SRB Failures Brought To The Public
"What is this school coming to?"
/school
SRB Blunders
Brendan Smith: One of Sir Robert Borden's most hated students has surpased his own stupidity by winning an award intitled, and I quote "DUMBASS OF THE YEAR". When he was told he had won the prestigious award, he responded with a dull grunt and continuous drooling, while staring mindlessly at his shoes. These actions scared all of us.
Today, Brendan's stupidy was shown to us all when, during a presentation to his class, he fell asleep and when the teacher woke him he let out a violent blurt of swear words and insane mumblings stating that he was abducted by aliens in the short time he was out. Although it was obvious to us all that he was asleep on the floor, Brendan claimed that the aliens took him from the room, and brought him to their leader. Brendan claimed the leader to be none other than George W. Bush (A.K.A. "Dubbya").
NOTE: Due to Nick Donnais' uncooperative attitude we have been forced (by the law) to remove him from our news source. Hey, now, don't be mad at him, (just because whatever we said was extremely hilarious). He's not all that bad... He's a real... er... "sport"... (Don't worry, we will put him back on, since he can't proove that are names are... uh... lets just say we are an indian, a scotsman and a greek. Anyways since he can't proove who we are, he can't do anything to prevent us from writing thing about him (which, mind you, is all true). Oh, that Nick. I can just imagine him now. Reading this (He has nothing better to do.), and then getting frusterated. When he gets frusterated he either eats, sleeps, eats, eats, eats, gets constipated, eats, or, if he's REALLY mad, he eats without swollowing. He will grab anything in site (his computer) and eat it. Well Nick, don't choke on the wiring!... No, wait, nevermind. CHOKE, DAMN YOU, CHOKE!!!)
SRB's Evil Side
Nimeet Chattree: One of Sir Robert Bordens most beloved students has been proven to be a "FRAUD". He was discovered in one of the school's computer labs using an internet based program to intrude into the school's system and change his own marks. He was not satisfied with his 89.9% average. Somehow, he broke through the school defense systems, using a new type of hacking software which he called "The Nimie Hunda". Scientists said that his incriptures were unbreakable by humans. There are also several suspisions that he has worked with the eleged group named Alkada. While an interview with Nimeet's (aka Nimie Swanson)teachers, they said they were surprised and worried when Nimeet had brought in his Report Card Response form with no complaints from his parents. His teachers told us that he was origninaly supposed to get an average of -51.2%. When they calculated his mark, they were stupified. Somehow, he had completly destroyed the system they had worked so hard on, miking sure everyone got a postive mark. Of course, his teachers could never admit to this, so they changed his average to 89.9%. When Nimeet was asked to comment on this, he gave everyone a small threat and left quickly. Being the amazing source of news that they are, a BBC camera team followed Nimeet. Although he asked them nicely to leave him alone, they wouldn't take "No" for an answer. After a few hours, one of SRB's janitors found the BBC team stuffed in a closet. There were no survivors.
NEWS BREAK: NIMEET THREATENS WEST COAST!!!
Today a horrible threat was uttered by Nimeet Chattree! Once he recieved his mark of 78% on an English assignment, which he was not proud of, he treathened to nuke the entire west coast. If it were not for his love of Drama, he would have even more free time on his hands and therefore make carrying out his threats a full time project. He claimed that his biddings were not properly taken care of by who he referred to as "Mukie".
Story's Prologue: Following the suspected Nimeet Chattree, hoping that he would lead them to Bin Laden, a camera news team found Nimeet slowly walking into a small, black hole in a ditch on the 401. After finding out that Bin Laden was nowhere in sight, the camera team decided to end the terrostist's life by shooting him in the head. Surprisingly enough, he was not affected by the enormous hole that was left in his head. He quickly disposed of the team using his "powers of mind control and super-human strength". However, one of the camera men survived, and followed Nimeet through the black hole. After walking for several kilometres, the camera man found Nimeet walking into a enormous hall, with skulls hanging from the ceiling and a ring of fire surrounding the room. He saw Nimeet walk over to a shadowy, cloaked figure who was sitting perfectly still in his throne of bones. After uncloaking himself, it was no doubt that it was Kevin Sagle.
Kevin's teachers said that they weren't surprised. "I mean, I always thought he was evil," said his Math teacher. "But I didn't know he was the Devil."
The camera man described Kevin as "wearing a flaming cloak", having "glowing eyes" and "red skin". The camera man claims that he saw Kevin walk in and out of the ring of fire as if it were soothing. He started running, and before he left he heard a chilling scream coming from his backside, followed by ten minutes of "MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"
Now knowing that Nimeet is Satan's advocate, most SRB students no longer wonder why Nimeet and Kevin are often seen together.
