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What`s in a name???
Asianavenue claims to have over a million and strong new members. Unfortunately, one can easily observe that AA members are not very original when it comes to choosing their nicks:
- "GQ_blah_blah" or "Blah_blah_GQ"
talk about being modest. GQ guys are`nt afraid to tell you that they are trendy and belong in Ralph Lauren or D&G world. Having a name with GQ holds this one important caveat: you must never, ever be caught off-guard.
Imagine this scenario:
2 girls walking in a mall...
Girl #1- Who`s that guy over there?
Girl #2- He looks familiar...I think he`s on AA. Yeah! I remember now! He`s "GQ___!"
Girl #1-
GQ?? are you sure? He looks more like Grade 10 phys-ed with his blue jogging pants, cruddy ass shirt and old running shoes... His hair isnt even combed.
Girl #2- You`re right! He`s not very "GQ", more like "Scientific Americana"...
(girls walk away in disgust and go straight into JACOB)
See! this is what Im talking about. What if Mr. GQ was just walking through the mall to pick up his mom? It`s understandable that people have their off-days. Having a GQ nick though, one must never show fashion weakness (especially to Ze Germans...) GQ nick people need to be on guard every public appearance in order to avoid what theoretically could happen. Instead, they want this to happen...
Girl #1- Who`s that guy???
Girl #2- Its "GQ____" I know becausehe dresses so fashionably well! Look how he matches his shoes with his eyes! I love the hair and that shirt must be DKNY!
Girl #1- I think we should go over there and introduce ourselves! I can`t wait to bear his children! Imagine how stylish they`ll be!
(girls walk towards him, but decides to go to JACOB anyway)
"___Romeo___" or "___Mack"
This is a tough nick to pull off. Way harder than GQ. "Romeo" or "Mack" nicks tell other people that you know the ladies like the back of your hand (insert masturbation joke here) So...macking must be done very carefully and successfully. "Bad macking", if occurs, will spread like wildfire among the girls.
ICQ talk between the girls will sound like the following:
Azngrl_1: "hey, do you know anything bout ___mack cause I`m kinda talking to him"
Azngrl_2: "yeah yeah! i heard that he tried to mack this girl at her workplace and the manager yelled at both of them and got her fired! What sucks is she works at Baskin Robbins! Imagine getting fired from Baskin Robbins!
Azngrl_1: Oh, in that case, his macking must be sub-par. I don`t want to be around this pseudo-mack of a guy. Thanks for telling me!
Azngrl_2: no prob. wanna go to JACOB?
Azngrl_1: Ok.
Do you see the pitfalls for being a self declared "Romeo/Mack?"
Hey Ladies!
Girls are not immune to this nick problem. The majority of girls have nicknames with "angel" in it.
Let us review what "angel" is usually associated with:
- heavenly
- cleanliness
- a guardian
Unfortunately, most "angel" girls seem to forget this and their page doesn`t seem to represent the qualities of angels at all.
For example:
- pictures of girls drunk out of their heads at karaoke. (i have never seen a vomitting angel)
- a spliff with the message "wanna get high?" (i guess this is how they get to heaven)
- shoutouts to her b_itches and h_oes. (i didnt know angels spoke like a pimp)
- one girl and 10 guys in the picture
(bukkake heaven???)
- pics of their ghetto guy friends (i didnt know angels associated with future convicts)
So you see, when you pick a nickname, please make sure it somehow reflects the theme of your page. This is like picking "Japaneseguy_001" but you`re actually a white guy from Idaho.
Next pitfall: Girls/guys with name brands as part of their nicks.
Gucci, Versace, Polo...all designers we all want to wear but to wear it on our names?? You often hear of people warning everyone else not to be a "mindless creature" of the media. Guess what? These guys are a marketing exec`s wetdream. They are literally online billboards!
