<Intro Voice>
Things have gotten rather complicated, Grey's after a mammoth number of thwackings today. Honestly I don't know if he can pull it off, what with his recently healed backside.
Nevertheless, with the aide of his three sidekicks, Grey is working hard, pulling everything together in Florida . . .
<End Intro Voice>
We ready to do this?
Yep, stadium's full with everyone we expected.
Stadium? I thought we were ordering a convention centre.
Couldn't find one with big enough capacity.
I thought the count was only up to thirty.
Not anymore, there's no longer an exact count.
Stadium. Damn. Okay, this is going to take a while.
There is the backup plan.
No.
Grey, you know I'm not the first to go with one of Beige's ideas, but maybe this time we should consider it.
We are not blowing up a stadium full of people!
What if we just blow it up a little?
Blow it up a little?
Yes. Just enough to bring the entire structure down without killing anyone.
You can do that?
Easily.
It would make this much easier.
Yes, yes it - No! I'm not taking the easy way out of this. I need to get back to work in full force.
Yeah, this is the first thwacking he's done since his ass was fixed.
Since my buttocks have healed. Please. I can't take any of you people anywhere. Man, a stadium.
It will be a challenge.
We're sure they're all possibles, we don't want to thwack innocents again.
It's not so much that they're all possibles it's that they're all willing to put their hand up because one newborn girl represents the possibilities of millions as well as the fame of being Anna Nicole's daughter. It's like a sleazy version of being Shiloh, Suri or a more easily recognised version of the name Jagger.
Yeah, realistically there can't be more than four distinct possibilities. Her lawyer, her ex, that prince guy and her bodyguard.
Seven. These four plus three more for days of the week.
I thought it was nine, that seven plus her ex-husband through frozen sperm and Courtney Love.
Courtney Love?
Don't ask. Trust me, you just don't want to know.
Courtney Love? That just muddies the waters so much.
Besides, I thought fourteen was as much a possibility.
Look, it's not about who it really could be anymore, it's about whose stupid and sleazy enough to put their hands up for the fame, notoriety and possibility for millions.
You see that's how you've wound up with a stadium. Men willing to say nothing more than that they slept with a Playboy Playmate and have a child worth some money aren't exactly hard to find.
Yeah, be thankful we whittled it down to those who had some sort of contact with Smith. Otherwise you'd have the likes of Bill Clinton in there.
Okay, let's get started on this -
Hey!
What?
Oh no, Tom Cruise is a possible father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby?
He'd have to be one of the serious contenders, he's already rich and famous.
And another baby would be a good counter to the gay rumours.
I'm not gay, there are no gay rumours, I'm not gay.
Whatever, I don't care -
I'm married, I have a daughter, I'm not gay.
When you say you have a daughter -
I'm not gay.
As I was trying to say you mean you have one daughter with Katie Holmes.
Yes, of course. Who else would it be with?
We just thought you were a late entry into the stadium of possible fathers for Anna Nicole Smith's daughter.
Oh no. I'm not gay but I'm not that either.
Why are you here?
I'm here for my good friend Bruce.
Good friend Bruce?
Don't look at me, I didn't know I was friends with Tom Cruise.
Oh you're more than just a friend if you join the Scientologists.
What?
You'll be family. Only not like the stinking sort of family that runs out on you, the good kind of family. The one bound by church.
Wait, are you trying to recruit Bruce into your loony religion?
No, not at all.
Good, because for a moment there -
I'm trying to recruit the good Bruce into the one true way of living!
Okay, if you'll just stand aside we've got some work to do.
Yeah. Uh, thanks but no thanks.
Bruce you kidder, you. Just let me read from the Pamphlet of Good things.
That's not a pamphlet, that's a small novel.
Just sit through this then we'll move on to the Book of Knowledge, the Tome of Thinking and the Audit of Worthiness and you'll see that Scientology is for you. No, that you need Scientology.
Didn't you leave him thwacked at the Beckhams?
From what they'd said I kind of figured they'd bury him in concrete or something.
They're a footballer and an anorexic member of a girl band, they don't automatically have gangland connections.
Or that much initiative, I know, I know.
After that we'll just put you through our tests, take the donation, the physical, the PR Seminar, the Induction, the Bloodening, the photogenics test -
Bloodening? Physical? Can any of you help me out here? Grey?
What's one more thwacking?
That did not stop him last time.
You think you have a better idea?
I believe I have a solution to our problem.
You're going to convince Bruce to join the Scientologists?
I am putting explosives on your head.
How is that -
<BOOM>
There was surprisingly little mess.
Thanks for that.
No problem.
So you have problems with Beige blowing up a stadium full of idiots but not with Beige blowing up Tom Cruise's head.
Fine, detonate the stadium. Just a little though.
No problem.
<BOOM>
That is not a little.
<Intro Voice>
And so Grey and his group engage in murder and mayhem. Okay, maybe not murder, who really knows what Tom Cruise counts as.
Most likely they're going to encounter more scientologists again!
<End Intro Voice>