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My Journal

Hey Everyone out there! I have decided to record a journal of life and expectations, about myself and my life and what i have come to learn and experience. I didn't want to use or make a xanga. I want to be original. But this site is for me to record and reflect back to what i have encountered. I am far to advanced to use a webmaking program, so i am created my own using html, flash, java ect for sole purposes.

May 30th 2005- I have finally finished out freshmen year with no doubts or no concerns. I expected to make good grades and work hard both at school and my job. I made about $5,000 selling dvd's and working at different stores this year. It's crazy to be so young but actually have money for yourself. Anyways i redid my entire room, and i bought a 50 inch plamsa TV, and some other furniture. I also traded my guitar for a dell laptop and added some software too it. I still have alot of money in my account but its saved for a kawasaki 250 ninja motorcycle im buying in September.

June 5th 2005- Lisa is making me go to drivers Ed soon, so i have like 56 hours of fun! Yeah right...lol I wanted to do it later on in the summer with emily and reid but it looks like im stuck with strangers for a week. Ive been really busy studing hacking,java,C++ programing, etc. And ive been on aderall for like 2 weeks. It is the worst!!! I havent answered my cell at all but i'm sure i probably have like 10 msgs and like 20 phone calls!!

June 1rst- Chris said he wanted me to move with him, david, and davids girl friend to NY in a couple of years. I really considered it thinking maybe jonathan would too. Then i decided it would be best to stay in GA.

June 2nd- Talk to jonathan every day. I really do love him. Ive never had a connection with any other guy. We talked about the future and getting an apartment together. We even talked about marriage...which is SO wierd and it was the first time i actually felt like i had a soal mate... We got in a fight because he said that he would never move out of GA unless he could move to Arizona in the future. I got scared and felt like we were moving too fast, so i told him not to think about the future just yet and just think about our present situation. He finally got his license but he keeps getting himself in to trouble, so im worried about him. I think he can be so imature sometimes.. but i still care about him just the same. I think we have decided to tone down our relationship a bit because we have alot going on in ourlives already. And we are still really young and havent experienced everything. Even though we are taking a break. He is still the one i want to be with, even though he says i dont deserve him. Once he gets more freedom we can pick up where we left off.

June 8th- Finished with drivers Ed and now have an instructer on the road! I met up with korey a couple of times.. I love him to death and he is like an older brother to me. He helps me out with everything. Went downtown with Kate and had fun and didnt come back till morning. Never told Lisa lol...But she woke me up really early because Kacey was at my door at like 11 in the morning. So i said hey and we were gonna go for lunch and look for some jobs together but i had to get my password renewed.

June 10th- I spent time with alot of old friends. Talked to chris, the Olivieras (Pedro and Cecilia) Dillon, Jennifer, Jessica and alot of other people. I got in a fight with my sister Caroline.. well she is like my little sister, because weve spent like all our lives together. I really regretted the things i said. I was supposed to go up there for her birthday in NY, but i dont think i am... after our argument. Tabatha and Allison called... they wanted me to do a skit with kelly and briana on video for carolines b-day. I feel so bad!! But i feel like i did the right thing and made the right decision. I really do miss Bob and Karen, and little alexander but if i go up there i know that i would be in a tough situation. There would be way to much negativity between me and Carey anyways.

June 11th- I talked to my friend michelle and helped her out with a few things. Emily, sarah, Kat, were going to come over but everyone had plans. Sarah is going to camp and i know she is going to call matt before she calls me! Auron was over. My monkey friend! heehee. My dad finished the basment. Now we have a movie theatre, sauna, game room, excercise room, and a bar! Sarah, Matt, Nick, Micheal, and Zach came over and we all went swimming and played games and had fun. We watched white chicks and me and matt talked. I Really miss him so much"! I never get to see him..

june 12th- Matt and I have always been best friends, and i know we will stay friends for ever! We are thinking about getting an apartment in 2 years, and we can be roomates! Which would be fun! I know my parents would get upset, but me and matt are like brother and sister! So i dont think its wierd at all if i do live with him. Nick is talking about a road trip that all of us would go on! It sounds so kewl! He would rent his uncles trailer and we would all go to california for a couple of weeks. I think emily, reid elizabeth, nick, matt, zach, and some other people would come with us

