"Talk is cheap, except in courtrooms."

~A teabag Oo

"Married kangaroos live lives very hoppily."

~Another teabag oO

"Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids."

~I think every parent in existance has said this at some point or another...

"You have the right to remain stupid. Everything you say can and will be ignored."

~A shirt I got in NYC!

"Babies come from a SECRET UNDERGROUND BABY MINE!"

~My friend Alex. Silly Alex. XD

"Pregnant women are advised not to take part on this ride. Pregnant men are advised to seek medical attention right away."

~My brother. Weirdo. ^~

"If you can't be kind at least have the decency to be vague."

~poster in my school

"Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it!"

~another poster

"Warning: Objects in calander are closer than they appear."

~ANOTHER poster!

"I'm the ancestor of a monkey."

"You're the ancestor of a monkey, huh? Well, that doesn't surprise me. You're enough of a monkey to have them as your decendants, you dork."

~My brother and me. I insulted him, bwahaha. Interestingly enough, he acts like Joey while I act like Kaiba and this just seems to fit the characters remarkably well.

"The nice part about living in a small town: When you don't know what you're doing, someone else always does."

~Email

"Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today."

~Email

"Amazing! ! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!"

"Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness."

~Email again

"Bozone (n): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future."

~Washington Post's Style Invitational thingie...it was a contest when you change, remove, or add one letter to a word and make a new definition for it.

"Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high."

~WPSI thing again

"Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it."

~WPSI

"Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer."

~WPSI

"Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly."

~WPSI

"Arachnoleptic fit (n): The frantic dance preformed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web."

~WPSI

"Beelzebug (n): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out."

~WPSI

"Caterpallor (n): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating."

~WPSI

"Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a***hole."

~WPSI

"God damnit, what'd I tell you, no fucking swearing!"

~^^ Dunno, heard this from a few different people...

"We want you to stop thinking about your violent life. So here's a gift of something lethal!"

~My brother. Commenting on stuff. XD.

"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times. Don't exaggerate!"

~My friend Lizzie ^^

"Verb. It's what you do. Adverb. It's what you WISH you were doing."

~My friend Alex

"Whoah! I look like ME!"

~Me ^^;;

"Who needs therapy when there's chocolate?"

~A chocolate candy wrapper ^^

"Why do I need to bother remembering things? What's the point?.....what did I say?"

~My brother. Being weird. Again. *rolls eyes*

"I swear to tell the trout, the whole trout, and nothing but the trout, so help me cod."

~Ebony (during a chat about fishing!)

"Do not test the strength of your skull with a nail gun."

~Kid in the computer lab

"Don't sled down hills with interstates at the bottom."

~Same kid

"If you ever meet the president, don't give him the gift of a firearm by suddenly whipping it out from under your jacket."

~Same kid!

"If there's a sharpie pen, why isn't there a sharpo pen?"

~Alex (we were playing with pens during math class. Fun ^^)

"I'm not evil! I'm....I'm...well okay, so I am evil..."

~My friend Eric

"If I can't enjoy the world then I'm taking the rest of it with me!"

~Eric again

"The fate of the world can go to hell so long as I'm warm."

~Me during an IM (freezing deserts are evil)

"My mother had a lot of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it."

~Mark Twain

"I suppose there are disadvantages to having a fuzzy head."

~My brother ^^;; He just got a buzz cut and everybody fuzzes it...*glee*

"I don't want to sleep, it makes me tired!"

~My friend ^_^;;

"Why am I always sick? Because healing requires sleep."

~My friend again ^_^ We were having a sleeping discussion, in case you didn't pick that up...

"The Nile was a river filled with water. Every year it would flood and irritate the land."

~Part of a history essay, from a COLLEGE STUDENT! I mean, seriously...what else would a river be filled with? And IRRITATING? o_O;;;;

"We came, we saw, we went."

~Latin gone wrong, XD

"The Romans were nomads...that's why they were called rome-ans."

