MUSLIM GIRL ATTEMPTS TO SEEM PATRIOTIC
BY DATING ALL-AMERICAN REDNECK
In today’s world filled with suspicion and assumptions as to the reasons
why Muslim people inhabit this country, it is hard for innocent people of
the Islamic faith to remain innocent. To remain innocent, these Islamic
people hang American flags in their homes, offices, and 7-11’s, but there is
one Islamic girl, whose identity we will not reveal for her own safety, who
defies society. This girl refuses to conform to society in anyway (yeah,
it’s pointless to us too) because she claims to be her own person. We here
at “Word of Mouf” will refer to her as Mohammed.
Mohammed chooses to be herself and her own person and what better a way to
show that she is not willing to conform than to concoct an original method.
“I’m a bitch and I know it” was her response to our question of what her
hobbies are. This just shows her persistence in being an individual. She
was asked what her new method was and she said that she “was going to find
herself an all-American redneck to fall in love with.
She searched for a
few weeks and who better to date than the all-American redneck, Luke. “Luke
is such a hardcore patriot that he got into a fight with an Arab-American at
a WalMart to buy three more American flags for his 87’ Volvo.” Boy, he must
be one hardcore patriot. “He is probably the most patriotic guy that I
know, even though he supports the Japanese economy by spending all of his
trailer rent money on anime, but that’s why I love him. He’s original and I
am in love with him.”
We did some research into the background of Mohammed (just to make sure that
she wasn’t on the FBI list; if she was, we could have made a huge reward)
and we found that she isn’t an American citizen. We called her up again to
ask her if she was with Luke to get her green card or to gain citizen status
and she told us to “shove it up our whitey-American mother-f*cking asses.”
We were very hurt by these comments and told her… “Fuck you too, fuckin’
Arab.” A few weeks later, we got a letter from Mohammed. Here it is in
it’s entirety:
Word of Mouf,
I would like to formally apologize for my actions a few weeks ago over the
telephone. I truly feel bad for doing so and would like to update you as to
how Luke and I are doing. We’ve been together for about 3 weeks and we are
very happy. I seem very patriotic now and have started to wear American
flag scarves over my head. I am hoping to convert Luke very soon into a
strict Muslim, but it is very hard. He keeps shaving the beard every time
it starts to grow in.
“Mohammed”
Mohammed, we wish you the very best and we are keeping an eye on you.
We’re catching on to you. We know your plan. Find an American idiot and
bomb a building. We know that you’re with him to come up with some sort of
alibi. We’re on to you, Mohammed. We are on to you.
article written by jerome c. white