Hey I made most of this stuff several years ago but I got bored one day and decided to revive the page with a cool neverending story....I'm leaving all the links up cuz I suppose stupid bored people could have some fun with them, and to give you an idea of how old it all is the song from the animations page was new when I made this, but anyway....yeah....the story is gonna be farther down the page I guess...(I also added a few things to the quotes page)
Once upon a time there was a little boy who had a big knife, so he decided to use that knife to rob a bank cuz he was poor cuz he spent all his money on worthless crap from Ebay. The boy went into the bank and held the knife up and said "Alright bank, give me all your money!", but the lady at the counter just looked at him funny and said, "This is a McDonalds you idiot." The boy looked around and noticed that it was indeed a McDonalds, so he left quietly and went across the street to the bank, this time the lady at the counter wasn't so sarcastic. The lady gave him his money and he ran out screaming "YAY IM RICH IM RICH" but then a cop car pulled up beside him and the cop was like "Hey, where'd you get all that money" and the boy was like "I robbed a bank, cool huh?" and the cop was like "No, that's illegal" and the boy was like "Oh crap!!" So he took off running and the cop started chasing him but the boy ran past a Krispy Kreme and the cop went inside to get some doughnuts rather than continuing the chase so the boy ran back to his house and dumped all the money on his bed and thought of all the things he could buy with it. He counted the money and found that he had 300,000,000,000,000.....yen.....he got online and found that the exchange rate made it equal to $2 American, so he decided to go back to the McDonalds to buy food with that $2, on his way he passed a little girl on a bike with a basket full of money and he was like "Hey, where'd you get all that money" and she was like "I robbed McDonald's" and he was like "Well I robbed a bank and only got $2!!" Then he felt really stupid cause he was in McDonald's the first time, so he told her "I was in McDonalds first so give me that money" and she was like "No" so he got made and picked her up off the bike and threw her in front of a car then he was about to ride off with the bike and the money when the guy who was driving the car got out and was like "Hey, that wasn't very nice of you" And the boy was about to make a run for it but he turned and noticed the guy who got out of the car was his favorite wrestler, Captain Insano. So the boy was like "Heyyy cool can I get your autograph!?!" and Captain Insano was like "No but I'll fight you!" and the kid was like "But you're huge, that wouldnt be fair!!" And Captain Insano was like, "Fine, how bout my waterboy fights your waterboy?" and the kid was like, "Fine, but mine's actually a Gatorade boy!" And so the kid reached into his pocket and pulled out his Gatorade boy ready to fight. At the same time Captain Insano opened his trunk and pulled out his Waterboy. The Waterboy was like "Im Bobby Bouchet and I'm gonna kill you" and the Gatorade boy was like "I'm Achilles and I'm invincible!!" and so the Waterboy got out a glass of water and Achilles got out a huge spear and just as the Waterboy was about to splash some water Achilles impaled him with the spear and the Waterboy died so the kid was like "Ha my Gatorade boy pwns your water boy" and Captain Insano was like "Yup, hey Gatorade boy I'll double whatever he's paying you!" And so the boy was like "Crap, I just lost my Gatorade boy" and the girl watched all of this from under the car cuz she couldnt get away cuz u know, a car was on top of her, so then she died and the boy ran away with the basket of cash but without his Gatorade boy but then he forgot what he was going to do so he decided to go to Japan. He went to the airport and asked to buy a ticket to Japan but they were all sold out so he got on a boat instead. When he was out on the open water his boat was intercepted by pirates who were likes "arrrrrrghh" so the boy was like "EEP" and the pirates stole all of his stuff so he was stuck in the middle of the ocean with no stuff. He ended up swimming to a deserted island where he found Tom Hanks so he decided to pretend to be a volleyball to gain Tom's trust so when they got rescued he could be friends with Tom Hanks and that would be cool cuz Tom Hanks has lots of money. One day after several years on the island with Tom the boy got bored and decided to leave, he replaced himself with a real volleyball (Tom never noticed) and swam to the nearest shore, which was about 10 yards away. When he got to Australia he was about to rest on the beach but he was attacked by Crocodiles, he ran real fast and such but the Crocodile was real scary and faster and kept gaining on him then just as the kid thought he was dead Steve Irwin jumped out of a Bush and on top of the crocodile. "Ohhhh you are BEAUTIFUL" Steve said to the crocodile...the boy started to get very confused and was about to say thank you when Steve took off his shorts. At this point the boy realized what was