Here are the oaths of enlistment and pretty much sum up the military careers
of all the different branches.
US Air Force Oath of Enlistment
I, Zoomie, swear to sign away 4 years of my useless life to the United Sates Air Force
because I'm too smart for the Army and because the Marines frighten me. I swear to sit
behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take
their job seriously. I also swear not to do andy form of real exercise, but promise to defend
our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I swear to up hold and defend the Constitution
of the United States, even tough I believe myself to be above that. I promise to walk around
calling everyone by their first name because I know I'm not really in the military and I find it
amusing to annoy everyone around me and will at all times be sure to make them aware of that fact.
After completion if my [snicker] "basic training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating,
lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-cloths, chairborne Ranger. I will belive I am
superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next
person in the back with it. I will do no work unless someone is watching me (and it makes
me look good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. I consent to
never getting promoted (EVER) and understand that all those whom I made fun of yesterday
will probably outrank me tomorow. So help me God.
______________________________Signature _________Date
US Army Oath of Enlistment
I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the United States Army because
I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, because I'm not tough
enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear
camouflage every day and tuck my trousers in my boots because I can't figure out how to use
blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date.
I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my drill sergeant told
me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will ever see is a cour-martial for sexual
harassment I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and after
completion of my sexual...er...I mean Boot Camp, I will attend a different Army school
once every other month and return knowing less that I did when I left. On my first trip home
after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I
will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a smarter Air
Force guy or a better-looking Marine.Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to
take her back. While a work, I will maintain a look or knowledge while getting abolutely
nothing accomplished. I will arrive at work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT
and leave every day at 1300 to report back to the "company". I understand that I will
undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up
working in construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the
Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a
placement exam. So help me God
_________________________________Signature ___________Date
US Navy Oath of Enlisment
I, Top Gun, In lieu or going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the United
States Navy because I want to
hang out with the Marines without actually haveing to BE one
of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate", and because I thought,"hey, I
like to swim>>>Why not?" I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1976 and to
have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be
mistaken for the Good Humor Man during the summer and for Waffen SS during the winter.
I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the english speaking world, using
words like "desk, bulkhead, cover, and head" instead of "floor, wall, hat and toilet" I will
take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank and ensignia, and everything else for
that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense
whatsoever. I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hrs every morning unless I am buddy-
budy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930 hrs. I vow to hone my
coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a
typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at
least twice a year. I realize that once selected for chief, I am required to submit
myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues". So help
me Neptune
_______________________________Signature _______________Date
Us Marine Corps Oath of Enlistment
I, State your name, swear... uuhh... high and tight... [grunt] cammies... uhh... FUBAR... ugh...Air
Force women... OORAH! So helpme Corp.
____________________________ Thumb print ______________Date y/n
