Nikkirella

Random backdrop scene, somewhere in time and space. Cherie, our conflicted Patchwork Demon, stands there, in the middle of it all. She doesn’t talk, but holds up signs with writing on them.

“Welcome to the worst possible way to spend your time.”

Hey…there’s worse ways…

Flip. “Other than juggling electric eels.”

…

Flip. “Karu has decided to try her hand at parody writing, much to the cast’s dismay. What will be presented ties into the actual storyline in no way whatsoever. Anyone who takes this as coherent story probably has more pressing matters to attend to than reading this. For example institutionalization.”

It’s not that bad…

Flip. “So, before the introduction becomes more idiotic than the show itself, we will begin shortly.”

With that, she leaves, tossing the cards away in the process. From the opposite side, Nikki runs onstage, collecting the cards before making a mad dash for cover once more. Stupid no-fun Patchwork Demons… Anyway, our story begins in…a house. Well, that’s descriptive. A mansion that now belongs to Emafaer.

Emi: [walks out hand to head dramatically] Oh woe is me…How am I to survive since my dear husband has died? All I have left is this huge mansion, his money and his child that I shall use as my personal servant…

How’s THAT for descriptive? Emafaer had two…um…children of her own, as well as her husband’s…son…to care for.

Nikki: I can take care of myself.

Shut up and put on the dress.

Nikki: …-_-o

Emi’s two children, Teng and Trey…

Emi: I can’t believe she just typed that…

Me neither. O_o So, Teng and Trey, they were mean and spoiled.

Teng: Hey!

Trey: [looks at Teng] So she’s half-right.

Teng: [glares]

And they treated Nikki horribly. They made him do every bit of work that needed to be done, and neglected him.

Nikki: [stomps out in his dress] Speaking of horrible treatment…

This isn’t horrible, it’s fun!

Nikki: Stupid crossdressing fetish.

It’s not a fetish, it’s an opportunity. So anyway, things went this way for years. Nikki did all the work, while Emi, Teng and Trey took advantage of him.

Trey: Are we gonna call him Nikkirella?

Nikki: [glares] NO.

I guess not. So. On the other side of the village, in the castle, Queen Victoria and King Grendel…

Chrissy: Wait, how did THEY get to be the royalty?

Grendel: Default.

Victoria: Humph.

Yeah. So, they were worried about their son, Prince Chrissy.

Grendel: For one thing, he’s got a girl’s name.

Chrissy: Shut it.

Victoria: Our son is almost an adult now. He needs to find someone to marry, so he can inherit the throne and we can rule as the puppetmaster.

What’d I tell you guys about being overly descriptive?

Grendel: What about that nice Kiala girl from the neighboring kingdom?

Chrissy: Dude, she’s seven. And I don’t want to marry just anyone who happens to be a princess. I want to marry for love.

Aw, he wants to marry for love. Isn’t that cute? BUT IT’S WRONG!

Grendel: Well, how about we make a bet?

Chrissy: I’m listening.

Victoria: If you can choose someone you love by the time your birthday ball ends, then you can marry them.

Grendel: Otherwise, it’s cradle-robbing for you.

Chrissy: This is SO wrong…

So the bet was made. The Prince’s ball was to take place the next week—

Chrissy: But I don’t want a ball…

Okay…what do you want?

Chrissy: [grins] A rave.

Nikki: Awesome.

Get back in your place!

Nikki: [mutters, leaving again]

Alright then, the Prince’s birthday rave was to take place the next week. The Queen sent out her best messenger, Adelaide, to invite all the noble families in the village.

Adelaide: Heh…Jason Alexander. Do I get a cool musical number?

Um no… but you can sing something as you walk.

Adelaide: -_-o Cheapskate.

Adelaide went from house to house, and finally came to Emi’s mansion, where Nikki was in the front yard peeling potatoes.

Nikki: Why?