June 13th- I made plans with one of my best friend Reid elizabeth. Ive known her for like 10 years! So i stayed at her house for like a week and it was really fun but hectic. Emily Rossetti came over, i havent seen her in a while! I miss that girl so much. She is my bestest friend too! Her mom is kind of mad at me because we got in trouble for teepeeing houses and we had guys spend the night that night. soo yeah... we made a mistake. lol. Sarah Langsfeld called mee! she finally got back from camp, i missed her so much! All of us hung out at Reid Elizabeths house and went to the mall a couple of times, watched movies, went to midtown, laughed about old times! We also went to the bilthouses. These two sweet girls Kelsey and Keely live there, and we had an amazing cookout! We went swimming, chilled in the hot tub, etc. Reid spent the night at my house and we walked to the country store and spent like 20 dollars on candy and accidently bought beer. We thought it was lemonade! Then we walked to Brittany Hege's house but got lost lol. So my dad picked us up.. We Went to reid's house the next day and like 6 people were over.. all girls.. and half of them were PMSing! So it was REALLY hectic! We Went to Ansleys, took a taxi to the movies, and stayed up like 3 nights! Emily was really grouchy so Reid and I had to walk to Felinnies pizza place at like 12 at night and get her some pizza. We also went to blockbuster to get ice cream sandwhiches. Later that week Reid and I woke up at like 5 in the morning and went to Save Right to get some candy and then we took a shower then Watched "V" which is an alien series. It is really good movie! Then EMILY came over and her mom got all mad... I really don't think her mom likes me!!! -- So then we went with reid, merril, and emily to go see the Perfect Man. I had a really bad stomache ache that day...

June 19th- Talked to alot of my oldest friends, like amanda, kelsey, allison, stephen and chase! Everyone is telling me to hangout with Taylor Mcdermot because he is like the richest kid in buckhead. Ive known him since i was like 4 years old lol. He was the first guy that i kissed and the first to ask me to marry him when i was like 6 years old lol. His mom Liz is a character! She used to be best friends with my mom. Apparently she divorced taylors dad and married Scottie Milners uncle! He looks like Santa Clause. Scottie used to be one of my best girl friends when we were growing up. Anyways now they are rich, and taylor lives with his brother and his other two step brothers. I hear that they have crazy parties every night at their house!

June 20th- When i get time i am going to call Taylor and Brittany as soon as i can! I want matt to come with me to one of his parties.. because he needs to hookup or meet a girl. Hes always up in Henry county skateboarding or doing nothing.

June 21rst- Was supposed to go to Kat's house but she blew me off! So we did the same to her when we had a sleepover at my friends house.

June 22nd- I am finally home and i am not gonna answer my cell for like the next week! I need some alone time. I Haven't been home in like a week... I am gonna take some aderall again and get back on my studying. I have to study swedish, programming, and I am supposed to learn one complex word in the dictionary every day, and use it in a sentence. I am finally done with my 8 hours of driving and can finally drive my parents car! yay!

June 23rd- Brother came home from military school. I miss him!! And he grew like a foot taller! I called him and we talked about old times like the time we had that huge party at the Ritz with caroline and alex.- - @ the RitzCarlton hotel Lisa and Karen took sleeping pills, got drunk, and locked themselves in a bedroom for a night. So we invited people, and raided the mini friges, ordered roomservice, and watched like every movie on the menu. The whole place was trashed..because of food fights and we snuck out to go to the mall and didn't cum back till like 1 in the morning. Then at like 5 in the morning we left and went to the pool and jacuzzi. The next day Tabatha and Allison hung out with us, and we crashed a super bowl party, then went to the mall.

-We all went to my lisa's friend's like 4 million dollar mansion and stayed there and had a partay! -The time we had that huge sleepover last summer! It was wild and crazy!
-When we lived right across from the governers mansion and the hollywood film industry used our house for a TV series

-When i had a sleepover at the Rembrant house, and we teased Brooke to death! -When we had a sleepover at the Grey's.. And Jessica and Briana threw whip cream all over pete! Thats about all me and pete talked about! Today

June 24th- Read the bible, studied and had fun. I learned that when you make a finding yourself - even if you're the last person on Earth to see the light - you'll never forget it.

I have decided to go to BFA next year at emory university and finish up my highchool as fast as i can. Next summer i am moving to Sweden for a year and staying in an apartment on my relatives property. It's so wonderful and so beautiful there. It's like living in a dream. I have also decided that i am going to work extra hard and finish up highschool a year early then take a year off instead of going to college so i can travel around the world. I know i'll find someone that will do it with me...

True independence and freedom can only exist in doing what's right. I want to commit my time to help others. I want to help children that have aids, help the blind, and elderly, learn about budhism, visit china, tiwan, paris, italy. I want to become more religious and come to terms with God. I also want to meet the pope, learn a different language, and learn all the different life styles people go through. I want to make friends all over the world!


I have a feeling when im out of my parents consent.. i wont ever have a normal home... I know I will have an apartment with Matt but i will probably have other apartments all over the world that i stay in. I am deff. going to try the whole architect thing. I know its in my genes. I am probably going to invest money into building and fixing run down apartments all over europe and even in japan. I am also going to get into a real estate bussiness here in the U.S. with my father for sure. So that would be a family bussiness. But those jobs would only be hobbies. My real job would be in the computer industry. I will probably be avery advanced programmer. I could probalby make millions inventing a software program or i could be struggling saving up every penny working night and day on a program that might never sell.