Mike Koumenides(A.K.A Koumenichi) is one of the most popular students at SRB. He says "Yo" to every person he sees in the halls and it is rumoured that he is friends with approximately 4 064 751 411 people around the world. These facts led scientists to believe that he must know some evil people, including terrorists, and so on.
In an interview with Mike, he confessed to knowing many evil beings, including Nimeet Chattree and Kevin Sagle. He claimed that he was forced to carry out the biddings of one "Nimie" (Nimeet Chattree). "One day," says Mike, "while I was walking down the hall, Nimie grabbed me and brought me to an empty classroom. He used his mind powers to control me, and renamed me "Mukie Hartin". After that he made me carry out his evil biddings."
When asked why he did not carry out his evil biddings by himself, Nimeet answered, "Meh, I'm too lazy."
Today, the unthinkable was muttered by Bill Gates hater T.J. Ho. T.J., a long consirator against anything to do with Bill Gates revealed his true intentions at a press conference today. When asked what "punishment" T.J. would like to inflict upon Bill, he said that his group named "Setalis", a latin word for Killers Of Evil, had already planned Bill's eventual death, ending in T.J. himself stabbing Bill with the corner of a x-box, strangling him with one of his contollers and using the disk of Bill's famous game "Halo" to finish the job. Although he did not give an exact date for Bill's death, we are warning him now to watch his back at all times. T.J. also said that he would not kill Bill if he would simply recall all x-boxs. We are now waiting eagerly for his response.
T.J.'S MINION (presumed Matt Stewart, A.K.A wild animal) ATTEMPT ASSASSINATION ON BILL GATES!!!
Today Bill Gates reported that when he woke up two poisonous rattle snakes were crawling toward him being egged on by a short boy with homosexual tendacies, (when we asked him how he knew this he refused to answer but blushed deeply). This is assumed to be the work of conspirator T.J. Ho. From now on Bill will be watched 24 hours a day by the I.R.S and F.B.I and C.I.A and C.S.I.S and the W.W.F, which is by far the most dangerous. To another note, the I.R.S thinks T.J. is dead.
Today, we have discovered Sergei Shirobokov's deepest secret. After digging through 30 year old FBI files, we discovered that the day Sergei moved to Canada all records of the famed anti-canadian terrorist Gadswear Fludnas desapeared. Also, using our inside FBI man, we wired his phone and heard him give information on canadian weak points to russians. We traced these calls to the last known Anti-Canadian group named Deverous, a latin word for Destroyers of the peace. We then went directly to the source and of course Sergei, or Gadswear, denied it all. Although we did not pressure him to much, he had a quick temper and quickly had all of our reporters begging for mercy.
Only one survived to tell the tale. I think this is a wake up call to all canadians, telling us that no matter how nice we are, there are always people like Gadswear, who just don't care.
Daniel Harari has finally sunk to a new low. After being rejected by American idol, Canadian idol and Russian idol, he continued to try all other states and countries, finnaly finding acceptance in Iraq. After he sang for a group of poeple, they immediadly went to Sadam Hussain to tell them of this man (they think). He thought that he had finnaly found some fans, he was jumped by several military officials, and was changed to a stage with a microphone in front of him. Iraq the administered the construction of the biggest speakers in history. Iraq now threatens to make him sing in the direction of America if they declare war. Having heard him, America knew this was a real threat. They are now holding off their forces until sure they can get rid of Daniel Harari, a.k.a Singer Of Satan. We will continue to bring you details as this story develops.
Today, when we were doing one of our usual pranks, we continuously poked Cory's hair. When we poked it, it shreiked ferousiously and attempted to attack us with it's claws. When Cory felt it moving, he quickly whacked it with a club, so it would quiet down, and causing himself serious brain damage, including singing "I Will Survive" in tech class, leading us to the opinion that he is in fact, a queer.
This was quarenteed by us to some of his close and "personal" boy friends. We will continue giving you details on this developing story.
This just in: Nimeet has hacked into our site and is randomly changing things! Dear God, help us!!!
Nimie is back!!!!!! Foolish beings! You thought I was gone?!?! Ha! Have fun now humans, while you still can!! Go to your precious movie theatres, and watch you local sports team. You shall all die in the end. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!...HA!!!
Coming Soon...
We will keep you updated on anymore SRB failiures, so stay tuned.
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