Grey and The Mighty Trout vs. Karl Marx


<Intro Voice>
Not much to today's adventure I'm afraid everyone. Grey's still running from Bruce Campbell and is a bit annoyed that there hasn't been a "normal" episode in months.
I know I'm at least somewhat partially to blame for some of that, but that's no reason to go off and sulk. I apologized, I shouldn't have it all held against me for all time.
After all, if I continue to make up for what I have done am I not, in a manner, redeeming myself. I have good intentions these days, I'm working hard, but no, Grey, immature little Grey who has to have everything his way or not at all, he walks away for a week. A week. He does this once a week, one day out of seven and he decides that he needs to use day number seven to skulk around and "recover" from the sever trauma that is Bruce Campbell wanting to be thwacked and my "betrayal".
I never betrayed anyone. Okay, I hornswoggled and bamboozled, but I never betrayed anyone. If I had Grey would be locked up somewhere and The Mighty Trout would be sushi. At best!
Uh, anyway, now, somewhere in Europe, and I say somewhere because Grey wasn't exactly forthcoming on the location . . .
<End Intro Voice>

Hey you!

What?

Have you ever thought about your way of life?

Son of a . . . Look, I don't care who or what version of it you're selling but I don't have time for this.

What? Oh, I see, you've mistaken me for some sort of religious nut. Well, you see I'm nothing like that.

Sure you're not.

No, I am a complete atheist.

Of course you are, now can you please go?

Sir, what is it that you are most looking for in your life?

At the moment?

Yes.

Ice cream.

Ice cream?

Ice cream.

W-why ice cream?

Because I'm on a break. It's been a really bad few weeks and I need a rest. I also like ice cream.

Ah, but what if I could offer you a way of life that is whole and glorious?

With or without ice cream?

Uh, er, well, uh, without.

Then how is that a whole and glorious life?

Uh, you see, uh, I mean -

I think you should go back to the robed wacko who thinks he's in direct communication with God through some sort of holy power socket and check up on your dogma.

I'm not here to sell you a religion. I hate religion.

I'm sure you do.

No, I really do, I'm Karl Marx.

Who?

I'm Karl Marx. You know, father, or grandfather or something like that to socialism and communism.

That Karl Marx?

Yes.

Religion is the opiate of the masses Karl Marx?

That's me.

Aren't you dead?

Ah, well, that's a long story. It all starts with a lightning rod accidentally falling into my grave -

I don't want to know.

You're sure, it's an interesting story and might help you to see my point of view.

I know your point of view, it's stupid.

How can you say that?

Your system does not work.

Yes it does.

How can you say that, your brand of socialism was never implemented.

What about the Soviet Union?

Bad example for two reasons, first of all that was communism, which was quite different from what you proposed. Secondly, the Soviet Union fell apart after about seventy odd years and never represented a homogeneous governmental system. It started out as communists, became Stalinist, which wasn't so much a form of communism as it was fascism and then continuously remoulded itself as various premiers attempted to find a system that worked without massive amounts of corruption, shortages or just plain bad shit happening because the system wasn't working.

So that's what you think, huh?

Yes.

Just you wait until the workers rise up in revolution.

When?

Uh, soon! Very soon!

Right. Weren't you predicting that to occur sometime last century or something like that?

Not necessarily. But just you wait, soon the workers will rise up to claim equality!

Equality?

Yes!

Okay, let me tell you why this doesn't work. Your form of equality is to make everyone equal by forcing them down and giving them not ability to move upwards in terms of station in life. It fails because it presumes to quash simple human ambition, and since all humans, however socialist, are selfish, it doesn't work.

The alternative Western systems aren't any better though! They all claim to give equality but they don't.

No, they don't but they at least offer the opportunity for upward movement and the achievement of equality through those means. Human ambition is not thwarted and so people are relatively happy with the Western system. Don't get me wrong, there's room for improvement, but it's better than your pipe dream.

Don't you have any respect for your elders?

None in the least as my elders have proven themselves to be fools.

Oh. Well, don't you have respect for me, the man who inspired so many revolutions?

No.

No?

Anyone can inspire a revolution if their followers are dim-witted enough.

Hey! My followers were not dim-witted.

Not all of them. A few actually took what you said and had a fairly good go at making workable systems. Unfortunately your theories are innately flawed.

How so?

Well, you were, when you were alive at least, were an economist, weren't you?

Something like that, yes.

So your job was watching the flow of money, tracking it, and generally taking advantage of it.

Yes, pretty much.

And if I recall correctly you died destitute and alone because your wife and kids left you due to the total lack of money on your part?

It's not something I like to admit, but yes.

So basically you are a failed economist who expects everyone to take all his theories on a better system of government and economics seriously.

I don't see anything wrong with that.

Let's just say you've spoilt my little vacation.

How?

<THWACK>

<Intro Voice>
And so a rather miffed Grey stomps off into the sunset, swinging The Mighty Trout over his shoulder and continuing his desperate search for ice cream!
I know that sounds a bit dramatic, but I've seen Grey with ice cream, I'm not exaggerating.
<End Intro Voice>