~Another weird college student..*siiigh* They're all morons...or at least, the ones in this book were ^_^

"Three things are certian: Death, Taxes, and lost data. Guess which has occured."

~Sign in the computer lab ^_^;;

"A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone."

~Another computer lab sign

"Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No-one hears your screams."

~Yup..another computer lab sign

"Aborted effort. Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too many questions."

~Computer lab sign..again ^_^

"I am Sir James of Dartmouth, and if you do not cheer for me, I will be SERIOUSLY pissed off!"

~Sir James of Dartmouth (at King Richard's Faire...during the jousting act. XD, this actor was HILARIOUS)

"It worked yesterday. It didn't work today. Windows is like that."

~Sign in the school computer lab

"If being drunk is what's making Grant sucessful, then find out what he's drinking and give the rest of my generals a bottle of it."

~Lincoln, commenting on Ulysses S. Grant after others complained Grant was a drunkard

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

~Deputy in Wisconsin

"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that

means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

~Same Deputy

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to

do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

~Same Deputy...AGAIN...

"The answer to this last question will determine whether

you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

~Guess who? Deputy, yup

"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."

~The Deputy

"In God we trust, all others are suspects."

~The Deputy...duh..last one, though!

"I swear to drunk, I'm not god!"

~Sara

"Somewhere over the rainbow the exact same shit is happening."

~Magnet that my uncle has. XD.

"Starbursts. Keeps your butt company."

~Starburst comercial

"Hold on! Let me wash my hands and then we can high-five!"

~My brother, when he was sick...it was funnier than it sounds

"Being a bad leader is all about being more single-minded than others. Being a good leader is all about eating large quantities of cake."

~Dumbledore, "Chamber of Secrets" game

"My wife keeps telling me I don't pay attention...or something like that."

~Bumper sticker

"I didn't realize when I married Mr. Right that his first name was Always."

~Nifty sign my mom has

"Husband and dog missing. Reward for dog."

~Bumper sticker

"Yes, he's a fool, but he's a fool that keeps coming back."

~"Johny English"

"Illiterate? Write for help!"

~Bumper sticker

"I pledge allegiance...to my pants!"

~Sheen, "Jimmy Neutron" (Yeah, my brother wouldn't shut up saying this...)

"Okay, teamwork time! We'll be the team, you do the work!"

~Tristen, "Yu-Gi-Oh!"

"I shall name him Squishy, and he shall be mine. And he shall be my Squishy."

~Dory, "Finding Nemo" (great movie, go see it!)

"It's not how many people VOTE...it's who COUNTS the votes that matters!"

~History class

"Beauty never lasts forever, but stupidity sure does."

~TV show

"I'll keep living as long as I don't die."

~Me

"Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, I found a nickel! And I named it Phillip! The BAD news is....this nickel's a GIRL nickel!"

~Cosmo, "The Fairly Oddparents," being an idiot as usual

"There are only two infinite things, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

~Albert Einstein

"Hum-beans."

~Billy (commenting on the story, "The Bean Tree," which apparently is quite stupid)

"Now, this rock here is quite boring--frankly, it's a piece of shit...I mean, schist."

~My science teacher, with a LITTLE mix up in Earth Science class ^_^;;

"You should be nice to your siblings when you're young. One day you might need an alibi."

~Email I got

"Don't start with me...you're not going to win."

~Again, the email

"I'm not anti-social, I just don't like you."

~Whoa, what a funny email!

"NEVER underestimate the power of stupid people."

~And it's from--nope, tricked ya, it's the email!

"They said the volcano was beautiful and terrifying at the same time. Kinda like you, pookie!"

~The E--nope, this time it's "Hey Arnold," the grandpa to the grandma

"Didn't mom ever tell you NOT to run with sissors? Or Laser guns?"

~Kaze to Kaiba (In an IM)

"I laugh at the stupidest things. Namely you."

~Me