Welcome to my Language Arts Strand Project on the topic that we all love: humour! I'll cover the history and even science of this hilarious topic, and, of course, examples will be many.
History
What topic could have a more interesting history than humour? There are so many people and places and such that are notably associated with humour that it would be impossible for a team of fifty historians to find them all. There are some things that I can cover, however. I'll teach you about famous comedians, their routines, and give you a look at them as well. You'll even learn some of the things they've said!
Comedians
This is my Comedians section. From Rowan Atkinson to Jim Carrey, their jokes and styles are even more varied than the different appearances of Michael Jackson over the years. Here are some examples:
Rowan Atkinson--Well, what can I say that hasn't been said a million times already? Best known as the famous Mr. Bean, he's starred in TV and silver screen hits Mr. Bean, Bean(the movie, to those of you who don't know), and the recent action/comedy Johnny English. One of his quotes: [On Charlie Chaplin]
"I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and discovering there's a gas bill tied to it."
Goldie Hawn--A fantastic woman. She's closing in on sixty, and yet she still radiates more youth and vitality than fifteen teenaged girls combined, as is evident in the photograph above. She's starred in countless films, her most recent being The Banger Sisters. One of her better quotes is "There are only three ages for women in Hollywood -- Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy."
Abbott & Costello--Quite possibly the most famous comedy pair ever, and with good reason. They created such a shockwave in their time, starred in so many movies, advertised so many products, and wrote so many routines, one of which I'll display here, that it would be impossible to say you've never heard of them. Costello once said in one of his routines, "I want you to back up the bus. Now go ahead."
This is their most famous routine, Who's On First.
Abbott: Alright, now whaddya want?
Costello: Now look, I'm the head of the sports department. I gotta know the baseball players' names. Do you know the guys' names?
Abbott: Oh sure.
Costello: So you go ahead and tell me some of their names.
Abbott: Well, I'll introduce you to the boys. You know sometimes nowadays they give ballplayers peculiar names.
Costello: You mean funny names.
Abbott: Nicknames, pet names, like Dizzy Dean -
Costello: His brother Daffy -
Abbott: Daffy Dean -
Costello: And their cousin!
Abbott: Who's that?
Costello: Goofy!
Abbott: Goofy, huh? Now let's see. We have on the bags - we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.
Costello: That's what I wanna find out.
Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third -
Costello: You know the fellows' names?
Abbott: Certainly!
Costello: Well then who's on first?
Abbott: Yes!
Costello: I mean the fellow's name!
Abbott: Who!
Costello: The guy on first!
Abbott: Who!
Costello: The first baseman!
Abbott: Who!
Costello: The guy playing first!
Abbott: Who is on first!
Costello: Now whaddya askin' me for?
Abbott: I'm telling you Who is on first.
Costello: Well, I'm asking YOU who's on first!
Abbott: That's the man's name.
Costello: That's whose name?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: Who!
Costello: The first baseman.
Abbott: Who is on first!
Costello: Have you got a contract with the first baseman?
Abbott: Absolutely.
Costello: Who signs the contract?
Abbott: Well, naturally!
Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?
Abbott: Every dollar. Why not? The man's entitled to it.
Costello: Who is?
Abbott: Yes. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Costello: Whose wife?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: All I'm tryin' to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.
Abbott: Oh, no - wait a minute, don't switch 'em around. What is on second base.
Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.
Abbott: Who is on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott: He's on third - now we're not talkin' 'bout him.
Costello: Now, how did I get on third base?
Abbott: You mentioned his name!
Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?
Abbott: No - Who's playing first.
Costello: Never mind first - I wanna know what's the guy's name on third.
Abbott: No - What's on second.
Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott: He's on third.
Costello: Aaah! Would you please stay on third base and don't go off it?
Abbott: What was it you wanted?
Costello: Now who's playin' third base?
Abbott: Now why do you insist on putting Who on third base?
Costello: Why? Who am I putting over there?
Abbott: Yes. But we don't want him there.
Costello: What's the guy's name on third base?
Abbott: What belongs on second.
Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello: THIRD BASE!
Costello: You got an outfield?
Abbott: Oh yes!
Costello: The left fielder's name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask you.
Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.
Costello: Alright, then tell me who's playin' left field.
Abbott: Who is playing fir-
Costello: STAY OUTTA THE INFIELD! I wanna know what's the left fielder's name.
Abbott: What's on second.
Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello: THIRD BASE!
Costello: The left fielder's name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: Because!
Abbott: Oh, he's center field.
Costello: Look, you gotta pitcher on this team?
Abbott: Now wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher.
Costello: The pitcher's name.
Abbott: Tomorrow.
Costello: You don't wanna tell me today?
Abbott: I'm tellin' you now.
Costello: Then go ahead.
Abbott: Tomorrow.
Costello: What time?
Abbott: What time what?
Costello: What time tomorrow are you going to tell me who's pitching?
Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching. Who is on fir-
Costello: I'll break your arm if you say Who's on first. I wanna know what's the pitcher's name.
Abbott: What's on second.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello: THIRD BASE!
Costello: You got a catcher?
Abbott: Oh, absolutely.
Costello: The catcher's name.
Abbott: Today.
Costello: Today. And Tomorrow's pitching.
Abbott: Now you've got it.