Realistically, being chinese...do you honestly think that we all rock real name brands?? HELL NO! This would be more like it:
Azn_FakeGucci_wallet
Baby_HongKongknockoff_Chanel
Cute_clearancesaleatHoltRenfrew_Polo
"Hot_azn__" "sexxy_baby"
Ok, do you really need to tell me that you`re "hot n sexy?" can we find out for ourselves? Talk about insecurity. Its pretty ironic that after looking at their pics...can we sue for false advertising???
Ravers
Raves were cool...back in gr.11! Fad nicks are the worst since its pretty unlikely raves are gonna come back in style.So those with "raver" nicks, you`re all pretty much screwed. Being out of touch is similar to a guy wearing a cross colors shirt, jeans backwards (like Kris Kross) and Patrick Ewing shoes.If you think this is cool...man, you`re in big trouble.
WHICH ONE ARE YOU???
Scenes from an Asian Club.
After going to many Asian jams, I have concluded that there always exists certain types of asians.
Character # 1: The Strongman.
- Strongman is that asian guy who has huge muscles from working out (mostly the arms) and wears the muscle shirt to show it. He gets the respect of all the guys, but its a different story with the girls. Did I mention they tend to be short?
Picture of Strongman
Character # 2: The Asian Thug.
-Asian thugs are those scary guys you know not to mess with. Since he knows that he will not be getting any good, white collar jobs, he doesnt mind going to jail when he beats you to bloody hell.
Picture of Asian Thug
Character # 3: The Non-Asian Guy.
-Non asian guys are the guys who accidentally went to asian night. They did not know and wish they were somewhere else.
Picture of Non-Asian Guy
Character # 4: Mathleague.
Mathleague are people who do not usually associate or participate in activities thatmay be "fun". These people can be commonly referredto as "nerds" or "stupid nerds" (which is an oxymoron) Aka. they weren`t cool before, and certainly are not cool now. This is evident in the club:
Picture of Mathleague
Character # 5:The Asian Fetish.
-Asian fetish guys are non-asians who want to marry their own "Mei Ling" They areoften spotted at clubs trying to get an asian girl. (the key word here is TRYING)
Picture of Asian Fetish
Character # 6: The Guys Night Out.
-"Guys night out" are very common. They are usually seen posting up at the bar, or around the "outside ring" of the dancefloor. "Guys night out" mainly consists of guys who are involuntarily single. The mentality behind "guys night out" is that by being surrounded by their perverted-grimey looking friends, beautiful girls will be unable to resist the atmosphere of homoeroticism.
Picture of Guys night out
Character # 7: The Tall Guy.
-Tall guys are quite a sight in an asian club. We are all aware of the evil curse of shortness which has plague the asian men. At first, "the tall guy"seems to be spared from this curse...only to be supplemented by another...(like Herpes for syphillis)
Picture of Tall Guy
Character # 8: Cool Guy #1.
Character#8 -Cool Guy #1
-Cool guy #1 is similar to highschool coolguy: all flash and no substance. In fact, Cool guy#1 is usually the guy in highschool that was cool, but is now a living joke. Impervious to the changing world, Cool guy #1 thinks that he is God`s gift to women, but he is actually the reason why God created lesbians.
Picture of Cool Guy #1
Character # 9: Lord of the Chinks.
Character #9 - Lord of the Chinks
-Lord of the Chinks is a school of littleasian guys (boys?) Whenever they are spotteddancing, the nursery rhyme "Ten little Indians" will appear in my head.
Picture of Lord of the Chinks
Character # 10: The Brithday Boy.
Character#10 - The birthday boy
Who`s that guy on the floor? BIRTHDAY BOY!
Who`s that guy throwing up? BIRTHDAY BOY!
Who`s that guy losing his bodily functions? BIRTHDAY BOY!
Picture of Birthday Boy
Character # 11: Ghetto Asian Guy.
Character 11: Ghetto Asian guy
-"Ghettofabolous", "Thugged out" Does not describe Ghetto Asian guy.
"Informer" "ice ice baby" "copacobana" does
Picture of Ghetto Asian Guy