going on and just how much Steve Irwin loves the animals, so he decided he should leave. The boy decided to head toward Sydney where he could find and airport and get back to America, however, he found that walking across the huge continent was very slow, so he found a friendly kangaroo to give him a ride in her pouch. When he arrived at Sydney the boy paid the kangaroo for the ride then went off to find someone who could help him. He found the US Embassy but just as he was about to go in a limo pulled up and Michael Jackson got out. The boy was a good looking boy, so he decided to stay away from Michael Jackson until he was sure Mike was out of the Embassy. The boy found he could kill time well by fishing with some local stoners, who he thought were very entertaining people, he spent many hours fishing with the stoners and listening to them talk about things that made no sense whatsoever, at one point the Australian police arrived, and the kid got very scared but then he remembered where he was and wasn't surprised when the cops sat down to enjoy some drugs with the stoners. Eventually the boy decided it was time to go, so he headed back to the Embassy, which was now clear of Michael Jackson. When he got there he did a buncha boring stuff not worth explaining and eventually got on a flight back to America, but sadly the only place he could get to because of some strange circumstances was Texas. When he arrived in Texas he immediately noticed a disgusting odor, he thought it was because of cows or something but later found that the cows in the state smelled like roses compared to the idiotic residents. He liked Texas because although he was a very stupid boy he looked like a genius next to the idiots that live in the lone star state. He found that he could manipulate the idiotic Texans to do his bidding quite easily. When he was starting to get comfortable in the stupid man's paradise one of the mindless minions he was manipulating asked him the question that would make him leave, "ye gon' te da meatin toonite partnr?" "What meeting?" the boy asked, the man with the IQ of 36, one of the highest in the state, looked at him stupidly and responded "da NAMBLA meatn, DUH!" the boy was shocked as he had learned in school about the North American Man Boy Love Association, so he rudely refused and the Texans were shocked "But her in Texas we's al in de NAMBLA!" this somehow didn't surprise the boy much, but he was still apalled and decided to leave the state. He went north and was relieved to have cattle be the worse smelling creatures in the state once again, although he was sad that his IQ of 74 was no longer a seemingly unimaginable genius. For the next few years the boy travelled all around the country, seeing all the big landmarks and a buncha crap like that, some of his favorite landmarks were the Washington Monument, the St Louis Arch, the Statue of Liberty and the world's biggest frying pan.
(Yes, I am a great artist)
One random day the boy just decided he would stop his tour of the country, kinda like when Forrest Gump started running...only u know, the boy wasn't running, u know? Anyway, the boy decided he wanted to be an actor, so he went to Hollywood, and he got a part in this huge movie and made millions of dollars, but in the movie he was in a mask the whole time so no one recognized him so he didn't become a celebrity and he blew all the money the next week when he went to Vegas. The boy went back to Hollywood but he couldn't make any money or get any more roles in movies so he eventually left the city broke and hopeless. He was walking along the highway one day when he saw a rabbit, he decided to chase the rabbit so he could kill it for food but the rabbit ran across the street, so he did too, right in front of a truck. The truck swerved and tipped over, spilling all its cargo of cool looking fluorescent chemicals all over the road, the boy, and the rabbit. The road just kinda sat there but the boy and the rabit got neato superpowers and such, the rabbit got huge and buff like the Hulk and the boy got this neat skill where he could see with his eyes closed. So the bunny, who could now talk, was like "I'm gonna kill you" and the boy was like "okey, but to make it more fun how bout we both fight with our eyes closed." The rabbit was into fun challenges, so he accepted, not knowing the boy could still see fine. Both of them closed their eyes and prepared for battle, but the rabbit was still all big and Hulk-like so the boy used his sight to run like hell ziggzagging in and out of cactus while the rabbit kept hitting them and getting poked and all hurt-like, and the boy eventually got away. The boy decided to go to Las Vegas and use his new superpower to put on a psychic show where he would get stupid people to pay him great amounts of money to close his eyes and tell him things like how many fingers they were holding up. So he did, but eventually Vegas got tired of this, and though he knew there was an endless supply of stupid people there he didn't want to go back to Texas, so he left the city again to see where fate brought him, which turned out to be right back