Um…cuz they loves them some potatoes! Yeah. So he was peeling potatoes, when Adelaide came to the door.

Adelaide: Hiya! I’m looking for Emi.

Nikki: She’s inside doing nothing. Why?

Adelaide: Well, I’ll tell you, neglected-looking potato peeler. I’m here to invite her family to the Prince’s birthday rave this weekend.

Nikki: …Will there be glowsticks?

Adelaide: I would think so.

Nikki: Sweet, I’m there.

Teng: No you’re not.

Nikki: When did you get out here?

Teng: My internal sense of your misery went down a notch, and I had to check it out.

Adelaide: [hands Teng the invitation] Now remember, it’s for the whole family.

Teng: Hey, there’s an ice cream coupon on the back…

Trey: ICE CREAM!! [tackles Teng for the invitation]

Nikki: Mom dropped them as children…

Adelaide: Creepy.

So, Adelaide gave them the invite, and Emi was overjoyed that one of her children might marry the Prince.

Trey: Y’know, if this whole thing is about marriage, shouldn’t at least one of us be a girl?

Teng: Shut your trap. I’m finally gonna get to hit on Chrissy.

Nikki: [glares]

Emi: Okay. So we have to go find something to wear. Nikki, you take care of the dishes.

Nikki: Can’t I go too? Adelaide said it was for the family.

Teng: They didn’t mean you. Now go outside and practice digging holes.

Emi: [whacks Teng upside the head, effectively shutting him up] Of course you can go, Nikki. But I want all the chores done to perfection first, do you hear me?

Nikki: [nods] It’s for a good cause…

Teng: And hurry up with those potatoes!

Trey: I loves me some potatoes!

Emi: v_vo

Nikki: No competition.

So Nikki did his chores extra fast all week. Finally the weekend came, and Emi, Teng and Trey were getting ready for the rave.

Nikki: Okay, we’d better get going before all the good glowsticks are gone.

Emi: But you can’t go.

Nikki: What? You said I could.

Teng: You’ve gotta do tonight’s chores too!

Trey: And you’ve got nothing to wear.

Nikki: You all suck.

So they left poor Nikki all alone in the house, and went to the rave at the castle. Nikki was so distraught that he ran into the garden crying.

Nikki: Shit. [walks to the garden]

He was so busy crying that he didn’t notice the figure floating beside him.

Kit: [on a harness, sporting glittery fairy wings and a cardboard wand] Yo.

Nikki: [raises an eyebrow] What the hell are you?

Kit: I’m your Fairy God…Brother. And I’ve come to help you.

Nikki: Wait, I thought we were doing the movie version with no magical fairies.

Kit: Actually, it’s a mix of Disney, movie and musical.

Nikki: So wouldn’t it have been better to have my mother play this part?

And miss Kit with fairy wings? No way.

Kit: -_-+ So anyway. I’m here to help you get to the Prince’s rave.

Nikki: Are you gonna do my chores?

Kit: Nope.

Nikki: Give me a cool rave outfit to wear?

Kit: Nope.

Nikki: Turn a pumpkin into a carriage?

Kit: Well…nope.

Nikki: [puts his hands on his hips] Then what ARE you going to do?

Kit: Well I’m not singing, if that’s what you had in mind.

Damn.

Kit: But I will get you to the rave. And I’ll give you a magic glowstick.

Nikki: Cool. What’s that do?

Kit: Nothing. But it’s shiny.

Nikki: [blinks]

Kit: Low budget, alright? So here’s the deal. You can have Teleport magic, but only until midnight. Then you’ll teleport back home, okay?

Nikki: Why midnight?

Kit: Union rules. Do you want it or not?

Nikki: Yeah, sure.

So Kit the Fairy GodBrother transported Nikki to the castle, where the rave was already going on.

Grendel: Okay, go find someone to marry.

