***PLEASE DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE TO ANY OF THESE JOKES.***

How did the blonde die raking leaves?

She fell out of the tree!



A blonde walks down the street and sees a banana peel a hundred yards ahead, and she sighs.

"Here we go again."



Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it?

A blonde tried to shoot herself!



What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair brown?

Artificial intelligence.



A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys. The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father!?!"



A blonde co-ed is looking at a bulletin board and she sees a piece of paper that says, ''Ocean Cruise Only 5$'' She pulls the piece of paper off the wall and goes to the address listed on the back of paper. She walks into the building and hands the secretary the piece of paper. The secretary nods and asks if she had the five dollars. The blonde pulls five dollars out of her pocket and hands it to the secretary. The secretary looks over to a burly guy reading a newspaper. She nods to him. He stands up and knocks the blonde unconscious. When the blonde wakes up she's tied to a log and is floating down river. She starts to think that this was a bad idea. When she sees one of her friends (who is also blonde) tied to a log floating right next to her, she says, ''So do you think they're going to serve us some food on this trip?'' The other blonde replies, ''They didn't serve any last year.''



One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying this time.

''I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!''



A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish. The redhead went first. ''I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!'' ''Okay,'' replied the genie. And off she went. Then the brunette went. ''I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!'' And off she went. The blonde started crying and said, ''I wish my friends were back here!''



What's worse than a redhead and a brunette trying to build a house underwater?

A blonde trying to set fire to it.



A blonde wanted to buy personalized license plates but she couldn't afford them. So she changed her name to JKM345.



Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room?

So she could use it as a mirror.



A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. She responded, "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."



How does a blonde kill a bird?

She throws it off a cliff.


A blonde's house was on fire, so she quickly called the fire department.
The blonde said, 'Help! Help! My house is on fire!'
The man said, 'Okay, okay, calm down. We need to know the fastest way to your house.'
The blonde replied, 'Duh! Your big red truck!'



There was blonde who wanted to go on a diet. She went to the doctor and asked for his advice. He said that she was going to go on a diet for three days "Eat anything and everything you want for the first two days of your diet. Then skip the third day." So the blonde went home and ate anything and everything she wanted for the first two days, then she skipped the third day. The next day she went back to the doctor and he asked her, "How is your diet?" She said, "Well, the first two days were easy but that third day was hard. Doing all that skipping made me really tired."



A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?" The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!" The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"