saying goodbye
Mood:  down
Now Playing: dont cry by guns and roses
Topic: the end
Please no one cry im saying goodbye the pain within my heart is way to much and the emotional scars and wounds just wont heal. I fell in love and that love became my life my reason for living. Something some demon decided to take his soul from me. If only he knew how much I loved him. That everytime I see his name whether it really is him or not I smile. I think of the first day we met everyday and thank god we made it this far. I think of the happy tears he made me cry when he would let me know just how special he was to me. I wish he knew that I can still see his face every detail perfectly in my mind and when I talk to him online its like im talking to him and looking in his eyes. If only he knew I play I dont wanna miss a thing dont cry knockin on heavens door and novemember rain over and over just to let the world know i am thinking of him. If only he knew that everytime my heart beats it means its one more beat to love him with. I just wanted him to hold me thats all I wanted. Was that to much to ask? If it was Im Sorry... I love you Heather and I know you tried to be there and I thank you but nothing was going to heal this pain but to be with him once again.... I wanted to record my album and on May 4th of this year was to be my deadline so that I could give it to Nick as my 6 year anniversary present because it was dedicated to him for being my inspiration and happiness. I love the stars and so when Valentines Day was coming I was going to get a whole bunch of those glow in the dark stars and put them on my ceiling hang a sheet over the doorway between the kitchen and livingroom and make a picnic on the floor and lay underneath the stars with Nick as we looked into each others eyes and talked and talked. I never got to do that tho. I just wanted to love you Nickolas. I do love you and always will....... I wish I could have been your girl, your wife, the mother of your children, because nothing in this world meant more to me than sharing my life with you.

Heyyyyy
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: shattering of my heart
Topic: life in general
Hey guys! Creating a plan if you know me this may be a scary thing

The WORST Valentines Day ever
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: dont wanna miss a thing
Topic: life in general
Im extremely upset cuz Nick and I wont be together this Valentines Day.If I could stand on top of the world and say I was sorry I would. Growing up sucks and the worst thing about it is you can never have a relationship without people getting involved and everything going out of hand. So what am I gonna do Im gonna spend it with a box of tissues my tears aerosmith playing our song and my crushed heart. All I want this V-day is to be forgiven and be with my baby again and see his face today. I guess i'll just have to dream that in my heart. All I can say is I am sorry and hope one day I can be with him once again and be forgiven. HAPPY V-DAY TO YOU ALL and wishing it is better than mine.
Carolyn

JAMIEEEEEEEEEEEee
Mood:  silly
Now Playing: the lil voices inside my head
Topic: life in general
Updating this just for Jamie Jesso!! Today Nick and I have been together for 5 years and 9months!!! I LOVE YOU BABYYYYY!!! Jamie you better watch your ass cuz im gonna get you!! 10 more days till Valentines Day...

Peace
Mood:  loud
Now Playing: the songs of my dramtic life
Topic: life in general
SLAP A BITCH AND SMACK A HOE CUZ SHITS ABOUT TO HIT THE SHINGLE!!! anywaysssssss.....So yea me and Jenny are thinking of making fuck guys night where we can just sit back and relax and have a good time without our men around. Next time Heather your ass better be with us girl!!! Any girl who wants to have a girls night is invited as long as we like you!! Party at my house soon so all my ppl's can come up or down and I can see em so RSVP to me if you wanna take a road trip and come up or down i'll email whoever I want there!!
ERIN I MISS YA HUN SO YOU BETTER RSVP!!!
KISS KISS
Carolyn

WOW
Mood:  on fire
Topic: life in general
Ok so I didn't spend New Years alone. I spent it with Adam. Well since then Heather hung the phone up in my face. Then before I knew it I was in a relationship with Adam and Nick comes strolling back in my life. I knew I couldn't move on anyways cuz Nick is the only one who has my heart. Well just so you all know im changing my number soon so make sure you get it from me. Have a job interview for a home health aide on Tuesday so im crossing my fingers. Oh and Les your in my prayers!!!!!

Say goodbye
Mood:  blue
Topic: the end
Well its New Years eve and well i'll prolly be spending it alone for the simple fact that Nick isnt talking to me. I never did anything wrong and was always loyal but hey Im sorry that some people need to think Im a whore. Anyways hope the past year has been great and adventurous for you as it has for me. Things I wont forget: Heather breaking up with Jeremy Extreme partying in Wilkes Barre Cyn driving me crazy with her tanning and jogging Skipping school with Cyn and ordering Dominios Lauras house being burnt down and how we raised money for her Red Cross Blood drives American Law class Period 2&3 study hall Alica's hospitalization Senior Prom 2004 Graduation 2004 Getting back with Nick Ryan saying punk and damn at 3 years old Getting a recording offer at Goblin Records Screaming out Erins car window Jessica's full pregnancy Moving to Niagara Falls My first time in Tim Hortons The adventure of Brampton and Toronto The old man who yelled at me at Bramelea City Centre Jamie asking me about eyeballs Acceptance to Sheridan The day Nick and I started planning our future Frenchy Martelli Shane aka Andy Casey(aka Karen from Will and Grace) Jenny moving in

Extremely Overtired
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: will someone tell me what this means lol
Topic: life in general
OK! So i meant to say that my cam is the devil and im trying to get more pics up so bare with me. Hope everyone is well and hope you all enjoy your holidays.... Talk to ya soon!

Welcome
Mood:  party time!
Now Playing: craziness (lol i dont know whats playing wtf is that)
Topic: my new site
ANYWAYS!!! Welcome to my new website.. I am currently very happy with my life. Oh yea and its Christmas time so MERRY CHRISTMAS. Well things have been kinda quiet on the western end of New York but hey who knows with me nothing ever stays quiet. Thanksgiving was alright spent it in Middletown and went shopping on yes believe it or not BLACK FRIDAY!! That was intensely fun let me tell you. Well going back home for Christmas to stinky ol' Pennsylvania as far as I know. Prolly see Erin and Cindy. Jess had her baby named him Nathan Martin Grose was 6 pounds 5 ounces and 22 inches long i believe. Heather is currently away at the moment but keep her in my prayers everyday... But yea hows me? Well um very happy with my boyfriend planning to move in together and get married. Yep proud to be a canadian for at least I know im free from terrorist bombings and Bush that stupid monkey!! lol made that up last night when I was EXTREMELY overtired. But yea Nick and I are doing great. He's working very hard and Im proud of him... He's a great guy and I never will stop loving him for all the things he does and always tries to keep me happy!! Well dunno what more to say New Years is still up in the air would love to go to Time Square possibly or even Toronto. WHO KNOWS?!? Welll ta ta for now and enjoy my website!!