Chrissy: [dancing] In a minute…

King Grendel made Prince Chrissy dance with everyone at the rave, hoping for him to find his soulmate. After so much dancing, Chrissy was tired, and wandered to the snack table for something to drink.

Chrissy: @_@ Water…

Nikki: o_o Dude, you okay? Are you on E?

Chrissy: It’s not that kind of rave.

Nikki: [hands him a waterbottle]

Chrissy: Thanks. I didn’t dance with you did I?

Nikki: Nope. I can’t get through this crowd, so I’ve been stuck back here dancing.

Chrissy: That’s a nice glowstick you’ve got there. It’s real shiny.

Nikki: That’d better not be an innuendo.

Chrissy: [laughs] It isn’t…yet.

Nikki: Is everyone in this thing weird?

Yep. ^_^

Nikki and Chrissy raved for the rest of the night. Finally Chrissy remembered to ask an important question.

Chrissy: Hey, what’s your name?

Then the clock rang midnight.

Nikki: Aw shit. [disappears]

Chrissy looked all over, but all he could find of his mystery raver was his magic glowstick.

Kit: Which didn’t do anything. But it was shiny.

Right. Nikki transported home and finished his chores quickly before Emi, Teng and Trey got back.

Trey: That was an awesome rave.

Nikki: Yeah, and the glowsticks were cool…

Emi and Teng: [curious stare]

Nikki: [quickly] …Is what I’d say if I had been there.

Trey: Yeah.

Nikki: [rolls his eyes]

Back at the palace, the King and Prince were arguing their contract.

Grendel: You promised you’d meet someone at the rave.

Chrissy: I did.

Grendel: So who is it?

Chrissy: … I’ll get back to you on that. Right now I’ve got to…go to the bathroom! [runs off]

Grendel: ...

… … …

At Emi’s house, things went back to the way they’d been before. Nikki had almost forgotten about the castle rave, when Adelaide came back to the house. Nikki was once again outside, this time hanging up laundry.

Adelaide: Hello neglected-looking potato peeler. Or…laundry hanger.

Nikki: Hi. What’s up Addie?

Adelaide: I’ve got another message for Emi’s family. Prince Chrissy is going from house to house, searching for the mystery raver he met at his birthday rave.

Nikki: o_o

Adelaide: Everyone in each house has to try on the magic glowstick.

Nikki: Wait…how will that prove anything?

Adelaide: Whoever the glowstick is the shiniest on is the one.

Nikki: Kit didn’t tell me about that…

Kit: [shrugs noncommitantly]

Once Adelaide gave the message, Emi gathered all her children in the living room to wait for the Prince.

Nikki: This might work in my favour…

Emi: Oh right, I forgot to mention. Since we’re going broke I sold you.

Nikki: WHAT?!

Teng: Yep. To that crazy demon in the next town.

Nikki: Lemmee guess…here’s where the movie version comes in?

Trey: [nods]

Nikki: Well, how long do I have? Can I try on the glowstick first?

Emi: Nope. You’ve got about five seconds before the Transport.

Nikki: [blinks] Well son of a--[disappears]

Nikki was transported to the demon’s castle.

Jin: Boo.

Nikki: [glares] You cannot imagine the sheer amount of hatred I feel right now.

Jin: [molests]

Nikki: ARGH!

So Nikki tried to fend himself off from the Shade Demon. Meanwhile, back at Emi’s house, Chrissy had arrived to try the glowstick on them.

Chrissy: Dude, I’m pretty sure he didn’t have blue or grey skin…

Teng & Trey: Racist…

Emi: Shit.

Adelaide: Hey, where’s the potato peeler slash laundry hanger?

Emi: I sold him to a demon. Why?

Adelaide: Well how’s that for timing… We should go see him. At least if we don’t find the raver, then he can have the glowstick. He really did want one.

Chrissy: [shrugs] Not like I’ve got anything else to do.

So Chrissy and Adelaide found Jin’s castle in the yellow pages and got the address. THANK YOU YELLOWBOOK!

