Magic the Gathering: Battlegrounds

Playstation 2, Xbox, PC

2003

I hate this game. I really, really hate this game. All the faith I gained in the clearance bin from Elite Forces 2 was lost by the game. But then I have a long bitter relationship with Magic: the Gathering.

It all starts a year or two after the game first came out. A friend of mine got me interested in the game, and I in turn got a few others interested. We would get together and play a few rounds and generally have a good time. Then as time went by, more and more of my friends lost interest in the game and sold off their cards. Eventually I was only left with one who would play with me. In fact he insisted that we play. He had become the Zen master of Magic deck building and had spent (I imagine) a great deal of money getting a bunch of uber cards so that he easily could kill you in one turn, if he got the right cards in his hand. I was a simple poor suburbanite, and refused to pay the inflated prices of rare cards at the comic stores, so needless to say I lost a lot, in fact, I always lost. So much so that I lost all joy in the game and vowed ever to play again. Then a few years ago the same friend asked me to play again, he had gotten back into the game in college and had gotten a bunch of new cards. I knew my 10+ years or so old cards would be no match for whatever new evils were created since then, so I declined at first, but he offered to let me borrow some of his, so ignoring my vow, I agreed.

I am an idiot.

I will just say that I lost, repeatedly, made an ass of myself, left, and vowed AGAIN never to play the game. It took all my will power not to burn my cards (I STILL don’t know why I want hold on to them), and I WILL not play ever again, even if the cards are stapled to my hands. But then one day I saw this game in a clearance been and thought want the heck, it’s not the card game, maybe it will rekindle my long lost love of the game.

Did I mention I was an idiot?

This game takes the great variety of the card game and turns it into a bland twitch game. I can even prove mathematically how much it sucks. In the card game your deck had to be a minimum of 40 cards. In the video game you can have in play a maximum of 9. That is like 31 units of Suck! Those 9 card slots are divided into three categories (oddly the same number of free buttons on a PS2 and Xbox controller, not counting shoulder buttons). You can carry up to three cards of each category into battle. The battles themselves are simply dodging, or attacking (what the missing fourth button is used for) incoming minions and spells while tiring to navigate through the menus to cast the card you want.

I was about 10 or 12 battles into the game when the final blow came. My opponent had an uber spider that I had to get around to defeat him, It took my pathetic goblins (the strongest creature I was allowed to have so far) 5 minutes to finally kill it, and once dead it was instantly re-summoned before I could get a single blow on my main target.

I guess I’m just not allowed to enjoy the game any more.

What liked: The main menu and all the other menus before the actual game starts. They all involve this shiny swirly cube. Ohhhh the colors….

What disliked: The whole thing, the card game, the poorly made video version, and the world that will not let me enjoy the game anymore.

What to expect: About as much fun as you would get from a game you bought out of the clearance bin of a T.J. Maxx for seven bucks, which is what I actually did. I’m an idiot remember?

What not to expect: enjoyment

What's so different from this and other games of it's genre: Nothing, it fits the “bastardization of an established franchise” genre perfectly.

Ratings on:

Control: 6 -The Four directions and attacking are fine, but navigating the card menus under fire is difficult, especially when the location of a card can (and usually does) change each battle.

Graphics: 5 -Even for it’s age, the graphics are really not impressive, except for the main menu. The cut scenes they show between battles as an attempt at a plot are just terrible.

Sound: 4 -Plenty of sounds effects and snide remarks when a match is decided, but that is about it.

Style: 3 -This game is simply something slapped together to milk the Magic franchise that much more. At least I didn’t have to buy any “virtual” cards.

1st Minute: ooh, cool menu screen.

5th Minute: Wow the colors are all swirling and moving and shining and stuff…

10th Minute: On to the game, What! Only 9 cards Max! Well maybe this game might still be good….

20th Minute: Freaking spider! Done in by an uber card again!!!!

#1 reason I Hate This Game: Giving me false hope? Reopening an emotional wound? Or the fact that some great gaming God has decided that I am no longer allowed to enjoy Magic: The Gathering? Take your pick.

By Banthor – This game gives me nothing but pain, yet I am drawn to it so, Why god, WHY!?!?!