At Gail and Ted Kenlinson's 76th Anniversary Celebration, flooding from the recent inclimate weather unexpectedly rose through the floors of South Jersey VFW Hall Post 886, frying a number of extended relatives. Three hearty older ladies, one comically young boy, and a reportedly 'very bored' teenaged girl were among the dancers whose moves were apparently so electrifying that the thin puddle of water which was slowly amassing caused science to manifest its most essential role in nature: merciless contra-assasin. After the initial electrocutions of those dancing in line and in time, two drunk and uneducated men who had been watching professional sports on tiny portable televisions, ran in to rescue the victims, and proceeded to sustain fatal electric shocks. The remaining partygoers looked on in horror, knowing that they could not go in to try to resuscitate their kin until the power was shut off.

Says unmarried survivor Jerry Kenlinson, "I was pretty horrified, especially because the DJ was going to play my favorite song, The Time Warp right after the electric slide, and now everyone's buzz was killed... Hah! That's an ironic way to put it.. Seriously though, I think aunt Kelsey left me her collection of wine-cooler labels..."

Funk musician and snobby art critic, Jeth Ratkinson sneers, "I don't think we would have had this problem with The Electric Slide 2"

A sobbing woman who may or may not have been at all related to this event exclaims, "The real victim is innocence. Innocence and humor. And irony. The only thing that accident didn't take is hope." We are relieved to report that hyperbole also seems to have survived the carnage.

And humor.

For now, local authorities are looking into this admittedly hilarious occurence, and are trying to determine whether or not the dance steps of the electric slide are actually capable of generating a static charge that could cause injury of this kind, or if the dance is safe and the terrible accident was just a well timed freak accident involving those electrical outlets you might find on gymnasium floors covered with a metal latch. Regardless of any physical danger, it is the opinion of this e-zine that the electric slide is decidedly NOT safe.