I am free!

Outside the summerwind plays with the trees and the birds are singing. 4 years ago I was a sad girl lost to the eating disorder. I was slowly dying while I was worshipping the eating disorder, living only to lose weight. To become less of me. A world of tears, fear and no hope.

But it's also 4 years ago since I decided that I didn't want to walk on that road anymore. I wanted to live. I wanted to be me. I wanted to be free. To smile. I fought my battle, I cried my tears, I met my fears. I dared to take the chance to see what might happen if I put on some weight...

What happened is that I got my smile back. I got my life back. My hope back. My future back. I got me back.. I got a life. And I love it!

Not long now before I am a nurse. I have a lot of friends that I have a lot of fun together with. We got out for dinner, we eat ice-cream, we giggle and we enjoy life. I have a lot of interests that I like to be involved in. I love life and I look forward to what may happen in the future! I'm not afraid anymore, because I know I can handle whatever comes my way. I've been to hell and back - but now I'm living in colors. I'm living my life. In my body, which has become my friend. I like my life. I like me!

This means I will never go back there, not at any chance. It's not worth it.. And this means that it's absolutely possible to recover from an ed. I've proved it with the smile I carry on my face today. A smile brighter than I could ever imagine 4 years ago.Summer then, summer now. Ed then, freedom now. Sad then, happy now!

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-2006-
It's been 2 year almost since I wrote this page. I'm now a registred nurse, working in a hospital here in Europe. I've been recovered for almost 6 years now, and it feels wonderful. And I'm not lying when I'm saying I've learned to love myself. I actually like my body. I like me.. I feel so free! I'm soon going to start training again. I havn't been to a gym for a long time, because I was afraid I would over-do it, but now I feel safe enough to go. Because this time I go there to have fun and to feel better, not to lose weight. I go because I care about myself, not hate myself.. That's a huge difference! The doctors told me that I could never be healthy, that the ed would always be a part of me. Well, it hasn't been for the last six years, maybe I've proved them wrong?....