If i turn out the way i plan i know im never going to have a steady relationship and i know i wont be living in GA for the rest of my life. So why should i date right now knowing that i wont be with the guy in the future. Anyways i should just devote my time to studying and my closest friends and family.

I got lucky today! Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity! I got a job answering surveys online at home and im making like 50 dollars an hour! Sounds wonderful 2 me! I am going to stash the cash in my bank account and use to help support myself when i am 18 and out!

The Bible is so interesting, and helpful. I wake up every morning with a smile on my face and thinking of god. Sarah you have also helped me out. For those of you who dont know sarah... she is going to be a minister when she is older.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. - Matthew 7:7-8 (see also verses 9 -12)

God's Help/Hope

[God says], do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
- Isaiah 41:10 (New International Version)


I will cause you to walk in the straight way... I will open to you the gates of righteousness.. For whoever find Me, finds life
- Psalm 118:19; Proverbs. 8: 35-6j

June 26th- I have decided to quit my little illigal DVD bussiness. I really dont want to get sued by the government.. lol. But hey! i made about 5,000 dollars and i have like 600 of my own dvd's. I stayed up last night and watched the rest of "V" the mini series. It turns out the humans win against the aliens! yay! haha.. And then lisa wakes me up because my friend morgan came over. Her mom and lisa left to go to a food tasting thing.. and me and morgan went to eckerds and to a bridal store, then we bought pizza. Everyone laughed at morgan because shes SO hyper! lol. I haven't seen or talked to my brother in ages. Hes probably not a little boy anymore. I know we are going to fight about his anger problem and his vulger language, and his ghetto attitude.But i always tell him Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you are. Sometimes i wish he could be more sensative and not be so immature and arrogant. He still has alot to learn, but i still love the little kid.
Paul from foxcroft called me. I miss him but i dont think i want to be friends with him again.. I feel like seeing him again makes me feel really painful. It hurts, just because seeing him brings back memories. Past mistakes ive made, the person i was then. We talked about everything.. about him going to jail, and everything bad thing hes done. I know if i acted like myself around him he would think i was a different person... entirely. Never live in the past but always learn from it. < br> Everyone is always calling me and talking about their problems and depression!! I am gonna post it up on this site. There is no happiness for people at the expense of other people. Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have. Kindess is the key to happiness. Some people have the opportunity to be kind, they just don't take it! You have to have tolerence for everyone. The only thing i cannot tolerate is rudeness, real imaturity, or ignorance. Everyone should embrace an overall aspect and not be so negative, or critical. Noone is perfect.. but try to make an effort, just believe in yourself. you are who you believe you are...and that should be good enough for everybody else.

My dad is being so disrespectful! I know i am his daughter but he is never serious. He never listens.. He never takes me seriously. He will never treate me like an adult. I feel terrible when i say this but it goes through my mind everytime i see him. I think he needs to stop being so delusional and snap back to reality. My parents aren't my whole life, they are only part of my life. He will never realize that i want my own life outside of his. I told him a person sees in the world what they carry in their heart. Things will change and i wont be his little daughter anymore, but I will always love him just the same.

My mom is no where near the ideal mother. She's not sweet, or motherly, or anything.. She can be caring, but very selfish, and VERY judgemental. She is homophobic, sometimes rasist and she makes alot of mistakes. I tell her Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be. Try to be a good romodel. She never listens. I am wiser than she is. I feel like i have learned nothing from her... And right now i feel sad. I feel like i am judging her for what she is, when she does all that she can, and uses what abilities she has. I know she tries and i love her for that.

I always wondered why parents dont respect their children until they are grown and have their own family. They don't listen, and they don't understand. It's called ignorance. Of course we want guidance, and limits. I think a child becomes an adult when they realizes that they have a right not only to be right but also to be wrong.To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating one self.

OKiE, enough about my parents!
it is like 1 A.M. and i am talking to some guy from australia"! lol. I talked to about 50 people online to day. Yuri wanted me to meet up with him tonight and so did Zach.. but i coudn't. I have to study. Lauren wanted to come over.. but i coudn't.. my mom would overeact and think she was like one of those party girls. She judges almost all my girlfriends so its really hard to spend time with alot of the new friends ive made this year. Talked to my friend taylor g. Hes gay and i love that about him! We are deff. going to a gay bar together sometime.!! :o) I really need to make some friends that are into motorcross, or even motorcycles. Thats all i can think about... day and night. I only have one friend that owns a motorcycle and that is Sherman! I did meet this really handsome guy during driving school that worked next door. And we would talk and sit during my breaks. He owned a motorcycle.. i think it was a CBR. Very nice! I was impressed. He turned out to be a good friend. I felt like playing my guitar after working out but i realized i traded it in for a laptop... and now im really dissapointed. I am thinking about calling my old friend from summer school.. we were supposed to go skydiving, but my parents got all hectic. I really want to check out his band.. it sounds tight!