<Intro Voice>
Still playing catch up Grey is being carted around on account of his splintered butt thwacking people who were stupid three months ago.
The meaning of this plan? Well I don't think meaning has much to do with it anymore.
And now, somewhere in Illinois . . .
<End Intro Voice>
Mush!
For the last time stop saying that!
Why are we doing the heavy lifting and not Beige?
I carry the explosives.
Can you think of a more persuasive argument?
Unfortunately no.
There he is, Nicholas Cage?
What? Oh no, you guys again!
Didn't you thwack Cage while we were on the run?
That was a thwacking of opportunity. And while it counts it's just not enough.
Can't you just leave me alone, don't you have anyone else you can bother?
We have plenty of people to bother. A backlog in fact.
So why me?
You're part of the backlog, part of the problem.
What did I do?
Your son for one, though it's larger than that.
That's why you assaulted me last time.
He has a point.
Yeah. Come on, he was stupid once, he got thwacked one, isn't that enough.
No, not for a superhero junkie like this. He wanted to be Superman.
I'd have done a better job than some no name hack that couldn't even wear the tights properly!
And now he's finally played a superhero.
That's right, I'm Ghost Rider.
I didn't think that movie was too bad.
It's not that it's a bad movie, it's more that it's another superhero movie, one of the many mediocre ones in between the truly great ones and surprisingly good ones.
In other words Spiderman and The Punisher.
And Batman, don't forget Batman, that's gotten cool again.
Cooler since they've dumped Katie Holmes.
Yeah, that Gyllenhall chick is taking her place.
Really?
Don't go there Grey, she's hooked up and has a kid now.
Awah.
Can we get back to me?
How can I let this pass?
Well I'm not letting you do this to me again.
Oh yeah, how are you going to stop me?
There's a phrase that's going to come back and bit you in the -
Thank you, I believe my question is a valid one.
I have super powers!
Great.
Of course you have super powers, you're Nicholas Cage, your super power is to constantly be hired for movies that pay you large sums of cash.
He's not that bad an actor.
He's not that great.
That's not what I'm talking about.
Come on, you're Nicholas Cage, Superhero fanboy and technically an actor, what powers could you possibly have?
Powers. Real powers you wouldn't understand.
He seems serious.
That doesn't mean anything.
Oh yeah, when was the last time you heard anything from Lisa Marie Presley?
The daughter of Elvis you married to satisfy your Elvis fanboy status.
Bruce -
Not a word Beige. Not a word.
Do you really think an attention hog like that could stay out of the headlines without some encouragement?
I think he's right.
Great, why did no one tell me Nicholas Cage had super powers?
Who listens to Nicholas Cage?
Well let's get this over with. What are your powers, or would your rather reveal them in the heat of battle?
Not at all, I'm a hero, wouldn't be fair to spring anything by surprise.
Grey, do you not -
Not a word Beige.
How much of Ghost Rider do you think was CGI?
You're kidding.
I am not.
Wonderful.
To be honest I didn't know I had powers myself until this movie came along. Maybe it's just that I pick up on the extraordinary abilities of the characters I play, which means I'm now a biochemist, gambler and alcoholic in addition to so much more!
This doesn't sound comfortable for anyone.
Wait, you're saying you have the same powers as Ghost Rider?
Exactly.
You're right, this isn't going to be comfortable.
It wasn't smart to use my powers on set, so I contented myself with letting them CGI most of it while holding back the bulk of my abilities.
Okay, bring it on.
Very well. First I'm just going to have to douse my head in gasoline.
What?
Uh . . .
Nick, I don't think -
There, now a match, and then you'll see, you'll all see the power of -
<WOOMPF>
Oh dear.
That is, uh, that is, uh, that is -
A good excuse for plastic surgery.
Tasteless. Very tasteless.
Let's just get out of here. Mush!
<Intro Voice>
And so Grey and the gang leave Nicholas Cage's smouldering remains, not even bothering to call emergency services, sure to encounter stupidity again!
<End Intro Voice>