Recently I have acquired an expansive knowledge on the program 21 Jump Street. And it’s not that I am even that big of a fan of the show, it’s just that at that time of the afternoon nothing else is on. So why am I channel surfing in the middle of the afternoon on days when I don’t have class? Because I’m unemployed, that’s why.
People ask me again and again why I don’t get a job and to be honest, I just don’t feel like it. And what most people don’t know is that with unemployment comes certain perks. The main one…unemployment is sexy.
Follow me here. Unemployment should be sexy in the eyes of most women. But not in that standard, looking good in less and less clothing sense of the term. I mean it more in the, I’m so incredibly attracted to you because of the non-physical aspects of your life. So what exactly is it about an unemployed man that should drive women crazy? I’m glad you asked.
Well first things first. Imagination and creativity. Working takes energy that could be used to create something artistic and when the workday is done, there is no energy left to start on a grand project. Most unemployed guys have a goal in life that they refuse to have interrupted for something as inconsequential as money. They could be working on the great American novel (more likely screenplay though), form a band, or perfect the mustard stain. All of which things that one day could lead to fame and fortune and would leave the woman that passed that man up before they were famous kicking themselves. You could be in on the ground floor. Think about it.
On top of that, it is almost impossible for a guy with no job to cheat on his girlfriend. When you have nowhere to be and no money to go anywhere, you’re options are limited to what you do, so these guys will be easy to keep tabs on at any given time. They won’t be able to spend money to go on dates with more than one girl and they will not have many excuses to be away from you when you are not working. They can’t say that they had to work late and went out with the people from work afterwards, because then you would know it was a bold faced lie. So unemployed guys eliminate the presence of suspicion. And on top of that, if a guy is too lazy to get a job, he’s probably also too lazy to be running around behind your back.
Probably the sexiest part would be the gifts a woman would receive from a guy with no job. Anything you would receive would be something that transcended money and probably came right from the heart. This way you know you he can’t try and get out of trouble for something he did wrong by trying to buy you something instead. He would have to genuinely apologize. And the gifts that you would get for your anniversary, birthday, holidays, etc. would have serious thought put into it and would probably have a story behind it that makes it much more pleasing to think about than a standard piece of crap from the mall. You would probably be regaled with such great gifts as the ever so romantic mix tape. A collection of songs that mean something to you and the relationship. And I’m not talking a burnt CD…I’m talking actual TAPE. Do you know how long it takes to sit there and copy all of the songs onto a cassette tape these days, just to show you how much we care?
The warning is this: don’t fall for a guy who says that he is in between jobs. That means that he fully intends to get another job, therefore funding his clandestine fornication with your best friend. A truly unemployed, and obviously sexy guy will take pride in the fact that he doesn’t feel the need to have his life dictated to him by a low paying job. So how do you spot these gems? There are many ways. Do you see a guy that always has his friends buy him lunch? It’s likely he isn’t earning a living. Another clear sign is someone that wears clothing associated with a job, like a t-shirt with a corporate logo or a jacket that has his name embroidered on it, but instead of a sports team, its from the gas station he worked at and then quit. When you see one of us, trust me you will know…it might be because you find us so irresistible.
So to all the ladies out there…if you are at a club and meet a nice guy, forget about him. If he can afford to get in, then he’s probably employed and that’s not good for business. Unemployed is the way to go…be our sugar mamas.
