Obtained
from: Kids in the Hall FAQ
Transcribed by: kurts@infinet.com
Cast:
- Bruce:
Bobby
- Dave:
Mr Gorgenchuck
Bruce:
No, Mr Gorgenchuck, I will not stop rockin' in your classroom. You're
sittin' there telling me about the food chain, well how about the rock
chain? Instead of a cow at the top there's like maybe a guitar. Cause
Mr. Gorgenchuck, if I don't feel free to rock, be it here or anywhere,
you might as well cut off my limbs, might as well cut off my limbs and
mail them to Mother Russia. Cause if I can't rock, I don't want to
walk. If I can't air guitar, I don't want no air at all. So, Mr
Gorenchuck, if you really want me to stop rockin', I hope you're
prepared to sand off my face. Are you sir? Are you prepared to grind
me up, burn my bones, and scatter the ashes in the far reaches of the
universe? Cause that is what it's gonna take sir. You and I are
mortal, but rock and roll will never die.
Dave:
Now that's just where you're wrong Bobby. Recent studies show that
rock and roll is, in fact, dying.
Bruce:
What??
Dave:
Popular music has been on the wane since 1974, the year of the first
Bad Company release.
Bruce:
I have that album.
Dave::
Ha ha ha, of course you do Bob. You see poor live performances by the
likes of Chuck Berry and even Jerry Lee Lewis are destroying the music
that they alledge to celebrate. And tests show that a Beach Boys
concert is a very sad thing. This coupled with the growing interest in
ethnic music has undermined the support base of the music that you and
your friends love.
Bruce:
What??
Dave:
Let's see if I can't put this into terms you'll understand. Say you
had 12 beer.
Bruce:
Oh, okay all right!
Dave:
All right! Now let's say that four of those beer rep- resent the
Pogues, another six represent the Gypsy Kings, and one beer is shared
by The Chieftains and Ladysmith Black Mambazo.
Bruce:
Hold it, that only leaves one beer. I'll never get drunk on one beer!
Dave:
Exactly Bob. But learn to nurse that beer and before you know it,
you'll be loving jazz!
Bruce:
Jazz!? Never!!
Dave:
Tests don't lie Bob.
Bruce:
How long...has rock got?
Dave:
According to a computer model, three years. About the time you'll be
graduating.
Bruce:
Then I'll live each day like my rockin' last!
Dave:
Where as I will look forward to the dominance of jazz!
Bruce:
Then you sir are my nemesis!
(Dave
begins to play the flute...)
Bruce:
No! No! Ahhhh!