in the city, which was wierd cuz he never actually left the city. See, Roy got attacked by a tiger so Sigfrid needed a replacement and the boy had some magician experience from when he went to a magician camp on his tour of the country. So the boy did several shows with his new partner, and the Sigfrid and Boy show was very successful, until one day Steve Irwin came to town. The town was very excited but the boy wasn't because he remembered what Steve had dont do the crocodile so he was worried about his tigers...but he was also a wuss so he decided to leave town instead of helping the tigers, only he left town for real this time. He was leaving the state of Nevada when he was kidnapped by a guy in a big van who tied him up in the back, the boy told the guy he had no money and no relatives to pay ransom and the guy got mad and threw the kid in a mailbox, then went off to find another victim. While the kid was in the mailbox he managed to get untied but not quite in time, as he was just about to jump out of the mailbox he was put into a plane and shipped off to what he assumed would be some remote corner of the world. As it turned out he was actually shipped to China, and when he arrived the Chinese had a good laugh at the stupid Americans shipping a human who wasn't even in a box with no address written on him. But anyway the guy ended up finding a family to live with in exchange for his help on their rice farm, the kid was a pretty good rice farmer so it worked out well for the family too. The only problem with the relationship was that the boy only spoke English, and the Chinese rice farmers only spoke French, so they couldn't give orders or have conversations. Everything was going great for the boy and the family until one day when the boy came across a katana that the family owned. The boy knew swords were dangerous, but he also knew katanas were real neat-like, so the boy got out the katana and started playing with it. He was actually doing pretty good with the sword, until he accidentally cut off the head of the head of the family....after that relationships between the boy and the Chinese family kinda fell apart, and the boy decided to leave china...
The boy started to walk out of China, but after about 10 minutes of it he decided that walking sucked so he went to a big city. He went to a busy intersection and got into a car, threw the driver out, and drove the car out of the country. The boy was soon inercepted by American police, he started to wonder what American police were doing in China, but then realized the story wouldnt make as much sense or be as funny if it wasn't American police who had picked him up. He went to trial and his grand theft auto was blamed on a video game, called Grand Theft Auto. The boy sat in court wondering how the people of his homeland could be so stupid, he had never even heard of this game yet his crime was blamed on it because you could commit the same crime in the video game. After his trial he served a short sentance in prison, where he was passed around like currency, then escaped in time to see they were planning on banning the game simply from his crime. The boy thought to himself, "ok, millions if not billions of people have played this game, and then me, who never has played it, did one thing that is featured in the game and they blame the game for it? I gotta get out of this place!" So he did, he went to Jamaica. While in Jamaica he found a new love for plants, as the Jamaicans taught him fun new ways to use some plants, which I won't mention, but the boy liked them a lot. He even joined a reggae band, and became the most rockin' white boy on the island. Sadly, he was only rockin' cuz the natives were always too high to notice he was white, but when he got to be known as the most rockin' white boy on the island from tourists they figured it out, got mad, and kicked him off the island, he wasn't even allowed to take any of his special plant with him! The boy managed to take the row boat that he stole from Jamaica to Cuba, where he started his next adventure. He got a job cleaning Russian missile silo's all over the island, and through his work somehow got promoted several times through the ranks of the Russian military. He also learned Russian in his time on Cuba, but for some reason never saw a Cuban after he got his job. When he got fluent enough in Russian he overheard some of the higher commanders talking about launching on the US very soon, this scared the boy because he didn't want the US to get destroyed. To save his home country, the boy snuck into the mysteriously unguarded control room late the night before the launch, and changed the coordinates so the missiales wouldn't hit the US. At first he was going to have the missiles hit Canada, but he decided against it because although it didnt serve much of a purpose, Canada was a country of innocents. He also decided against sending the missiles after Mexico, because it helped the US in a buncha ways like giving them good food ideas, so in the end he set the coordinates for a place that would actually help the US by turning it into the ideal version of itself.