Grendel: Damn that’s a long bathroom break…

Err, yeah.

Nikki: Hey, isn’t the chick supposed to beat the evil guy and run out just as the Prince comes in?

Jin: Yes, but the evil guy wasn’t a demon.

Nikki: Asjkdlfjob…

Jin: What the hell was that?

Word vomit?

Nikki: [goes psycho]

Jin: …Shit.

Adelaide and Chrissy walked all the way up the stairs to the castle, which was on top of a very tall hill.

Chrissy: [panting] Damn…demon castles…so far…away…

Adelaide: [floating] Seems fine to me…

Nikki had finished disposing of Jin for the time being.

Nikki: [goes back to normal] Just a tid bit woozy… [looks at the mashed form of Jin on the floor] Eww. I did it again, didn’t I?

Yeppers. Super happy psycho kill time.

Nikki: Crap. Oh well, it’s as good an exit as any. [runs out the door]

Unfortunately, Nikki forgot that the castle was on a hill.

Nikki: Why me? [falls]

Meanwhile, our Prince and Messenger had almost made it to the top.

Chrissy: I’m gonna…kill…the set…designer…

Adelaide: Hey, you see that?

Chrissy: What?

Adelaide: [points in front of them] That weird blur coming toward us really fast.

Chrissy: [gives the writer a look] God I hate you.

I know!

Chrissy: [braces himself for impact]

Nikki rolled down the stairs into Chrissy and Adelaide, knocking them over as well. All three of them fell all the way down to the bottom of the hill, where they collapsed into a big pile. For some unknown reason, Chrissy didn’t recognize Nikki from the rave.

Kit: Because of the MAGIC GLOWSTICK!

You just keep coming back, don’t you?

Nikki: A LOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS!! X_x

Chrissy: @_@ Anyone get the license plate on that one?

Adelaide: It’s the potato peeler/ laundry hanger!

Chrissy: Doesn’t he have a name?

Adelaide: Probably.

Chrissy: [pokes with random stick] Hey, is he dead?

Nikki: OW!

Adelaide: Guess not.

Chrissy: You okay?

Nikki: Let’s see…I’ve been abused this whole thing, I’m crossdressing, I got sold to a molesting demon, and I just rolled down an eight story hill. I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!

Chrissy: [holds up the magic glowstick]

Nikki: o_o Ooh shiny…

Adelaide: [takes the glowstick and puts it on Nikki] Have fun!

Glowstick: KA-SHINY!

Chrissy: Hey, it’s you! I can’t believe I didn’t see it before!

Kit: [coughs]

Chrissy: Who the hell are you?

Nikki: That’s my Fairy GodBrother. He gave me the glowstick to go to your rave.

Adelaide: [stifles a laugh] Nice wings…

Kit: Hate…

Nikki: Are you here for a reason?

Kit: More screen time. But besides that, I’m supposed to cue the happy ending.

Nikki: It’s about damn time.

So the happy ending was cued. Right as the happy ending music from my Final Fantasy CD comes on. Hooray. Nikki stayed with the Prince, eventhough they couldn’t technically get married. Stupid homophobic government… but it was close enough in FairyTale Land, so Grendel and Victoria weren’t too upset.

Emi: Teng was dealt with, and Trey and I lived at the castle with the Fairy GodBrother.

Teng: Hey, why just me?

Nikki: Cuz Trey’s too stupid to punish and Emi’s my mom.

Adelaide: Not to mention I had a hand…[glomps Emi]

Trey: ICE CREAM!!

Teng: [gets sold to Jin] o_o This can’t be good.

So everyone that counts lived happily ever after…until the sequel.

Chrissy: There’s a sequel?

There’s always a sequel.

Kit: Damn.

Then, just when everyone thought it was safe to end the story…

Nikki: Afdhslkghflksd!!!! [goes psycho]

x_x Ow. Okay…

The End