SHAKESPEARE IS WORTHLESS

If you ask some pothead wearing a t-shirt with a catchy slogan such as “NOT MY PRESIDENT,” they’ll most likely tell you that Shakespeare is cool. A simliar yet equally pathetic response could be drawn from any idiot teenage girl who thinks that she is “cultured.” To them being cultured means wearing trendy glasses, a bland turtleneck, fashionable pants (since wearing a dress/skirt is surrendering to male domminance), and drinking a cup of Starbucks coffee.


Note: Annoying hairstyle or ugly French beret optional.


I’ve had my fair share of encounters with these morons during my life and let me tell you that they are by far worse than any adult, mainly the English teacher that you think loves Shakespeare. Everyone thinks that English teachers are these former burnt out hippies who “enjoy literature.” Sure there are some of these losers lurking around, but most likely your English teacher wouldn’t be caught dead reading Shakespeare or any of the crap schools try to force feed us.


It may seem that I’ve gone off track, but it’s important to know your enemy so you can hunt them viciously.


Anyway about Shakespeare…


1) One reason why Shakespeare is worthless is that he didn’t write in English. Reading Shakespeare requires studying “Old English” in order to understand his boring cliché plots and to identify with his deadbeat characters. (To be explained later) Excuse me, but I’m not going to read two books at the same time unless they are two magazines titled, Playboy and Penthouse.

2) The characters in Shakespeare’s works (If you can even degrade yourself to that level and call his garbage, “works”) suck. It’s hard to find character in one of these plays that has a pulse. They’re all randomly placed in the plot and either fall in love, die, and/or kill someone about five seconds later. Al Gore had a more convincing personality than any deadbeat character in Shakespeare.

3) Plays suck shit. There’s a reason why we have movies, TV, and video games. I’m not saying any of the previously listed entertainment options don’t suck, infact they often do, but the underlying fact is that all plays are crap. No one wants to see a bunch of assholes running around in tights screaming at each other. Some vegetables think that musicals are “ok” or “classy.” This couldn’t be any further from the truth. Adding shitty music to an already shitty concept results in what you would expect, more shit.

Thus…

Shit + shit = shit shit.
Shit shit = Shakespeare


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Email: mikezawadzki@yahoo.com