After the boy both saved the world and perfected the United States most everyone was in debt to him. He got to be on all sorts of talk shows as "The kid purged the Texans and idealized the United States" and he got to do some fun commercials too. He even spent two weeks as a Victoria's Secret model, but when he refused to get breast implants in exchange for keeping his job he decided it just wasn't worth it anymore. It wasn't long until the boy was the most famous person alive, and everyone loved him. This threatened a certain antichrist, who shall not be named (cough)Tommy(cough), because the antichrist wanted to take over the world and the boy was closer to achieving that goal than he was. So Tommy....errr the antichrist...tried to strike up a deal where he could join the boy, and together they would conquer the planet. Sadly for Tommy the boy wasn't a complete psycho and he didn't like that idea, so he killed the antichrist and moved on with his life. Sadly the paparazzi were there at the time, and they got pictures of him killing a man, and since no one knew that this guy was the antichrist they were mad that the boy had killed him. So the boy went to prison and he got passed around like currency, he didn't like it, and wanted to get out (although the antichrist looked up from hell and got jealous of how he was handled in prison). That's when the boy remembered that if he read journals from his childhood he could go back in time and change things, so he went back in time to when he was in Cuba and sent the missiles to the moon instead, he later wondered why he didn't just do that in the first place, oh well. When he got back to the present he was glad to be out of jail, but he kind of missed being the most famous and loved guy on the planet, he decided he wanted to get that feeling again so he went on to pursue his dream of being an actor. After 800 auditions he realized he couldn't act worth crap, so he gave that up too, and stole a car and started driving in some random direction to find stuff to do. He ended up in Wisconsin...There he met two new friends, they were nice guys but they were wierd cuz when they took off their coats the boy noticed they had wings, and he was like "cool" but they were like "we have to leave" and hes like "where ya goin?" and they were like "heaven" and he's like "you mean you're gonna die?" and they're like "yeah, but first we need to walk under this arch to be forgiven" and the boy was like "cool" so he went with them but then when jay and silent bob and some holy people got involved he thought it was too intense, so he bought some drugs from jay and silent bob and went to jamaica, where he became a rastafarian. He had a good life as a rastafarian for several years, he got all in touch with nature and crap and found a cool group of other rastas to live with. He lived with them for several years, but then one day one of the rastas slept so long that he lost part of his high, and when he woke up he noticed the boy was white, and so he was like "no way mon!" and so they wouldnt let him have their weed anymore, so the boy got sad and went to Canadia. When he was in Canadia it was real cold so he got tired of wandering around the streets so he went into a bar and there was a cage in the bar where these two huge fellas were fightings and the bigger guy was getting served by the smaller but still pretty darn big fella and the smaller guy was like "YA I PWN JOO FEWLS!" and the boy was like "OMG NU UH I R TEH L33T I PWN JOO NOOB!" and so the boy got into the cage and started fightin the guy and the guy started off strong but then the boy pulled a hugemongous M-16 out of nowhere and the guy was like "Where'd that come from?" and the boy just looked at him funny, and he's like "It came from the narrator idiot, whatever he says happens" and the guy was like "oh" and so the boy shot the guy like 50 bajillion times and then the guy was all dead and stuff but then he got all healed and got up and was like "now im mad" and then he let his claws out and the boy was like "holy crap you're wolverine i love you! your my favorite x-man!" and wolverine was like "sweet, mine too" and so then the buy revealed his mutant powers to wolverine and wolverine was like "those are the most useless powers ever, you cant be an x-man!" and that made the boy sad so he left Canadia and went to some other place. Meanwhile the narrator was reading his story and realized that he had the boy go to Jamaica twice, and pretty much the same events happened both times, so the narrator gave himself a lashing and continued the story, but didn't fix the mistake cuz that would be wrong. So the boy went to Qeynos and the people were like "who da hellz are you?" and the boy was like "what u mean!? who da hellz are you!?" and that confused the people so they dropped the subject. In Qeynos the boy began training as a ranger, like that guy from Lord of the Rings that got to make out with the hot elf chick.
