Beckhams!
Did someone mention my favourite couple?
Oh no, he's here.
Uh, hi. I called.
Tom Cruise? Tom Cruise is your personal Jesus?
Of course I am. I'm the personal Jesus of every devout and right thinking Scientologist.
You two are Scientologists?
Isn't that something to thwack them for?
Maybe.
We're not. Not really.
Not yet, you mean.
It's just he keeps calling my wife. Endlessly. And his wife is so bored and alone she's reached out to Posh and so Tom thinks he can just come over here whenever he wants.
It's not that we believe it's just getting so hard to put him off.
Oh come on, there's nothing off putting about the one true religion that shall lead you to enlightenment, power beams and mastery over the lesser beings.
Did I miss something, since when is Tom Cruise Jesus?
Since the Scientologists decided it was the best way to describe his behaviour.
Why, because Jesus went mental and jumped up and down on a coffee table professing love for all?
My Scientologist pals are making a movie about it. We think Vicky here might be perfect as the Virgin Mary. Or maybe Oprah.
Why do you people let him in?
We think he either passes through walls or stole a spare key.
Wow, you guys, you really just don't deserve this.
Hey, aren't you Bruce Campbell? The actor?
Uh, sometimes.
You know I think Scientology has a lot to offer you.
Uh, no thank you. I'm flattered but I'm quite happy with my spiritual beliefs as they are.
Oh come on, just take a quick tour.
No, you guys don't deserve this. You've got good reasons for being here, and this is worse than anything I could come up with.
<THWACK>
Thank you! Oh thank you!
We're free, free at last!
He's not dead, you know.
What?!
No! Why?! Why must we suffer?!
Uh, I think it's time to leave.
Good idea, anyone want to give me a hand?
No.
<Intro Voice>
And so Grey waddles off . . . No, he's not still injured, he just waddles is all, into the sunset, followed by his sidekicks, sure to meet the Beckhams, and Tom Cruise, again!
<End Intro Voice>