1. So your daughter's a hooker,
2. My tire was thumping.
3. You had your bladder removed,
4. Happy Vasectomy!
5. Heard your wife left you.
6. You totaled your car.
Some cards you will never
1. "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:
2. "Congratulations on your wedding day!
3. "How could two people as beautiful as you,
4. "I've always wanted to have someone to hold,
5. "I must admit, you brought Religion in my life.
6. "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am
7. "As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the giftsyou've given me....
8. "Thanks for being a part of my life!!!
9. "Congratulations on your promotion.
10. "Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."
11. "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...
12. "When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up...
13. "I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend.
14. "We have been friends for a very long time,
15. "I'm so miserable without you,
16. "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
17. "You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship
18. "Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday.
19. "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!"
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire.
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
and you're on the mend.
Here's a bouquet of flowers,
and a box of Depends.
Hope you feel zippy!
Cause when I had mine,
I got real snippy.
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it.
She moved in with me
Can't remember why.
Could it have been.
That case of Bud Dry?
see in Hallmark:
... What the hell was I thinking?"
Too bad no one likes your wife."
have such an ugly baby?"
someone to love. After having met you,
I've changed my mind."
I never believed in Hell 'til I met you."
that you're not here to ruin it for me."
Like the need for therapy..."
I never knew what evil was before this!"
Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back.
You'll probably need it again."
Almost Lifelike!"
I think it's time you kept your promise."
So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."
what say we call it quits."
it's almost like you're here."
Did you ever find out who the father was?"
and there was only one life jacket....
I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."
So we're having you put to sleep."
(available only in Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, West Virginia, and (parts of) Virginia)