Uh, hi. I don't usually do this sort of thing, but, well, Intro Voice flatly refused to cooperate with this week's episode. Matter of fact Grey didn't want anything to do with this either.
Damn right I don't.
Grey, we agreed I'd do this.
I don't care, there is no such thing as a good clip show. It demonstrates a remarkable lack of talent and inspiration. If you can't come up with a new episode maybe it's time to quit.
Grey, who did you think you'd be Thwacking this week?
Uh, um, well, there are plenty of candidates, many of whom are long deserving of Thwacking.
You're making excuses Grey.
I still don't want to do a clip show. I know this is just going to be embarrassing.
Grey, it's about the highlights of your career to date.
There's going to be nothing but me getting shot at in Florida, isn't there.
If you remember I was the one who got shot in Florida, there's nothing funny about that. It still hurts!
Sorry. I just don't like clip shows.
Too bad. We'll start with this:
Hey, that's the souvenir Jim Carrey mask in the Troutcave.
No.
Yes it is.
No it isn't.
Well what is it then?
It's Jim Carrey's face that you tore off and decided to make a trophy out of for some sick reason.
I like my explanation better.
Why, because it makes you sound all the less like a psychopathic nut who tears off people's faces and hangs them in a trophy alcove?
First of all it's a trophy room under construction. Second of all how was I supposed to know that it was Jim Carrey's real face?
Who else would want to look like Jim Carrey?
It looked like a mask!
Fine, we're getting nowhere with this.
I suppose you're going to say something about the Michael Jackson mask as well.
Again, not a mask, you tore off Michael Jackson's face.
It's not like I tore off his real face, or did anything he wasn't planning to do himself.
True.
Now are we done griping about my trophies?
I could go into the issue of Arnies Arm.
He got a new one, he's not missing this one as anything other than a point of pride.
Okay, okay, let's move on.
Not to Gates.
Why not, he's been here often enough.
Too often, no more.
Fine. What about politics?
What about it?
George W. Bush, everyone's complaining and mocking him.
Exactly, everyone's mocking him, there's no challenge. He opens his mouth and there's a weeks worth of material. Besides, why do what everyone else does when I can be original.
Ted Turner?
What about him?
Twice in a row.
That was an accident. An honest mistake.
Uh huh.
If he had just not gone to that one Warner Brothers meeting things would have been fine.
But no, he had the gall to show up at his place of business.
I don't think Ted Turner has to work in a Warner Brothers studio.
You don't? Where does he work then?
I don't know I'm not a mind reader.
Okay, I guess we'll just have to move on to another theme.
Oh boy. Have mentioned how much I dislike clip shows?
Keep it up, maybe someone who cares will hear. Besides, look at what we're up to now.
No.
Come on Grey, this has to be the most interesting topic available.
No, I don't want to go there.
Why not, you've basically had three kinds of encounters: Thwackings, disasters and when you're finally desperate enough to ask a girl out.
Hey, that hurt.
The truth does sting a little.
Can't we just skip this?
Come on, you've talked about everything else, why not this?
It's my private life.
This is in public.
It's still supposed to be my life.
Grey, you go up to famous women and try to ask them out. How can you expect people not to comment?
I get shot down miserably.
So?
So when was the last time you heard about some celebrity being dumped? You hear all the time about hook-ups, relationships, marriages and break-ups but when was the last time that you heard of a really badly shot down celebrity? When was the last time you'd heard that Brad Pitt had failed to get an attractive girl?
Uh, Grey, it's Brad Pitt.
So?
It's Brad Pitt. Odds are if he hit on a guy he'd get some sort of positive response. It's Brad Pitt. Even if you don't like him, there's the money and the fame. So I don't think any girl, anywhere has said no to a date with Brad Pitt.
Thanks for that, that's really what I needed to hear.
It's the truth, what do you want me to do, comb through histories and records to find the one girl that said no to Brad Pitt? While he was famous of course.
Is there anything left? Any degree of embarrassment I haven't suffered?
Well, there is the dearly departed.
I told you not to mention him.
Grey, it's been long enough. He's helped out, he's done everything he thought was right.
I don't care.
You can't still be blaming him for Kirsten Dunst.
She liked me. You know how hard it is to find that? Now look, I'm just some loser in a dank cave doing an episode of clips. This is a stupid idea.
Don't go there Grey.
Or what, I Thwack you? I Thwack myself. Ooh, autothwackation, that should be interesting.
Grey . . .
No, that's it, I'm out of here.
Oh. Well, uh, I'm not sure how to do this bit, but I guess Grey's storming off into the darker parts of the Troutcave, Mighty Trout where it normally goes, sure to encounter stupidity again.
<Intro Voice>
Nice to know I have job security.
<End Intro Voice>
Hey!