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Virtual Diary

My virtual diary is an expressions of my innermost thoughts and feelings, which, as you may already know, may be very confusing to read. As often as I could, I'll try to update it with current events as well. Stay tuned.

March 24, 2004
It's been a year since I last worked on this site. To the world, I have dropped off the face of the earth, or so that's how I left the world thinking. One word to describe life since then is "Lost". Though it seems that at times, I have direction, I soon learned that the direction I am following really isn't my own. I am just following a path paved by someone else. Reading this diary entry may be confusing to some, because often times, I am confused myself. Why am I journalizing this entry anyway? I don't know. Guess as long as I keep telling myself that someone, even if it's someone I do not know, will understand one day, then everything is okay. Maybe someone can relate, or maybe not. I won't be ignorant and say that no one understands or no one has ever gone through emotions I have felt, because of all the people that are living on earth today, there is bound to be someone who also feels "lost". Or, have you ever reached a point you call "The point of no return" and you feel you have no choice but to keep on going? I am rambling and my thoughts are scattered, so descriptive of who I am now. I often wonder, if one thing could have changed, what would it be? And the sad part of it all is, I knew all along what I should have done, but I didn't, and that is to let my heart guide my way, not my mind and most definitely, not others. To pave my own path, rather than trailing along someone elses path. I am envied by others, but why am I still "lost". Why do I feel like I am missing something and why am I still trying to make something out of nothing? How can something so right, be so wrong. Again, I know the answer to this too, but I am at that unfortunate point of no return. Why? All because I keep trying to please someone else, and not myself. All because I am doing things in the best interest of others, and not myself. But the sad thing is, in doing so, life is full and it is to my own good too. Why, I ask, then why am I still feeling like I am missing something? Again, I am just "lost" and confused because of it. I hope that by reading this, you will feel better about yourself because at least, you are not in my shoes, hehehe. =)

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