Costello: All we've got is a couple of days on the team.
Abbott: Well, I can't help that.
Costello: Well, I'm a catcher too.
Abbott: I know that.
Costello: Now suppose that I'm catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and their heavy hitter gets up.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Tomorrow throws the ball. The batter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me being a good catcher, I wanna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Costello: I don't even know what I'm talkin' about!
Abbott: Well, that's all you have to do.
Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Now who's got it?
Abbott: Naturally!
Costello: If I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta catch it. Now who caught it?
Abbott: Naturally!
Costello: Who caught it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Who?
Abbott: Naturally!
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Abbott: NO, NO, NO! You throw the ball to first base and who gets it?
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That's right. There we go.
Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Abbott: You don't!
Costello: I throw it to who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!
Abbott: You're not saying it that way.
Costello: I said I throw the ball to Naturally.
Abbott: You don't - you throw the ball to who?
Costello: Naturally!
Abbott: Well, say that!
Costello: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING! I throw the ball to who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Ask me.
Abbott: You throw the ball to who?
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: SAME AS YOU!! I throw the ball to first base and who gets it?
Abbott: Naturally!
Costello: Who has it?
Abbott: Naturally!
Costello: HE BETTER HAVE IT! I throw the ball to first base. Whoever it is grabs the ball, so the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What, What throws it to I Don't Know, I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow - triple play.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Another guy gets up - it's a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know. He's on third and I don't give a darn!
Abbott: What was that?
Costello: I said I don't give a darn!
Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop.
Jim Carrey--Evidently one of the best-loved actors of our time. He starred in the hit movies Ace Ventura: Pet Detective and The Grinch. He always said that "I'm cheerful, but I dip into the Prozac now and then."
Science
The science of humour. You wouldn't think it, but it does exist. There's not much, but it's still interesting.
Some scientists have an interesting belief. They claim that when you hear, see ,read, or anything else something funny, your body gets filled with extra energy, that you have to put off soon. The instant result: a laugh. Cool or what?
There is also belief that laughing is good for you. One man wrote a book about how he was diagnosed with a terrible illness. Lying in bed, he was struck by an idea. By surrounding himself with comedic icons like Abbott & Costello and the Marx brothers, he was able to "laugh himself better" and made a full recovery within a few months. There's real proof that laughter is the best medecine!
Types of humour
There are a few basic types of humour. Humour can be:
Viewed
Listened to
Read
I'm going to provide examples of each.
Viewing
An important part of humour is viewing. If humour could not be viewed, it would be impossible to convey it. Here are many examples of viewed humour:
Apparently, some people need glasses more than others.
Clearly there are aliens among us.
It's not just a stereotype anymore.
My brother would do this.
"Ma, Pa, come quick! These here lakes'll make for some real good fishin!"
Honey, get the ice scraper!
The term "Invaders from Another Planet" suddenly loses its fun.
Some people just can't make up their minds...
I mean, there are some stupid people in the world, but this just makes me laugh.
It takes the utmost determination and restraint to graduate from obedience school.
If only Microsoft designed their computers based on this simple OS.
What about those of us who can't read?
I only wish that they told the truth like this.
Viewing & Listening
It's very difficult to find something humourous that is only listened to(at least, for me it is), so I found a few videos on the Net that are both listened to and read. These, after extensive research, are my final results:
All your Base are Belong to Us--A long Flash animation that has become an Internet phenomenon. It's one of the wierder things out there.
We like the Moon--The Spongemonkeys score with another fantastic hit(I'm being sarcastic. Never watch this in public).
Reading
Probably the most important LA strand, in relation to humour, is reading. There are countless jokes that are only read. Here are a few examples:
The Blind Pilots
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the
aisle, and the co-pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start spooling up and the airplane starts moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness,
whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the captain: "You know, one of these days the they're going to scream too late, and we're gonna get killed!"
Porsche 911 Turbo vs. Moped
A very self-important young man goes out and buys what he believes is the best car available: a 1997 Porsche 911 Turbo. It is one of the fastest and most expensive cars in the world. That night, he takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops at a red light. An old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"
The young man replies, "A 1997 Porsche 911 Turbo. It cost me $100,000."
"That's a lot of money," replies the old man. "Why do they cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 180 miles an hour!" states the young man proudly.
The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?"
"Sure," replies the owner, eager for any oppurtunity to show off his car. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!" Just then the light changes, so the young guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 10 seconds the speedometer reads 120 MPH. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror that seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Porsche 911 Turbo?" the young man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And, it almost looked like the old man on the moped! "Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a moped outrun a Porsche 911 Turbo?" Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh-BLAMMM! It plows into the back of his car.
The young man jumps out. It is the old man! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the old man and says, "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man groans and replies, "Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your side mirror, please."
Blonde Joke #64576475689465
A blonde walks up to the counter and says, "Can I have a burger and fries, please?"
The clerk replies, "This is a library."
"Oh!" says the blonde, turning red and looking terribly embarrased. She then says very quietly, "Can I have a burger and fries, please?"
WARNING: You have now reached the end of the internet. You have seen all that is worth seeing. Immedeately close this window, and you can then go back to living your normal life. If you do not close this window, you will be dragged past the point of no return into the oblivion of cyberspace. Now you cannot blame us for not warning you.
Thank you.
