there's a state of existence that makes no sense. where you can truly realize everything as it should be at one point, but it doesn't exist at the next. i've felt that this week, and it's strange. but i do realise my importance and significance, and i can hold on to the fact that everything would be a lot worse without me.
you know, a few months back, i had an epiphany.
it all began with a well, let's call it vision. well, alright dream. well, dream advert. no, dream message would make more sense. dream interuption perhaps the more.
ok, it doesn't matter what you call it, it was a message from God. well, sort of. it lasted about 20 seconds, it basically cut in to my dream for those 20 seconds, briging me to a different situation, then causing me to return to the dream and what happened not to make any sense. not that dreams make any sense anyway.
anyway, it went quickly of a number of things very fast, and as you know, dreams fade pretty fast. this dream bit i remember cause it was in the state just before you wake, and because it interupted a dream, it stayed with me, although only one thing covered actually stayed with me, you could call it the important point God was trying to tell me.
this was in the summer, Monday after we broke up. about 3 weeks later i went to soul survivor. now, that's where you really do experience some Godly experiences. a bunch of people did. really changed their lives. however, nothing happened with me. the holy spirit didn't come upon me with great strength like it had the previous year.
for those who don't know this was my 3rd year, the first year two years ago i really watched what was going on, last year was the summer after my mum died and i really did have a couple of experiences, and i felt the pain. i also had the question last year of my purpose.
now, this year, on the last night i think it was, i didn't feel anything once again, but then i realized that the reason i didn't feel anything was because there was nothing left for me to feel. last year, God had giving me the smallest taste of heaven, followed by the pain and suffering i felt. this past year, i haven't really got that. i didn't know what i wanted, whether i wanted the pain or the pleasure. but this year i really understand what God did. what he did last year was the solution to my problems this year. the message he gave me was what he wanted me to do.
he basically told me to just talk to him more. now, i haven't really been keeping to it, but i'm a bit more comfortable with praying out loud in groups, and i'll get to the stage he wants me at.
so, back to the epiphany. so, i was sitting in the building i was on, and i realized everything. why God did what he did last year. the answeres to my questions. why he didn't give me this year something i thought i wanted but realised i didn't need it, God had already given me what i wanted. the big and little pictures made sense, and my understanding is at the highest it's ever been.
i come up with a number of crazy views on biblical things, but the core beliefs i don't argue with. i belief i have a deep understanding that is different from the norm because the norm is wrong. whether i am right is debatable, but what i see are the other possibilities.
i believe i have a gift of wisdom. some may argue with that but i do. i also have the gift of faith, and my faith is something i really do not lose, it is extremely strong, and i don't think a signed confession from god saying 'i am not God' would sway me.
Blog Bounce Back update, i really do think people need to understand the deeper meaning of the entry. to take it at face value you get a certain meaning, but the rambles hold a deeper meaning, and you need to understand the intent of them to get the meaning. they really are an expression, not a description.
you may be getting the feeling thius started of rambly, turned purposeful, then has now become rambly again. you would be right.
ah well.